High Alert

written: March 18th

This is how we study in MY house:



Book on my right knee. Note taking on the left knee. Pit bull in the middle. ::laughs:: She left shortly after this photo and I was able to get some studying done for class.

I haven’t been in a very good headspace consistently for a while now. I’ll have bad days. I’ll have better days. And rarely it seems, do I actually have good days. I’m talking days that are level the entire day. I usually bottom out towards the evening and I hate that.

I’m not in crisis mode. I’m not an actual danger to myself (neither suicidal, nor homicidal, nor even really self-injurious). But I’m still in….high alert. I guess that would be the term I would use. It’s the level under crisis.

I am not sure why I’m still on high alert.

Amber is gone from my campus. That should all be behind me now.
I still need to bring Ricky up to speed and remind my current staff what my expectations are.
But, that is small potatoes compared to the insanity of working with Amber.

So why am I still on high alert?

The major paper that was due before Spring Break is done. Hell, I even earned a 98 on it! Damn shocking, as I thought I had done a shitty job on it and wasn’t even for sure that I had answered the question posed. I have a tendency to go off tangent, and while you can follow me down the rabbit hole, and can hopefully follow my line of logic, it doesn’t always endear me to answering the at hand. But I did the paper. I earned a very high A on it.

So why am I still on high alert?

I wish I knew.
I feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.
The air feels heavy around me. Charged with electricity. The way it feels right before one hell of a storm blows in.
I need a storm. I need to stand out in the heart of it. Let it wash away the dust and grime of mundane living from my Wolfen Soul.
I guess that’s to be expected after dancing with the Harpies on a Full Moon. ::chuckles ruefully::