Lil Ladybug

written: October 29

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I tried out a new recipe today – Cinnamon Roll Crescents – and it is seriously, TO DIE FOR. Hubs and I ate the entire pan. ::laughs:: Four crescent rolls each. So delicious and so easy. This is a seriously dangerous recipe.

I had a little ladybug land on my arm today when I went out to check to see if our mail had arrived yet. It is an omen of good luck; a sign that my dreams and wishes will soon be fulfilled; leave your worries behind. So yes, a VERY welcomed totem animal messenger.

Sunday

written: October 28

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Halloween themed rings that came off of some cupcakes a student gave us at work (yeah, there were a lot left over and I brought them home to share with my husband). I wish they made the rings a bit bigger because I would totally rock the Spooky one all October.

We rented the movie The Domestics on Vudu. Holy crap, it was a good, end-of-the-world type movie. But bloody, intense, and mind-blowing at times.

I paid for my photo of Niko up at Wolf Park in their annual Give a Wolf a Pumpkin fundraiser and behavior enrichment. I almost didn’t do it this year. But that would be the first time I’ve missed it in YEARS. I sat down and did the math and made sure I could pay all my bills and turns out, I had more money that I had originally thought. Yay! So I was able to squeak in and make my donation to a very worthy cause. And sometime in November, I’ll receive my photo of Niko (their black male wolf), enjoying his treat-filled pumpkin.

Out In The Open

written: October 27

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A beautiful fabric, lavender poinsettia I saw at Michael’s today. I seriously want it, but don’t know what I would actually DO with it? If I figure that out, then maybe I’ll actually buy it. I’m trying NOT to just randomly buy shit that I will never use. I already have so much stuff just collecting dust. ::shakes her head::

I ended up sick last night through most of today, so I didn’t go to the meeting after all. ::sighs:: I was so nauseous I didn’t even eat my cheese dog from 5 Guys Burgers and Fries. I had a handful of plain fries, but that was it. SO not like me. But it seems to be gone now, and I’m deeply thankful for that because it SUCKED so bad!

I actually talked to my husband about my depression. He of course, felt bad because he hadn’t really noticed and I quickly reminded him that I’m a freakin’ PRO at hiding it. But I’m trying to stop hiding it and start seeking actual help for it, so I’m not just over here suffering alone. He’s supportive, which I’m deeply grateful for. Honestly, it feels like a huge weight has been lifted just because I can be honest with myself and with him about it. Doesn’t mean the depression isn’t still there, but it’s a bit more bearable because I’m not hiding it.

Cool Cat

written: October 26

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I swiped this pair of cat ears from a student and said I was a “Cool Cat” for Halloween. ::chuckles:: Though, seriously, now I’m thinking of getting myself a set of cat ears and doing that as a quick and easy Halloween costume. Not sure how costume-friendly my next job will be. Ha! I should write that down for any job interviews I do in the future, as I never know what to ask them when they say “Do you have any questions for us?”. Would make my application and interview stand out a bit if I was like “Yes. When Halloween rolls around, how costume friendly is this work environment? Do you encourage your staff to dress up? Is it ‘minor dressing up’ such as cat ears or a witch’s hat? Or do your employees go all out?” ::chuckles::

So I grew a set of balls and called my doctor. I have an appointment next Friday to discuss going on anti-depressants possibly. Honestly, she has the most complete medical record on me – including all the meds that haven’t worked for me and HOW they haven’t worked for me – so I feel a bit more confident in her abilities. Otherwise, I would be sifting through psychiatrists…AGAIN….so I can go over my medical history…AGAIN….and pay out the nose for all of that. ::shakes her head:: Naw, I don’t really want to do that all over again. I do still need to contact my original psychiatrist and get a list of the various medications we tried (and that failed). I’m not sure I have all of those on file with Dr. O. Though, I get the serious pleasure of telling them my last period was in MAY and that I had an ablation done in June. BLISS. ::chuckles:: Best damn procedure EVER. I just wish I had known about it when I got my tubes tied in 2010. I would have had it done at the same time, and not dealt with an extra EIGHT goddamn years of shitty periods.

Anyways, after making the appointment, I felt so damn good and proud of myself, I decided I needed to carve the JUMBO Pumpkin of DOOM. I am so pleased with how he turned out:



AND I had this massive Witchy flash of insight. I usually put a piece of cardboard under the Jack-
o-Lantern – and I thought “Why not write an affirmation on that cardboard, and every time I light the candle inside, it would activate the affirmation”. And once the Halloween season is over, I could burn the cardboard with the affirmation to release it fully into the universe. And then BAM, it hit me! Why not make the candle inside the Jack-o-Lantern a SPELL CANDLE as well????

So boom, there I went, mini-ritual on the fly. I wrote four wishes on the candle and anointed each wish with a corresponding oil. So now, when I light the candle inside the Jack-o-Lantern, the wishes will be sent into the universe AND so will the affirmation. Like, why the fuck haven’t I been doing this all this time? Shit, I’ve been a Pagan for 22 years now, and I’m just now thinking of this? But then again, I haven’t heard of any other Witch/Pagan doing this, so I shared the info in my 2 Facebook Pagan groups and on my FB wall as well. While I won’t share the actual affirmation or the 4 wishes themselves, I am more than happy to share the IDEA/CONCEPT. I’m working on the whole 4 Powers (To Know, To Dare, To Will, and To Be Silent) – mostly on the whole To Be Silent. I’m keeping more of my witchery to myself now-a-days. I don’t mind sharing How-Tos, but my ACTUAL magick? Yeah, I’m keeping my mouth shut on that stuff. Like, I’ll tell you how to do a Wooden Match Spell, but I won’t tell you what I did MY Wooden Match Spell for. Make sense? Kind of does, at least to me. ::chuckles::

Bribery

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Dew on the grass.

I’ve decided to bribe myself to go to the stupid staff meeting we are having on Saturday. I bought myself a necklace that I’ve been eyeballing for a while now, but just couldn’t justify spending the money on it. Turns out, the money I will make at the meeting is exactly what the necklace will cost, so I went ahead and bought it. I just hope it arrives soon and is as pretty as it is in the pictures. ::smiles::

My depression is getting bad again. ::sighs:: I just have to admit it now that I can’t beat this with sheer willpower. But I’m at a loss as to what to do about it. Therapy isn’t going to be useful – this is purely the chemical imbalance running rampant. I don’t want to go to a psychiatrist, as they’ll just try putting me on a mood stabilizer again (due to being labeled Bipolar). But that does nothing but ramp up the depression severely. I’m thinking an anti-depressant would be useful. I’ve already tried a few that don’t work for me, but I know there’s been major changes in medications since I last tried an anti-depressant. Maybe I should just make an appointment with my general doctor and take it from there. Honestly, I trust her worlds more than any psychiatrist at this point.

I’m trading off two of my oils that I don’t care for and gaining two that I’ve been wanting to try. I’m trading Hecate for Owl and Cauldron for Mysterious. I hope I like them better than the ones I’m trading off. ::smiles::

---

McHottie

written: October 24

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Leviathan was actually out cruising her tank before I headed to bed. ::smiles::

Emily T. was absent from work today. We got Scotty McHottie. ::chuckles:: Seriously, he’s probably 6’2”, lean, LONG dark brown hair, blue eyes, and a super mellow personality. Oh, and he was sporting black fingernail polish today, which just improves his image, in my opinion. ::chuckles:: And add to the fact that he’s AWESOME at his job? Pardon me while I swoon.

Headway

written: October 23

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Pretty puppy in the sunshine.

I seriously adore my massive pumpkin. Seriously, every time I go into the kitchen for anything, I can’t help but put my hands on it. Yeah, I’m groping the pumpkin every change I get. ::laughs::
Full Moon is coming up. I think I’m going to forego an altar and instead just focus on being. Being in the moment. Being in the moon light.

I got some headway completed on this week’s assignment for the Diversity class. Now I just need to type it up, and then I can get started on next week’s assignment. Bit by bit, I’m chipping away at this semester.

PUMPKIN!!!!!!!!!!!

written: October 22

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My pumpkin of DOOM! This thing is HUGE! I can’t wait to carve it.

I just realized today that my Diversity class has all of the weekly modules open right now. So now my plan is to get as many of those done as possible, so I can have an easier November.
I’ve submitted my course request for next semester – just one class – Information Resources Development. It’s a “guided” elective that I didn’t know I had to have until I went in for advising during the summer. ::shakes her head:: But as soon as they give me the green light, I’ll register for my FINAL SEMESTER.

I also emailed my advisor for clarification on the Practicum. I think I have to sign up for the “class”, but don’t actually GO to the class? I’ll get a placement in a library that will have me doing things for the class. I think? I dunno. So I’ve emailed them about that as well to gain some clarification.

And then I STILL need to apply for graduation, even though it won’t happen until August. ::shrugs:: But whatever. I’ll get that done tomorrow most likely because I’m all out of Adulting Powers right now.

Eye on the Prize

written: October 21

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Table at Fuzzy’s Taco (where we ate for dinner).

Alright, I got my weekly response AND the movie response written and submitted for my Storytelling class. Thank goodness THAT is done. And I don’t have to ever watch The Piano again ever. Seriously, can I please not have a show or movie in which women are victimized and it’s normalized? That would be great, thanks. I’m more than a little burnt out on that right now. I managed to tamper down my rage long enough to write an acceptable paper about The Piano for class, but seriously, I feel like I’m a raging inferno over this. I swear, I have been burning over this stuff for months now, and it’s just exhausting. I am in dire need of a blanket fort and zero adult responsibilities for at least 48 hours. Just me, my coloring books, journals, stuffed animals, and blankets for a solid 48 hours. Sounds like heaven to me.

Just gotta keep my eye on the prize. I’m ready for a change of scenery in the career field.

Glorious Saturday

written: October 20

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A bit of mail art/decoration on a pen pal letter from Tara Y.

Man, today was a lovely lazy day at home. The sun was shining. The sky was pure blue. Just a lovely day to lounge in the sunshine with Josey pup. I can’t recall the last time it wasn’t raining on a Saturday. ::chuckles::

Other than enjoying the glorious weather, we didn’t do much. I puttered around on my various assignments and that’s about it. ::chuckles::

Planning for the Future

written: October 19

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Cute little spoon I bought off of eBay. It took its sweet time getting here from China, but given that I paid less than $2 total – I’m ok with the wait. It will be used for witchy things, so it needed to be small. I think this will work quite nicely. I can’t think of anything it would be used for in a more practical manner, as the “spoon” part doesn’t hold much. ::chuckles:: But given that I’ll be using it for herbs and bath salts, it doesn’t need to be big and bulky.

I made it through one of the most stressful weeks at work and now it’s over. Thank goodness. Book Fair is over and done with now. Now they just have to ship the big containers back to the warehouse, and my cafeteria will be all mine again. I swear, the older I get, the more territorial I get.

Since this will most likely be my final year here at this after school program, I have decided to put together a “Care and Feeding of Program” binder for the next Campus Leader that will take my place. No sense in reinventing the wheel if you don’t have to. I plan to write out all the various things and “tricks of the trade” I’ve learned in the 11 years I’ve been here that help my program run as smoothly as possible. And I plan to put in the various seasonal “traditions” we have as well, so hopefully the New Campus Leader will continue them all (like our tradition of coloring bats for October). I plan to write out our Reward Point System (and how the kiddos can earn extra points). Basically, a manual on how I run my campus, so that hopefully, it will streamline the transition for the New Campus Leader. Because, whomever gets my campus after me, I want them to be successful. And if this binder aids them in that, then I’m happy to put it together. ::smiles::

Legos

written: October 18

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Zander invited me to play with Legos with him today, so this is what I built. Honestly, just building this simple “house” was so soothing. The repetition calmed my mind. I’ll have to remember that for days that I’m stressed out.

Today was the first day in a week or so that we got NO rain. The kiddos were able to go outside, thank all that is holy! They seriously needed to burn off the extra energy. Too bad it’s supposed to rain again tomorrow.

I’ve got a handful of pen pal letters that have trickled in over the week. I have four right now that I need to reply to, plus a few packages that still need to go out. But first, I have four assignments that have to get done (three due Sunday; one due Monday). I need to bang those out as soon as possible and then I can move on to the fun stuff. ::smiles:: And of course, I’ve been poking around on Pinterest and looking at all the cool things there for pen pals and holy crap, there are some seriously talented people out there! I definitely want to try my hand at some of the things I’ve found.

Journal

written: October 17

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My journal that I swapped with Sharmila arrived today! I wanted a special photo for my 200th photo and this was just PERFECT. I left the house early so I could swing by the post office to pick it up. I was anticipating a crowd, but it was pretty much deserted. So I was able to snag my journal and was out in under 6 minutes. UNHEARD OF EVER. ::laughs:: Which translated into me being SUPER early to work. Which is fine by me. I got to hide out in my office and read everything Sharmila wrote in my journal. I legit hugged my journal afterwards. ::smiles::

Still having shitty weather here – cold and rainy. Don’t get me wrong. I love rainy weather…but damn, we are talking WEEKS now that 90% of the days were all day rain. The ground can’t soak up any water (hasn’t been able to for WEEKS), which means my students can’t go out, which is driving me up the wall now.

Nuts on the Counter

written: October 16

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Yep, I totally took this photo and captioned it “I put my nuts on the counter” and sent it to my husband. ::chuckles::

Yeah, that also kind of sums up my entire day.
We had a staff meeting that of course had an “fun group activity”. ::shakes her head:: I get that they don’t want to have boring meetings, but holy fuck, can we please talk about legit shit? And if there isn’t legit shit to talk about, how about we have an optional hour that we could work on campus if so needed?

Like, the bosses offhandedly mention that we have to complete Compliance Training (discrimination, harassment, bullying, blood borne pathogens, allergies, etc.) by FRIDAY for all staff members. Ok, that Compliance Training takes about an hour to do, and we’re expected to do it during work hours. So you tell me when the fuck I’m going to have the TIME to get each one of my 4 aides AND MYSELF an hour to do this Compliance Training WHILE STILL RUNNING MY AFTER SCHOOL PROGRAM????? BY FRIDAY!!!! And they’ve known about this since August, but they are just now saying something to us. ::shakes her head:: It’s shit like this that is driving me absolutely up the damn wall. Soooooo glad that we are doing the activity of standing on a huge piece of paper and trying to flip it from the pink side to the white side without stepping off of the paper (called “All on the Same Page”) and then just offhandedly mentioning, “Oh, yeah, so there’s this Compliance Training that you and all your staff have to do by Friday. Ok, bye, have a great day” (pretty much said in one breath and super rushed).

And THEN, on campus, today PTA was having their Science Night and Book fair evening. Which means at 5 pm, we had to move to the library because the cafeteria, gym, and all the classrooms were in use. And of course, on Tuesdays, Jess (my 2nd in command) leaves early for class at 4:30 pm. I was about ready to tear my hair out. But honestly, it ended up going pretty damn smoothly. For the last 45 minutes of work, I was hanging out by myself near the cafeteria so I could catch our program’s parents, have them sign their kiddos out, and I would walkie-talkie to the aides in the library which students to send down to me. I rather liked that set up, to be honest. ::chuckles:: The only way it could have been better is if I could have gotten some of the Compliance Training done. Honestly, I think I will focus on getting all of my aides done first. I will just stay on the clock after the program ends, if needs be, to get it all done. And management can just kiss my ass on that. That’s what they get for their fly-by-the-seat-of-their-fucking-pants that they’ve been doing for the past 3 years.

Miserable Day

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A lovely Red-tailed Hawk tail feather my pen pal, Sorrow, sent me. She finds all sorts of awesome feathers in her woods and from time to time, she mails them to me. ::smiles::

Today was the first day Zander was on his mood stabilizer. And I’m not a fan of it at all. He was like a zombie. The best way I can describe it is it was like he was drugged…tranquilized. He fell asleep at 5 pm and slept until I woke him up at 5:45 when his dad arrived to pick him up. ::shakes her head:: When he’s having a good day, he is bright and vibrant and hilarious. He was none of that today. And while it was nice not to have to worry about him attacking his classmates and hurting them or making an assortment of death/violent threats…I miss the bright shining kid he was most of the time. I am hoping the drugged effect will fade as his body adjusts to the medication.

Crazy cold, rainy day here in Texas. We dropped a full 50 degrees over the weekend and are currently hovering in the low 40s. ::shakes her head:: I am NOT a fan. If I could stay at home and not have to be out in it…then yeah, I love it. I could curl up in the living room and just journal my heart away. I finished up Circe, so I don’t have anything to read at the moment, so journaling would suffice. Heck, with three pen pal letters waiting for responses, maybe I would spend the day writing to them. ::smiles::

Circe

written: October 14

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Current book I’m reading and LOVING.
Though, this book also breaks my heart, because it’s a book my grandmother would have LOVED to read with her love for Greek mythology. But dementia has stolen all of that away.

Circe isn’t a goddess I’m overly familiar with, but after this book? Man, I want to reach out to this Titaness. She resonates so deeply with me and this book just made her so relatable and understandable. I know that she may be vastly different that how she’s depicted in the book, but given that I work with the Harpies and have worked with Medusa in the past….it seems only natural to reach out to Circe now.

I did get all of my assignments done and turned in, thank goodness. My Lachuza story didn’t turn out as good as I thought it would be. But, no sense in crying over spilt milk. What is done is done. Now I just need to look at the parameters for the next story and begin working on the next one so I’m not struggling with it as badly as I struggled with this one.

Withdrawal

written: October 13

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My beloved amethyst smokey phantom double terminated crystal. I bought it a while ago from Shamanic Wands down in Australia. And it was worth every penny. And it was so reasonably priced even with the shipping from Australia tacked on. I would gladly purchase from him again in a heartbeat once I have the funds. ::smiles::

Honestly, I’m so all over the damn place with the tweaked version of the 2016 Inner Witch Photo Challenge list that I’m thinking I’ll just scrap it at this point. I’m finding quite a few the prompts have zero basis in my own practice – such a kitchen witch and broom and cauldron, etc. They have no part of my practice.

I got one of four assignments done today that are due this weekend. And then my internet up and DIED. And of course, it would be the assignment that’s due on Monday and not one of the three due on Sunday that I was able to complete and upload before the internet died. I’m trying hard not to panic too much. I’ll do the assignments and then shuffle over to the library or the school and use their internet to upload it. Frontier says it will be WEDNESDAY until they can come out to fix the internet. Lordy, grant me strength! I’m going to go through hardcore withdrawal. Good thing I picked up Circe: A Novel by Madeline Miller yesterday. I guess I can distract myself by reading that book, that I’ve been waiting for MONTHS to get my paws on.

Friday

written: October 12

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Cool little house that Hannah M. (student) built today with Jenga blocks. You know, my students rarely ever play Jenga…but boy do they build some awesome things and it is one of our most popular “games”. So much so, that I had to make it where they had to spend their reward points to play it and that they can ONLY play it with one other friend. It keeps the fights and tears to a minimum. ::chuckles::

A long, long, long work day. Thankfully we had Emily H. as our sub (2 aides were coming in late and one was leaving at 4 pm). And thankfully Zander (my emotionally disturbed kiddo) had a good day, which made all the difference in the world. They start him on his mood stabilizer on Monday. I hope it helps him.

The Hubs had the day off due to having his yearly physical with the VA. I was so bushed by the time I got home from work. Typically, we go out to eat on Friday night, but I just wanted to stay home. I couldn’t handle any more socializing.

New Moon

written: October 11

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My super impromptu New Moon ritual. Figures I would spend some time setting up a nice altar up in my room only to toss the necessary items into a bin and take ‘em outside. ::laughs:: But hey, it worked and it was rather nice to do it outside. Might need to do that more often.

So protection bag (the brown leather bag on the right hand side) has been cleanse, recharged, and set back up again. And all SIX Tarot/Oracle decks have been individually cleansed with Palo Santo smoke – we’re talking each individual card, the booklets, AND the boxes have been individually cleansed. That took more than a minute. ::laughs:: But it’s all said and done and I feel infinitely better. Now I just have to get back into the habit of using my Oracle/Tarot decks.

Just one more day left in the work week – but it’s an early release day, which makes for a doozy of day. And the emotionally disturbed kiddo will most likely be there all day as well. One of his aides came to tell me today that he will be starting a mood stabilizer on Monday – so he’ll either be super moody or super mellow. ::shakes her head:: Poor kiddo. He’s only 5 years old and to already be put on mood stabilizers? I just worry about him when he hits puberty and then again around age 21, as those are the times when mood/mental disorders typically make a big show in your life.

But I’m setting the intentions right now that he will have a good day tomorrow. That tomorrow will go as well as possible for all the kiddos and the staff. And then I can start my weekend. ::smiles::

10 Years

written: October 10

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Yeah, today totally slipped away from me, so I ended up just snapping a quick photo of my calendar. Hell, I had even forgotten that today was my 10 anniversary of having a pre-cancerous/cancerous lesion removed from my cervix – that did NOT go according to plan and ended up being horrible. But, yay, cancer is gone!

So I finally figured out what I’ll base my 2nd story for my Storytelling class off of. The professor suggested urban legends so I figured that would be a fun/easy rabbit hole to fall down. And I’m shocked that I with as much as I love urban legends, and specifically ones about shapeshifters….that I had NEVER heard of La Lachuza – a shapeshifting witch who turns into an owl, but keeps her human face. Hello, Texas/Mexico version of the Harpies. And then come to find out, a Witch acquaintance in a group I’m in, did a video on Lachuza stories her grandmother had told her. So yes, I’ll be putting my own spin on her stories of the Lachuza. Whew! So glad to have that figured out. Because that video is due on SUNDAY. so yeah, just need to figure out WHAT story I will be telling, practice it a few times, and then record it and upload it.

I keep telling myself that I will not procrastinate. And then I procrastinate all week and have to rush it to get it all done. And I swear to myself that next week will be different…..and yet I procrastinate even more. ::laughs:: I’m just so ready for this semester to end….hell, I’m ready to just do the End of Program exam and be done with all of this.

Which I got to looking at my graduation application and all the details about my graduation regalia. I have to admit, I’m seriously contemplating not doing the big pomp and circumstance. I wouldn’t get a graduation ceremony in August when I actually get my degree…I would have to wait until December. And then, I have to buy my regalia – can’t rent it. Though that was one of the upsides…as my robe would be black with green paneling. Hello Slytherin robes! ::laughs:: But my biggest disappointment is that my tassel color is based off of what “college” I am getting my degree through – the College of Information and Library Science’s tassel color is LEMON YELLOW. Like really? Can’t I just have the standard black tassel?

Trusting Myself

written: October 09

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Leviathan, burrowing OUT from under her hide…instead of using the HUGE hole that’s about an INCH above her head. ::laughs::

So yeah, pretty sure I broke my pinky toe earlier this evening. I was running into David’s room, having Josey chase me, when I kicked the SHIT out of one of the bed legs. And then, because she knew I was injured and was actively kissing up because she was worried she had hurt me, Josey straight up JUMPED ON SAID TOE. ::shakes her head::

I removed a “friend” from here on my blog (blocking her) and on Facebook. I had already made it where she couldn’t see any of my posts on Facebook and had unfollowed her, but she left a super snarky, super passive aggressive comment on a previous post, and it was just the last straw. All I ever got from her was either super snarky comments or comments on my tits. And yeah, I have some large breasts and they are pretty damn nice, if I do say so myself. But, I do not need, want, nor desire that many boob comments. It’s half the reason I stopped posting post-ritual photos, as the spaghetti top I typically wear (because it was so damn hot in my room) did show cleavage, and I was just so damn tired of the constant comments.

What I hate the most about the whole situation is that I KNEW it was bad. I KNEW that I just needed to cut her out of my life. But I didn’t trust myself. I went to a trusted friend that we have in common and talked it over with her before Annie just flat out said to block her because I don’t need that drama in my life. And I’m like “Duh, Wolfie. Why did you need outside validation?” Don’t get me wrong, Annie’s awesome and I trust her judgement calls on matters like that. I’m pissed because I KNEW I wasn’t over-reacting, but didn’t trust myself.

Accomplishment

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The prompt for today is “Kitchen Witch”, but yeah, I’m not one of those. So instead here’s a photo of Josey pup and I, sitting outside, watching the storm roll in. ::smiles:: This photo also takes care of my monthly selfie. Hurray, two birds, one stone.

I got my assignment for the Diversity class done and turned in. And I responded to a classmate’s posting in the Storytelling class. AND I’ve already downloaded all the readings and assignments for the next week as well. I also did laundry and dishes and used my new vacuum cleaner in my room. It’s not a super-sucker, but it does the trick and is light enough for me to use on the stairs as well (but that will be done another day).

I didn’t do my New Moon ritual. Today just slipped away while doing all those other things. But there’s always tomorrow. ::smiles::

I got my Halloween postcards all addressed, stamped, and ready to go. And I’m putting together a small Halloween care package for a friend who’s having a rough go right now. I want to pick up a few more little items to add into the package before I mail it off. And I finally got Sharmila’s journal finished up and packaged as well. I’ll hopefully be able to hit the post office tomorrow or Wednesday to mail it out.

Oh, and I heard back from the High Priestess of the ToK Coven. She’s excited to meet me in person and do the interview. She says she’ll contact me after Samhain (Halloween) to set that up. And she reiterated that classes wouldn’t actually start until Ostara (Spring Equinox) 2019. I thanked her for getting back to so quickly and told her I look forward to the interview. And I told her that Ostara works perfectly for me, as I’ll be down to just one grad class at that point. ::smiles:: I’m trying not to count my chickens before they hatch, but I’m seriously excited at the possibility.

I need to start setting aside dedicated time for working in my Witch Journal. I’m so far behind in it. I’m thinking an hour or two on Thursday mornings set aside just for Witch time. Even if I don’t have anything to add to my journal, I can use that time to dust off the altars (I have two – three if I count the completely abandoned one in my bathroom), or inventory my supplies, or any number of Witchy things.

The Sun

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The Sun

I’m doing a bit better today mentally. I hate how up and down (mostly down) my mental health has been lately. I’m just grateful that I have a job and going to grad school, because right now? Working just a part-time job? That would be so incredibly dangerous for me. I NEED things right now to keep my mind occupied.

I’ve received a fair amount of comments about the shrink with the Jesus quote as her signature on her email account – calling it unethical. It’s not. Let me explain. Here in Texas, most of our health care providers are Church-backed, if not Christian-based as well. Throw a stone here in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area, and you’ll hit a Presbyterian hospital or a Methodist hospital for sure. Hell, my gyno, whom I adore to the moon and back, has Bible verses up in the waiting room and in the exam rooms, plays Christian radio. The shrink that I had emailed and has the Jesus quote? Yeah, she works in a Christian-based therapy company. And given the proliferation of Church-backed medical providers, I really should have down my own due diligence and researched her a bit before emailing her.

Planning

written:  October 06

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Incense
Not my greatest photo, but I let today slip away and this is the best I could do on such short notice. Maybe I’ll get around to taking a photo of my entire incense stash. ::chuckles::

Another rough day mentally. But I did get my Storytelling discussion post written and posted. I haven’t even begun on the Diversity assignment, but I have Monday completely off from work, so I can spend that day working on it. I also plan to pick up a planter at Lowes to plant my new daffodil bulbs. And since I finally got a light-weight vacuum cleaner, I plan to do a deep cleaning of my room and the stairs.

And then there’s whole New Moon on Monday as well that needs a good ritual done. Honestly, I always feel so much better after a good ritual, so that’s the plan. A good cleaning, a good CLEANSING (hello Palo Santo and Sweetgrass for the whole damn house), and a good ritual. Hopefully that will set things to right again in my little world.

Pagan

written: October 05

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Waning moon – man I lucked out that Inked Goddess Creations posted this on their Facebook page. I haven’t seen the moon in a while now, so I wasn’t sure how else I was going to fulfill the prompt today. Most likely, I’ll remove this prompt from my list for next year.

I’ve almost got all of the rose petals dried and bagged for my pen plans. I just need to go buy some padded envelopes and then I can mail them out. And I need to mail Sharmila’s journal out to her. I’m behind on that, but this has been such a rough, crazy month.

Which reminds me. So I started looking into counseling. I found this lady that sounded pretty good – hit a lot of the target points that I was interested in. So I emailed her to see if she accepts my insurance (because that’s a major deal breaker right now – they have to be in-network for me even think about seeing them). She emails me back and says no. But it’s the signature on the bottom of her email that seals the deal – God is good, the Bible is true, hell is hot & Jesus saves. Um, yeah, this Pagan Woman is NOT going to set up an appointment with THIS therapist. Nope. ::shakes her head:: Seriously, it’s one of the things I seriously hate about Texas – so much of our medical services are faith-backed. So back to the drawing board on finding a therapist.

Speaking of Pagan-stuff, I turned in my application to the TOK Coven today. I know that they aren’t accepting students until March, but I felt it was important to do my application sooner rather than later. Especially given that Aesa went to the bat for me with the High Priestess. And when I told Aesa that I had turned in my application, she was so excited. Which made me extra excited. ::laughs:: So now I wait.

To Forget

written: October 04

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Witchy Tarot

Here are current Tarot & Oracle Decks all together:
- Oracle of the Dream Time
- The Jade Oracle
- Gilded Tarot
- Pathfinders Deck
- Medicine Cards
- Messenger Oracle

I wrote my final check to the ER Clinic today to pay off the last of my balance from my trip back in January. I’m so glad to finally have that off my plate.

I swear I’m going through a mid-life crisis. I seriously just want to go do XTC and have sex all over the house. I want to shave my head or at least half my head. I want to get a tattoo or three. I want to just walk out on my job and not look back.

I think my mid-life crisis revolves around the desire To Forget. I want To Forget about being sexually assaulted. I want To Forget about the shitty responses made by friends. I want To Forget that NOTHING happened to the man who raped me, even though I DID report. I want To Forget finding out this POS also gave me one of the most aggressive strains of HPV and all the painful procedures that I had to not only endure, but also had to pay for to get rid of the pre-cancerous/cancerous lesions on my cervix. Which, I’m swiftly coming up on the 10 year anniversary of that, so wheeee with the extra emotions.

I unfriend Jimmy, a guy I’ve known since Kindergarten, because of a lot of shitty things he was posting about how women ruin men’s lives with rape allegations. I’ve already done that song and dance with him about it, and I’m just done. He ended up messaging me saying he wasn’t surprised to see that I had unfriended him after his “I feel sorry for moms raising boys because a girl can just make an allegation and destroy his life” type meme bullshit he had posted, but that he had HOPED for another lively “debate/argument”.

I sat with that message for a while before writing this back to him:
“What is a discussion/argument for you, that you were able to relish and enjoy....always brought back memories of one of the most horrible things ever done to me. By the man who raped me. By friends who said the most insensitive things. To dealing with the fact that my rapist not only raped me, but also have me one of the most aggressive cancer-causing strains of HPV and going through all of that before I was even 25.

So you see, even though you were accused, it didn’t wreak the havoc on your life, as my sexual assault did.

So yeah, when things like that are posted and I’m having to relive all my trauma....I just hit my breaking my point. I can’t handle any more of it.”

And that’s what most of these men don’t get. It’s a fun, analytical debate for them, because it DOES NOT AFFECT THEM. But for me? As a survivor? I’m reliving all that trauma again and again. Why? So a man can enjoy “debating” me on it? Fuck that noise.

Culling

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Prompt: Candles

Yeah....I have a LOT. And this isn’t even all of them that I have. These are just ones for ritual work – does not include the scented candles I have sprinkled all over the house. ::chuckles:: Yeah, I may have an addiction.

All in all, a pretty decent work day. Barring any craziness, Zander’s last day will be November 8th. His mother turned in his withdrawal form, so it’s official. But, he’s still on probation until then, so if he does fuck up, he is out of the program. It’s just a matter of time before he has a major fuck up. I just hope it doesn’t end up injuring any of my other students in the process. Sadly, he’s just a ticking time bomb at this point.

The Organization Overview that, honestly, I half-assed my way through on Monday….I ended up getting 100% on it. ::chuckles:: The professor even wrote in the review of it, tips on how I could do a better job next time…but still gave me full credit? Whatever, I am NOT complaining. I will take that win and be deeply grateful. And I will not do the same on future assignments.

I culled a number of “friends” from FB today. Honestly, if they don’t add anything of value to my life, why the fuck should I bother to keep them around? More and more it just seems people are out to just be downright ugly right now. Or maybe I’m just tired of it all and am refusing to laugh it off like I used to. Either way, I’m cutting bitches out of my life right now. I do not have the mental endurance to weather through all their ugly crap for the few diamonds here and there. Hell, I don’t even LIKE diamonds, so why I am wading through miles and miles of shit for stones I don’t even like. Fuck that noise.

While I would love to just deactivate my account for a week or so, I have groups that I have to moderate all the same. Maybe instead, I should just unfollow everyone for a week. I kind of need to go radio silent for a while, but still be able to let people know I’m doing ok. We’ll see.

The Elements

written: October 02

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The Elements.
Earth – the petrified palm wood stone
Air – African harrier hawk
Fire – red candle
Water – storm water in the skull container

You would think with all the rain we’ve been getting that I would have thought to collect some of it to fill up the skull again. Must remember to do that the next go around we get of the rain storms.

Thanks to a screw up on Esmeralda’s part, we got Mackenzi all day. Originally, Mackenzi was supposed to only stay until 4:30, but that’s when Jess leaves, which is when we actually needed Mackenzi. Thankfully, Zander had a crappy day yesterday (just cursing), so we were able to convince Esmeralda to let us keep Mackenzi. It certainly made my day go smoother.

October 1st

written: October 01

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Starting to set up my altar for the upcoming New Moon. I plan to add my Jade Oracle cards. They could stand a re-blessing and re-charging.

I’m doing the Inner Witch Photo Challenge again from two years ago.



I looked around for an updated one for this year, but didn’t find any I liked. So I’ll just swap around the days for the New and Full moons.

I played hooky today from work. The Husband had the day off of work and I had a small paper to write. So yeah, I played hooky and stayed home to do that…mostly though, to hang out with my husband.

So I stayed home, and dried rose petals.
I stayed home and did my Diversity assignment.
And did my follow up to my Storytelling assignment.
I did a Wal-Mart run with my husband that wasn’t shitty until we were trying to check out. It took us twice as long to check out as it did to fill our entire cart. ::sighs:: But it is over and done with and that’s all that matters.
And I got two packages made up and ready to mail out (one to my Mom and another for an oil swap I’m doing).

Isn’t it sad that I feel the need to justify taking a day off of work? It wasn’t a crazy busy day. And I have the paid days off still to cover it. And still, I feel the need to justify taking it.

9th Anniversary

written: September 30

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Happy 9th anniversary to us! ::smiles:: We did dinner at Red Lobster.

And we kept up our tradition of kissing on the veranda:



Ain’t we adorable:

 
 
We had a wonderfully lazy day at home. We’re binging Season 8 of The Walking Dead at the moment.

I had forgotten how quickly herbs dry in the kitchen greenhouse window thing. The rose petals I put in there yesterday are completely dried already. Which is nice, because I will be able to dry enough for the pen pals that have taken me up on my offer. By the end of the week, I should have more than enough to send each one plenty AND have some left over for my own use. The rose petals are a glorious deep red when they’ve dried out.