Day 3 of 30 Day Challenge

My Mom and I are very close. She loves me unconditionally and I know she's got my back no matter what.

My Father -- there is no relationship. He chose to play a very small role in my life and I finally severed it completely in my 20s.

Day 2 of 30 Day Challenge

1. Fear Of Losing My Mind
I am bipolar and have had very minor hallucinations before and so it's a large fear of mine that it will progress (even though there is no proof that it will/can) to the point that I would have to be institutionalized. This fear is a byproduct of how the general public reacts to mental health issues as a whole.

2. Large Crowds
Huge crowds make me go into panic attacks and I don't even have to be in the crowd for the tightness in my chest and shallow breathing to start. I was watching a National Geographic documentary on Mecca and the sheer horde of people on tv was enough to trigger the tightening in my chest. I couldn't imagine actually being there, in the press of so many people. This fear stems from the fact that while I believe people are generally good in their core as individuals for the most part, I don't trust mob mentality. People will do what is ultimately the best for their wants and desires.

3. Being a Victim
Assault, rape, robbery, kidnapping, murder -- these are things that are always in the back of my mind. Again, people are going to do what is best for them and sometimes that will be in direct opposition of what is best for ME. This fear arises from being a victim before and the desire to cut the risk of it happening again as much as I possibly can.

Day 1 of the 30 Day Challenge

1. Fruity Pebbles and Captain Crunch are my all time favorite cereals.
2. I've been Wiccan/Witch/Pagan longer now than I was Christian.
3. I love learning about religion, especially from the point of view of its believers.
4. I have a lavender corn snake, Leviathan, who is the total apple of my eye -- though, I'm not sure I'll get another snake when she passes on.
5. I am a country girl at heart, even though I doubt I could ever live in a small town again.
6. My all time favorite memory was going in with the wolves (socialized) at Wolf Park and it's a huge dream of mine to go back.
7. I completed my Vision Quest back in 2006.
8. I am a recovering cutter. I've been Self-Inflicted Injury free for 8.25 years now.
9. I'm bipolar, but currently not on any medication.
10. I'm a total Scorpio. I'd say 90% of my planets fall in the Scorpio house (had my natal chart done).
11. I adore animals and nature.
12. I wore a red dress for my wedding. And I looked damn good in it. * grins *
13. My husband picked out the dress!
14. I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.
15. I've been doing child care in some form since I was 14 years old.
16. I love art journaling.
17. I love photography.
18. I love werewolves in stories, but hate their movies. I hate vampires in stories, but love their movies.
19. As a child, my favorite movies were The Last Unicorn and Godzilla.
20. I still sleep with a stuffed animal -- a lion named Constantine.

Another Day in Paradise

Just another quiet day in paradise here at the Technology Job. Still at the Bolin Building. Still slowly cutting away at the mountains of computers that need to be re-imaged. Takes a little over an hour to re-image 16 machines. I will be doing this for the rest of the summer most likely. I only have 13 more days at this job. Crazy to think that in a month, it will be time for school to start up, which means I'll be back at ESD and Starbucks once more.

I am just about done with the Care One Credit debt solution program. I got the invoice for the last credit card I have in the program and there's only $600 left on it. Just two more payments and I'll be done with that one. Then I can turn all my attention to my very last credit card. As long as I am smart and aggressive, I should be able to square that very last card away in about three years. Man, it certainly was way more fun (not to mention, easier) to get INTO debt than it has been to get OUT. But I am getting out -- I can see the light at the end of the tunnel here. There is hope after all.
And with those debts squared away, nothing will be able to stand in my way of going on my Polar Bear Trip for my 40th birthday.

Well, the only thing I would willingly do that could keep me from that trip is if we bought a house. I would be totally ok with pushing back my Polar Bear Trip if we were able to finally get a house all of our own. That was be so awesome.

More and more I'm feeling the pull to go back to school. I'd get my Master's degree in Librarian Sciences. Maybe I could work in one of the local public schools. Or even in the various city libraries. It would be full time work and good pay. I'm just really tired of living off $20,000 (what I roughly make a year). Granted, my husband also contributes, but I want to make more so I can help our little family more. He certainly deserves that much....and so do I.

Negativity Realization

Here for a while, I left like there was something negative hanging around the apartment -- a negative spirit or entity that seemed to be dragging my husband and I down. I solicited opinions from others on how to banish this thing from our apartment and most of it was stuff I already knew. I smudged down the apartment and David came in at the end, all pissed off about something Holly had done on their little walk. So now I am beginning to suspect that all this negative energy is something WE have created!

Yes, the smudging and use of incense will help dissipate it.
Yes, setting up psychic shields and wards will limit its build up inside the apartment.

But, ultimately, it is up to US not to bring it inside the apartment in the first place. And it's up to US not to feed into it.

I know that I've become a very negative person lately. I always seem to be spoiling for a fight and relishing in conflict and I don't like that. Generally, I am a positive, witty, optimistic individual, always ready for a good laugh. Now, I look for conflict, fabricate conflict, and there's a crueler edge to my snarky comments and retorts.

So, here's a list of things I am choosing to do that will bring me back into balance:
1. meditation
2. personal care
3. walks with Holly
4. journaling
5.cut out all the damn CLUTTER in my room
6. interact with Leviathan
7. listen to Spiritual Music
8. photography
9. prayers/rituals