A Damn Good Friday

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The amazing goodie box that Annette sent me yesterday!
Raw selenite wand
Cute dragon hatchlings
Calligraphy script stone
Seal totem
THREE pieces of Chrysophrase
A BIG o’ bag of lavender buds
And what I’m guessing is Resin Incense?

I really want to do something nice to Annette. She’s sent me really nice goodie boxes in the past, but this one just blows them all out of the water. I’ll figure something out.

Work was a pretty damn good day – all of the kiddos were gone by 6:05 pm (we’re open until 6:30). I was able to stay until 6:30 and get caught up on paperwork and coloring sheets for the students. It was rather peaceful to be flying solo at the school for 20 minutes. I got so much accomplished with ZERO interruptions. It was amazing. ::chuckles::

I have the two assignments for my Diversity class done (due Tuesday). Yay me!
And I have two of the three assignments for the Storytelling class (due Sunday) completed. Yay me again! And man, lemme tell you. I HATE doing videos of myself. I had to do a test video (to make sure the image and sound quality work, along with ensuring I can upload videos) – nothing crazy difficult. Just a quick little intro. I did probably 100 takes on it before I finally settled on one. ::laughs:: But it is done and uploaded, so that’s off my To Do list. And I did my story re-write of a typical fable. I had to put my own spin on it. I’m not sure it’s of very good quality…but fuck it, it’s done. Now all that is left to do is my discussion essay (due Sunday) and then two responses to classmates’ posts (due Monday). Then I can get started on NEXT week’s assignments. Yay! ::grumbles:: Tell me again why the fuck I am doing this??? ::chuckles::

I found out my pay rate for this year – I got a 43 cent raise! Go me! ::laughs:: The school district gives percentage raises based on your pay and the pay of people in similar positions with similar background/experience. I’m in the top of my bracket, so my pay raise is always small. But hey, tiny pay raise is better than no pay raise! I’m just paid REALLY well….and that’s why I’m working so hard to get my degree done asap because I don’t want them to figure out they are paying me too much. ::chuckles:: Because, with what they pay me, they could almost afford THREE high school aides. ::chuckles:: But then again, none of them have my experience, background, or expertise…so you really are getting what you pay for here.

Advocating

written: August 30

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Our lovely crepe myrtle is having a massive growth spurt and blooming. I swear the week of rain we had a few weeks back has breathed new life into my plants. And with the amount of new growth coming in, we’ll have double the blossoms in a few weeks.

I had my meeting today with the Special Ed teachers about my new student Z. He’s a kindergartner but has some serious issues. And right now, he requires one-on-one supervision during the school year – he’s not even technically in a class at this point. He’s with a Special Ed teacher the entire day. So I contacted Esmeralda, letting her know, and again asking for another aide to help us out.
Esmeralda came out and we had a long talk about that particular student AND the other special needs students I have. I’m not sure what good it will do, but I have to advocate on the behalf of my students and my staff.

Annette sent me the most amazing goodie box today. But you’ll have to wait until tomorrow to see photos of it. ::smiles:: Needless to say, I now have plenty of lavender buds to make some lavender bath salts!

Reading

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I have a tiny iris plant coming up! I seriously thought I had killed these off, but I have a new one growing! Hurray! Seems the rains we got a few weeks back have had a really positive effect on my plants.

I must say….reading about the mechanics that make a good story….very boring. I think this Storytelling class may be the death of me. Who knows? Maybe it will push me way beyond my comfort boundaries and I’ll find a new creative outlet. ::chuckles:: Shit, I just hope I don’t die of anxiety in the meantime. ::shakes her head::

Let’s see…what boring things can I ramble about? Work was pretty damn good actually. There are still way too many kiddos in my program and various staff members have to leave early or come in late due to class (Jess) or church (Emily). Which puts a bit of added stress on us, but hey, we’re surviving. The kiddos and the staff are finding their groove, so it’s a tad less chaotic. Like, we’re dying down to the “normal” levels of chaos is the best way I can describe it.

Fuuuuuuuck, I have so much reading to do for both classes. Like…soooooo much damn reading. Guess I know what I’m doing over the long weekend. ::grumbles:: And I need to start working on assignments as well. I have THREE assignments due Sunday for Storytelling and one assignment (already done) and two responses due for Cultural Diversity.

Rewilding

written: August 28

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Gummy bears! They were a total impulse buy when I stopped at CVS to pick up sleep aid pills for the Hubs. I don’t regret this impulse purchase one bit. ::smiles::

I was outside with Josey pup, playing with the laser pointer. The wind was kicking up quite strong and the weather was lovely. The only thing that would have made it more perfect is if the moon had been up in that moment. But hey, it was still pretty damn nice. I did a small meditation – a mini Drawing Down of the Moon. I need to do MORE of that. I need to revamp my ritual area. It’s been neglected for far too long.

Really, I need to replace or fix the ceiling fan I have in my bedroom. It’s a little off, so at times, it makes a scraping noise while it’s running. It is more prone to doing that if it’s been turned off for any length of time. Which, the scraping noise isn’t steady, so it really makes sleeping difficult. So for now, I pretty much just ONLY turn it off for ritual time and then I turn it right back on so it can relevel itself (or whatever it needs to do) before I head to bed later on in the evening.

And the settings on the ceiling fan are weird as well. Like the top speed is TWICE as fast as the second speed down. It’s like:
Level 1 – barely feel any breeze (most scraping noise)
Level 2 – some air movement (I typically use this speed during the winter, just to keep the air circulating in my room)
Level 3 – hurricane level winds. If it isn’t nailed down, it’s gonna blow away.
There’s no in between Level 2 and Level 3. It’s either hurricane level or sweet, summer breeze level.
And not to mention, it is shitty looking and only two of the three light sockets work. And they are chipped. Seriously, it’s some 70’s looking ceiling fan. ::chuckles:: If I could change it out with something that I liked and that worked nicely, the way it’s supposed to, then it would be easier to spend time in my room, in my sacred space.

And I want a pretty wall tapestry, to help transform the area as well. Something nature based, obviously. A lovely forest scene or something that calls to my wild spirit.

Changes

written: August 27

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Cool looking dinosaur left behind by one of my students. I’ve named him Bunny and will try to get him back to his owner tomorrow.

Today was the last day for reals at the Tech Job. I’m going to miss that crew. They are such a great bunch of people to work with. I wish I could just work there year round. ::chuckles:: But there is a season for everything, as the saying goes. And the season for the Tech Job has closed. The after school program is just kicking off.

Classes officially begin today at the University. Hard to believe that I just need 3 classes and then I can take my End Of Program exams and be DONE! I can do this! I’m taking Information Resources for Culturally Diverse Communities and Storytelling for Information Professionals. Neither class, from the cursory glance I gave the syllabi, seem to be overly taxing. Especially if I stay on top of shit this semester and NOT procrastinate. Ha! Wish me luck with that!

I’m actually relishing getting to sleep in a bit tomorrow. I do intend to get up at 9 am to take Josey pup for a walk. We haven’t done that in AGES due to the horrible heat. But I’m hoping with getting up and walking her earlier in the day, the heat will be tolerable. And I’m really hoping for a tired puppers so I can focus on class work and not have to “entertain” her all morning long.

New Rhythm

written: August 26

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Cool tree I saw on my way to the coffee shop to meet up with Hazel. No idea what it is, but I liked it. ::smiles::

So yeah, got to meet up with my Hazel Nut and just catch up for a while. We then did some Tarot readings for the upcoming month. I think next time, I’ll take one of my “kinder” oracle decks. The Jade Oracle deck really seems to enjoy calling her out. ::laughs::

I took notes on the reading she did for me. I’ll need to write them up and get them into my witch’s journal asap. Honestly, I need to do some work in that journal. I haven’t written anything down for the month of August and here it is, almost OVER. ::laughs:: Eh, that’s how it goes with my physical journals.

From the reading Hazel did for me, it seems that my month will be focused on finding my internal rhythm again. Which makes sense. Tomorrow is the last day at the Tech Job AND the beginning of the Fall Semester for me. So my schedule will be changing up quite a bit and I’ll need to figure out how to balance the course load for my two classes, my job, my home life, and MY life.

Weight Has Been Lifted

written: August 25

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AWESOME Halloween postcards and witchy washi tape I picked up at Michael’s today. LOVE ‘em! Now I just have to figure out who all I will be mailing them out to. ::smiles::

The full moon is glorious tonight, rising up in the evening sky. I realized today, as I was sitting outside with Josey…my depression is gone. And it’s been gone for a solid week. Thank goodness! I was really tired of struggling with it….damn near drowning below the weight of it all.

Books

written: August 24

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Delicious sandwich from Schlotzsky’s (smoked turkey breast, no tomato, add cheddar cheese).

My book from Brandy arrived today – Talking to the Spirits: Personal Gnosis in Pagan Religion, by Kenaz Filan and Raven Kaldera. She enjoyed most of it, but says it kind of fell apart towards the end. That’s fine with me. I’m just looking for stuff to expand my own mind and my own Gnosis. I’m not sure when exactly I’ll be able to read it. I am STILL plugging away at The Woman In the Shaman’s Body by Barbara Tedlock, Ph. D. It’s so good – and I love the fact that Dr. Tedlock recognizes that Shamanism isn’t 100% similar across the world. Each area has its own distinct flavor and rules of engagement.

My Mabon cards also arrived today from Red Bubble. Such nice quality! I’m excited to get to send those out in September.

So apparently, I still have stock through Starbucks…it’s the stock they gave me for free. Anyways, Fidelity sent me an email asking me to sign in to my account because it’s been over a year since I did that. Come to find out, my stock made me a whole $15! Woohoo! So I had them mail me a check. ::chuckles:: I wasn’t going to believe it until it arrived, but the check arrived today. ::chuckles:: Shit, I wish I could just close out the account and have them send me the $330 or so and not have to deal with this.

PETA Warpath

written: August 23

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And the crepe myrtle is blooming again. Guess it’s Spring #5 here in Texas? ::laughs:: Maybe I should go ahead and plant some lavender and see if I can get it to grow before Winter hits (in like mid-December).

MUCH better day at work. I’m doing better with delegating tasks to my staff so I’m not running myself completely ragged (and thus GRUMPY), trying to be Wonder Woman and do it all myself. Starting next week, each staff member has a day that they are responsible for ensuring that at the end of the program day, all of the tables have been properly wiped down, the floor has been swept, everything has been picked up and put away properly, AND that all the pencils are sharpened and ready to go for the next day. Hopefully this will help them take a bit more pride/responsibility in their jobs and do their part to help me out. ::smiles::

Tonight was the first night in over a week now, that I didn’t have excruciating knee pain when I got into bed. It even took me a while to figure out what was DIFFERENT when I got into bed. My sciatica nerve has been throwing one hell of a bitch fit this week and it’s really been screwing with my knee. I need to ask Nicky (originally an OD friend, but now a FB friend) what stretches she does to help combat the pain. I’ve made it a point to spend more time on my feet at work (both at the Tech Job and at the After School Job) than sitting down, and that seems to have made an improvement. But I want this pain GONE. It sucks so bad.

In other news, I am so fucking tired of PETA and the ASPCA sending me a crap-ton of mail that address me as a MAN. It’s always MR. (birth name). And I send it all back in their prepaid envelops, asking them to remove me from their mailing list and to point out that I’m FEMALE. Doesn’t change a damn thing. So I’m seriously tempted to gather together all of my furs, bones, leathers, and feathers and do a selfie buried under them. And to send THAT to them, saying that I’m NOT interested in their fucking spam. ::laughs::

And it’s not that I don’t support the humane treatment of animals or anything like that. I’m just tired of them sending me all this spam mail (I have NEVER donated to either group and have NEVER signed up for their mailings) and I really don’t enjoy being addressed as a man. I do not have dangly bits – never have, never will, zero desire to be male either. Though, it does make it easy to weed out the spam mail. 90% of the crap I never signed up for will address me as a Male. And that shit gets tossed into recycling asap OR sent back. I think from now on, if it addresses me as a Male, I’m just going to write “Return to Sender” on the mail and have it sent back, unopened.

Roses & Lists

written: August 22

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A teeny, tiny little bud on my rosebush. She’s apparently gearing up for another round of blooms. The rains and the non-scorching-heat has done my rosebush a lot of good it seems. I’m excited. Hopefully these blossoms will be full this time around and not baked to death like the previous round. It would certainly be nice to have some pretty roses for my Mabon Altar later on in September.

Today was an ok day. Slowly but surely it seems to be getting better.

Esmeralda (my supervisor) came out to talk about the shit-storm Monday was – um, dropping 7 brand new kids into my program with about 30 minutes heads up AND putting me OVER my cap really was shitty of my secretary to do – and Esmeralda wanted more information on my “special needs” kiddos. I hate talking with her because I’m a very blunt, cut to the chase type of person, so I just lay it all out on the table. And she sits there, looking at me….and I feel compelled to continue talking to fill up the awkward silence. ::shakes her head:: I know, that is my problem and something I need to work on. Let me add that to the Someday I’ll Get To This Shit list. ::chuckles::

Pencils

written: August 21

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This is my current project this week at the Tech Job – scanning and divvying up thousands of iPad Pencils for the various campuses. I won’t get all the campuses completed in the next few days I have left, but I will do what I can do to get them as far along as I can. ::smiles::

My aide, Megan, was out today. We got Mackenzie as our sub – this is her first year as a sub. And holy crap, I would happily give up any aide I have (except for Jess) to have Mackenzie on my campus permanently. She’s actually good friends with Jess. But holy crap, she is AMAZING. Hands down The Best sub I’ve ever had. EVER. And her personality meshed so well with mine. Like, it was almost scary at how well she got my humor and sarcasm and could give tit for tat with me within the first 20 minutes of being there. And beyond that, she was flipping AMAZING with the kiddos. She had zero issues engaging with the parents, even though she didn’t know any of them. And she would just jump in wherever aid was needed without prompting. Seriously, the bulk of the day went so smoothly just because she was so awesome.

Fuck Monday

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My order of dragon stamps came in. You can’t see it from the photo, but parts of the dragons are reflective. LOVE them so much!!!!

The morning started off great. I got to go back to the Tech Job for a little while. I’m helping them out this week, scanning in a million iPad Pencils. Everyone was thrilled to have me back. And not just the Techs…the Security guys were happy to see me back again. ::smiles:: It’s so nice to feel so LOVED.

I came home from that to an email saying I had SEVEN new students added to my program…bringing my total enrollment up to 73 kids. What.The.Fuck? I’m not supposed to be over 70! It bumps us to 15 to 1 ratio, which, lemme tell you, AIN’T fun at all.

One of those new kids? A kindergartner….decided to call another kid a “son of a bitch”. Yeah that’s fucking fun.

And my aides (excluding Jess) weren’t doing shit. They were sitting on their asses not doing a damn thing. Well, lemme tell you, we are having a fucking coming to Jesus meeting tomorrow. Both me and Jess were stressed the fuck out today.

Then the touch screen computer that the parents use to sign their kiddos out….every time I would register a new parent today, it would freeze up and crash on the LAST DAMN STEP. Then I would have to reboot ProCare, and redo their registration. Yeah, times that by 9 different parents today, while dealing with all the shit the kiddos were doing and the aides were NOT doing. Yeah, I was not a happy camper.

In the midst of this, I somehow screwed up my bad knee again. It aches so bad. And come to find out…I’m too fat for my knee brace! Yay! ::growls::

So I wanted nothing more to come home and drink the mead I picked up over the weekend. The Wild one with the wolf on it? Dry and bitter. And the cork in Desire was just loose enough that I couldn’t get the corkscrew maybe a third in, but tight enough the cork wouldn’t come out. So I had to get some tools involved to finally get the damn cork out 30 minutes later. And it wasn’t great mead either. ::growls:: I damn near threw the bottle against the wall in frustration.

This day can go fuck itself. I’m fucking done. I plan to smudge off before going to bed to leave all this shit on Monday and start Tuesday with a clean slate.

Cracker Barrel Finds

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Look at what we found at the Cracker Barrel!!!!!!!!! The cutest Ouija board altoid mint tin! And the syrup bottle is THE PERFECT size for a spell bottle. And it just makes me giddy to get witchcraft supplies at the Cracker Barrel. I do plan to go back and pick up a few more of the Ouija board tins. They are just too damn cute.

I need to double check, but I think the mini roller bottles I put my oils in, I think they’ll fit inside the tin. It will be fun to make a small travel witch kit in it.

Happy Mail Day

written: August 18

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Two cool bottles of mead I picked up today, that I may or may not be drinking with Hazel. Her birthday is Monday and I’ve offered to bring a bottle by just hang out, but I haven’t heard back from her. Which is fine…I’ll drink them with my husband instead if needs be. ::smiles::

Today was a happy mail day. I got my order from Sage Goddess…even if it was the wrong perfume. They sent me Black Moon instead of Black Moonstone…but damn, it smells amazing. And the free perfume oil they sent me is Cayman Breeze – which also smells AMAZING. I’ve emailed Sage Goddess and am hoping they let me keep Black Moon and still send me Black Moonstone. ::grins and winks::

And then my Mom sent me an AMAZING care package! Homemade chex mix, stamps (dragons AND jack o’ lanterns), Amazing Grace body lotion, allergy meds, brownie-in-a-cup mixes, and some cash. Totally made my day going through it all. I’ve already eaten half the chex mix…I’m not even ashamed to say that. ::laughs::

Lovely Surprise

written: August 17

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A lovely surprise gift that was waiting for me when I got to campus today. Sandy is my Tech Manager and Bruce is her husband (he works in Safety & Security, and is an AWESOME person as well). It just really made my day because I was REALLY struggling today mentally.

Luckily today, no issues with the computers or the electricity at work. Thank goodness. I don’t think I could have handled having to deal with that insanity or with our Tech. I just can’t handle any more creeper boy bullshit right now. I’ve had more than my own fill with “blasts from the pasts” and dealing with my Creeper Tech.

I had forgotten how difficult to get things accomplished the first week or so of work. ::chuckles:: I’m trying to put together a new roster for the Viking Bucks (our reward system) and I am only about halfway through. ::laughs:: I kept getting pulled away to greet parents, set up their accounts so they can sign out their children, etc. Hopefully I can get that done on Monday and get it all laminated and ready to go by Wednesday. The students are already chomping at the bit on how many Viking Bucks they have and what they can buy with them. Which, I need to update the list on things they can spend their Viking Bucks on.

Sunshine

written: August 16

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Pretty Josey enjoying some SUNSHINE! It’s finally stopped raining long enough to semi dry out so that we can just hang out in the yard. I’m sure this means the mosquito population will boom here soon, but for now, we are enjoying some sunshine.

Second day back at the after school program. Computer was wonky again, which required me to contact our Creeper Tech. I did a good job of steering clear of him while he was down here helping, so it wasn’t too terrible. And then, we lost POWER. ::sighs:: Just as the kids had gone to the gym (it’s too hot to play outside at the moment), we lose ALL POWER. It took a bit for our backup generator to kick on so we had SOME lights. Thankfully, it was just down for about 30 minutes and nothing too insane. But holy fuck. What a way to start the damn school year! I’m HOPING that it’s gotten all of its major shenanigans out of its system and the rest of the school year will just have typical insanity.

1st Day

written: August 15

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Artwork on a pen pal letter I received today.

Man, I fucking crashed HARD last night. A few days back, I made a post on Facebook that while I knew a lot of my friends were friends with my psycho-Ex, I did not want to hear any updates about him, unless it was to say he was in jail. I did this because Keith messaged me a few days back asking if I had seen Ken because he was “ripped” now. Side note: Keith was a fatty when I dated him.
Now, what the fuck possessed Keith to ask me that, I will never understand. Keith knows a lot of the shit that Ken did. Not all, but a lot. And so he KNOWS how much I hate Ken. So to ask that? Like, what the fuck man? I ended up messaging him later on and asking him if he was in contact with Ken and if so, to please NOT give him my address (since Keith knows where I live). Keith was shocked that I was legitimately that scared and didn’t want Ken to have any of my contact information.

And so, of course, a few people of reached out to verify, as I refused to name Ken on my post because I don’t want it getting back to him. Because with him, ANY attention brings him sniffing around again. And I’m FINALLY clear of him. He hasn’t reached out to me in about 3 years now, and I’m grateful for that.

But with people reaching out, it’s kind of had me reliving a lot of the shit Ken did. He was never physically abusive. He raised his hand in anger to me one time. But he said the look in my eye when I balled up my fist, took a step forward, and dared him to hit me – scared him too much to ever think of hitting me. Which is a blessing. Because all the psychological shit? Yeah that’s left some serious scars that still haven’t healed. Man, I was ugly crying in bed, hating it all. It seems like I will never be free of him. And I’m stressed and tired.

So I’m planning this weekend to on a trip to the zoo. I would love to go hiking out at the Nature Center, but the heat index will be above 100 this weekend, so that is out. But a good zoo trip. I need to go spend time there, just focusing on the photography. I need go chat with the Harpy Eagles.

In other news, today was a pretty good first school day. Other than a snafu with the touch screen computer suddenly deciding it just didn’t want to work on the WiFi, it wasn’t a terrible day. My staff seems to be working well together and Megan (my newbie aide) seems to be willing to step up and jump right in. And that’s a great skill to have. I had to call Tommy (the creeper Tech) and he had to come down and fiddle with the computer for about 25 minutes, but he did eventually get it to work and it was smooth sailing at that point for the rest of the day. Hopefully tomorrow will be an even better day!

Enthralled

written: August 14

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I came home on my lunch break today to find my husband and my dog watching Duck Duck Goose on Netflix. ::chuckles and shakes her head::

The roll sheet is still all sorts of screwed up – saying I have 78 kiddos in my program! Oh hell no! And there are still the two kids that moved out of the district and now NINE 6th graders on my list as well. ::shakes her head:: I’ve call my secretary and she’s asked me to email her the kids I know won’t be in my program so she can go and fix it. apparently this is a massive glitch effecting all of the campuses and the only way to fix it is to go through each individual child’s record. ::shakes her head:: God bless, Bronwynn for doing this! But she said she would put my school at the top of the list if I got her the names asap. I had them sent within a minute of getting off the phone with her. ::chuckles:: So I still don’t know for sure how many kids I have in my program and it STARTS TOMORROW! ::grumbles::

Oh well, we did the best we could with what we have currently. I excluded the 6th graders and the two that moved and had my staff do place tags for the rest of the kids on the list. I did the seating arrangement and got the place tags in order. I had the staff go through all the games and the book cart.

Jess brought up a mini-frig for us to keep in the office. I am so freaking stoked. That way I can just buy a week’s worth of fraps and keep them in there. Might also buy some other small snacks to keep in there to help me make better eating choices. With me not doing the Tech Job now, I have no excuse not to be working out. The Tech Job was so physically demanding that I was just too tired and too sore when I got home to even think about working out.

And given that my ablation procedure I had done back in June was a complete and utter success – I haven’t had a period since May – I also don’t have that excuse not to work out. I wish I had had the ablation procedure done when I got my tubes tied. This is amazing. I do still get the PMS-want-to-eat-everything-in-sight but other than that? NOTHING. It’s so wonderful.

Orientation

written: August 13

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Honestly, I thought I had completely forgotten to take a photo today until I started looking through my camera roll and came across this one. It’s a shitty photo from a computer screen about a Medical Alert page I want to put in my Sub Binder at work. So, definitely not exciting, but definitely necessary at work.

Last day of the after school program Orientation. Tomorrow we get to finally go work on our campuses. We got our laptops today, so I drove over to the high school that’s close to our house so I could log onto our system and get my roll sheet. But there are definitely some errors on it. Two of the students on my roll sheet have moved out of the district….and then another EIGHT were 5th graders last year, and have moved on to middle school, and thus cannot be in my program. ::shakes her head:: There are always so many damn glitches the first week of school – I really should be used to this.

Today we actually got training on how to deal with students making a suicide outcry, engaging in self-injurious behavior (which is now called Non-Suicidal Self Injury, or NSSI for short), or threats of physical violence against another student. Seems Esmeralda (my boss) really took it to heart when I told her we desperately needed training on this and how to report child abuse/neglect! I’ll be sure to send her an email thanking her for putting this together.

In Need of Brain Soap

written: August 12

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A jar of lavender buds I picked off the stems that Nola sent me a while back. She’s in the witchy pen-pal group and offered up lavender to whomever wanted it. I picked these buds off the stem while watching Constantine on Netflix. A nice way to spend the day, to be honest. I definitely want to try my hand at growing lavender next year. Now I just need to come up with some good bath salt recipes to use the lavender in.

Keith messaged me today via Facebook. And in the middle of our typical banter, he asks me if I had seen Ken (my psycho-ex) because he was “ripped”? Why the fuck would I even care?
But of course, my obsessive brain just had to see. Because Ken was FAT when I dated him. And yeah, he’s lost a lot of weight and he has big biceps, but he ain’t fucking “ripped”. When I think of ripped, I think of Leonidas and his 300 Spartan men. Ken ain’t anywhere near that. But now I have to wait 48 hours to reblock him on Facebook. ::sighs:: Thanks Keith, I really needed that brain-fucking. Because clearly I’m not dealing with enough emotional trauma caused by ex-boyfriends at the moment.

Rebellion in My Heart

written: August 11

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I call this one “Pensive Pit Bull”. Josey is NOT a fan of all the rain we’ve been getting. ::chuckles::

I have to get my hair cut at 5:30 pm. My stylist doesn’t have any open slots to strip the blue out, and today at 5:30 is the ONLY time she has available to cut it. I am incredibly bummed out over this. I know it’s silly, but I’m downright melancholy over this. I cut a lock for me to keep, to remind me of how amazing it felt to have the blue.

And I realized that with the blue hair, I felt beautiful. I felt confident. I felt like my true rebel self was shining through and because so many people complimented me on the hair, that it felt like they were complimenting me on my Unique Self as well. And it just sucks to have to cut that off for a job.

BUT, I need the job, so this is what I have to do. The stylist was bummed on my behalf as well. And we’re talking about putting some “barely legal” red in my hair later on. “Barely legal” is referring to the fact that it is right on the border of “natural” hair color….not “barely legal” in the porn sense.

Made a vow to myself, that when I’m an old lady and have retired and don’t have to play by any bullshit rules any more, I WILL have the most awesome, badass hair colors the world has ever seen.

So RIP for now, lovely Mermaid hair:



We WILL meet again:

Church

written: August 10

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Look, I’m in a church again! ::laughs:: This also fulfills my monthly selfie. LoL

This is Day 3 of Orientation. We actually got training today on how to report child abuse/neglect! It’s nice to see that Esmeralda actually was listening to me and took my concerns to heart. And I taught my class on Documentation this afternoon.

I’m thinking of talking to Esmeralda about one of the Aide’s that always comes to my class. Coach is an older man, and every time he is around, he’s asking about previous students of mine – a specific family. He worked with them before I did, but is always talking about how horrible they were. He was talking today about how they thought the oldest was going to end up in jail. This is the one that came back and worked for me his senior year. It’s almost like a border-line obsession and I really don’t like him talking crap about these kids who aren’t any of his concern any longer. And definitely not to do this in front of other workers. ::shakes her head:: I think I’ll see if I can talk to Esmeralda about it on Monday. I don’t want this to be written down anywhere – at least not by me.

Alas, my blue hair has to go. Kelly (Uber Boss) came up to me and told me it had to be gone by the first day of school. I’m surprised at how bummed out I am about it. I’m hoping my stylist can just strip the blue out and I don’t have to cut my hair.

Rumbling

written: August 9

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Josey loves sitting on the swing bench with David.

I got to meet my new staff member – Megan. She’s a senior at one of the local high schools. Super pretty and I’m hoping she’s a good fit for our campus. It was good to catch up with Emily, Maddie, and Jess. I’m a little concerned with Emily though. Apparently she’s been quasi-stalking Jess over the summer and was certainly acting jealous whenever Jess was talking to Megan. I’ll have to keep an eye on that this school year for sure. Gods, I just want a year with little to NO drama, for once!

We are FINALLY get some rain! Nothing more awesome than sitting outside, watching the lightning flash high up in the clouds, and listening to the low rumble of far off thunder that is slowly, but steadily getting closer.

Sanity

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My newest additions to my ever-growing collection. All made possible by my dear friend, Klaus. Two new-to-me species and one from a favorite species. ::smiles:: I truly have awesome friends all over the globe.

I opted out of going to the Convocation today for work. Yes, I desperately need the money that it would have put on my paycheck. But you cannot put a price on sanity, and I was so damn close to breaking. Yesterday, when I decided I was NOT going today, it felt like the world had been lifted off my shoulders. I did not realize until that moment just how badly I was stressing out over it (and the shocker from Friday).

And holy crap, last night I dreamt a BIG dream. A powerful dream. One full of information, inspiration, and motivation. I haven’t dreamt like that in ages. Which just reinforces my belief that I desperately needed the down time of NOT going to the Convocation. I scribbled notes about the dream on my white board when I woke up at 6 am to go to the bathroom and take my Thyroid pill, just so I wouldn’t forget anything. I’ll write that up later, but am highly selective of who I will share it with.

I mailed out the two freebie oils I got with purchases from Sage Goddess. I’m trading them for bottles of North Star and Enchanted. Those should be here by Saturday. And I mailed out our gift for Lil Nephew. His birthday was on the 3rd, so I’m a little late getting it in the mail. But he’s having his birthday party this Saturday, so hopefully the gifts will get there in time for that. They should arrive on Friday, but the postal service has been a little iffy on their delivery time frame, so I’m just going to keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best.

Dragonfly

written: August 7

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A close up photo of the sodalite chips I ordered from Sage Goddess. She was having a buy-one-get-one-free on her gemstone chips. I wish I had done that with the garnet chips. But I’ll keep it in my mind for the next time she has the BOGO on her gemstone chips for sure. I definitely want MORE of the rough garnet chips. Those were just so gemmy and pretty.

It was weird day at work. Possibly my last day at the Tech Job for the summer…but possibly NOT. Because I may work a few more days once the school year starts up. Maybe. If they need me. I kind of hope they do need me, but also kind of hope they don’t. ::chuckles:: I am so sore and stiff from all the crazy hard work I put in this summer. I’m honestly pretty damn proud of all that we accomplished in such a short summer.

So apparently Dragonfly is trying to get my attention in a BIG way. There have to be a good half-dozen HUGE dragonflies in the neighbor’s yard that have recently been flying through our side yard. And then I’ve gotten THREE Dragonfly oil samples from Sage Goddess. Ok, ok, I get it. I’ll look into the totem! From what I can recall off the top of my head, dragonfly is all about transformation, beauty, and change. Should be fun.

Garnets

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My rough garnet chips arrived (along with the free “The Feather” oil – don’t care much for it). The garnets are gorgeous. I’ll pick up a small offering bowl eventually to put them in for Sekhmet. But for now, they’ll stay in the organza bag they arrived in. Maybe I’ll find a nice little jar around the house to put them in.

Depression is really kicking my teeth in today. Not really a whole to say on that. It is what it is.

Wanderlust

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Photo of the pretty Texas skies and a plane…symbolizing my current wanderlust.

Yeah, today’s been a seriously rough day. I’ve been in a bad headspace most of the day. I did make a run over to FedEx to print out some stuff for journal entries I plan to make in Sharmila’s journal. And I went to Barnes & Noble. I picked up some thin journals (a 3 pack for $7) to be used for my after school program. I keep a work journal on my staff to help with the mid-year and end-of-year evaluations and needed a new one for this year. I REALLY wanted one of the Leuchtturm – a beautiful turquoise one – but I know I wouldn’t use it for work. And honestly, I have more than enough blank journals right now. I cannot justify picking up YET another one – and I certainly don’t have the extra money to toss at it either. So instead, I’m promising myself that once I fill up my current witch’s journal, then I can buy that turquoise Leuchtturm. ::smiles::

I’m seriously contemplating returning to therapy. Through the school district, I get so many free sessions with a counselor. I may seriously look into that. Because I just cannot afford a doctor on my own at this point.

New Pagan Achievement Level

written: August 4

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Photo of the cover of my current BaBuJo (bastardize bullet journal). It’s gold, which is so out of character for me. I loathe gold. ::chuckles::

Even though NaJoWriMo officially ended on July 31st, I’m still keeping up with hand-writing journal entries in my composition notebook. Kind of helps with the down time on Thursdays and Fridays during deployment. But now that that is over, I’m curious to see how long I keep it going. ::chuckles::

I’m doing better after yesterday’s shocker. I hate that even after 13 years…it still hit me like a ton of bricks out of left field. It seems just when I think I’ve put it behind me, something comes along and shows me I haven’t. And I don’t know what to do about it. would therapy help? Because, what pisses me off the most is that the asshole got away with it. Sure the detectives interviewed him. But ultimately it was his word against mine. I just hope there’s some sort of note in his permanent record about the situation. Just in case he repeats himself, then there’s some sort of notation that he’s at least been accused of this previously. Not sure if it helps, but I tried to do my part.

I reached a new Pagan Achievement Level today. There was a group of Christians going door to door apparently to spread the “good word”. Husband told them, “no thank you” as they were walking up to our gate. I’m sure having a pit bull running up to the gate helped persuade them NOT to press their luck. But then they ended up congregating on the sidewalk in front of our house to have a prayer circle. First time I’ve ever had that occur. ::chuckles:: I would love nothing more than to find out where their home base is, and gather up a group of Pagan buddies and go have a “prayer circle” in front of their place.

Hermit

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I saw this posted in the teacher workroom at the campus I was working deployment at today. It lays it out quite simply what to do should we suspect child abuse/neglect. So I plan to print it out and hang it up in our office so at least MY staff knows what are obligations are in this regard. I certainly am not holding my breath that the Bosses will train us. It’s been 4 years since the last training we’ve received and I’ve been bringing it up at every review I’ve had (two a year). Honestly, I would like to make copies for all the campuses and pass them out, but I’m not sure I need to rock the boat that much. Maybe I’ll wait into a month in, and mail them out via Intercampus mail to all the campuses. I don’t have to slap my name on it, but I can still get the info out.

In other news, I am in a FUCKED up head space today. When I’m doing deployment (trading out old equipment for new equipment), I typically don’t even look at the people I’m helping and I only pay attention to the first name just to verify I have the correct person. The last name is what I go off of. And today, I had a person come through with HIS last name – the same last name as the man who drugged and raped me. My heart froze for a second before I could look up at the person standing in front of me. Thank god it wasn’t him. I have no idea how I would have reacted. I would have left for sure. There’s no way I could have stayed there. But it was horrible enough just to have his last name pop back up. It’s been, what? 12? 13 years, since that happened? And god, it just caught me out of left field.

So yeah….I’m going to hermit for a while.

Evening

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My evening.

The weather was actually pleasant (after weeks and weeks and WEEKS of 110+ degree weather), so Josey-pup and I hung out on the patio for a while.

I’m reading Reunion of Ghosts. But I don’t know if I like it or not. I’m only in chapter 4, but I have not bonded in any way with any of the characters. And the story revolves around suicide, so it’s sort of put me in a weird head space this evening. I was thinking of taking it to work tomorrow to read in the down time, but I think I may instead take The Woman in the Shaman’s Body instead. Fuck the weird looks I may get for that book, but at least it doesn’t muck up my brain.

I am going to be really bummed if the bosses say I have to get rid of the blue/aqua blue/green color in my hair. It’s my one tiny rebellion and I really wish there was a good chance I could keep it. I’m tired of following the rules. I’m tired of squishing myself to fit the mold. I don’t do drugs. I don’t drink. Hell, I’ve even given up my one cigarette a day habit (I tend to do that for a few months in the summer time). Let me have my one little vice, please.

Blessed Lammas/Lughnasadh

written: August 01

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Blessed Lammas/Lughnasadh! I baked bread and made a copy-cat recipe of Johnny Carrino’s herbed olive oil dipping sauce for bread:



Not too shabby, given that both recipes were brand-spanking new for me. I will certainly be tweaking them for the next go ‘round, but all in all, pretty successful.

No altar for Lammas, as the baking of bread is the core of my observation for this sabbat that celebrates the First Harvest. Two more harvest sabbats will occur later on in the year. And I completely forgot to go grab some wheat from the field by 5 Guys Burgers. Maybe for Mabon (Autumn Equinox), I’ll swing by and grab some then.

Spent the morning at the after school program main office working on the class I’ll present at our Orientation. It’s over documentation in our program (Injury, Behavior, and Incident reports), to help staff know how to fill these out properly. I’ve given it the past 3 or 4 years now? Hell, I can’t remember. So I really didn’t a whole LOT to do…but still managed to stretch it out to cover the full four hours I could use for planning there at the office. ::smiles:: And then I had the afternoon all to myself. Hence the bread and oil sauce making. I also mailed out packages to friends – some Sekhmet anointing oil to April and some of my Red Fast Luck Oil to Wendy. All in all, a damn good day.

Floppy

written: July 31

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I was cleaning out Sandy’s office for her (they are having to move) and came across a whole box of these floppy disks. Peter (one of our high schoolers) had no idea what it was. To be fair, I was using these during my undergrad years, but he probably wasn’t even in elementary at that point. ::chuckles:: So of course, the other Tech Guys had a blast razzing him about it. He then asked me if it was an “antique”. Man, I felt so damn old. ::laughs::

I finally got a copy of the photo of Mike, the tech I’ve worked with most of the summer and who went off on Tommy (the tech for my campus):



He was a hoot to work with once I figured out his personality. But I can see why some of the other Techs are so irritated by him. He’s very much a Questioner. He has to know the reason why behind everything.

Larvikite

written: July 30

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My tumbled Larvikite arrived today! And look at that blue flash! Larvikite is swiftly becoming my all-time favorite stone. I am so glad I stumbled across it at the Gem Show last year and the Harpies demanded a strand of Larvikite beads. Which reminds me, I REALLY need to get to work on that damn necklace for them. ::laughs:: I honestly just new a few more items and I could easily make it. But, replica eagle claws aren’t exactly cheap…or at least the NICE looking replica claws aren’t. I could get some from the Oriental Trading Company for dirt-cheap, but they look like complete and utter crap. The ones I want are around $15 each, I think. And I need 2, possibly 4, for the necklace I have in mind. And then I also need some black beads, but I can get those fairly cheap on eBay. Then it’s just actually sitting down and making it. And then there’s the whole, what do I do with it after I make it? I envision hanging up the black shelf that’s just chillin’ in my closet and setting it up as a mini-altar just for the Harpies. And I could hang the necklace on the shelf.

And the whole reason I bought the Larvikite was so I could get the free Chalice perfume oil. I don’t yet how I feel about it. It has rose for sure, and I’m not always a huge fan of rose…but this one is almost ok. I don’t know. I’ll wear it a few times before I make my decision on it. And I got a sample of Master Healer, which I’m not a fan of at all. I’ll just toss it in with any future trades I do, just so I can get rid of it. ::chuckles::

July Full Moon

written: July 29

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Blessed July full moon! This is the Full Buck/Thunder Moon. And I totally forgot to put the antlers on the altar. Oops! I really need to gather up all my altar photos and writes up from over the years and get them printed out and put into a binder. Then, as various Sabbats/Esbats/Holy Days roll around, I can thumb through the previous year(s) altars and get extra inspiration on how I’ll set up that year’s altar. Oh, and I can print out other altars that I find online that I like, and add them in as well, for even more inspiration.

Anyways, this Esbat centered around blessing my new witch’s journal and claiming my new Pagan name. I definitely plan to do an initiation ritual, but I’m leaning more towards doing that around my birthday (November) or when I do my Tabula Rasa ritual (usually late December). So for now, it was more of just acknowledging the new name and claiming it in front of Deity and Spirit.

I definitely want to declutter my room again and move some stuff around. My “art” table is a joke. I don’t think I’ve done anything artistic on it in well over a year. And it’s now become just a catch-all for EVERYTHING. I foresee some serious deep cleaning very, very soon. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind just getting rid of the table (it’s BIG) and possibly getting a smaller one and a nice comfortable chair.

Ok, so standard altar notes for myself (going left to right):

Sekhmet’s Candle
Sekhmet Statue (April’s vial of Sekhmet oil is at Sekhmet’s feet but you can barely see it)
Athame (wasn’t used)
White Full Moon Candle
Selenite sphere (symbolizes Full Moon)
New witch’s journal on top of wooden pentacle
Glass candle holder with Palo Santo wood
Wand (used to Cast Circle)
Black cast iron mini-skillet with Cone Incense (gift from an oil swap, so I have no idea what aroma is it) and a bigger piece of Pala Santo wood that I used to cleanse the area with
Sacred Feather
Piece of petrified palm wood (my grandmother’s) with Shadow Tea light (by SageGoddess; in honor of the Harpies) and my piece of Galaxite stone. My crystal ritual pendant rests on the petrified palm wood slab before I put it on to begin ritual.