Happy Halloween

Photo for today:

 

A wonderful goody basket Laine made for each of the staff members – this one is mine. ::smiles:: I snagged the super cute Halloween gift cards from Starbucks for each of my staff members.

So, happy Halloween. Blessed Samhain to those who celebrate. I will be celebrating my Samhain tomorrow. Husband is home today, which honestly, means I cannot hold ritual. Not that he has anything against Paganism (he’s friggin’ Wiccan) or anything. Just that he and Josey are NOT quiet creatures at all and even on their best behaviors, they are massively distracting. ::chuckles:: So I just opt to push my ritual to a more convenient date and time.

This is the final day for this round of the NaJoWriMo challenge (National Journal Writing Month). I have already broken the 15,000 word count, so this entry is all icing on the cake. And I opted to scrap the idea of the Inner Witch Photo challenge. While I like the IDEA behind it, I definitely have to rework the prompts to flow with the moon cycle through October 2018.

But all in all, it was a pretty good month. Now I’m gearing up for November and everything THAT month entails. Namely my birthday and then Thanksgiving. Not to mention course work. AND I still need to finish working up my resume and cover letter so I can submit that ASAP.

I swear there is just so much stuff to do and I’m about ready to just shut down completely. So for now, I’m focusing solely on Samhain ceremony tomorrow. I need to pick up pomegranate juice and madeleines for ritual. I’m feeling the pull to bring out my drum again. I won’t be drumming up each ancestor like I did last year…but overall some drumming as a part of the ritual will occur.

Ok, I’m too exhausted to keep going. Work was good, but tiring. Tomorrow is our “day of play”. It’s looking a bit lackluster, but oh well. It’s the best I can do in the time frame the bosses gave us. So they can just deal with it. ::chuckles::

Sharks

Photo for today:

 

I received this awesome postcard today from the Holocaust Stamp Project that I donated stamps to a few months ago. They surpassed their goal of 11 million stamps back in September. I’m glad I could be a part of that.

So today I spent most of my work day putting together the shark games the students and I made. The students colored the sharks and cut them out. I then cut out the sharks’ mouths and assembled the little games. They’ll get to play with them on Wednesday, when Gail comes out for our “day of play”. I am so ready for that bullshit to be behind us.

Which then means, we get to fast forward to the week before Thanksgiving. There’s going to be a gymnastics group coming into the gym for the entire week with all their stuff…which means that for the entire week, we can’t use the gym. So we’ve gotta come up with some things to keep the students occupied just in case the weather decides to turn shitty (which is always does the week that the gymnastic group is here) and we can’t take them outside. I’ve talked to Jess about teaming up with Sarah for the Winter Party planning and she’s game. So hopefully I can talk to Sarah about that tomorrow and get her and Jess working on that. I am asking Alaina (Laine) and Alexia (Lexie) to come up with some autumn crafts to do the week before Thanksgiving. I personally am NOT a fan of Thanksgiving in its mythical US story form and I cannot stand the cheap “Indian” crafts they come up with that completely gloss over the real meanings behind the Tipi art, shields, dreamcatchers, etc. And quite of bit of that really isn’t up for public consumption or it would take so much time to really delve into what it MEANS (plus, teaching deep spiritual matters that are NOT Christian is greatly frowned upon). And if you aren’t willing to KNOW this stuff and teach it correctly, I strongly feel like you shouldn’t be teaching water-downed (and typically super INCORRECT) crap. So I flat out refuse to allow it in my after school program.

I need to get cracking on my goals. I’m already making tentative plans for my actual birthday. I’ve taken the day off of work because fuck working on my birthday. ::laughs:: I plan to get my hair cut – talking at least 8 inches. I am tempted to do some coloring in my hair…but I’m not sure on that one just yet. I plan to get sushi for lunch, as David will be at work (he hates sushi). And then that weekend, we’ll be going to the Fort Worth Zoo – past and present military people get in free with a plus one. So we’ll pay for parking, but we’ll get in for free. Woohoo! I am looking forward to being back at the Fort Worth Zoo, taking photos. That makes my heart happy and I need to do more of that.

So I went ahead and purchased the wand I was talking about yesterday. The pull was still strong and still steady. I want this wand. Sadly, it’s shipping from Australia, so it will be a while before it arrives. I hate waiting. ::chuckles::

Rattling Around

written: October 29th

Photo for today:

 

Adorable lil Miss Josey, enjoying some sunshine time. I am loving this cooler weather we’ve been having.

After searching for a year or so, looking at thousands of wands….I think I may have found mine. And for a pretty damn good price – especially considering the price tags I’ve seen on the ones I’ve desired. I’m waiting a full 24 hours before purchasing it – just to make sure that gut reaction to the wand is authentic and not just spur of the moment. But I’m actually giddy on the inside about it. I just hope it’s still there tomorrow. A full 24 hours.

So I had a nice quiet day at the house. David is working the new weekend schedule. Instead of working a full day on Sunday, he worked 4 hours yesterday and 4 hours today. I like it because it almost feels like I have the whole weekend to myself…and yet I do still have plenty of hang-out time with my husband. Win-win. ::chuckles:: And it happens every other month, which is nice as well, instead of him losing a full Sunday every three weeks.

MoonTime has arrived…well technically not quite yet. But it will be here by midnight for sure. I started using the Goddess Flow Oil (from Sage Goddess) right now, hopefully to soften the cramps that I know are coming for me soon. Just got to make it through the first 48 hours and then I’m fine. Just sucks that I can’t stay a home, sitting in a hot shower, devouring Cheetos and ice cream and cat napping as I need. ::chuckles::

Samhain is drawing close. Just a few days to finish setting up my Samhain altar. I need to pick up food offerings and pomegranate juice for ritual as well. Seeing as how David has October 31st off of work, and thus will be home…I will be doing my Samhain ritual on November 1st instead. But that seems to be my standard modus operandi.

We are watching a series on Netflix called Zoo. The main scientist, Mitch, looks a lot like my dad. And Mitch is a shitty dad, just like mine. And yeah, it’s been a little rough watching it – seeing Mitch’s side of the whole situation. Mitch didn’t make any apologies for his behavior…he knew he was a shitty ass father. But I can kind of see things from his perspective.

It doesn’t excuse the fact at all that my father elected OUT of my and my brother’s lives. It doesn’t excuse it at all and it sure as shit doesn’t take away the pain that created. But at least, I am now at a point when I can think of him, and it isn’t blinding hatred for him. Hell, it only took me 17 years to get this point. Who knows? Maybe in another 17 years, I might be on the cusp of forgiveness. And maybe 17 years after that, I will be at the point of willing to tell him about said forgiveness. But I sure as shit am not holding my breath. ::chuckles toothily::

Shitty Credit Card

written: October 28th

Photo for today:




My “Traditional” Batman jack-o-lantern. I did this years ago for my husband, and it’s now become a tradition for me to carve a batman one and a regular one. The fact that I get double the pumpkin seeds is irrelevant. ::chuckles::

So on a whim today, I called my Credit Card Company in hopes of negotiating a lower APR (as mine is currently set at 15.99%). I have had this account since 2000 and have been REALLY good about not missing a payment and making at LEAST the minimum payment, sometimes MORE each month for the past 5 years for sure. So you would think they would be down with rewarding me for that, right?

Yeah, that would be a big fat NOPE. Seems my balance is too high….so because I have a high balance, I have a high APR, and if I had a lower balance, I would have a lower APR. That does not sound shitty at all. And when I said it that way to the Credit Card Representative on the phone, to make sure I was understanding what he was telling me….even he agreed that it sounded really bad when you say it out loud.

So yeah, now I’m looking into possibly getting a credit card that has 0% balance transfers or at least really low APRs to justify transferring my balance over from This Credit Card Company. And once that is done, I will post all about it on The Credit Card Company’s Facebook page how shitty they treated me and then close down my account with them.

And once that balance is completely paid off, I will put that card away and ONLY use it in the case of extreme emergencies. Everything else will be paid for in cash. Which really makes me want to apply for the Zone Leader position. Going from $22k to 50k a year would greatly aid me in getting out of debt and setting aside a good nest egg.

But, if I were to land that job, then I would seriously have to either put my Master’s degree on hold…or I will have to cut back to just one course a semester. With this job, I would be working 40 hours a week AND during the summer, which again…means more money and not having to hunt for a summer job (or take a major pay cut to work the Tech Job). But it also means zero off time to really finish off my Master’s degree.

I think it may be time to turn to the Tarot cards to see what I’m not seeing…to aid in bringing me a step closer to making a decision. In the meantime, it won’t hurt to go ahead and make my resume, along with the cover letter. And it won’t hurt to at least apply. If I do land an actual offer, then I can make a real decision at that point. There are a lot of hurdles between here and there. But it is worth a good, honest try.

Work Notes

written: October 27th

Photo for today:

 

This is my trade from Andrea on the perfume swap group. Today has been so insane, I haven’t really even had a chance to test out “Ask” and see if I like it! ::laughs::

So today was an Early Release Day – which translates over into a Long Fucking Day for the after school program. 11:15 am until 6:35 pm – no real “break”. Just bathroom breaks as we could swing ‘em. ::shakes her head:: And add to the mix that the weather took a nose dive of THIRTY degrees today – yeah, it was 87 degrees yesterday and 57 degrees today.

But honestly, all things considered? It was a pretty easy day. My typical “challenging” students weren’t today. Hell, Mason, who normally gets into trouble for SOMETHING and has a meltdown about it, didn’t today…at all. Hell, he was POLITE and almost subdued today. I made sure to brag to his mother (where he could “eavesdrop” so he could hear me praising his good behavior) about it today. He doesn’t have a whole lot of victories like this, so I make sure to make a big deal out of them in hopes that this will entice more of this behavior.

Jess and I traced and cut out fish and starfish for the kids to paint. I also let them paint the bats if they so desired. And Jess did her coloring contest. I only made 20 copies for that as it’s usually a small group, but ended up having to go make more. Originally, I sent Jess to the copy room to make it, but my directions weren’t overly clear on how to select the paper tray where she put the cardstock in, so I had to jog down there and show her. But now she knows how to do that, so hopefully I can let her start doing more of that. I have GOT to start letting go of the reigns on EVERYTHING. I cannot do it all by myself.

And then Jess turned around and asked Sarah to do the foam pumpkin project with the students without me prompting. Hell, I didn’t even know that’s what she did, as we were over there cutting out fish. But I think Sarah really enjoying doing the art project with the students, so I need to nurture that and give her more free reign on that. I think on Monday, I will show her the catalog we order a lot of our supplies through and let her pick some art projects she would like to do with the students. I also want to team her up with Jess on planning for the Winter Break Party for the students. That is another early release day (aka Long Ass Day) that Jess has all these games and a photo booth and what not that she puts together. I think if she and Sarah start on that NOW, we could have some really awesome stuff by the time we get to Winter Break. And it will already be done and ready to go, so that we just have to pull it out and set it up.

Possible New Direction

written: October 26th

 

A tall tower built out of Jenga blocks by one of my students. I think I can count on one hand how many times we’ve actually played Jenga in the past year. But these are the MOST popular item on our game cart – because they love building with them.

I stayed at work after everyone left (like I typically do). I got the annual bats copied onto cardstock along with some jack-o-lantern coloring sheets. Jess does a coloring contest with the students, so I thought it would be nice to put those coloring sheets onto cardstock – to make it a bit more “official”. ::smiles::

I brought up the cereal boxes I have and luckily so did Jess. That’s what we’ll trace the fish and starfish onto for the kids to paint tomorrow. Those will then be hung up for our “Save the Oceans: Day of Play”. Originally, I was planning to use bubble wrap to paint the starfish with and lids to make dots/circles on the fish, to up the whole “recycled items” aspect of our “Save The Oceans” thing…but after hearing from Tatiana what the other campuses are doing, I said a hearty “fuck that noise”. The kids will be happy with just painting – as I rarely let them do that. 90% of the time, I just do NOT have the energy/patience to police the painting area. And that sucks, because they really do make some awesome things, if I just would put in a little extra time and effort with them.

And I need to remember, that it doesn’t have to all fall on my shoulders. I need to start tasking my aides with some of these tasks as well. I need to start training Sarah. I think my campus is as calm as it is ever going to be, so I need to just suck it up and start putting in the effort to train her on how to be a campus leader.

The Boss Lady, Kelly, sent an email out today saying that they were opening up a 4th Zone Leader Position – what Gail is. I got curious and wanted to see what exactly are their job duties and how much they are getting paid. Holy shit, starting salary for that position is $50k. That’s more than DOUBLE what I’m making, and I’m REALLY highly paid for my position. And it’s a year-round job, so I wouldn’t have to take such a pay cut for the summers.

So while I originally thought I would want NO part of the Zone Leader job…now I’m having second thoughts. I mentioned it to Jess and she says I should totally apply. And I talked to David about it briefly and he also thinks it’s a worthwhile idea. So I’m going to work on my resume this weekend and figure out how to write a cover letter (never had to do that before) and I’m going to toss my application into the ring. If nothing else, I’d be willing to do it for 2 years to get my butt out of debt and then I could move on. ::chuckles::

Just realized it’s a Thursday. I’ll write my list of Thankfuls later on.

Deafening

written:  October 25th

Photo for today:

 

Josey doing her best to destroy the box that Annette shipped the snake wreath to me in. This box was seriously taped up, so it wore Josey completely out BEFORE she was able to destroy it. That is like crazy rare! ::laughs::

Alexia (my high schooler aide) was out today so we got Tatiana instead. I’ve worked with Tatiana back when I did the summer camp and I just love her. She’s a hoot to work with. So, given that our ocean “day of play” is coming up at work soon and we’ve done like 3% of the necessary work, I was going over everything with my staff that was there.

And Tatiana got to hear my horror stories about how badly these things have gone in the past for me. And then she was kind enough to tell us about what she’s seen at the other campuses. Most are sticking with 2-D art and most aren’t letting the students even use markers. So that did wonders to calm any fears and apprehension I had about the whole thing. Now I can just focus on getting the few small projects done between now and Nov 1st, we’ll be sitting pretty.

And it was amazing how much calmer the students were with Alexia not being here. No one was screaming at the children. They actually listen if you will take the time to TALK to them like fucking human beings. I need to really sit down with Alexia and address the screaming. That shit needs to stop. And it’s not just about the screaming either – she’s always talking at a level 10, I swear. Like, bitch, I’m THREE FEET AWAY – why you yelling at me?

I see a LOT of my High School Self in Alexia. Both the parts I adored about myself at that age, and a whole shit ton of the parts of HATE. ::laughs:: So it’s been quite the challenge, to say the least. As irritating as she can be, I know I was just as arrogant in my “knowledge” at that age. What an insufferable lil shit I appeared to everyone else, I am beginning to see just HOW insufferable I must have been. Very humbling now.

PMS & Goals

written: October 24th

Photo for today:

 

Beautiful waxing moon hanging in the evening sky this evening, as Josey and I started out on our walk.

Holy PMS Batman. I have been devouring everything in sight. I mean EVERYTHING. ::sighs:: At least I am not feeling as aggravated as I typically do during this time. Normally, I have ZERO patience right about now. Two days of headaches is really sucking though. I think I am going to make note of those and see if that is a new PMS symptom as well.

Dude, if I could get rid of periods right now, I would do it in a heartbeat. I am honestly thinking of discussion options for this with my gynecologist when I see her in January. I mean, I am never having children – I got my tubes tied. So is there really any reason for me to have to endure 6+ days of menstruation, with the first two of those days being HORRIBLY painful? I would keep my ovaries, just so I would not have to go on hormone therapy, but why do I need a damn uterus? I have ZERO use for it and it is only causing me misery. Let’s talk about some options here, because this is not enjoyable. And I am NOT looking forward to another 30 years of this shit. And given that I have been doing this since I was 13 – yeah, I am totally ready for that shit to end. ::chuckles::

I never did actually get around to doing a New Moon ritual. But I have sat down and reevaluated my goals and plans and have been working actively on setting up my 36 Goals for my 36th Year. I will spend the next few weeks between now and my birthday to really hone them and all that jazz. I plan to print it out and put it in my BaBuJo (Bastardized Bullet Journal). And the plan from there is to update it through the month as I accomplish said goals and at the end of the month, print out an updated version to add to the next month’s set up in my BaBuJo. I am HOPING that by forcing myself to do this each month, it will help keep these goals in the forefront of my mind and thus keep me actively striving towards achieving them. Wish me luck! ::laughs:: I am wicked good at MAKING goals…..but damn do I suck at achieving them. ::laughs::

Sense of Accomplishment

written: October 23rd

Photo for today:

 

Oh blessed and wondrous Sun Spot has returned for the basking pleasure of Miss Josey. ::laughs:: I swear she is a reptile with how much she ADORES basking in the sun. We need a bay window for her, so she can be fully in the sunlight. As it is now, she will just get some incredibly interesting tan lines. ::chuckles and winks::

Today begins my husband’s new work schedule. No major changes…it just shifted to an hour earlier. So now he has to be at work by 10 am but is off of work at 7 pm (instead of his 11 to 8 schedule). This is also “making” me get up earlier, as I enjoy spending a quiet morning with him AND Josey can’t be left unsupervised or she’ll eat the damn house – literally. ::chuckles::

I finally got around to coming up with the names of my Beloved Dead to write on my candle. I am choosing to only put people that I have known and that their passing impacted me. I know that sounds kind of harsh, but there are family members that were distant cousins or aunts and uncles that I only saw a handful of times in my life, so I do not miss them. And I elected to include friends who have passed as well. Still debating on including pet names. Maybe a different candle for them? Because I really feel like Holly (Old Lady Dog) still needs to be honored – this is the second Samhain since her passing. I think I will get another candle for pets – not sure what decoration I would put on the candle though. Maybe just write Holly’s name on a votive candle?

I finally got Andrea’s package dropped in the mail today. I’m trading Sage Goddess’s “Sanguis Mist” (I got it for free) to Andrea for her bottle of “Ask”. I tossed in a few little trinkets and samples as well. Sanguis Mist was just too strong and heavy at the beginning – you could REALLY smell the Vetivert. After a half hour, that would mellow out and you would smell more of the Dragon’s Blood, which I adore. I just couldn’t stomach the heavy Vetivert. And given that I got it as a “free gift” with purchase, I am more than happy to trade it away to someone WANTING Sanguis Mist.

I’ve been busy updating my lil Electronic Grimoire with Sage Goddess’s write ups of the various perfume oils I currently have. I also need to add in the Obituaries of the Beloved Dead that I have found thus far. I plan to make a binder for just the Beloved Dead – have their names, obituaries, notes, photos (if possible), etc. that can be used at Samhain to honor those who have passed on. Gone, but definitely not forgotten. Plus, hunting for those obituaries allowed me to fill in some details on various family members that I have in the Massive Family Tree of Doom, so that’s always a plus! ::laughs::

Beloved Dead Candle

written: October 22nd

Photo for today:

 

My Beloved Dead candle for Samhain! I am so incredibly happy with it! Very, very, VERY rarely do things turn out the way I had them pictured in my head, but this one was spot on! EXACTLY the way I saw it in my mind’s eye. So I am thrilled. And given that the entire thing cost just under $4 to make? WIN! ::laughs:: The decal was just shy of $2 and the candle was around $1.50, so huge win for me. ::smiles:: And David put the decal on, as he has a ton of experience with decals – he uses them on his guitars. Now all that is left is to get a black paint pen to write the names of the Beloved Dead (typically one’s ancestors, but also includes any who have passed that meant something to you) around the candle. I need to get that list going so I know what names I’m writing! ::chuckles::

I am trying to make head way on the “Save Our Oceans” show-n-tell thing we have to do at work. Luckily, I was able to push our date out until Nov 1st. I just hate our curriculum because it doesn’t do anything for the seasonal holidays – so yeah, nothing for Halloween. I am hoping to squeeze in our Bats. That’s a tradition I have done with the students for 4 years now? 5 maybe? Jess (my aide that’s been with me for 3 years now) even asked if we were going to do them this year. ::chuckles:: So I’m hoping to squeeze in some of those before really delving into the Ocean thing. I have some ocean art projects we will be doing with the students. I just hope they are up to snuff for the Supervisor (Gail) and Boss (Kelly). I am just beyond THANKFUL that we are doing this instead of Caine’s Arcade.

Caine’s Arcade is a WONDERFUL idea for children, don’t get me wrong. It’s all about inspiring creativity in children. The premise if you give them a box and they can make whatever they wish out of it. Doing it at the after school program meant doing this with 70 students. That is beyond insane. And then storing it? And the behavior issues and INJURIES that ALWAYS occurred during this? Yeah, it just sucked so bad. And then we would have to have our “Day of Play” in which we would invite all the teachers (usually a handful MIGHT stop by) and all the parents (that honestly, are mostly interested in what their child did – totally understand that) to come and “play” with us. It was just always such a letdown after the 2+ weeks of blood, sweat, tears, and soooooo much alcohol for the staff once we made it home (seriously, I would have a couple of glasses of wine EACH night that we were working on this crap – because it was so stressful) that we put into the work.

But thankfully, this year, there is no “Caine’s Arcade”. Instead we are doing the “Save Our Oceans”. Soooo much more manageable and doable and enjoyable.

Zoos and Destruction

written: October 21st

Photo for today:

 

Sleepy Jaguar at the Abilene Zoo. This is either Estella or Luna – I have no way of knowing. These cubs were originally born at the Fort Worth Zoo and I have photos of them as lil cubs. My have they have grown!

So yeah, up EARLY today and on the road by 7:15 am. This is huge, because I am NOT a morning person. ::laughs:: And then the powers that be decided to shut down I-35 southbound COMPLETELY. So a trip to my hometown takes about 3 hours….today it took a little over FOUR. Because I was stuck on 35 as they merged NINE LANES OF TRAFFIC into just ONE FUCKING LANE. It was awful. So awful. But once I got out of that, it was smooth sailing thank god.

I got into town with plenty of time to get my car inspected – had to get two new windshield wipers, which I knew I would have to, so it wasn’t a terrible surprise or anything. But yeah, took 15 minutes and the inspection plus two blades was just over $24. Woohoo!

Then it was off to Abilene to spend the day at the zoo. Which, the Abilene Zoo is an AMAZING zoo, especially given that it isn’t a massive zoo. I’m used to the Fort Worth and Dallas Zoos that are MASSIVE. But this little zoo manages to pack in a LOT in such a small area.

I am bummed that my favorite snake – an East African Green Mamba – isn’t on display any more. I got so many amazing photos of that guy. I swear, he KNEW the impressive poses to take and would hold them for quite a while to allow for some truly amazing shots. And that uniform brilliant lime green? Just striking. Instead, they have a West African Green Mamba, which is still a pretty snake, but nowhere as stunning at the East. I plan to message the Abilene Zoo through Facebook and inquire after my favorite guy. ::chuckles:: And the King Cobra was active as well. Got some nice photos of him. I swear his head and the vast majority of his body is as thick as my upper arm. That is a BIG snake – I figure he’s close to the 18-foot length (max length for king cobras).

And then my husband sends me this photo:

 

Saying that the brick wall is mostly down now. ::laughs:: I thought I could leave him unsupervised at home, but apparently not! ::laughs:: We have discussed taking down part of that brick wall as it cuts off a third of the side yard from view. And guess where Josey likes to lay and eat grass as long as we will let her? Yep, in that part blocked from view by the wall. ::laughs:: So it’s not like he’s just out destroying parts of the house all willy-nilly, but I didn’t think he’d start on that right now! He just finished up a TON of house work while he was on his Staycation, so I was hoping he would have been too tired to do anything. But apparently I was WRONG!

Friday!

written: October 20th

Photo for the day:




A truly gorgeous, pastel Texas sunset.
While I do miss my wooded trails by the old apartment (pre-hobo, pre-gang time), this neighborhood still affords me some truly beautiful sunsets. And while I do not have coyotes or bobcats or beavers roaming here, I do have rabbits, a family of crows, and tons of birds of prey, so I am still pleased.

I am so proud of myself. I wrote and submitted my Week 09 discussion essay today – and it is not due until Sunday. Woohoo for me! I think this is the first time I have ever submitted work this early. ::laughs:: But I wanted to go ahead and get that out of the way so I would not have to worry about it over the weekend because I am going to visit my mom!

I have not seen her in almost a YEAR! That is so crazy. Used to, I would see her at least once every 3 months! But this year has been so crazy, with school work for me, and with her traveling and helping out my brother down in Houston (pre-Hurricane and post-Hurricane) it just has not lined up for us. It just seemed that when I was available, she wasn’t. And when she was available, I wasn’t. But this weekend, I get to travel to my lil hometown and hang out with my mom again. ::smiles:: Seriously looking forward to that!

Thankful Thursday #42

written:  October 19th

Photo for today:

 

Coils of Lil Beast – freshly shed, and in a slightly better mood. ::chuckles:: She’ll be in an even better mood once she gets fed. It will be nice to have a happy Lil Beast once again.

I am thankful…
1. That Sam G. stopped by today. I had him in my after school program as a Kindergartner and now he’s a freshman in high school. It was really cool to just have him hang out for a while and talk. Really reminds me how awesome my job really is. And apparently I do a good enough job at it. My students come back to visit quite regularly.
2. For having Roadside Assistance as a part of my phone package. I accidentally locked my keys in my car. But with Roadside Assistance, I just had to wait 45 minutes from the time I realized what I had done until the guy showed up to get me back into my car – and it didn’t cost me a dime out of pocket.
3. That I had just printed out all the articles that are required for this week’s assignment in my Archives class, so I was able to read that while I waited for the Roadside Assistance guy to show up and get me in my car.
4. Just 7 weeks of course work left in this semester.
5. I am SO DEEPLY grateful that I dropped the Public Library class. I seriously would have cracked with that extra pressure. Hell, I’m not 100% sure I’m going to finish this semester fully intact. Hell, I should just go ahead and plan to go off the grid the day after I turn in the final for my Archives class.
6. Going to my hometown this weekend to see my Mom. Hopefully we can squeeze in a trip to the Abilene Zoo and I can get some face time with a truly gorgeous green mamba there. ::chuckles::
7. Leviathan is freshly shed and happily lounging on the warm side of her tank. She’ll get fed this weekend and all will be right with the world once more….at least in her lil sphere of it.
8. That my friends always bring all their animal related questions and ID concerns to me…and that this goes double for questions revolving around snakes. Makes my lil weird heart so happy. It’s nice to be of invaluable service to my friends. AND I’m happy that most of the time they ask me about a snake instead of outright killing it. I’ve managed to save a NUMBER of nonvenomous/nondangerous serpent lives this way over the years.
9. That both of the decks I chose to back on Kickstarter had made their goal funding and WILL go to production soon. Yay!
10. The cooler weather is slowly making an appearance. I’m so ready for autumn!

A Whole Lotta Numbers

written: October 18th

Photo for today:

 

My skull decal arrived today – the one I’ll use for my Samhain candle. I won’t be using the crossed bones at the bottom. I just need the skull. Now I just need to pick up the white 7-day candle I plan to put this skull decal on. And I need to gather the names of my Beloved Dead to write on the candle. Crap. I really need to get a move on that. Halloween/Samhain is 13 days away. Which sounds like plenty of time…but holy hell. Time has been disappearing on me left and right.

I took Josey on a MUCH needed walk. We didn’t walk Monday or Tuesday for a variety of reasons. But damn, did we BOTH need the walk today. Soon I’ll need to switch over to walking her before my after school program, as it’s getting dark earlier and earlier now. Hurray for Autumn! I never really synced up with the seasons like this until now. But in the house, I can tell that the sun’s position moves throughout the year. I can track it. And I really like that. It takes me deeper into the natural rhythms that we Pagans are supposed to be all about. ::chuckles::

I am still working on my list of new goals for my 36th year. That birthday is coming up in 23 days. And again, sounds like plenty of time when you are just looking at numbers on a page, but given how I blink and days have disappeared? I have a feeling this birthday is going to completely bum rush me out of left field and drag me into a dark alley before beating me over the head. ::laughs::

Hell, while we are counting down here, how about days that TRULY matter.
Just 33 days until Thanksgiving Break. A entire WEEK of no students and no course work. Can’t wait.
And just 54 days until this course semester is over…and then just 8 days after that, we are out for Winter Break. Not like I’m counting down or anything. ::chuckles:: Ten COMPLETE days off of work. Gods, what bliss.

I do need to talk with my University and get the specifications on my required “Practicum”. I have to work with a degreed Librarian for a certain amount of time. I am HOPING that I can volunteer in the school library at the elementary school I run my after school program through. That would be AMAZING. And it sure as shit would be easier on me than driving to some library to work in the mornings, to then drive to the elementary school to run the after school program. Though, honestly, I should probably make it a point to try to do my practicum at a library that I would want to work at, to help me my foot in the door for a possible job in the future. ::sighs:: I’m just so very, very tired right now that I can’t really comprehend doing MORE. Which that final semester is going to require from me. I just can’t look that far in the future at the moment. I’ve gotta keep my eye on the end of this semester. Honestly, that’s as far as I can look into the future.

Decks

Photo for today:

 

Doing my part to support the local PTA AND get me some In-N-Out Burgers. ::chuckles:: Good burgers for my husband and I, drinks, and chips for $10. And it goes to a good cause. Last year David had to work, so his burger was cold by the time he got home. But this year, I think it made for a great last hurrah for his vacation time.

Today was insane. The PTA thing was going on in the cafeteria (our home base). AND then Science Club was doing something in the gym. So we were squirrelled away in the library for the last hour or so of work. Which was fine by me. All the kids and staff in the library and I was hanging out SOLO by the door to greet our parents. Woohoo! AND we are now switching all the people over to fingerprint ID instead of the PIN and Passcode we were doing previously. Thus far, it’s gone rather smoothly. I just wish the parents wouldn’t show up in bunchies. Like, space that shit out guys! ::laughs:: But I got the bulk of those done today. Now it’s just catching the various stragglers from here on out. It is such a quicker system – they come in, click start, put the finger on the finger pad, click their child, and then click DONE. And that’s it. Woohoo! Wish we had done this in the very beginning so we didn’t have to mess with the headache that was the PIN and Passcodes. ::shakes her head:: But at least we have it NOW.

In other news, Leviathan shed. And being the lil grouch that she is, she CRAPPED on the shed skin. ::shakes her head:: Normally, I measure the shed and then laminate it…NOT THIS ONE. You win, Lil Beast, you win. I have almost every single one of her sheds since I got her back in 2007. She was such a tiny Lil Beast – about 9 inches long and almost as thick as a pencil. Now? Now she’s measuring in around 5 feet 2 inches long and is thicker than a broom stick. I really should do some more work in her scrapbook. Or at least put together a photo book of her. Which I also plan to do one of all the Holly photos at some point. AND one for the road trip a few years back when we drove to Delaware to visit David’s parents. I just do not have any free time, or free mental energy to accomplish these things right now.

So both of the tarot/oracle decks I am back on Kickstarter currently have made their goal financing, so I will have two new decks to play with in the near future. The first deck I am back is the Last Unicorn Tarot – based off the of movie (all time childhood favorite; along with ALL the Godzilla movies). This one hit every single stretch goal mark, so not only am I getting a beautiful Tarot Deck with fully foiled cards, a fancy leather-bound guide book, an ornate box for holding the cards, but also an extra card that is SIGNED by Peter S. Beagle – the author of The Last Unicorn. Woot woot!

The other deck is the Jade Oracle Deck: Deities and Symbols Of Ancient Mexico. The artwork really caught my eye and there isn’t another deck out there like it, so I figured why not? I wasn’t even sure this deck would hit its goal funding, but I was happy when it did yesterday. I’m in for the deck of 52 Oracle cards, a guide booklet, handmade bag, 5-pack greeting cards with artwork from the deck on them, and one sticker of the artwork.

All Over The Place

written:  October 16th

Photo for today:



Impromptu family photo. Me, Josey, and David. Just missing Leviathan…but she’s currently in the process of shedding so she’s grumpy. And I’m not sure how well it would have worked out trying to have Leviathan in the photo. ::chuckles::

So my husband sold the futon today. It’s something we’ve been wanting to do for a while now, but just haven’t ever gotten around to. And he’s such a good guy…typically on things like this we would split the money 50/50…but I recently had some BIG repairs done on my car, that he told me the money was 100% for me. AND he’s helping me pay off part of the balance on that repair work as well. So I guess I should stop bitching about ALL the work he’s been doing on the house while he’s been on vacation. ::chuckles:: EXCEPT the bitching I do about him using spray paint INSIDE the house, but refusing to open any doors or windows to ventilate that shit. Nothing sucks MORE than to come home from a crazy day at work with my lil hoodlums and get a massive headache because my house smells like a huffer’s DREAM. ::grumbles:: Oh well, at least today was perfect weather to open all the doors and windows to air out the house.

During Winter Break I am going to tackle, clean, and organize my closet of doom. It is terrifyingly huge – like seriously MASSIVE. And thus super unorganized. I need to take before and after photos and should get the measurements as well. It’s crazy big – bigger than my husband’s and his area is technically the “master” area. To be honest, I think my bedroom is bigger. Or at least it feels that way because I have high ceiling and my husband’s room has very low ceilings. So even though I am upstairs, I really feel like I got the (much) better room. ::chuckles::

So going back to the #MeToo campaign that I touched on yesterday – I am LOVING the outpouring of understanding from men that I am seeing to this. I see so many that are absolutely HORRIFIED at how many women are speaking up on the #MeToo and that we are also stressing that there are a number of women who aren’t posting it because they do not feel safe enough, or the trauma is too fresh for them to openly share. So many men are asking for real pointers on how they can make it better for all of us. And that really gives me hope. It certainly doesn’t make it better right now. It doesn’t take away any of the trauma I’ve survived and endured. But it gives me hope that maybe the children I’m teaching right now…that maybe the stats on sexual harassment/assault will be lower for that group.

Another surprising thing that the #MeToo campaign has brought up is the #YesIDid hashtag. It’s where people (men and women) are admitting that they have pushed the boundaries on sexual harassment. I like it because it’s breaking the stereotype of “bad people” do such things. Because until we recognize these things IN OURSELVES…that we are a part of the problem…it will never get any better.

And yes. I’ve pushed the boundaries of physical touch with men and women. I’ve not requested consent from people, even people I consider good friends, before I’ve kissed them or cuddled up with them, or put my hands on them in a sexual manner. And I am deeply sorry for that. Most of them, I have already apologized for because years ago I recognized it as shitty behavior on my part and have worked to make amends for said shitty ass behavior on my part.

AND I’ve also been one of those females that didn’t always speak up. I didn’t always say no when I meant no. I didn’t always speak up when someone was making me uncomfortable. And I didn’t always speak up when people have said inappropriate things or done inappropriate things, to me or to others.

So now, the challenge is to do better and be better.

#MeToo

written: October 15th

Photo for the day:

 

I just loved how the foam on my tea looked like a small universe. Sadly, I did not enjoy the tea. I think I made it too sweet. ::shrugs:: I really need to cut back my caffeine intake, and I was hoping to switch over to tea….but yeah….not this tea. ::laughs:: Back to the drawing board on this.

So the FaceBook and Twitter worlds are being taken by storm by the #MeToo hashtag. The explanation behind the #MeToo hashtag is “if all the women who have been sexually harassed or assaulted wrote “Me, too.” as a status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem.”

We all know that sexual harassment and sexual assault is a big problem, especially with how pervasive it is against women. But to see almost every single woman on my friends list post #MeToo? Every time, it took my breath away…it was a sucker punch to the gut because you know it wasn’t good. Even on the “lesser” evil of cat-calling and street harassment, it still was a bad experience. Some women would share their experiences and those were just gut wrenching as they ran the gauntlet from cat-calling, to groping, to threatened assault, to full assault. I merely posted my #MeToo. I didn’t want to share my experiences because they run that full gauntlet from molestation as a young girl, to being grabbed in various clubs, to having men stalk me, to full on assault. That’s just not something I am comfortable sharing on my Facebook page.

Honestly, it became almost triggering towards the end of the day. After reading all the experiences from various women I love and adore…after reading the experiences of other women out there that elected to share their experiences. I just couldn’t handle any more. I had to shut down the internet for a while and walk away from it because I was just in tears over some of the stories.

In other news, I finally took my car in because the engine runs really loud once I hit 42+ miles per hour. ::sighs:: I need to get that fixed before I make the trip to my lil hometown to see my mom and get this car inspected (because it’s sooooo much cheaper in my lil hometown). So hopefully that will be an easy and cheap fix. I’ve got my fingers crossed but I sure as shit am not holding my breath.

Goal Thoughts

written: October 14th

Photo for today:



I’ve been doing a bit of work to get my altar set up and ready for the impending New Moon. I figure it will be a good time to reaffirm my dedication to my current personal goals. It would also be a good time to reassess my Birthday Goals AND my 101 Goals. Though honestly, I am thinking of scrapping my 101 Goals. I think it would be better to set those once I graduate.

To be honest, I’m buckling currently under All The Stress. It isn’t any one thing, it’s just super cumulative at this point. So why am I heaping MORE stress upon myself at this point? I think I will stick with making my birthday goals, but yeah, the 101 will go away until after graduation.

Today was a much better day than Friday was. While I did not accomplish everything on my To Do List, I did make serious headway in that regard. I swear, it seems that because I agreed to a 30 Day Self-Care Challenge that my mind completely rebelled. I swear my mind is a goddamn toddler. She’s over here stomping her feet and saying “No!” Guess I should start working on meditation and getting this mind of my streamlined. I have seen what I can accomplish in the middle of unruly chaos. Just imagine what I can do if I were a honed edged weapon. ::chuckles toothily::

I need to remind myself how much better I feel when I properly take care of myself. It’s amazing how much better I feel just brushing my teeth properly and washing my face. And add to it that I went the extra mile and moisturized my legs? It is sad that this level of basic self-care felt down right luxurious. The goal now is to continue this level of basic self-care until I do it more often than not. After that point, I can add in new layers of self-care and pampering

Reset

written: Oct 13th

Photo for today:

 

Josey and a TINY fraction of her “bone collection”. ::laughs::

I got to looking at my habit tracker for this month and man. I have no idea where those days went. I haven’t been doing hardly ANYTHING that I have set as goals for myself for this month. Self-care has been nonexistent. Typically, that’s a sign of depression for me, but I don’t really feel like I’ve been depressed. I wish I could say it’s because I’ve been so busy DOING things, but I haven’t been doing that either. So I have zero idea where all that time has gone.

Well, my husband’s been on vacation all this week. And so that’s thrown a kink into my typical morning and evening routines, as he’s been at home the entire time. Sucks that he doesn’t like to drive himself anywhere, so he wants to do all this stuff when I get home. And the kids have been absolute hellions this “short” week – due to having 2 days off for Columbus Day (don’t even get me started on that shit) AND I’ve been short staffed at work due to Laina being out Thursday and today, along with Jess out today. Thank goodness we got a sub for today, but Scott just seems so lost as to what to do as a sub. He’s worked for the after school program for close to 20 years and this is the first year he’s been a sub.

So yeah, everything is all sorts of out of whack in my life currently. And I’m just flailing around trying to get my footing back. I really need some solo time, some ritual time as well. Shit, I just need husband to go back to work already! I hate going to work to come home to David changing something in the damn house. And given the recent lay-offs at his job, his paranoia has been running RAMPANT. I always forget just how bad his paranoia can get…and damn, it is running full force off the damn rails. He is absolutely convinced that he’s going to lose his job soon – like he’s staying up late into the night just worrying obsessively over it.

Yeah, so everything is a bit off the rails at the moment. I’ve just got to make it through the next few weeks. Gotta do the art projects with the students. I’m hoping that I can get Sarah on board on handling the bulk of that. But to do that, I need all my fucking staff to actually show up to work!

But tomorrow is a new day. A clean slate. I can steer myself back on track and get a fucking handle on most of this shit. My husband goes back to work on Wednesday (which can’t come soon enough), and he’ll see that all his obsessive worrying has been for naught. He has another appointment at the VA later on this month, so I’m thinking of suggesting he look into something for his anxiety/paranoia.

Thankful Thursday #41

written: October 12th

Photo for today:

 

I received this AMAZING postcard from Russia today through Postcrossing. I just love it. A dark-hair beauty cuddling with a polar bear – I see me in this postcard. ::smiles::

I am thankful…
1. That my husband still has his job – his company fired 11 individuals today. His supervisor called him to let him know the changes that would be occurring to his team because of today (one team mate was fired and another was transferred to another department).
2. That I got a 93 on my Midterm for the Archives and Manuscripts class. Woohoo! I received excellent feedback so I know how to up my game going into the next assignments so hopefully I can bring my overall grade for the class (88) up to an A.
3. That as of Monday, I have been cancer free for 9 years now. Even though the LEEP procedure did not go according to plan and I ended up having the pre-cancerous/cancerous lesion burned off my cervix while I could still feel EVERYTHING – it did get the lesion and I’ve been cancer free ever since. So it’s a success in my book. But yeah, if we had to do it again, my gyno said she’d admit me into the hospital and have me put under for that procedure. ::laughs:: But thankfully it hasn’t gotten to that point.
4. Drastically cooler weather for a few days – down into the low 70s. It was AMAZING. We’re back up to the high 80s once again, but autumn will eventually arrive.
5. The journal I’m using for my current BaBuJo (Bastardize Bullet Journal). Even though the color scheme is something I would NEVER pick (gold and cream), I do LOVE the journal itself. I’m hoping it lasts longer than the composition notebooks.
6. Working on my list of goals that I’ll implement for next year – instead of resolutions, I make goals on my birthday to be completely (hopefully) by my next birthday. It’s more meaningful to me and I am more likely to stick with them as opposed to resolutions.
7. That while I’m not 100% pleased with how my life has turned out, it’s pretty damn good on all fronts. And what I’m not happy with, I am making active strives towards rectifying.
8. Finally feeling like I have a good crew at work. Now that I’ve got awesome aides in the rough, I can begin polishing them and thus making my campus even more amazing.
9. The challenge Sekhmet laid down for me – to be more mindful of PICKING which “battles” to engage in and which ones to walk away from. She’s reminding me that I do not have to engaged in every single battle I come across.
10. Purchased four new tires for my car. Sucks having to drop money like that, but it was something my car was desperately needing and I had the money to do it without dipping into savings. Yay me for adulting well at the moment. ::laughs::

Rants

Photo for today:

 

“Cauldron” scented oil from Sage Goddess – takes care of the Inner Witch October Photo Challenge #12.

First day back at work this week. Thank goodness it’s Hump Day already. ::laughs:: One aide will be out Thursday and Friday…another will be out Friday as well. Hopefully we will get a sub on Friday. If not, that Friday the 13th is going to SUCK. But I’m trying not to stress over that right now.

I got my Midterm grade back today – I got a 93! Woohoo! It brings my grade up to an 88 for the class. I got an 80 on the “Archives in the News” paper I did a while back, so that did bump my grade down. But at least the Midterm is bringing it back up. I just need to get back into the swing of the weekly reading and posting for the class – I’ve had the past two weeks off from all of that due to working on the Midterm. But yeah, gotta get back to the basics of the class once again.

Since I am taking the Hubs to his annual check-up with the VA tomorrow, I’ve taken the liberty of printing out all the stuff I need to read. That way I have something to read while I wait on him to get his blood drawn and all that jazz. Hopefully that appointment goes swiftly so I won’t to be late to work.

Aggression levels have been off the damn charts today. Everything is just pissing me the fuck off. Even normal little things that typically would not be an issue…or would be a minor issue…are making me want to punch walls or people or something.

Like an old “friend” (from my LARPing days) commented on the whole Boy Scouts will be allowing girls to join. Which I personally think is AWESOME. Instead, this “friend” comments “Don’t girls have their own scouts? Or are they admitting that a woman run scouts is inferior?” Like, excuse the fuck out of me. ::shakes her head:: It is taking everything I am to not burn his damn page the ground.

BUT, Sekhmet’s challenged me to pick and choose my battles better. So I’m taking a deep breath and asking myself if this battle is worth it. Would me arguing with him, pointing out his misogynist words and view point are disgusting, etc. – really do any good? Sadly, no. It would not. And that’s terrible, especially considering that he has a daughter. ::shakes her head:: So, I’m opting not to engage him at this time. But holy crap. I want to shred him viciously over this crap. I mean, really? INFERIOR because it’s woman led? Like holy shit – say that shit in my actual physical presence and I will fucking END you.

Stones, Serpents, and Wolves

Photo for today:

 

My absolutely gorgeous Simbircite with pyrite stone – also known as volzhsky amber, simbirsky calcite, simbersite, or simbirtsite, this rare gem is an intricate mixture of pyrite, hematite, mother-of-pearl and marble onyx that accreted to a single alloy 130-160 millions years ago, when dinosaurs still inhabited the Earth. It’s supposed to aid with grounding and stabilizing moods. I’ll carry it in my pocket for the rest of the week and see how I’m feeling about it at that point – to see if it will replace the galaxite that I currently carry.

If nothing else, it’s absolutely GORGEOUS!

 

It came with a 10 mL roller ball of “Cauldron” scented oil by Sage Goddess as well – no worries. I got the oil for free. I swear, I’m going to stick with the “free” oil offers. Other than “Samhain”, which I didn’t necessarily dislike…I just didn’t like it as well as other oils I already have – the free oils seem to do well for me. “Cauldron” is one of those for sure – and it was a total surprise what oil I would get. I was just going to get a “Free Intuitive Halloween Perfume”. I did put in there to please not receive “Samhain” as I had recently purchased it already, and was graciously gifted “Cauldron”. It has a nice aroma. I will need to include Sage Goddess’s write up on Cauldron in my Almanac/Grimoire.

In other news, holy shit! I have amazing friends! Annette, who’s been super amazing and sent me various things over the years sent me a surprise gift today.

 

It’s a snake wreath!!!

 

I’ve been wanting one for years now. I just don’t have that type of creativity in me to actually make one.

 

So Annette, being the awesome person that she is, sent this one to me! Not pictured, she also sent me a snake decal for the toilet lid ::cackles:: And a beautiful tiny wolf totem carved of onyx from Peru. Lil Wolf will most likely go on the Wolf Altar for now. But she’s telling me she’s meant for a totem pouch (medicine bag like thing) to hang in my car. Once I figure out what all she wants in her pouch and gather those required items, I’ll put it all together, bless it, and hang it in my car. I get the strong feeling that this will all occur around January’s full moon – as it’s known as the Wolf Moon and is when I bless all my wolf items and make offerings specifically to wolf spirits that aid me. ::smiles:: I need to see if I still have the pouch of shed wolf fur (the woolly undercoat) that another AMAZING friend (Jennifer B) sent me ages ago. That should definitely be included in the wolf pouch.

Like I said, I have friggin’ amazing friends. It just breaks my heart that they are all so far away. Jennifer B is in Michigan. Annette is in Massachusetts. One of the blessings of the internet is that I’ve been able to “meet” these amazing people and get to know them for ages now. One of these days, I will meet as many as I possibly can.

Ideas Spilling Over

written:  October 9th

Photo of the day:

 

A page from my BaBuJo (Bastardized Bullet Journal) of an idea I had for a more permanent memorial candle for use during Samhain. I wasn’t looking forward to buying a shit ton of jars to make individual memorial candles for each of the Beloved Dead.

As I was walking Josey (the pup), the thought came to me, to utilize a white 7-day candle. I would put a black skull (sticker or vinyl decal) in the center of the candle. And then I would write the names and dates of all the Beloved Dead I have around the candle itself on the glass. I can add names as needed throughout the year(s) to come. And once I finally burn the candle completely out, I will be “forced” to finally try my hand at making my own candles. I could refill this jar and use it for a very, very long time.

I do still want to make my own “Book of the Dead”. I would dedicate a page to each Beloved Dead. Add in a photo or two of them and standard genealogy information. But I would also write my favorite memories of that person – snippets of their life that I know of or was a part of.

And while scrolling through eBay and etsy to locate the right skull to use, I’ve come across a TON of other awesome decals. Now I want to make candles for the Serpent, Full Moon, New Moon, Sekhmet, generic Goddess, etc. I also came across an article about how to print your own labels for use on the 7-day Candles. I’ve saved it to be printed and added to my Almanac at some point. Maybe one of these days I can get my own printer and thus create my own labels for these awesome candles. Until then, I’ll just have to use decals and stickers.

Ooooh, I’ll need to make one of these candles for the Harpies. They’ve been twittering about having their own altar space for a while now. I have a black wall shelf that I had above my altar when we were living in the apartment, that they’ve hinted at wanting for themselves. The main reason I haven’t hung any artwork (still) is that the main wall of my room is just big enough for me to hang my massive family tree. ::chuckles:: And any artwork that I would hang, I would put on that wall…but then I couldn’t put up the family tree…sooooo….yeah.

Whenever we get a different house (years from now), maybe I can dedicate an entire room to just family tree stuff. I could have an entire blank wall just for the family tree. I could have shelves to hold the binders of family documents I dream of amassing. It would be EPIC. ::laughs:: I’m just not sure what would happen to the collection upon my death. Surely some member of the family would want the information? If not, I guess it could go to a local historical society?

Sun & Ramblings

written:  October 8th

Photo for today:



Photo of my Sekhmet portrait by Kimberly – this takes care of “Inner Witch Photography Challenge” #5 – the Sun.

Due to being trapped in the car for 30 minutes while David discussed guitar things with Chris (guitar craftsman/repair man), I’ve already begun working on my new list of goals for my birthday. I’ve got 15 thus far – just 22 more to go. ::chuckles:: I LOVE making goals. I just wish I was better at accomplishing them. ::laughs::

I finished the rough drafts for my three midterm essays. Now I’m kicking back and relaxing. Tomorrow, I’ll reread them and polish them and then turn ‘em in! I’m ready for this semester to be over. I feel like I’m running completely on empty right now. If I had the ability, I would take the next semester completely off. Alas, that’s a no go. ::chuckles:: Gotta get that degree so I can get a better paying job. Then I can resume my yearly pilgrimages to Wolf Park and spend a weekend among their wolves. ::smiles:: And one of these days, I will finally make it up to Churchill, Manitoba to spend a week among the polar bears. Funny, the reason I am seeking a better paying job is so I can spend more time in nature. ::smiles:: Whatever it takes.

Which reminds me, I need to start actively looking into getting my library hours logged soon. As much as I would love to land an internship at the Smithsonian’s National Museum of the American Indian, it just isn’t feasible for me to take 10 weeks off for that internship. Even though it’s a paid internship, my bills just don’t allow me the ability to stay in Washington, D.C. for 10 weeks. So I really need to lock in a volunteer or intern position and start clock in the required hours I need for my degree. Not sure where I’m supposed to find the time to do that, plus my classwork, PLUS my after school job. ::shakes her head:: I’m about ready to be committed to the funny farm. Can I please take a week in the padded room? That honestly sounds like heaven right now to me. ::laughs::

Even though there are still three months left in the year, my mind is already whirling with all the things I need to get done before the year ends. I need to compile my Tabula Rasa notes (the big events of the past year, both good and bad) and figure out what my Word Of Power will be for next year, along with the Totem(s). So much to do! But, I’ve got to make it through the end of the semester first. After that, I will have the free time and ability to write all the notes my lil heart desires.

And before that, I’ve got to at least make it through the end of this month. At work, we’re supposed to be doing a big art project with the students revolving around “Save Our Oceans”. I’ve got a handful of small art projects to do with the students. I just hope it’s enough to keep me out of “trouble”. ::laughs:: I don’t do directions too well. Especially if I see little reason for it. ::chuckles:: Maybe I can get Sarah to start tackling that stuff? She’s wanting to do more with the students, so I’ll get her set up with that then.

Samhain Thoughts

written:  October 7th

Photo for today:
 


My two sleepy loves.

I have knocked out one of the three essays I have for my Midterm for Archives and Manuscripts class. I have read all the articles I’m going to read. ::chuckles:: Now it is just a matter of writing the essays. Hopefully I can knock out the other two essays tomorrow. Then I plan to polish them on Monday and submit by midnight. And then I am done with the Midterm. Honestly, I am ready for this semester to over and done with already. I need to start looking into what I will take next semester. Honestly, I wish I could take a semester off. I’m exhausted. Though, maybe I just need a break. Hopefully Winter Break will be enough of a break for me.

I was supposed to babysit tomorrow, but thankfully the Robinsons’ ended up cancelling. While I certainly wouldn’t say no to the extra cash, I wasn’t looking forward to spending a couple of hours with their son. ::chuckles:: He is very high energy, and I am very low energy at the moment.

Instead, I get to chauffeur my husband around to drop off his guitars with someone to do some repair work tomorrow. ::chuckles:: But we may end up swinging by one of the local Pagan stores. Not that I have much cash to spend, but sometimes, it is just nice to window shop in a Pagan store. ::smiles:: Besides, it will give me an opportunity to catch up on my “Inner Witch October Photo Challenge” and get some interesting photographs.

And at some point, I need to take my car back to Firestone, as it is sounding funny ever since they did the oil change. AND I need to look into getting new tires – NOT from Firestone. I will be getting my car inspected later on this month, and I know it won’t pass inspection with its current tires.

I should also make it a point to pick up some flowers on my trip home to place on family headstones. There seem to be quite a few this year that have been added to our family plot. This has been quite a lethal year. Which also reminds me, I need to print out photos and prepare for Samhain. I have a feeling this is going to a heavy Sabbat. More so than it has been in previous years. I figure I will grab some cheap glass jars to make memorial candles for those who have passed on this year. I should get a list going of names so I know how many jars I will require. Hell, I will probably have to move from my altar and take over the art territory table and use it to house all candles.

I once read about how a coven kept their own “Book of the Dead”….a list of people who have passed on. And I’m thinking that at this point, a book like that would be beneficial. It certainly would make Samhain a bit easier to prepare for.

Tad Envious

written:  October 6th

Photo for the day:

 

I went with a photo to embody the “Inner Witch October Photo Challenge” for Day 3: Candles. A lovely photo of my Dream Wolf Altar. I definitely plan to do MORE with it, but for now? It’s very nice, the Wolf is happy, and my dreams have been very pleasant. So I would say it’s doing its job.
I am thinking of not doing some of the “Inner Witch October Photo Challenges”. Waning/Waxing moon? God? Meh. Not inspiring at all. ::chuckles:: Who knows? I’m mentally all over the place.

Sarah (my rock star aide) is chomping at the bit to learn more. She is talking about the fact that it was discussed she might become a supervisor floater (“floater” is our term for substitutes). If that’s true, I’m going to be hella pissed. Not that I don’t think she’d make a great supervisor floater – she really would. But that would take her away from my campus and I would much rather keep her as long as I can! Though it does seem pretty par for the course – I FINALLY get a good one, and they may end up taking her away from me. But no sense in worrying about that until I know it’s a real thing. For now, I’m just going to keep my fingers crossed and hope she at least stays this school year. After that, I can worry. ::chuckles:: No sense in stressing about it now.

So my three aides today – Sarah, Alexia, and Jess (Alaina had the day off, so she wasn’t there) got to talking about all the amazing things they do through their respective churches. That really caught me off guard. This is the first time that all of my aides are very active in their Christianity. And I’m over here, planning out pagan rituals. ::laughs:: I’m pretty sure Jess has a vague idea that I’m not a Christian. But the others are brand new to my campus, so I’m fairly sure they are completely in the dark on that regard. It’s amazing that they just assume I am a Christian because it’s the dominant religion in our area (and most of the US as well).

The whole situation also struck an envious chord with me – they can openly discuss their religion and it’s ok. They can wear shirts with logos from Churches or Christian universities – hell they HAVE well established Christian universities! With all the freedom they have, I know that the same liberties would not be afforded to me if I were to do any of the above with my Pagan religion.

I know a lot of people would say that I should speak up. I should be out about my religion. I should active combat the negative stereotypes and educate people about Paganism, so that Pagans all around me wouldn’t have to fear about being public about their beliefs. And I get that. I really do. But, I cannot afford to risk my employment and there’s a very real possibility that I could lose my job working with children. If the parents created a big enough stink about it, my bosses would use some other excuse (because I technically cannot be terminated based on religion) to fire me. I just can’t risk that right now.

Thankful Thrusday #40

written: October 5th

Photo for today:



Just a lil Full Moon fun here – takes care of the Inner Witch October Photo Challenge #15 (Full Moon). Two vials of the Red Fast Luck Oil, some bath salts, and some other oils I am sending to two friends.

I need to print the Challenge out and put it in my BaBuJo (Bastardized Bullet Journal) so I can cross off the various ones I do, as I’m not following in order – because it was written for last year, and the moons are different this year around.

I am thankful…
1. Good, long walks with Josey daily. And the fact that we’ve been sprinting back to the house on the very last leg of each of the walks. ::chuckles::
2. My newest aide – Sarah – is FREAKING AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!! Like, holy shit. She’s a fucking godsend. Especially compared to the bulk of the aides I’ve received over the past two years.
3. Mood is definitely improving. I’m having fun at work once again. I’m upbeat. It’s really a wonderful feeling to be honest.
4. I have almost all of my students photographed for our upcoming art project at work. Out of 66 students, I’m just missing the kids that have been out with the flu. Hopefully they will be back next week, so I can get all the pictures taken and sent to my boss to print out in color.
5. We have a FOUR DAY WEEKEND coming up. For whatever reason we get two days off for “Columbus Day”. I don’t like Columbus Day (for obvious reasons), but I will enjoy the nice long weekend.
6. Nice, quiet, VERY low key full moon celebration. Mostly, it was just a time for me to pause, enjoy some quiet time, and just be in the moment.
7. Focusing less on the bullshit negative crap and looking instead for positive situations.
8. The new journal I’m using for my BaBuJo. It’s gold and cream – which is SO unlike me. But I wanted something beefier than a composition notebook, and this journal is working out quite nicely.
9. Steady improvements in the walks with Josey. She’s getting worlds better at me telling her no in regards to sniffing something. Now to just get her to the point of doing the same with people! Ha!
10. Getting the itch to start preparing for my Tabula Rasa ritual. Granted, I won’t be doing the actual ritual until sometime in December, but there’s a lot of leg work that goes into it – like the year review and whatnot. It’s the only ritual that I have consistently performed since I read the article about it in Sage Woman #66 (printed in the Winter of 2005). All my other rituals are very hit and miss…but this one. I have performed this one in some fashion since 2005, and I look forward to it each year.

Yeah, so good stuffs all around. A fairly easy list of Thankfuls to write. Which is nice. Because sometimes, man, I swear it’s like pulling fucking TEETH to come up with 10 things to be grateful for and write them down.

Acorns & Aides

written: October 4th

Photo for the day:



Acorns. I have been walking past this tree for months and every time, I think to myself I should take a photo of the acorns. So I figured today would be a good day to actually accomplish that. ::chuckles::

But that also means, I am TWO days behind on the Inner Witch October Photo challenge. Gotta get some candle photos and some Tarot/Oracle photos to catch up.
Tomorrow is Full Moon and I have plans to hang out for a bit with Hazel at Starbucks. It will be nice to hang out, talk witchcraft, and just enjoy the full moon together. My energy has been all over the place, up one second, down another, so I have no idea what exactly I will be doing for the full moon – ritual/magickal wise.

On the job front, my newest aide, Sarah, started today – woohoo. BUT Jesse got transferred off my campus – boo! I just hate the way the bosses do that…tell us the DAY they transfer the person off. If the reason they are being transferred off one campus isn’t a major problem, then I really wish they would let them know the day before. That way they can tell the students themselves that they are going to another campus and let the kids say good bye to the aide. Instead, I got to explain to the students that Jesse had been transferred and won’t be back. :sighs:: But at least Alexia (my other high school aide) is good friends with him, so she was able to take some of the cards the students had made for Jesse.

Sarah, she is older, but she knows her shit. She is asking all the right questions, and absorbing all the information she possibly can. So I am thinking of grooming her to be a second in command now (and eventually to be a site supervisor like me). Sarah is coming in a bit earlier tomorrow so she can get the required training on EpiPen use – all members of my campus have to be trained as we have an EpiPen for one of our students this year. Thankfully it is just an allergy against fire ants, and that student is very vigilant against all bugs because of this – so hopefully, we will not have to jab her anytime soon. And since that training takes less than 2 minutes, we can then cover any other topics that need to be covered. We addressed quite a bit today. I usually do not toss all the information at them on day one, but Sarah was absorbing it left and right and asking for more information. Color me impressed. Now the real trick will be to see how much she retains. ::chuckles:: I figure if I touch on those topics once a week with the entire group, it will keep everyone on the same page. I really need to sit down and create a training “manual” like I discussed in yesterday’s entry…or at least, a list of topics to touch on throughout the year. Yeah, like when the fuck will I find the time to do that? ::laughs:: I’ll do in that mythological “Some Day”.

Rainbow & Training

written: October 3rd

Today’s “October Inner Witch Photo Challenge” prompt was candles….but given that I saw a beautiful rainbow upon leaving work….yeah that’s what today’s photo is of:



I will need to take a photo of some candles soon enough to catch up on the Inner Witch Photo Challenge. ::chuckles:: Just not today. Prompts are nice and all, because they challenge me to photograph things that I would normally overlook. But when nature gives you something that spectacular? Yeah, I will go with that in a heartbeat, every single time. And given that the rainbow kept getting stronger the longer I was out there. Typically, I catch rainbows towards the end of their life, and so the first photo I take is always the best. But this one? It just kept getting better and better. The colors were stronger. I was hoping it would eventually develop into a full rainbow, but it did not quite achieve that. But still. A very nice rainbow. ::smiles::

Kindly, the storms held off until after I walked Josey to start rumbling in. Josey and I tried out the other walking loop and did fairly well. Only one loose dog. ::sighs:: Another little yappy shit. I need to get a slingshot and just peg those damn dogs. Take a pebble to the rib cage and they just might think twice about coming after my dog and I. Josey and I didn’t complete the loop like I hoped, as there were just way too many people out and about. I think I will hold off on this particular loop until it cools off enough that Josey and I can walk it in the early afternoons before I go to work. Hopefully then, the people will be elsewhere and we can walk there without any issues.

Surprise, surprise, my new aide will not be starting today…but tomorrow. Apparently, today, my new aide has to do the “new hire” training. Which I would be very curious to know what exactly that entails their “new hire” training…because my new aides come in not knowing shit. Hell, they don’t even know how to clock in to get paid for their time! I need to email Janice (the Program Assistant) and inquire what exact they are “training” the aides on during these “training sessions”. That would really help me know what all I need to train my staff on when they get onto my campus. Because this hit and miss bullshit just is not helping me or my campus in the end at all. ::chuckles::

Or honestly, I should just work on developing my own training “manual” of sorts for my campus. And if I end up covering something that was covered in their “new hire training”, well, at least it was DEFINITELY covered at this point. ::chuckles:: Just sucks that if the aides miss the week of orientation training that takes place the week before school starts, then they receive ZERO training before being tossed into the program. Whatever happened to ensuring they know the basics so that they are set up to SUCCEED and be good workers? Oh well. At least this way, I can train them for MY campus and the way I want/need it run and they don’t come to my campus with preconceived ideas that I have to train out of them. ::laughs:: How’s THAT for a positive spin?

The Elements

written: October 2nd

The Inner Witch October Photo Challenge prompt for today is “The Elements”:



I am taking a bit more creative license with the interpretation of “The Elements” with this photo. Here we have picture the elements that make this lil Wolf Witch happy. ::laughs:: And, let’s see. The gemstones are the element Earth. The oil is obviously Water, but its scent would be the element Air. And the silver charms, while initially Earth, had to be worked with Fire to shape them. So technically, all four Elements are present. ::smiles::

I traded away “Samhain” (perfume oil by Sage Goddess) to a lovely lady in Las Vegas for her bottle of “Enlightenment”. I was taking a huge risk because I had zero idea what “Enlightenment” smelled like, but I figured if nothing else, if it didn’t work out for me, I could always trade it for something else. ::chuckles:: But holy crap, it smells amazing. A very sharp, crisp floral-ish aroma. I really like it.

Gail (my supervisor) swung by today to drop off our complimentary Fair tickets. She helped me sort out another issue with ProCare. I am seriously starting to hate that damn software. When it’s good, it’s GREAT. But when it shits the bed….it is HORRIBLE. And it doesn’t just shit the bed once. Oh no. It CONTINUES shitting said bed.

But the main kicker? She told me my new aide is supposed to start tomorrow. Seems I’m still getting the former crossing guard! You could have knocked me over with a feather. I’m still not 100% believing it…given my supervisor’s track record with retracting promises (and out right lying)…but I’m hopeful. How awesome would it be to an extra aide?

Like my husband said when I told him – if it turns out to be true, I’m sure as shit buying a lottery ticket! ::laughs::

So apparently the news is out now about my Aunt Kathy’s passing. A number of her friends have posted on her Facebook page, expressing their last thoughts to her. I find it interesting that this is the new form of mourning and that most of the time, the deceased individual’s Facebook page is left up. Kind of like a digital shrine. And that thought comforts me. It is the same as going to the deceased individual’s burial place and talking to them, but now distance doesn’t bar you from talking to that person. I know a lot of people will bitch and moan that this will destroy “traditional” ways of grieving…that it proves how much the digital world dominates our “society”. That somehow this lessen the impact. I dunno. I think too many people wring their hands over stuff that doesn’t fucking matter. People will grieve in whatever manner they need.

I neglected to mention that Betsy (a dear journaling buddy) has also started a challenge for this month that I’ve also signed up for. ::laughs:: I swear, Octobers are always my craziest month! Her challenge is 31 days of Self-Care. I’m committing to drinking more water, less coffee, and doing more physical exercise. Josey and I took a different walking route for the first half of our walk. And even though we had another small dog out loose and behaving like it was going to eat us (soooo over this lil man syndrome dogs), it was good. We didn’t get to complete the loop like I wanted, but we did get quite a bit of walking done. And at least Josey wasn’t terrified the entire like (like the last time we attempted the new walking loop). Maybe if I switch to walking her before work (once it cools off), we can actually complete the full loop. Almost makes me wish I was still wearing my FitBit, to see how the distance for this loop compares to the distance of our normal loop. Hell, if I was feeling particularly squirrely and it was so damn hot, I would do both loops with Josey.

The Smack Down

written:  October 1st

October 1st!
This is the beginning of another round of the National Journal Writing Month Challenge. I’m going for the daily entry (like I have been doing all year thus far) and for 500+ words each day.

 

AND I’m also doing the Inner Witch October Photo Challenge. I’m using the same prompts from last year as I couldn’t find an updated one, so I’ll just modify it as needed:

 

So, today’s photo prompt is “Sacred Space”. Originally, I was planning to take a photo of my entire altar with the doors open, so one could see the storage underneath my altar. But, given that the gods have been talking to me…ok, basically issuing me a challenge for this month (because CLEARLY I do not have enough challenges just yet)…and they were getting pretty damn insistent that I take up their challenge. And trust me, if I were to attempt to not take up a challenge laid down by Sekhmet? Um, yeah. She doesn’t take no for an answer. So instead, She would have continue prodding and prodding and PRODDING until I accepted it. At least I’ve learned that much in the 20 or so years I’ve been working with Her. So yeah, I accepted the challenge before I earned a good old fashioned smack upside the head that will knock me cross-eyed for a bit. And to demonstrate that I understood the challenge AND accepted it, I brought all three of Her statues out, WITH their garnet offerings and lit a stick of “Egyptian Musk” (free sample I received with my order from Dazey Mae Treasures).

 

I’m keeping mum on the challenge Sekhmet’s laid down. All I’ll say is that this is one of those multi-level challenges. I was being an arrogant lil asshole, so high and mighty on myself against these other “witches” in this FB group I’m a member of. They are going on and on and ON about Shadow Work. It’s such the “in” thing to do. They talk about how they go face their darkest sides of themselves each Samhain season and how “great” it is. ::shakes her head:: Let me tell you…Shadow Work is dark, and dirty, and you essentially burn yourself to the ground and then spend the rest of the time putting yourself back together. And it takes months to accomplish. If they are doing it in a week or two? They are barely scratching the surface. And who in their fucking right might would actively seek that out?

So, I was all high and mighty about this, looking down my nose at them….and Sekhmet took notice. ::sighs:: So guess who’s plunging me down into a bit of Shadow Work with this challenge She’s laid upon me? ::sighs again:: Yep, this lil Wolfie. So yeah, there’s the Challenge…and then the lesson in the folly of arrogance (yep, sitting through that class again….my arrogance is my hubris and it ALWAYS leads to my downfall of some sort. And yet, I pick it right back up again and start waving it around again. I swear, if I were to design a flag to perfectly sum up my hubris….it would be a white flag with a MASSIVE red bullseye on it. Hmmm, I wonder if I could work that into some magick to aid in this newest Challenge? Must think on that more.