A Really Nice Day

Yesterday was an amazing day all around.  I wish I could have more days like that.  I need them.

The weather was gorgeous.  I was graced by the first cardinal song of the year in the morning.  Josey pup and I had a nice walk.  I need to do that more often, as we both could stand the extra exercise.  And Josey definitely needs the mental stimulation as well.

I got to visit my kiddos at the after school program.  I dropped off a big bag of the cinnamon Jolly Ranchers for the staff.  We got so addicted to those during November.  I have a bag for myself, but won't bring it up to work until after I have my new cubicle.  I'm not risking those going "missing".  

I got to catch up with Jess about how the campus is going actually.  Everyone else was giving me "Oh it's Great" -- but the new campus leader was also hanging around, so I was pretty sure that wasn't the whole story.  Jess gave me the major low-down.  Honestly, the new campus leader just needs to grow a set of balls and step up to the plate and everything would be a thousand times better in Jess's opinion.  

It was rather heart-warming how many of the kids asked me if I was coming back.  And then when I told them that I was just visiting, a handful asked if I could get fired from the library so I could come back.  ::laughs::

I am feeling pretty proud of myself right now.  I've got all of next week's storytime outlines written and printed.  AND I have the following week's storytimes done as well.  I'm rather ahead at the moment.  I do need to get stuff ready for the Preschool's storytime craft, but that one is pretty basic so it shouldn't take much time.  My plan is to be a week ahead from now on, at the bare minimum.  Honestly, I should just spend the time and get all of February completely done and ready to go.  

Besides, February will be busy as it is Letter Mo (Month of Letters Challenge).  I need to get my intro/update letter written and ready to go.  I have a handful of pen pals still waiting for replies as well.  I've ordered my Letter Mo stickers for the envelopes and am just waiting for those to arrive.  I really should look into my local library's rubber stamp carving machine.  I would love to make my own Letter Mo stamp to use.

Restless

I am so very restless today.  Like I need to be DOING something…but I don’t know what.  And I can’t focus on one thing to actually accomplish anything.  So mostly I’ve just been puttering around, not doing a damn thing.

I take that back, I did go trim back the rosebush.  I was waiting until the vast majority of the leaves were gone before cutting it back.  I need to make sure once it starts sprouting again, to treat it for black spot.  ::sighs::  Poor rosebush has that bad at times.  I’m hoping this year to treat it every month and see if I can finally get rid of it.  And I want to keep an eye on the blossoms and try to ensure as few ball up and rot as possible.  I’m planning to try my hand at making rose beads this year, so I need good rose petals for that.  And a LOT of them.

Faelind sent out the new calendar for the Coven.  And man, I have my work cut out for me.  This year I am responsible for the Beltane ritual, April and August’s full moon rituals, and July and November’s new moons.  The Beltane ritual is an open, but invitation only ritual.  We are able to personally invite people we wish to attend.  I’ve already asked Linda P. if she would be interested.  I’m on the fence about inviting Hazel.  She is always a wild card.  ::chuckles::  Hell, there’s always a 50% chance she’ll flake out anyways.  I’ll mull this one over a bit longer before making a decision.

Accomplished

written: Jan 16

Ug, I am rocking a medium headache, hoping it doesn't develop into something worse.

I actually am rather proud of all the work I got accomplished today at work.  Worlds more than I usually do.  ::chuckles::  I do need to do a better job of staying on top of the new books that get processed in so I won't have such a massive stack to go through.

Preschool story time went pretty good.  I had more kiddos this time around -- though not like I had a ton.  I had eight people this time around instead of just three, so it's progress.  Besides, honestly, I like the smaller groups.  I do plan to go back to my Montessori roots and incorporate some of those Circle Time Songs.  At least with the preschool kiddos.

Speaking of Montessori, Lisa contacted me the other day to congratulate me on the new job and to say that it was so weird not seeing me at the staff meetings.  She then told me that Donna (psycho boss) had sold the Montessori school finally.  Lisa and I had worked there once upon a time, ages ago.  So I went snooping and ended up on the CPS website, reading about the citations that school had received recently.  Turns out Donna was locking children in the bathroom, sometimes with the lights off, as a form of punishment.  I swear, I had to pick my jaw up off the ground when I read that.  Like of all the people I know, she KNOWS how unacceptable that is to do to children.  It really messes them up and makes them terrified of the bathroom, which makes it so difficult to potty train.  ::shakes her head::  Lisa said she was sad that Donna didn't get her just deserves.  Me?  I'm just glad she's no longer having anything to do with children.

Mother of all Migraines

Monday was not a fun day. I got roped into helping Dustin set up for his clay volcano project on the fly. And then, pretty much everything I did, he acted as though I did it in the most wrong way possible. But, he never gave any directions to me on how he wanted things set up. And he would wait until I had set up all 12 tables a certain wait before sighing, and going back and changing the way it was set up. His OCD was in massive overdrive, but he couldn’t articulate how he wanted/needed things set up.

Seriously, I was legit pissed by the time we had everything set up. For a guy that wants everything done as early as possible, he had ZERO game plan going into this. ::rolls her eyes:: So, needless to say, I’m sketching out how the layout was and will be keeping that for future reference should we do this stupid project again. Because, I flat out refuse to do that again by the seat of my pants.

And then, while I was out on desk (meaning out in the public area, to help patrons should they require it), I was trying to get all my story-times for next week written up and gathering the required books for that. I was PLANNING on doing that the two hours I was slated to be off-desk except that Dustin roped me into that clusterfuck of setting up the craft room. So I’m sitting out there, typing at the speed of the light, and Pedro – our (shitty) volunteer – comes by. And even though I am OBVIOUSLY busy, he feels entitled to whisper his pet name for me – Trouble. ::gags and shakes her head:: We are NOT close enough for him to be using a pet name. And I was BUSY, so I just straight up ignored him, hoping he would get the point. But of course, that wouldn’t be the case. Oh no. He had to continue to say it, progressively getting louder and louder. I should also note here that I had the beginnings of a massive stress headache churning due to the craft set up clusterfuck. So it finally reaches the level that I can’t ignore him any longer, so I snap at him “Do you NEED something?” And he just gives me his lazy smile…and I pretty much snarled at him “Can you just....NOT”. I then went back to my work.

What is it that makes men feel entitled to interrupt a woman who is CLEARLY busy doing something? And apparently, I am the only female at the library that Pedro does this to. Oh happy day, ain’t I just the luckiest damn gal alive. ::so much sarcasm:: I didn’t have it in me to have a legit talk with Pedro right then about how I did not like this stupid pet name bullshit. Honestly, I am surprised I was as civil as I was, with the rage I was already swallowing plus the pain level my headache was hitting. Hell, he is lucky that I didn’t really bite his head off in that moment. But yeah, I WILL be having that talk with him soon. And if it continues after the talk, then I will bring it up to Dustin and Denise (when she gets back from vacation).

Tuesday, I stayed home, still rocking the migraine from yesterday. It didn’t let up until around 4 pm. I did manage to get a shower in. I really needed that. Then it was just lounging with Josey, waiting until David got home. Oh, I did pick him up a grid-dot journal like I have. I was showing him the bullet journalling that I’m doing, and said it would be great to do the same for all his various projects – guitar, home, etc. So I picked up one for him and he’s rather excited to get started with it.

Ritual

written: January 13

Ritual last night went very well. I changed it up a bit and invoked Animal Archetypes instead of deities. ::chuckles:: I HAD to pay homage to the wolf during the Wolf Moon of course.

There were only 5 of us there, so I have a few spell bottles left over, as I prepped for 7 people.

Nicki has left the Coven in quite the huff apparently. Faelind had a meeting with her to discuss initiation – namely that Faelind didn’t feel like Nicki was ready for initiation as she refuses to open up, make connections with us, and is just completely closed off. This apparently got Nicki all bent out of shape and led to her telling Faelind how utter disappointed in the Coven as a whole she is. Basically she told Faelind she absolutely hated many of the rituals and the Coven retreat especially. But when Faelind asked her, if that is how she feels, then why is she with the Coven, Nicki had no answer.

So yeah, I am now the Last One Standing from this year’s group of students. Everyone else has left. I am set to initiate in March and I’m seriously looking forward to that.

When getting ready for last night’s ritual, I got the idea of lighting a single white candle in the center of the altar as a welcoming candle to the spirits. When you invite a friend over to your house, you turn your porch light on for them. So this would be a similar thing for the spirits. I think this is something I will incorporate into all of my rituals from now on. I want to dress up the 7-day candle I’m using, just to really set the tone that it’s a sacred welcome. Once the candle completely burns out, then I can work to incorporate some herbs and oils to make it even more sacred.

Here’s my spell bottle:






It’s based off of The Fool Spell Bottle by Witchy Woman.

I thought it was perfect for the first full moon of the new year.
My spell bottle will be going up to work once we get the new cubical installed. I don’t want to risk losing it or it getting broken during the move.

Here

Man, I have no idea where my motivation went, but I wish it would come back asap.

Honestly, it’s a major adjustment to be working full time. I haven’t worked full time in YEARS. And it’s not that the job is horribly stressful or busy. It’s just that I’m accustomed to a lot more free time.
I’ve just NOT been in the mood to write. I have my journal that I carry around, but I don’t even get it out at work now days. I was writing in my personal email and saving entries as drafts during the day, so I could post them when I got home, but I haven’t even been doing that. ::shrugs::

Oh, but I did start another Bullet Journal. I picked up a cheap dot-grid journal at Wal-Mart, and I LOVE it so much more than the most expensive Leuchtturm 1917. The paper thickness makes all the difference. I don’t get any bleed through on the Excell and the ghosting is minimum. Which apparently is the main thing I hated with the Leuchttrum. So yeah, I’m playing around with that at least.

I did my first week of storytimes this week. And man, I had myself worked up over NOTHING. This shit is so low key, it’s hilarious how stressed out I was about it. ::chuckles:: So yeah, I’m not sweating that any more. I’m also putting together my first set of book orders and I’m rather enjoying that. So yeah, I just have to stay on top of things to keep Dustin in check a bit, and it’s all good. Plus at the end of the month, Dustin is getting his own office, so we won’t be sharing a cube. That will be really nice. ::chuckles::

Friday was the Full Wolf Moon and we had insane weather. It was 70 degrees, then dropped down into the 40s with a massive storm – thunder, lightning, rain, flooding, tornadoes…and then the next morning it turned to SNOW. I captured some of that rain water, so you know that is some potent shit. I’m using a bit to make some War Water. I need to cleanse, smoke bless, and seal the house again soon – hence the War Water.

My dreams have been so vivid thus far this year. Lots of crazy ones, but also some powerful ones as well. Dreamt of eagles the other night. I know that it means something…but am not sure WHAT exactly.

Other than that, I’ve been reading a ton. I just finished up Broken Faith: Inside the Word of Faith Fellowship, One of America’s Most Dangerous Cults, by Mitch Weiss and Holbrook Mohr. Cults just fascinate the shit out of me. Similar to serial killers.

What else can I babble about….
Oh, I’ve got pretty much everything written and ready to go for tonight’s ritual. I’m in charge of the full ritual for the Coven tonight. ::grins:: I’m excited. And I love the fact that it’s 100% MINE. I don’t have to collaborate with anyone. ::chuckles:: We’ll be making spell jars for the new year. I’m excited.

Better Today

written: January 03

Ok, I’ve rested and slept since yesterday’s incident and am feeling worlds better. Hell, I was worried about nightmares, but nope. All my dreams last night were about crashing weddings, sleeping with the maid of honor AND the best man, and then I had a ticket for an Orgy Room, and got to pick 9 people to join me. ::laughs:: Seems all I’m dreaming about thus far into 2020 is nothing but SEX. Hmm, 2020 could prove to be quite the interesting year. ::chuckles::

Anyways, we had a quick staff meeting this morning, to go over yesterday’s incident. The camera footage did show the guy striking the woman in the chest with his elbow three times. He WAS arrested and charged with assault. And he’s been banned from the library. So hopefully, he won’t return. And apparently he’d already had a run in with the police earlier in the day in some parking lot, so they already knew him quite well. ::shakes her head::

Clint reached out, inquiring what fighting training I was looking for. We ended up having a really good, really long, really in-depth conversation about it all. He also gave a high recommendation of a place not too far from me that he’s personally trained at along with Conrad (a friend of ours). Clint is good friends with the owner/instructor and has offered to do a warm introduction if I’m interested. So yeah, I will definitely be taking him up on that offer soon. I need to find out how much it will cost and then I’ve got to sit down and make a budget plan for myself.

Clint also recommended getting a handgun and a carry license. Texas is an open carry state, but I am pretty sure I wouldn’t be allowed to open carry at the library. I personally don’t want to open carry anyways, because that would automatically make me a target because they know I am armed. Instead, I would conceal carry to keep the odds in my favor. And honestly, that hinges 100% on the employee policies for the library. I mean, who wouldn’t want to come to Baby Storytime where the children’s librarian has a gun on her hip? ::chuckles:: Until I figure all of that out, can afford the gun and the license, I’ll just carry one of my knifes – concealed. Though, Texas has made all bladed weapons legal to open carry as well. We are seriously just going weapons crazy down here.

Rattled

Sometimes I forget the trauma I’ve been exposed to and that I’m carrying around. It goes months, even years, without it being triggered. But then one little thing sets it off and I’m in a tailspin.

Two patrons got physically aggressive today – a woman took a picture of man, and he asked her to delete it. She refused, so he chased after her. He’s claiming she swung at him. So many people stepped in to separate them before it became physical. But just the raised, angry male voice has set off a major adrenaline surge and my fight or flight response is fighting itself. Part of it wants to step in and stop it. And part it wants NOTHING to do with the whole situation – flee, and flee as fast as I can so I don’t become the target. Even now, an hour after the situation has been resolved, and everyone involved has left…I am still on high alert.

The guy involved, I already didn’t like. He reminds me way too much of certain individuals in my family and the people they run with. Trailer Trash for damn sure. And the arrogant way they walk. He has just rubbed me the wrong way from the get-go. And now this situation, I’m sure is going to really affect me anytime I see him now. And he’s a regular, so I’ll see him almost every single day.

But, all of this has brought to light WHY I want to take Krav Maga classes. The fear aspect of my response today is due to the fact that I don’t know how to protect myself. I don’t know how to truly defend myself in a manner that minimizes the damage I would take. So I guess this is my cosmic wake up call to stop putting the Krav Maga classes off. Hell, there’s even a place that I can take the classes that is less than 15 minutes from my house.

Closing a Chapter

written: Dec 31

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All my papers from Grad School, in one place.



Yep, I got home today early from work and I went ahead and burned them all.



You know, it’s hard work to crumple up that many papers to feed into the flame.



There is so much ash now.

But I feel like it was the right time to do it. Truly closing the door on a Chapter of my life so that I can begin a new Chapter.

I finished up The Chestnut Man. Sooooooo good. It’s another book that I was sad to see end, and that the ending left the possibility of another book. I don’t think there will be, but it does leave with one hell of a hook if the author were to continue the story.

I have decided not to continue the 1001 photo challenge. It was left over from a previous 101 Goals in 1001 Days that I ended up completely scrapping. This was the only thing I was still doing from that set of goals. And honestly, I don’t enjoy it anymore. I would rather focus on GOOD photos of things that I genuinely want to share instead of “Oh fuck. It’s 11:30 pm and I don’t have a picture for today….here’s a pic of my toothbrush” type photos.

It just feels right. So many changes this year. I’ve closed the door on so many chapters in my life.
I’ve completed my Master’s Degree.
I’ve left the after school program on my own terms (AND they are just beginning to realize how difficult that job is, and how friggin’ easy I made it look).
I’ve started a new job, in my new career field, and am loving it.
I’ve joined a new Coven and will be initiating in March.
I’ve finally found medication that works for me and my chronic depression.

2019 was a year of changes and challenges. But I came through it all, and I’m still here. I’m standing in my own power. Shark was definitely a potent Totem for this year. And She certainly pushed me Forward (my word of the year), even when I was doing my best to back-peddle. ::chuckles::

Culturally Deaf

written: Dec 30

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Dragon poster we put up at work for the Chinese New Year. I wanted a giant rat, as 2020 will be the year of the rat, but Dustin nixed that idea. ::sighs:: So instead, we went with the dragon because it’s “Chinese”. Can we say culturally deaf here?

I don’t know what I did to my eye, but it is sore as hell. It’s tender to the touch and feels like I have a black eye, but I don’t. ::shrugs:: I’m sure it’s something to do with allergies.

I have to write my Full Moon ritual soon for the Coven. That’s on January 12th. And I need to verify that I have all the herbs and whatnot that the spell jars will require. And then I should probably begin doing some research on Beltane rituals, as I am responsible for that as well. It will fulfill the public ritual requirement for my class work with the Coven. Of course it would be one of the sabbats I care the least about. ::shakes her head:: Oh, well. It will push my creativity, as I find a way to connect with the sabbat while still putting my own spin on it. ::smiles::

I am getting so close to the end of The Chestnut Man. It’s such a good book. Another book in the horror/suspense genre. I almost brought it home with me, in hopes that I could finish it tonight. But I decided to be realistic. By the time I get home from my late shift, I have just enough time to check the mail, get something to eat, and hang out with my husband for about 30 minutes before I have to head to bed. Yeah, there was no way I would finish the book....OR I would not get any sleep because I stayed up late reading. So I left it at work and I can finish it tomorrow. I kind of like the idea of finishing this book on the last day of the year.

Then I have a copy of The Sisters of the Winter Wood by Rena Rossner. JoAnn recommended it in the Journaling group. So I snagged that from my local library and can start reading that in the new year.

Slow Going

written: Dec 29

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David finished up my bathroom. There are a few little things left to do, but he’s almost completely done. And I love the way it turned out. The walls ended up a darker gray than we had planned, but I think it still looks friggin’ amazing. Now, I’m taking my time to figure out what to keep in my bathroom and what to get rid of. I definitely want to keep my bathroom looking nice.

I found a Staples store sort of near my work. And seeing as how I’m about halfway through my current journal, I thought I would swing by and pick up some new ones. I ended up picking up two new journals and 3 composition notebooks – they were on sale. So I’m set for a while on journals, I think. It seems they are phasing out the journals I use – they only had it in blush pink. Yeah, thanks but no thanks. I guess I’ll have to order them from the Poppin’ website instead of Staples once I get back around to needing a new journal.

I’ve decided to change things up in 2020 with my handwritten journal. I’m not going to set aside a full page for each day, as I’ve skipped over at least half, or only written two or three sentences for the day. Instead, I will just write when the need strikes and not force it to be so structured. Rigidness with my journaling practice seems to be the kiss of death for any sort of creativity. I definitely need to remember that.

I did finally begin gathering together my grad school papers. I’ve got a bin I’m putting them all in and then I just have to take the bin downstairs when it’s time to burn them. I am thinking of keeping some of the ash from the papers, like a talisman for knowledge and dedication. I dunno. I’ll probably toss it after a year or so. But for now, I’m just not 100% ready to let it go.

Other than that, I am slowly going through my stuff and tossing the obvious trash. I just keep getting overwhelmed and have to take a break. Honestly, I should set a 15-minute timer and just see what I can get through in that amount of time. Instead I look at the massive amount of work I need to get done, and panic and leave the room. ::laughs:: Needless to say, I’m not making much headway in this department at the moment.

Water Off a Duck's Back

written: Dec 28

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One of the resident Muscovy Ducks chilling by my window. Seriously, a pretty duck.

A nice, quiet, low-key day at the library. It’s raining off and on, which would make for PERFECT sleeping weather. Or reading weather. ::smiles::

Honestly, I’m a bit bored and a bit restless. I’m ready for the work-day to be over. I plan to swing by Hobby Lobby on my way home and pick up some card packs for April. She asked where I got the ones I used and then I was at Hobby Lobby yesterday and saw some. I sent her photos of them and asked if she wanted them. So I’ll be picking those up and mailing them out to her soon.