Sunday, December 30, 2012

Photo Time!

Altar for last night.  I just got the silver scarf in yesterday (that's what I use for an altar cloth).  And picked up the caribou too.


Figured I would share photos of my Christmas card album:


This was our Christmas card for this year:


First Christmas card we received was from Nicky!


A fun hat one of my students had up at work.  While I was wearing it, I called myself Natasha and talked with a Russian accent.  The students thought it was the most hilarious thing ever:


We actually WON something!  Too bad the prizes weren't reversed!!!!


And finally the finished tree:

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Come On In.....ramblings


via pinterest

Doesn't that just look so comfortable and inviting?  I know I'd love to curl up inside of it and just snooze the day away.  I have plans to make myself a small one like this one of these days. Gotta have access to a sewing machine though, that's for sure.  I'm not hand-stitching that bitch.  No way.

Found a dress I like on Pinterest.  No really.  The original one I saw was white under the lace.

But then I saw the green and fell in love.  Which is odd, as I'm not a fan of green at all.  But it just seems so RIGHT for this dress.
I just need the body to go with it.

Did 10 minutes on the elliptical today.  Nothing crazy special there, but it's the first time I've been on the elliptical since the 8th, so that's something. 
Making a plan to do 10 minutes a day or at least 70 minutes a week.  That gives me some wiggle room, so I could do more on one day to catch up if needs be (and I'm sure I'll need to use that from time to time).  I need to stick with my work out motto:  Baby steps, but DAILY steps.  I forgot all about ANY steps.

Saw my psychiatrist yesterday.  I'm off of Abilify for good.  Apparently there are a rare few that develop an intense restlessness on the medicine.  I'm one of those damn "lucky few".  Wish I could be a non-health related "lucky few".  Why I can't I be one of those "lucky few" that win the lottery, eh?  That would be nice!

So now we're trying me out on Seroquel.  My doctor warned that this has been known to make people drowsy.  So I am supposed to take it at night before going to bed.  Yeah, did that last night around 11pm.  Didn't go to bed until 2 am.  *sighs*  Am I going to be one of those "lucky few" again?  I go back on January 15th.  We'll see!

Finished up the tree.  I got the trunk attached and added in the presents.  I'll post photos of that another time.  Don't really feel like doing it right now. 

AND I got one of those small 3 ring binders to use for the Christmas cards we got this year.  That turned out pretty damn cute too.  I plan to do that every year.  I want to do the same for the rest of the cards we have.  A binder for all the wedding cards would be cool, plus one for birthday cards.

I can hardly believe that 2012 is almost over.  Just a few more days and it's done. 
I'm taking up the 365 photo challenge -- that's one photo every day for the year of 2013.
And I'll be doing the Project Life scrapbook challenge too.  Plus all my art journals of course.  Can't forget those. 

Yesterday I also finished up the last on-line course for Texas Teachers alternative program.  I can't tell you how happy and relieved I am that that part of the whole thing is over and done with.  Nor how proud I am to have banged out 9 classes in 5 days.  I'm approved for the Generalist 3 - 8th Grade and 8-12 English, so those are the two tests I'll study for and take.  As soon as we get back to work, I plan to print out the study guides and begin that work.

I picked up a red journal (like a moleskine but a FRACTION of the price) and have turned it into my Bucket List Book.  I've got tons of things written down in it...all things I would like to do before I kick the bucket.  I'm using it as motivation to get my butt in gear and get stuff done so that I can accomplish and enjoy the various things I have listed there.

I am also working on my 31 Goals for my 31st year AND my 101 Goals in 1001 Days.  So far so good.  I plan to check in one a month on both of those and keep myself on course.  First check in will be January 2nd.

Friday, December 28, 2012

O Christmas Tree

So I'm finally getting around to sharing photos of the Christmas tree I made.

Hand-stitched two things of garland on it to make the tree itself:



And then used twist ties to anchor the lights:


Ah shit.  Forgot to put the trunk on the base of the tree.  Oh well.  Maybe in the next few days I can get that done.  And I need to finish up the fake presents that will be attached under the tree for David, me, Holly, and Leviathan.  *grins*

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Thankful Thursday 12.27.12


art via pinterest

Because I am in a bit of a sour puss mood (go back on entry to read about it), I'm making it a point to sit down and do the LAST Thankful Thursday of 2012.  I'm refusing to allow one person ruin my mood right now.

I am thankful.....
  1. that I'm doing relatively well at the moment and haven't done anything stupid over the past month that I would truly regret.
  2. that I have an appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow and that hopefully we can find something that works better for me without giving me ADHD/ADD like symptoms.
  3. that I have a good marriage with a good man.
  4. that I only have one more class to take and pass for the Texas Teacher's education portion.  After that, I take my placement-thingie test and then I can begin applying for jobs.
  5. sold another Zuni fetish on eBay.  I need to get the others listed and sold too.  This brings me up to 4 sold.
  6. good Christmas with the family.  I got a lot of nice items and am quite pleased with it all.
  7. got my hair cut.  I've been needing one for about 3 months now and my hair looks so much more healthy now.
  8. various art journals and whatnot that keep me occupied at times.
  9. that I've taken myself off of Abilify so the ADD/ADHD traits should go away.
  10. and that I'm done with this Thankful Thursday.

*growls*

Ok, so I got this flash of creativity of how to write my Imbolc ritual that I'm responsible for doing for my Coven.  Was totally digging it and having a blast.

And I emailed the Coven to double check and make sure that I do indeed have Imbolc.
My High Priestess emailed me back almost immediately that she was pretty sure that was correct.
So I emailed her off list and asked again about the possibility of initiation.  And now she's poofed off the internet once again.

It is just so damn irritating.
I mean, if you don't think I'm ready for initiation, just say so.
If you need more time to think about it, just fucking say so.
But this whole, I'm not going to respond for friggin' MONTHS is irritating beyond belief.

And I'm sitting here already debating if I was going to stay with the Coven or not. 
This certainly doesn't make me want to stay.

But I'm holding off my decision.
I'm going to write a kick ass ritual and will do a few more rituals with the Coven before I make my decision.

Better Holly Photos with Santa

I'm finally getting around to posting the photos we had done of Holly, David, and Santa on the 15th at PetsMart with the same Santa we used for Leviathan:


Total blooper shot that David and I really liked all the same:


And a good photo of just David and Holly:

Randomness is the Name of the Game *EDIT*


I finished up 1.5 classes today.  The Special Education class just really sucked the will to live out of me.  And then it didn't help that the first part of the Engaged Parent presentation was over an HOUR long.  *sighs*  Man, I've done more work for this alternative program in the past few days that I have all year.  I really am trying to finish this up by Friday.  Not sure why I chose that as the day, but it is what it is.

I've also finished up my calendar journal up to the present.  I had a few months that I was behind on, but for now, I'm 100% caught up.  And that's a nice feeling too. 

Still not sure how I'm going to do next year's calendar.  Maybe I won't because I'll be doing the Project Life AND a 365 Photo Challenge.  This will be my first year doing the Project Life -- my mom gave me all the necessary items for Christmas.  And this will be my 4th attempt at the 365 Photo Challenge -- 2 of those attempts I completed.

I need to get the last bits of this blog printed out.  I like having a paper copy.  Hell, I need to get the blogs from 2004 - 2009 printed out too. 

It's been two days since I've had any Abilify and while I see an improvement on my ADD-like traits, they are still very present and pretty damn strong.  Makes the classes a bit harder to do.  The urge to cut is a bit stronger than the standard humming it's usually at.  But still nothing dangerous.  It just pops up and I can easily shut it down and we go on about our lil lives no problem.

I got my hair cut today.  Though I doubt anyone could tell.  I cut 4 inches off and other than it just looking healthier, you can't really tell.  It still touches the top of my bra strap in the back, so it's not like I lost a whole lot of length there.  Hell, I could probably cut another 4 inches off and it would still fall below my shoulders.  I was tempted to ask what it would cost to bleach a strip of hair, but opted not too.  I won't have the extra money to do it anytime soon, so why bother asking?


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Edit
Project Life is a super easy (or so they say) way to scrapbook an entire year of your life.
Read more about it here.
I've got my binder all ready to go with the sheet protectors and some of the cardstock slips already in their spots.
I'll be posting photos of my layouts as I get them done....probably once a month (if I'm really on top of things) or so (if I'm not so on top of things).  *laughs*
 

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Teaching


photographer: Alexi Lubomirski

 
I've completed 4 of the online classes for the Texas Teacher's alternative teaching program already.  I'm feeling quite proud of myself.
And while this isn't my number 1 choice in jobs, it is something I know I'll be good at.  And the fact that I'll be making more money, has already taken quite the load off of my shoulders.
See, I make damn good money hourly at the moment...$23.81 an hour before taxes.  It's just that my hours are SERIOUSLY limited and I'm barely making ends meet.  Hell, sometimes they don't meet. 
Like right now, I'm off of work as school is closed.  And while I'm relishing the time off....the ability to finish out my last classes and then prep for the teacher's test....those are DAYS that I'm not getting paid for at all.  No money is coming in and I don't go back to work until January 7th.  See how that hurts my paycheck?
Once I'm a teacher, I can opt to have my salary spread out over 12 months, so I'll get paychecks in the summer, even when I'm not working.  I can't begin to explain how excited I am over that alone.  No more having to hunt up summer jobs.  I can take a summer job, sure, if I want it.  But it isn't a desperate thing.

I've opted to take myself off of Abilify.  Even on the half dose, I couldn't sit still for more than 15 minutes.  Focusing was damn near impossible.  I was just insanely restless and paced quite a bit.  So I'm off it.  I've got to be able to focus if I'm going to finish up the last of these classes. 

I found a taxidermy place in Lewisville that I plan to check out soon.  I have a set of antlers my brother let me have that I would like to have professionally cleaned and then mounted.  I have to check out the price on that before I can move forward with that plan.

And I still have to pay for the Sekhmet painting Kimberly is doing for me.  She's requested that she be allowed to put it on hold until the new year.  Which helps me out greatly. 

AND there's a lady on Deviant Art that made a beaded bracelet based off of the pattern on her Bearded Dragon's back.


I would love to have something similar made of Leviathan's patterns and contacted her about the possibility.   She says that Leviathan has get colors and patterns for a bracelet, but that the bracelets start at $90.  *sighs*  So that's another fun thing that is going on the backburner.

As for the non-fun things, just about everything on my car to stand to be replaced.  I need to replace 3 of the 4 fuel injectors (have replaced one, which is why I 3 left to fix), plus a complete fuel cleanse and flush AND new fuel filter (about $900 for all of that).  I also need new motor mounts ($250 to $500 -- haven't gotten a quote on that just yet, will be calling them tomorrow).  Two new tires, though my mom has offered to pay for those.  We'll be looking at tires this weekend and getting that taken care of.

So yeah, the sooner I can start teaching, the better.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Coleman & Journaling

handwritten yesterday

The drive to Coleman went quite smoothly.  We spotted TEN State Troopers on the drive, but since my crazy speeding days are behind me, they didn't pay me one bit of attention.

My doctor has decreased my dosage of Abilify.  He wanted me to go down to 10 mg, but there was no way I would make it to his office by 1 pm on Friday -- I had to be at work by noon as it was an early release day for the students.  So for now, I'm just cutting the 15's in half.  I go back for my follow up on Friday, the 28th, and we'll see how it goes.  The depression and impulse to engage in self-harm are practically GONE, which is so nice.  Now if we can just get the ADD traits under control, life would be grand.

Mom was nice and let me use her color printer.  So I've got a lot of artwork for my Wishcasting Cards printed out and ready to go.  I'm hoping to have all of the Wishcasting cards done and completed by the end of the year...which is swiftly approaching.  I'm thinking I may buy Jamie's Wishcasting Journal for next year, though I do like the index card size format, so I may stick with that.  I wonder if they'll be the same prompts again, or brand new prompts?

I don't think I'll do the Full Moon Dreamboards again this coming year.  They just seem to bee too much of a chore.  Or maybe I should do the New Moon prep-work and then do the actual Full Moon Dreamboards?  I don't know what journal I'll use for those.  I plan to pick up a monthly day planner to use for my calendar journaling.  And hopefully I will be better about keeping it up to date.

And I believe this covers all the journaling topics I wanted to touch on.  And I think this is the longest entry I've written recently in one sitting!

Thursday, December 20, 2012

ADD much?


art via pinterest

I had plans to come here and write my thankful Thursday list.   It's been a while since I've done one of those.
But the motivation left me before I even got here, so I doubt I'll do it.

Motivation has been so fleeting here recently. 
I think I'm having adverse reactions to the Abilify. 
Difficulty concentrating.
Headaches.
Fatigue.
And the frequent urge to urinate, even though I just went 15 minutes previously.  And when I do go, it may be just a tiny sprinkle.  But it feels like I really need to go.  *sighs* 
That last one is listed as one of those side effects to Abilify that you need to notify your doctor about as soon as possible.  So I guess I'll be calling him in the morning about it.  Thank goodness these are just samples and I didn't have to pay for them.
I wonder what's next.

So this is what it's like to be ADD.
I just wandered off to FaceBook for about 15 minutes before remembering that I was writing a damn entry.  *sighs* 
Yeah, definitely calling the doc tomorrow. 

We're going this weekend to do Christmas with my family. 
Logan, my brother, is going to show me how to clean and sharpen a blade.
I'm finally learning all sorts of good country things.  *chuckles*

David's given me one of his k-bar knives from his military time.
It's dirty and dull as shit for the most part.  So that's what Logan is going to help me with.

Apparently a gun range opened up a few miles from us a few months ago. 
Natalie, one of my aides, was telling me about it.
I should see what it costs to go.  And if they do archery lessons too.
I wouldn't mind learning how to bow hunt.
Again, I'm headed back to my country roots.
But seriously, I'd love to go elk bow hunting at least once.
After seeing elk up close on my Vision Quest back in 2006, white-tailed deer just look like babies.  *chuckles*

Eh, I think that's all I can focus on for now.
 

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Goals & Progress, Unicorns & Totems


ART: Snow Queen
ARTIST: Emily Balivet

I'm doing worlds better.
The desire to cut is lessened to a normal thrumming level. 
A level that is constant in my life, yet regulated to the background noise and chatter.

I'm actively working on my 31 Goals for my 31st year. 
I made my 2nd new recipe tonight.
First recipe -- Red Velvet Cake Dip....I give it 3 out of 5 stars.  Eh, I wasn't overly impressed, though David raves "It's brilliant."
Second recipe -- Cheesy Ranch Chicken....I give it a 3 out of 5 stars, too.  I also wasn't overly impressed with this recipe.  It's similar to my Parmesan Crusted Chicken, but the Parmesan Crusted Chicken is WAY tastier and much simpler to make.

I also made my wish at 12:12 on 12/12/12.   
That was another one of my goals.

I'm also working on loosing weight. 
I'm down 10 pounds thus far. 
Still have 27 pounds to go to hit my first weight goal.
Now that the depression doesn't have me in a choke hold, I should be able to get off my ass and start working out again.
I need to get back into the habit of using weights too in my work outs.

I checked on my alternative teaching certificate. 
I lack 9 more online classes. 
Then I take my certification test(s).
And then I can start looking for a job.

Totally random, but back when I was a senior in high school, I did my senior English research paper over unicorns.
And I came across a book supposedly written by monks about the unicorn.
And I've NEVER been able to figure out the name of the book.
Until today.
The Unicornis Manuscripts: On the History & Truth of the Unicorn, by Michael Green.
You have no idea the thrill that went through my body upon accidentally stumbling across this book through Pinterest.
It'll cost me around $35 to get a copy of the book, so I'm hoping that after Christmas (money), I'll be able to get it.

I finally did my Tabula Rasa year tarot reading. 
I did the beginning stages of my Tabula Rasa ritual back on my birthday (November 10th). 
This next year seems to be a year of emotions....lots of water creatures.
Challenges are presented, but so is wonderment.  Should be interesting

Well it's 2 am. 
Time for me to head to bed.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Blah


Hmm, what to write about.

I've decided that I'm going to see if I can finish up my alternative teaching certificate program.
Yeah, that means I'll be looking for a job in the public school system.
Am I'm thrilled?  No, not exactly.  But it's a job I can do and am good at, so I might as well be making better money doing it.

We ended up taking Holly to Petsmart yesterday after we got back from doing photos with Leviathan.  Those photos turned out so much better.  I'll share those at some point.

So I had my emergency (in crisis?) appointment with Dr. Watts on Friday. 
He gave up part of his lunch break to see me.
So we've added Abilify to the Depakote I'm currently taking.  I go back in 2 weeks to see how I'm doing on this.

Talked to David about my current depressive state and desire to cut. 
He pretty much said exactly what I expected him to say, that he can't have sympathy because he just doesn't UNDERSTAND it.  He's never been there, so he doesn't know what I'm feeling.  But he said it in a positive way.
He told me he couldn't understand the desire to cut just because he's too much of a coward to do it himself.  He has no desire to suffer -- which led into a discussion as to that being why he hasn't quit smoking...he doesn't want to suffer.  *chuckles*  But he said whatever I need him to do, please let him know and he'd find a way.  It really meant a lot to me.

Friday, completely out of the norm for me, I ordered the Whiskey River BBQ Burger at Red Robin.  I swear my mouth totally had a food-gasm all over it.  *laughs*  It's been years since I've had a burger, but oh my lordy, this was heavenly

I'm finally getting around to listing some stuff I need to get rid of on eBay.  Wish me luck.
I've only got 3 Zuni Fetishes up right now.
I have another 5 to list.
Plus two masks and a piece of artwork. 
Hopefully they'll sell and I can have a bit of cash in my pocket.  Certainly not planning to get get rich here any time soon.
 

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Santa Photos!

Pet photos with Santa Claus!

Sadly, Holly's didn't turn out that great and David is more than a little miffed about it.  This is, after all, his baby girl.



The Santa we got today, for Leviathan, was great fun.

Here he is pretending to be afraid:


And then a good shot of my princess:


Great fun.  :)

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Pendulum



ART: Deer Woman
ARTIST:
Polina Nefidova
 
 
And thus the pendulum swings.
Spent about two weeks in darkness.  Dangerous, deep waters of darkness.
And now we are swinging back to the manic side.  *sighs*  Thus continues the roller coaster ride.

Winter has returned.  Amusing to think that a week ago, we had temperatures in the 80s
Now we were down into the 40s.  Brrrr doesn't even begin to describe it.
I am not a huge fan of the winter.
I like the temperatures to swing between 55 and 100 degrees max.   
Anything outside of those numbers, I don't really care for.

I am so ready for Winter Break.
Just 9 more days.  Well, 9 more work days. 

I am all restless.
I feel like there's something I should be doing.
I just don't know what it is.

I know a number of things I need to do.
Hell, even a few things I want to do.
Motivation to actually do them?  Yeah, no where to be found.

Instead, I play around on the internet.
*scampers off*

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Sekhmet Art

A friend of mine is a great artist and she recently did a sketch of Anubis that was amazing
I like Anubis.  I just don't work with gods.  *chuckles*

So I asked her if she'd be interested in doing a commission piece of Sekhmet.  She's agreed to take on the challenge.
It'll be an oil painting, 8x10, and will cost me $75.

Here's her preliminary sketch:


I told her I wanted the mood to be powerful/fierce without being scary.  And I do believe she's nailed it.
I like the braids on the right side, so she'll add those to the left too.
And instead of placing the solar disk on Sekhmet's head (as She's traditionally shown having), we're leaving it more abstract...solar rays or a solar haloing effect. 
She'll be a pale, pale tawny color...between a white lion and the standard lion coloration....and will have warm honey amber eyes.

I need to rework my whole altar area.  The black shelf I have above my altar could really be lowered a good two inches.  I need to sell the two masks I have (Sekhmet and Black Wolf) as I do not use them....and honestly, never did. 

And I need to sell the Sekhmet painting that I bought purely on impulse, that I don't care for now (the artist used a mountain lion instead of a lioness).  Then I could hang this new painting above the black shelf and hang the deer antlers above that (whenever I get around to finally cleaning and mounting those properly).

Monday, December 3, 2012

Reindeer and Hair


ART: into the wild: emily senko
ARTIST: rennio maifredi

I keep getting questions as to when I'll be dying my hair. 
Honestly...not until the Summer most likely.
"Unnatural" hair color is frowned upon in my job (working with children through the school district), which bars my dreams of having lavender and/or ice blue hair.  So I have to wait until the summer to be able to do this.  But trust me, I will have my pretty, pretty hair one of these days.
I would be tempted to do a dip dye over Winter Break.  I just have to check on costs.  And given that I bought the Dancing Goddess Doll I was wanting (at $40), I doubt I'll have the money left over to dye my hair also.  We'll see on the 15th, as that's my payday.  If I have the money, I'll certainly look into it. 
If I go that way, then I'd dip dye the bottom 3 inches or so blonde first and then lavender, so the lavender comes out strong.  And when it's time to return to work, I'd just trim those three inches off. 
I think it would be cool over the summer to put in blonde highlights that I then turned a super pale lavender.

I've gotten questions as to how I know that Deer is my totem for my 31st year. 
The best way I can explain it, is that I'm very in tune with the animal world.  Generally, I take on a new totem for each year, and it embodies the attributes and lessons I wish to learn and embody for that year.  This year, my obsession turned to antlered women.  And by right of that, the Deer.  My new athame's (ritual knife) is made from a mule deer's antler.  And I've been working on the pair of antlers my brother gave me....I'm stripping the hide and flesh from them.  One pair will go in Leviathan's tank for her to slither over and enjoy.  The other, I'll hang near my altar to hang feathers and beads and whatnot from.
And from my various wanderings on the internet, there are actually Antlered Goddesses out there.  It took me some reading, but I found out that Reindeer are the only deer species in which females also grow antlers AND they keep their antlers longer than the males.  So maybe Reindeer is the totem instead of Deer.  I'll have to reflect more on this.

I'm designing my own wand that I'll use during my MoonTime.  My energy moves differently during my MoonTime and I'd like to have some ritual items set aside just for that.  *smiles*  That, and and I'm not feeling all that connected to my current wand any more.  Maybe I'll use my current wand for the basis of my new wand?  I need to get my hands an a copperhead skin.  I don't need a whole lot.  I'll have to see what I can get.

*scampers off*

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Crazy Hair, Rituals, and Dolls


more beautiful dyed hair via Pinterest. 

Ug, we had to get up early today.  *sighs*  Had to drop Holly off at the vet's at 9 am.  Typically on a Saturday, we don't roll out of bed until 1 pm, so that 8:30 am came REALLY early.

I debated on going back to bed once we got home.  But the Dancing Goddess Dolls is putting up a number of her new dolls for sale at 1 pm, and there is one I'm really wanting, so I don't want to miss this.  She'll have only 60 dolls for sale, and I bet they are all gone by 2 pm.  I've got my eye on one, but if I miss it, I've decided I won't buy another one just so I can have one.  It's either the one I want (Pythia to be exact) or nothing at all. 

If I don't get Pythia, I'll spend that money on some clip in hair extensions instead.  Though, I am thinking of dip dying my hair over the summer.  I like the lavender/purple in the above photo (wouldn't mind having the gunmetal blue hair either).  And once school started up again, I could simply trim off the purple ends to make myself "work appropriate" once more.  I'm curious how much it would cost to do this, as I would have to have the ends of my hair bleached out first and then apply the purple dye.  I should look into it, because if it isn't too crazy expensive, I might go ahead and do it over Christmas break.  Would certainly make for some fun Christmas photos with the family!  *laughs*  I'm sure my grandmother would have some comments for sure.  Hell, I might do it just to hear her comments.  *grins*

Hmm, I could go ahead and bleach the tips now and then right after work on the 21st, I could go get the lavender/purple put in.  Must think about this more. 

I've got all my Christmas cards signed and addressed.  I mailed out the ones that are going to Canada (my paternal grandmother) and to Bahrain (a friend).  The others I'll wait a bit so I can get some festive stamps to put on them.  And then I'll mail those out.

I need to do my Tabula Rasa ritual soon.  I need to start focusing on the ending of this year and what I want to begin in the new year.  I need to find my focus word.  I already have the totem for 2013 -- Deer. 

I'm thinking of setting aside a three ring binder just for my yearly Tabula Rasa ritual.  It would be neat to see how it evolves over the years.

I need to clean out my closet.  I have so many clothes in there I don't or can't wear.  What's the point of having them in there?  Time to go through the mess and donate crap I don't need/want.

I need to begin working on a Yule ritual for myself AND on an Imbolc ritual for the Coven.  Each one of us is responsible for a Sabbat, and I was given Imbolc.  I'm nervous about having to write an Imbolc ritual, as the Coven stresses the balance between the God and the Goddess, and I only honor the Goddess.  I tend to shy away from male deities.  Hell, I'm surprised I didn't turn out lesbian with my distrust of males.  *chuckles* 

But looking up the history on Imbolc, it seems to revolve mostly around goddesses, so I think I just might have gotten lucky there.  *chuckles*  AND serpents play a part in Imbolc too, so I would like to find a way to incorporate Leviathan (barring any of my Covenmates being afraid of serpents) into the ritual.  Must reflect more on this.

I need to finish boiling the hide and hair off the antlers for Leviathan's tank.  I found a few small places I missed.  Hopefully I can do that this weekend.

And I've decided I'm going to try my hand at making my own antlered crown.  I found a easy tutorial on making fake antlers that I'm going to try my hand at.  This will allow me to actually wear the crown easily, as the antlers will be lighter (made of wire and papier-mâché).  We'll see how that turns out.

And I think my rambles have come to an end.

For now.......

~*~*~*~*~*~Edit~*~*~*~*~*~
The Pythia doll is mine!  *grins*


And the info on her:

Pilgrims and seekers come to me, and I, the Priestess of Prophesy will advise you. At some point we all yearn for a Seer to divine our future, to unlock the riddles of Life. I commune with the Gods to reveal the Truth, but there's really no reason that you can't gaze yourself into an Eternal Flame to interpret your own destiny.

This doll is 6-inches tall.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Thankful Thursday 11.29.12


ART FROM: Mrs. Rachel

Isn't he just flipping ADORABLE?!?!?!?!?!

I am thankful......
  1. my photo-Crhistmas cards arrived today and they turned out GREAT!  Now I just need to get to addressing them and pick up some Christmas stamps and I can mail those out soon.
  2. great friends all over the world.  God bless the internet!  *grins*
  3. that awesome decorating David did for Christmas.  Our mantel area looks kick ass!
  4. almost done with the Art Every Day Challenge.  I'm still working to get caught up, but I've got all but two (including tomorrow's) Mandalas drawn up, so all that's really left is coloring.
  5. music.  I'm really enjoying (ok..border-line obsessed is a better description) P!nk's new song "Try".
  6. able to be goofy as hell with my students.
  7. art journaling....always fun.
  8. Pinterest.  It certainly gets my creative juices flowing.
  9. payday is fast approaching!
  10. got my poinsettias today and they look GREAT!

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Into the Light


Photo from: Fashion Blog

 
She gives a quick and easy tutorial on how to dye your hair lavender without having to go to the hairdresser for it.  I'd just have to have a profession hairdresser bleach my hair to ensure I don't go ORANGE.  And the lavender is a semi-permanent color.  I wonder how long that lasts exactly.  I'd be tempted to do it over winter break....or maybe the summer.  We'll have to see.

I worked out today.  Did some time on the elliptical and then tossed in lunges and leg lifts and weights too.  And a few yoga positions to help stretch.  And some of my exercises from my knee physical therapy.  I know I'm going to be feeling it tomorrow.  Especially since I'll be playing soccer with the kids again.  *chuckles*  It's time for me to get up off my ass and do something about my weight.

It's depressing, how fat I've gotten.  And add on top of that, that the Gap is discontinuing the Long & Lean jeans that I wear.  *sighs*  I tried on other jeans, but they just remind me of why I hate women's jeans.  Does everything for the female body have to be skin tight?  And those jeans make it look like I have NO ass what-so-ever.  That was a shocker.  I used to get all sorts of compliments on my ass (second only to my boobs).  And in those jeans you'd think I had a grandpa ass.  You know, those butts that look like they cave inwards instead of curving outwards.  *shakes her head*

I just keep telling myself that loosing the weight and getting toned up does not necessarily mean I'll be a victim again.  I'm not doing all of these just so I can be sexy (it's a nice by-product though).  I'm doing this so I can be healthy enough and strong enough to start taking the various MMA (mixed martial arts) classes I want to take.  I'm doing this so I can learn how to properly defend myself AND have the ability to do so, should the occasion ever call for it.  I need to make a visualization board to remind me of this.  To keep me motivated. 

I'm taking small steps, so I don't burn myself out or scare myself off.  Baby steps....but daily steps.  That's the key right now.

I'm tired of hiding.  Time to step out into the light.....

Friday, November 23, 2012

Touching Base


Yes, yes, another antlered woman.  *smiles*  Perhaps Deer is the totem for the upcoming year?  Lion/Lioness is the totem for this year.

We opted to stay here for Thanksgiving.  We didn't relish the thought of being out on the road with the craziness and instead curled up at home and enjoyed the day as we would any other day that we had free from any outside obligations.  And it was truly lovely.

Tomorrow we are doing lunch with my Coven.  It will be good to see them again.  Though I do find myself wavering again on my involvement with the Coven.  Should I stay or should I go?  *shrugs*  I have yet to hear anything from Amber on my request for 1st Degree Initiation, and I sent that email shortly after Mabon back in September.  Even if she simply said she didn't feel I was ready for initiation, I could accept that.  It's this whole no response thing that has me a bit put out.  *shrugs*

My journal is back from the most recent swap I hosted.  I'm quite displeased with Patty's contribution....she had it for three bloody weeks and managed ONE handwritten page.  That's it.  And then she mailed it to me instead of mailing it to Annette like she was supposed to.  So I had to mail TWO journals....and money isn't exactly plentiful here.  *sighs*  Yeah, she won't be joining in on any other swaps.  I mean, if she wasn't going to put forth any effort, why did she want to join the swap?  *shakes her head*

We watched UFC 154 at Lisa's house back on the 17th.  Great times.  It was good to watch the UFC with people who like it and know the fighters.  Georges St. Pierre was back and in fine form.  Great fight.

Babysat Monday and Tuesday.  Monday we hit the Fort Worth Zoo.  I got some great photos and a number of small feathers from the Harpy Eagles and the Stellar Sea Eagle too.  Very cool.  :)  Overall, the girls were great and it was a super easy gig.  And it's nice to get paid for two days of work when I wouldn't be getting any money in the first place. 

Though, I have a question about my pay.  During the summer, I was getting paid $70 a day to watch the girls, so by the standard, I should have been paid $140 for the two days.  Instead, the dad (who never handled that before) only paid me $100.  So I've text the mom inquiring about that.  We'll see how that all pans out.  Note to self: Be sure to discuss and agree on pay PRIOR to accepting the job, even if you've done that job before.

Hmmm, what else, what else?

Been working in my various journals once more.  I ordered a whole slew of photos, thanks to Shutterfly's generous offer of 101 FREE prints.  That was awesome of them.

I've been working on my Art Every Day Challenge too.  A Mandala a day, based off of animal patterns.  I need to photograph/scan those and upload them soon.  I'm behind (as usual), but am really enjoying the challenge.

Still trying to figure out the best way to get my lavender hair and still keep my job.  I had found a lady in the area that does hair extensions...but she wanted to charge me $125 to do it.  Seriously, my jaw hit the ground when she quoted that price to me.  Um no.  I just wanted 2 streaks in my hair about an inch wide.  And shit, if I had that kind of money to blow, I would have bought Georges St Pierre's walk-out shirt (but seriously, I couldn't justify spending $55 on a damn t-shirt, even if it IS Georges!).

Heck, I'm even thinking of just having a hairdresser bleach part of my hair and then dye it lavender.  *chuckles*  One way or another, I'm getting that lavender hair.  I've become almost obsessed with it.  I just need to find a hairdresser that has lavender hair dye.  The hairdresser I usually go to is much older, and I fear my request for such an unusual hair color would shock her.  And I make it a point NOT to shock those who wield scissors near my head.  *chuckles*

*wanders off*

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Thankful Thursday 11.15.12



ART: African Lion 107
ARTIST: catman-suha


 
I am thankful.......
  1. my lil bro got engaged last week!  And I was the second person he called to announce it to.  *smiles*
  2. that I'll be babysitting two days next week, so I will be making SOME money (I have the entire week off of work for the Thanksgiving holiday -- NO paid holidays, so that means NO money).
  3. today is payday and it's a NICE paycheck!
  4. good friends.  I need to make it more of a point to socialize with my good friends.
  5. playing soccer with my students.
  6. my Mom made Angel Food Cake for me for my birthday!  Delicious.
  7. finding some photography tutorials online that look promising.  I certainly want to step up my photography game.
  8. quiet mornings.
  9. finally getting to see the movie the Hunger Games and, other than a few places it deviated from the book, it was pretty good. 
  10. and now I'm done with my thankful list.  Woohoo!  Off to play on Pintrest until it's time to go to my staff meeting and then to work.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

31 Goals for my 31st Year


ART: Line
ARTIST: annelysa


 
  1. weigh 175 lbs or less
  2. make a career decision and go for it
  3. Photo Safari at Fossil Rim for my 7th year SI free
  4. take a sketching/drawing/paint class
  5. do well in the Coursera classes I've enrolled in
  6. get a tattoo
  7. return visit to Wolf Park
  8. return visit to the Houston Zoo
  9. Project Life for 2013
  10. make a wish at 12:12 on December 12th, 2012
  11. photos in the bluebonnets
  12. 12 new recipes
  13. make the beaded wrap/case for my athame
  14. send in a secret to Post Secret
  15. go to 3 DFW Herpetological Society meetings
  16. go to the big reptile expo in February
  17. take a photography class/course
  18. make 6 of the crafts I've found on Pintrest
  19. deep clean my art territory
  20. get nice photos done of David and I
  21. do something nice for David's birthday
  22. 365 Photo Challenge
  23. good photos of Leviathan every month
  24. enter 3 photography contests
  25. find my Sir Bob the Chicken Knight Story and work on getting it published
  26. have my fortune read
  27. visit the Japanese Botanical Gardens in the Spring and Fall
  28. pay down the Firestone credit card to zero by my 32nd birthday
  29. start a savings account
  30. treat myself to the Zoo, lilies, and a nice dinner for my 32nd birthday
  31. visit the Ultimate Reptile Shop in Hockley and feed their Gaboon Viper.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Thankful Friday 11.09.12


Seriously, if my job would allow it, I would totally dye my hair this color.
Hell, I'd even learn how to do the fish bone braiding and do my hair this way every day, if I could just have this color!  *smiles*

I am thankful.......
  1. the Dallas Zoo has a Herpetology volunteer position and I've emailed them about it.  Now it's just a waiting game to see what it entails.
  2. that Obama won the election.  I'm not going to lie.  I'm sure the Republican's have a better fiscal plan for the country, but I just couldn't look past their backwards stance on social issues. 
  3. spiritual re-awakening.
  4. my lil brother is engaged!
  5. birthday money.  I wanted to blow it, but I was smart and put it down on bills.  Now, I will be picking myself up some lilies and renewing my subscription to SageWoman for "fun".  I can't be a total grown-up on my birthday!  *laughs*
  6. David's offered to pay for my tattoo up to $250 if I get toned up (because it doesn't hurt as bad).  Now I just have to get my butt in gear and get toned so I can get my serpent tat.  Though, I am thinking of holding off until after Logan's wedding out of respect for my brother and that he probably doesn't want me sporting a snake tattoo in his wedding photos!  *laughs*
  7. finding music that lifts me up -- generally based more on the music than on the lyrics. 
  8. beautiful weather.  Makes walking Holly through the woods so much more enjoyable.
  9. that this weekend should be nice and calm, since next week is going to be insane.  Good, but insane.  *chuckles*
  10. that in all honesty, this past year has been a pretty good one.  And the down parts, the parts that just beat me senseless?  They taught me a lot...about myself and about the world.  Onwards and upwards!

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Circles


Shining C Grulla Horse
Photo:
Cassidy Cobarr

Man, I just want to crawl back into bed and sleep the day away.
It was so hard to get out of bed.  I was snuggled in just perfectly and had NO desire to get out.  *chuckles*
But Holly must be walked. 
My Spirit needs the woods.
And squirrels need to be pestered.  *chuckles* 
Such is the way of life around here.

Obama won the election.  He's staying in office for another 4 years.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't relieved.  The Republican's stance on social platforms was just too scary for me.  I think they chose to focus too much on things that, honestly, are none of their goddamn business.  They may have a better fiscal plan....but their strong stances on reproductive rights and gay marriage.....I just couldn't look past those. 

Maryland and Maine have passed laws SUPPORTING gay marriage.  Woohoo for them!  I hate to say it, but I know in my heart, it will be a cold day in hell before such a law is passed in Texas.

Birthday is looming on the horizon (Nov 10th, this Saturday).
And I have to say....turning 31 is bothering me a whole lot more than turning 30 did. 
I dunno.  I just expected MORE by this point.
I've got some ideas I'm working on.  I'm probably going to finish up my alternative teaching program and take the plunge into public school teaching.  I can't say I'm 100% thrilled by this, but I am good with working with children.  I'd love to get into the special needs program, or maybe with the at-risk/juvenile children.
It'll give me the money I need to get my butt out of debt and actually be able to take my polar bear trip by the time I turn 40 (FUCK, that's only 9 years away!!!  Now I'm really starting to feel old).

More and more I'm feeling the pull to do another Vision Quest.  It's just that the Medicine Man I did my first Quest with no longer does them.  Maybe he knows another Medicine Person who would take me under their wing.  I dunno.

I just feel like I'm going in circles here.
Ma'at warned me about this when She spoke with me on Mabon.  I need to focus, but I just keep swirling around and around.  *sighs* 

Ok, time to put my big girl panties on.

The Plan:
- finish up my 31 Goals for my 31st Year (I don't do New Year's Resolutions)
- Tabula Rasa (clean slate) ritual this week)
- enjoy my birthday WEEK

The Next Step:
- Thanksgiving week, finish up alternative teaching on-line classes
- look into various teaching tests I am interested in taking
- get alternative certification
- begin applying for jobs for the next school year

Overall Plan:
- stop wallowing
- get toned (David's offered to pay for a tattoo up to $250 if I get toned up)
- let my bad ass self SHINE
 

Just Gotta Say

Just wanted to say......



.....I am so glad that shit got shut the fuck down.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

A New Friend

Meet Hiss, the HUGE opossum.


He's roughly 2 and a half feet long (NOT counting his tail).


Fat and Fluffy as hell.


Look at that friggin' ADORABLE face! 
I've got to get my exotic animal license and wild life rehabber license so I can keep one of these guys.

Random tidbit of info....these shots were taken from my third floor balcony.  Guess my zoom lens is pretty good.  *grins*

Sunday, November 4, 2012

For David's Next Card


I am totally writing this in the next card (Xmas) that I get for David because it is so damn true for us.  :)
But instead of "friends" I'll write husband and wife.  :)

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Thankful Thursday 11.01.12


via Pintrest

I am thankful.....
  1. for this new Spiritual awakening I'm undergoing.  I've been asleep at the wheel for far too long.
  2. great staff and that work has appeared to calm back down. 
  3. David got me a pedometer.  I'm curious to see how many steps I take a day and then set a higher goal.
  4. that even though my life is far from perfect, far from what I want of it, I am here and I am happy.
  5. the voting process was incredibly easy.  Now we just have to wait and see who our leader will be.
  6. having my eyes open about racism, sexism, and just RUDE things other people will spout off without thinking...and that I have the balls to call them on this and point it out.  Until they are aware, they cannot change these thought patterns.
  7. got an offer from Shutterfly on Facebook for 101 FREE prints.  I ordered 76 photos yesterday and it just cost me $4 to ship.  I have until Friday to order the last 25 (if I want to) before the offer expires.  I've gotten a lot of Leviathan's photos as I can't remember the last time I ordered her photos.  Gonna fill up that baby book of hers!
  8. Art Every Day Challenge begins today.  I'm making a Mandala a day based off of animal patterns. 
  9. YouTube allowing me to listen to a variety of songs.
  10. having Netflicks.  David and I are LOVING it!  We don't miss cable one bit.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Blessed Samhain


ART: Mystical Mist, Fallow Deer
ARTIST: Mark Smith

Told you Deer is popping up in my life currently.

Blessed Samhain.  This is the night to pay respects to those who have Gone Before us.  Our Ancestors.  The Veil between this world and the afterlife is thin and spirits pass freely.

More and more I feel my own soul slowing waking back up.  It's like a bear just beginning to awaken from hibernation.  Lots of stretching needed and lots of nourishment.  But I'm getting there.

Tonight, I decided that since it's Samhain, one of my favorite Sabbats, and close to the full moon, it was the perfect night to bless, cleanse, consecrate, and dedicate my athame.



A nice, quick ritual.  I even used the red and gold flamed kimono robe that Jennifer made for me ages ago.  I loved it.

So my hefty blade has now been blessed and is ready to go.  I can't wait to really start using him in a variety of personal rituals. 

I have plans on how I want to make his sheath.  I've decided that honestly, I need to be the person to make it.  I keep wanting to get other people to do the sheath or the beading.  But honestly, I know I am the one who needs to do it.  I'm just nervous I'm going to screw it up.  Just gotta trust in the process and know it will turn out just fine in the end.  *smiles*

Antlered Crown


Art from: Running Blind
 

I know. 
Another Antlered Woman.
I warned you (in a previous post) that I love these images. 
Not sure why.  Just the heathen woman in me.

Antlers are a symbol of power, of might, of strength.
They are the weapons of PREY creatures.
Deer can fend off wolves with these.
So even the meek can be POWERFUL.
That's what antlers mean to me.

I get exhausted....trying to be a Predator all the time.
Being Strong.
Being Powerful.
Being Forceful.
Being Commanding.
Dominating.  Controlling.  In Control.

It's exhausting

While I do link with predatory animals the most.....wolves, harpy eagles, venomous snakes, polar bears....
The deer has always held a special place in my heart too.

Gentle....it walks softly....almost caressing the earth beneath its hooves.
Big, deep, soft brown eyes of liquid understanding and compassion.
Velveteen nose.
Slender, graceful hooves and legs.

And in flight?  Racing through the brush and meadow?  Poetry in motion!

But don't let that gentle demeanor fool you.
Don't buy whole-heartedly into that illusion.
Those dainty lil hooves can crack bone...even skulls.
And those antlers can tear even the fiercest predator to ribbons.

The Antlered Woman is all of that embodied.
Gentle, kind, graceful.
Yet poised, powerful, and dangerous.
All in the same breath.

A true embodiment of Yin and Yang.
Exactly what an enlightened woman is.

That's what I'm striving towards.
To earn my own Antlered Crown.

Monday, October 29, 2012

Lil Hawk

Art from: faelands
 

I've always been fascinated with women with antlers.  Just love the way it looks.  I'd love to have my own antler headdress/crown.  One of these days....

Awesome thing happened on the way home today.
As I pulled up to the four way stop by my apartment, I noticed a Sharp-shinned Hawk perched on the lamp post.  For me, Autumn is ruled by the Hawks, as that's when I really begin seeing them again.
So I'm sitting at this four way stop, waiting for the other two people to go when the Hawk drops down from the lamp post and flies straight at my windshield.
I'm talking, I'm eye level with this bird. 
And right when I think she's going to smash into my windshield, she subtly shifts her wings and soars a mere 6 inches over my car.
Talk about impressive.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Sacred



ART: Regal Warrioress
ARTIST: Art-of-Sekhmet

I've been battling a near-constant headache for the past two weeks.

It's fluctuating between just a dull, irritating ache (just strong enough for me to be aware of it) to the cluster headache and migraine levels.  Personally, I'd rather just have the cluster headache, as I know it only lasts a minute or two of excruciating pain before fading out for the day.  Migraines last for hours and bring the nausea and sensitivity to light, noise, and most especially smell.  Any strong smells (regardless of pleasant or unpleasantness) makes me vomit.

I was tempted to go back to the doctor about it, as all the normal medicines I have aren't working.  I no longer have any migraine medication as they've been gone for so long.  But I just can't afford it, even with my health insurance.

Just going to the doctor is a $30 copay.
Then, pretty much any prescription she gives me will cost me around $45.
If she wants me to do another MRI, that's $500 out of my pocket to do. 
That's all money I just do not have.

So last night, I felt a nasty headache creeping up on me and I decided that laying on the couch wasn't doing it any good.  It was simply getting worse.  So why not try something new and different?

I did 12 minutes on the elliptical.
And you know what?  It helped some.
As long as I kept my eyes closed and focused on just keeping my body in alignment as I ran, my headache dissipated.
Exercise is one of the things the various health websites recommended about keeping migraines and cluster headaches at bay.  They recommend 30 minutes of exercise at least 3 times a week.  I'm focusing on doing 10 to 15 minutes on the elliptical daily, plus walking Holly, and focusing on getting up and moving more at work.  We'll see how that goes.

Then, I got to surfing the various blogs I check out from time to time, and I landed on Pink Coyote's blog.
Her most recent entries are all about seeing yourself as Sacred.  And bam, that just hit me so hard. 
I felt like the great Cosmic Wolf had just picked me up by the scruff of my neck and shook me as hard as She could and barked at me, "PAY FUCKING ATTENTION, PUP!  WAKE THE FUCK UP!"

I haven't seen myself or my body as sacred in a long time. 
I used to be able to touch pelts and see things.  Feel things.
I used to write poetry and sensual prose.
I used to be so much more in tune with the world around me.

I'm not sure when I began to shut down or even how long I've been shut down and closed off, but I can tell you this.  This way of living is not meant for me. 

I am meant to hear with my heart, my spirit, my soul.
I'm meant to shapeshift more often and deeper.
I'm meant to connect with animals and the natural world.

I'm not meant to be locked away in my room.
To be playing those mindless games on Facebook instead of creating.
To be looking at the natural world so coldly, so clinically.

I'm tossing off my binders.
Breaking my chains.
And busting out of this damn cage once more.

I'm honoring my Self, my Spirit, my Body as Sacred.

So once I was done with my time on the elliptical, I took a cleansing, ritual shower.
I made the whole thing a ritual.  I cast a Circle around my bathroom.  I showered with a purpose...to cleansing myself of all the negative crap.
After that, I headed out to the balcony with a stick of incense to smudged myself down completely and to say my prayers.

I certainly feel better.
I feel more alive.
More grounded in this body and grateful for it.
My spirit is flittering around inside.
And I'm grateful for that. 
Just got to hold onto this.  Make it a priority.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

This is Me


ART: Beast Master
ARTIST: TheBastardSon

I'm feeling all snarky and fangy and wild.
I blame it on the cool weather that has blown in.
I blame it on the upcoming Samhain....the thinning of the Veil between this world and the Afterworld.
I blame it on the upcoming Full Moon.
I blame it on my MoonTime coming to an end.


I have Patty's journal right now, and since I know she did one fucking page in my journal, even though she had it for 3 fucking weeks, I'm finding it very hard to give a damn.  I don't really want to work in it.  I find it insulting that she could only find the time to do one goddamn page.  And all she did was write.  It wasn't like she was painting or drawing or even gluing things in.  Just one simple, handwritten page.  Nothing fancy at all.  I just find it a slap in the face.  So I'm pretty sure I don't be doing any more swaps with her. 

Mike's party last night was a bust for David and I.  I've had a two week long headache going on, and we only knew like three people there.  I'd taken headache medicine, so I couldn't drink.  Besides, I don't like huge crowds of people I don't know...hence why I was never a fan of the bar scene.  So yeah, we stayed maybe 2 hours and came home.

We opted out of going to the Ferrari thing.  And I'm not going to ritual tonight either.  I'm just not feeling it.  And the headache is still hanging out, just off stage.

A friend of mine sent me the following message on Facebook:
"What do you believe? Pagan wise? I believe nothing and I respect you more than almost everyone else in the world. Please teach me of paganism."

My answer:
"oh geez, where to start? Paganism is so friggin' broad that it covers just about anything. my Path is more of a blend of Native American elements, shamanism, goddess worship, witchcraft (not to be confused with Black Magic), Gypsy magick, plus a bit of LeVay Satanic theology tossed in.
no hell, no heaven.....afterlife is what you make of it.
i live by the general premise of do unto others as you would have them do unto you......but if they cross me, i have no problem seeking vengeance. loyalty is given to those who deserve it.
i'm personally dedicated to the goddess Sekhmet.
i seek to align myself with the natural world, as that is where i find harmony personally."


And that's just me in the broadest of sweeps.

I know most people will read the whole thing and latch onto just the part of LeVay Satanic theology, so let me explain that a bit better.
I've read just bits and pieces of the Satanic Bible (really do plan to read the whole thing one day), and parts of it really stuck out to me.  The main one was LeVay's rant against the whole "Love thy neighbor as thyself" spiel.  His reasoning?  If you love a pedophile to the same degree and level and depth that you love your own mother, doesn't that cheapen and insult the love you have for your mother?  I found that to be a very eye opening statement.  And it really struck a cord with me.

I'm not Wiccan.
I don't worship a god.  Sure I tip my hat to him, just as I tip my hat to Christ and to Buddha and to any other holy people.  But I don't take a knee to them.
Guess that's my touch of arrogance.  My jaded view on male divinity.  I'll tip my hat and not be too disrespectful, but don't expect me to fall to my knees for you.
 
So this is me.
I'm a bit less tame than most would like.
I'm a bit more outspoken now. 
There's a bit more violence in my heart than most would prefer.
I'll go to the ends of the earth for those who have earned my loyalty and love.
But I'll only go so far for those who haven't earned it.
And for those who have earned my distrust, disgust, dislike?  Hell, you better count yourself lucky if I don't add to your misery. 
It takes a lot to get on my bad side, my bad list....but once you're on it, there's pretty much no coming back.

So this is me.
Take it or leave it.
I don't really give a shit.
Those who love me, know I'll go to bat for them any time, any where, no questions asked.
And those who don't, well, you might as well shut your mouth and walk away and count your lucky stars I'm not coming after you.