It’s been 6,570 days (or 18 years) since the last time I engaged in any form of NSSI (non-suicidal self-injury).
I’m just completely awe struck that it’s been that long. The past 5
years or so, have been quite the challenge to maintain this, but I’ve
come through. I have no idea.....but I made it. ::chuckles::
Though, on those really dark, dangerous days, I have given myself
permission to do NSSI if it ensures I make it through that point. I
would much rather have the marks on my arms/hands/knuckles, than having a
loved one planning my funeral.
This week. Ah, I had such PLANS! Quick lil dentist visit on Monday. Work blah, blah, blah. Have today off to celebrate And then more work, blah, blah, blah.
Yeah......NONE of that occurred according to ANY sort of plan. Went into the dentist. Was getting that first numbing shot (previous time I was here, I got THREE numbing shots and none of them took, so we moved on to other teeth where the numbing shot DID work). So yeah, getting that first shot, I I feel myself passing out. It’s been a while since I’ve gone fully out. I came to with my dentist and assistant looking utterly horrified at me, and asking if I had a history of seizures....because I apparently just had one.
So, off to the ER with me. Hubs drove me. I get in, we do CT scans of my head – the whole time I’m borderline losing my shit, panicking that I have a tumor or a brain bleed.
Everything came back normal. The doc that came in s 99% sure it was just a full on black out with twitching. His daughter does and says that it certainly can look like a seizure. But since it only lasted 1 minute, and I knew exactly who I was and where I was, that rules out seizures. ::shrugs::
Yeah, because of that, I didn’t see the full solar eclipse here in TX. And to be honest, I’m kind of ok with that. The energy is always.....weird....with solar eclipses. I’ve already told my husband, the next time a solar eclipse of any sort is going to roll through our area, I’m hightailing it OUT of the fucking state. No thank you. Count me out.
But the nice thing? I have a note saying I was not medically cleared to return to work until Thursday.....but I had already requested Thursday off. So basically, I will just work Friday and Saturday of this week. That’s been rather enjoyable.
