Sunday, December 22, 2013

Pets with Santa (Photos)

I'm a bit bummed about how the photos with Santa turned out this year.  They used a crap camera and then had them printed at Walmart, so the quality is less than usual.  *sighs*

I guess next year, I'll just take my own camera and take the photos myself.  I'll still pay the $5 or whatever per photo that they charge, but I'll do the rest myself.  It's the only way I know to ensure we have decent photos.

This is our 3rd year taking the pets to get photos with Santa. 

Leviathan is such a good model.  *smiles* 


David, Holly, and Santa:

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Update

It's been ages since I've written.  I had to go back and re-read my last entry just to see where everything was standing that last time I wrote (which was on Dec 5th).

I got the job at Starbucks.  I'm doing the training now.  I'm trying not to let it overwhelm me...there is just so much information to log into this brain of mine.  It's definitely out of my comfort zone, and I'm struggling a bit with that.  I'm used to being top dog (as I've done child care for AGES), so I'm really having to humble myself (which needed to be done, let's be honest there), and really stretch myself to learn everything this new job and role entails.  But, I really like the people I work with.  They seem to be very genuine and friendly, so that's always a plus.

Did photos of Leviathan and Holly with Santa.  Thank god we had the horrid ice storm the first weekend of December (we got iced in for 4 days), so they rescheduled the Santa photos for this weekend.  If they hadn't, we totally would have missed out on it this year. 

This December has just flown by.  I guess losing 4 days to the ice storm just really threw everything off.  It's hard to believe that today is Yule and that Christmas is in 4 days.  Just two weeks left in this YEAR.  Craziness.

I'm still not on medication for my bipolar depression and I'm still doing GREAT.  I'm worlds better than when I was on it.  I was worried that starting the new job in which I'm a total newbie would throw me into some serious anxiety/panic attacks, but honestly, other than just wanting to hide out the night before I go, they haven't really even existed.  When I was on the medication, I'd have all sorts of anxiety attacks, so I think this is for the best (at the moment.  I reserve the right to revisit this should I get bad again).

I need to catch up on my 365 Photo Challenge and the Project Life.  I don't think I'll be doing Project Life again.  David and I just aren't that interesting, and it's hard to come up with stuff for each week.  *chuckles*  We stay home most of the time and watch various TV shows (we're currently watching Breaking Bad) and movies. 

I made the decision to leave my Coven.  I'm just not getting anything from the rituals that I don't get when I do my own.  Most of the time, I enjoy my own solitary rituals more than the small Coven ones.  *shrugs*  I've looked into joining a different Coven, but there just aren't any in the area that speak to me. 

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Predator Self

Blame it on Dexter or on me still riding un-medicated.

But my predator self is back. 
The one that moves with liquid grace. 
The one that oozes utter confidence that can only come from knowing exactly where and how hard to strike down one's foe.

Blame it on the on-coming cold weather.  It always brings out my inner She Wolf.
Blame it on me finally standing up to my morning boss and walking out on that job that just robbed me of the joys of life.  Of working with kids.
I'm just not cut out to work with children under the age of 7, I've come to realize.

Got the job at Starbucks, pending me clearing a criminal background check (which I will...with flying colors).

But for now....I'm comfortable in this skin of mine.
I'm coming to various realizations about myself and the way I tick.

I've realized that while the impulse to cut will probably always be with me, the actual need to do it is long gone.
It's much akin to the other random desires towards violence that I have on a daily basis.  The desire to slash someone's tires.  To punch certain people in the throat.  Various desires that, while are fun to visualize, I just really don't see myself ever acting on.  *shrugs*  This is me.  And I kind of like me.

I feel like all this time I've been running away from my Core.  Trying to play nice.  Trying to shed the pelt and the fangs and the claws. 
Being a Wolf isn't being evil. 
Being a Wolf is just different.  Just me.
The way I use this fur and fang...that decides if I'm evil or not.  And for now.....I'm not.

And that circles back to being a predator, sure of herself, of what she is capable of doing...and deciding what to do.
For instance, today in my exit interview from Kids R Kids, it would have been all too easy to go off on my now-ex-boss.  To tell her exactly what I think of her, her management style, and her whole damn school.  But I chose not to go for the kill.  Why bother?  I'm liberated from that hell hole, so why spend any more time there than I absolutely have to.  It was a joy to quit.  *chuckles*

And now, I enjoy my late nights and later mornings.  I only have one job to contend with at the moment and I'm enjoying the freedom while it lasts.  Starbucks will tame me down once more.  But until then, I run free.