April 11th was my 17th anniversary of being NSSI (Non-Suicidal Self-Injury) free. Normally, I would write some fabulously upbeat entry about it being 6,205 days since the last time I engaged in NSSI behavior.
But not this go around. The next day, I bottomed out bad. Not quite to the point of being a danger to myself…but I could see that looming on the horizon. The past few years have REALLY tested my resolve to not engage in self-harm. And for now, I’m holding onto my track record. But I’m not 100% sure if I’m even doing myself any HELP right now by refusing to engage in it. ::shrugs::
Work’s ok. Kind of hit this lull where we are all getting along for the most part. Marriage is going strong. Spirituality is returning. And, most shocking of all, I am LOVING doing videos in the Pagan FB group and have done a few for my YouTube channel. I even bought a phone mount for my car, so that, should traffic prove to be an absolute bitch, I could record something while I wait out traffic.
We are getting a VERY NICE income tax return. And of course, my head is just SWIMMING with dreams and desires and wishes to spend the money on. I do plan to squirrel a large portion of it away into my savings. I should be breaking the $14k level soon, even without the extra bump from the tax return.
I sit here at times, just FLOORED by the fact that things, honestly, are really looking up. I am aggressively paying down my final credit card bill. I am able to sock away at least $400 a month specifically to savings. And that still leaves me breathing room with what I have in checking, that I’m able to slowly continue to upgrade my wardrobe and replace things that should have been replaced YEARS ago. I mean, a few years ago, I was barely making ends meet with my personal finances. And now? Now I’m sitting quite well. But I’m under zero illusions that it will always remain this way. Hence why I try to squirrel quite a bit away and purchase the things I NEED.
I don’t know if the plan to visit Boston in the fall is still on. We would be going to attend one of Hub’s coworker’s wedding. If we end up not doing that, I’m taking my ass to Wolf Park. I NEED something to really feed my spirit, and that will fill it to overflowing.
I do plan to buy some goose food and make it a point to go visit my Canada Geese Hoard. I miss them something fierce right now. And it would also be good for my soul to just go hang out with them, and be my normal Cryptid Self – the Lady Who Keeps the Geese In Line. The Lady to Whom the Geese Answer. The Lady to Whom the Geese Come When She Calls. ::smiles::
I am currently working on grinding up some of Titan’s rose petals to try my hand at making rose beads again. I am envisioning making a small necklace to adore one of the Sekhmet icons I have. And some of the Spirits I keep, enjoy roses as offerings. So I’m also envisioning making strands of rose beads to drape around my altar. I am going to see if I can dry them in my dehydrator or if they need to air dry for best results.
Yep, that seems like a good place to end this entry. Until next time!
