All Over The Damn Place

I swear up and down that I’m going to get better about posting here and then I go weeks without doing so. ::shakes her head:: Well, one of the goals I’m laying down for myself for the month of September is 100 Words a Day in my blog. Raymond, one of my long-time journaling friends, has been doing a daily 100+ words challenge for years now and it’s really sparked me here recently to do something similar. So yeah, that’s my plan for September. So brace yourself. ::chuckles::

In other news, let’s play catch up.

I still haven’t mailed out the Red Fast Luck Oil bottles to friends just yet. But my paycheck was a little light this go around (with the way the pay week fell with my work days), so things are a bit tighter than I like until pay day. I might be able to ship a few out before then, but I’m not putting any major pressure on myself, because mentally? I’m pretty damn fragile at times. Like a bomb. Ya just never know what is going to set me off, or if I’ll go off.

Like my newest impulse is that I want to just run, screaming, from the Youth Desk to the Staff Area. For no reason. Just because. Every day. Every single time I’m out at the Youth Desk. Or flip a table. I mean…at least I’m not combating self-injury impulses, but what the fuck? Yeah, I need to get my ass into therapy. I’ve even found a local therapist, that on paper, I like. But I haven’t called and set up an appointment, even though I’ve had her contact information for about 2 weeks now. ::sighs:: Yeah, I gotta get on that soon.

Oh, and then on the 26th, I got to pass my first kidney stone. Yeah, that was a lot of fun. Thankfully, it was small enough to pass on its own in about 5 hours after making its presence known and didn’t require me to seek medical attention. But it was definitely big enough to make its presence KNOWN. So yeah, I’m now upping my water consumption and cutting back on my coffee consumption because I sure as shit don’t want to repeat that ever again.

I did have an epiphany the day after the Kidney Stone as to why there is so much friction between Dustin (quasi-supervisor) and myself. I mean, beyond his stereotypical CIS White Hetero Male bullshit. I’ve been top dog for sooooooo long (12 years I was the Campus Leader of my afterschool program and before that I was co-director for 3 years, I think?), so it’s been AGES since I’ve had to be an underling. And it’s just really chaffing to have to get permission for just about anything. And the communication is so one way. I have to tell him ALL THE THINGS. But he is really shitty about giving me a realistic timeframe on things that DIRECTLY EFFECT ME. I don’t do double standards at all. It’s one of the quickest ways to piss me off. So yeah, tacking that onto of his arrogant White Boy bullshit AND his unmitigated OCD bullshit, it’s no wonder I’m almost always grumpy (if not pissed off) with him.

I haven’t figured out how to FIX this yet. I’ve just figured out the root cause. I’ll work on a game plan later. ::laughs::

Honestly, I’m tempted to just tell my boss I’ve been exposed to COVID and staying home for 2 weeks. It just sounds so amazing right now. I mean, I have the money in savings that I could use to cover my bills and whatnot, so it’s totally doable. ::sighs:: I’m desperately needing some time Away. If COVID wasn’t a thing right now, I’d fly up to Wolf Park and spend a few days up in Indiana. I’d go see the wolves, hang out with them. I’d hit a few zoos. Maybe a nature preserve. Or maybe I would just hole up in a hotel room and just SLEEP for days on end. ::shrugs::

David’s anxiety is through the roof on all sorts of things. He’s worried about the collapse of society. He’s been building fences for us and redoing our gates. Which is nice, because now our backyard and sideyard are attached, but we have a swing gate that we can keep the sectioned off if we want to. It’s something I’ve been wanting since we moved into the house, four years go. But yeah, listening to him worry about banks collapsing, and protecting our house from marauders, and if we can eat dog food or not, what to do if people break into the house, what happens if we lose the house, what will we do if China invade, etc? Yeah, I just can’t take all of that shit on top of my own mental tornado as well.

I did broach the subject of him talking to the VA about getting some low-grade anti-anxiety medication. Maybe I should just go to the CBD store down the street and get some gummies for the both of us. He REALLY needs to chill the fuck out.

I never thought I would say this, but I really wish he would go back to watching his alien conspiracy theory YouTube videos instead of the collapse of society ones.

And More Witch-Crafting

Catching up.

I made a large batch of my Red Fast Luck Oil. I decided it would be a good one to do a video walk through of how to make it and post that video in two of my witchy groups. I definitely need a better camera and a tripod for sure. But all in all it went very well. Plus, it’s a super easy oil to make.

And here is it, three days later, ready to go:

I mean, who doesn’t love that gorgeous red color? ::swoon:: And it smells divine. I’ve got 7 little bottles ready to be packed up and mailed out to people who are wanting some of it. And I still have a ton left over. So yeah, anyone wanting some, feel free to drop me a note.

And here’s an updated photo of my Crown of Success Oil (with some of the bottles of the Red Fast Luck Oil waiting to be packaged and mailed).

This is day 14, so we’re about half way there. It seriously looks amazing. And I’m super pumped to get it bottled up and to use it as well. Every day, when I shake it up, I can feel this steady, quiet hum to the oil. I have a feeling this is going to knock your socks off when you actually USE it. I’m so stoked.

In other news, I did get my undercut done plus cut 8 inches off my overall length of hair. And lord, I LOVE it sooooooo friggin’ much! I wish I had done this ages ago. I seriously just love everything about it. Though, I’m pretty sure, next time I’m going to cut it up a little bit higher. Hell, I wouldn’t mind letting it grow out, and shave it into a Mohawk style. Though, I definitely need to learn how to French braid for damn sure.

Husband ended up buying yet another gun, so we are now up to three – two rifles and a handgun. I’m looking to get my carry license in September. It will take around 60 days to get everything done and cleared, but after that, I can legally carry my Beretta. Which reminds me, I need to talk to my director and see what the specifications are about carrying it on my job. Even though Texas is an open carry state, I do not plan to open carry at all. Why advertise that shit? I’m one of those, I like to be the wild card. I’m the rogue of the party. I’m lethal as hell, but no one ever knows it until it’s too late. Worked extremely well for me in the live action role playing world, so I have a feeling it should translate over fairly well to the real world as well. That is the type of underestimating I’m ok with.

Other than that, it’s been mostly work work work. I’ve mostly caught up on my pen pal letters. I have just two right now that need replies. I’ve set up my 3rd bullet journal for this year that I’ll start in September. I’m currently reworking my 1001 goals. I’ve decided to pretty much scrap my original ones because COVID really just took the wind out of my sails on that, along with my birthday goals. So I’m scaling that back a LOT. I’m setting up new birthday goals for my upcoming birthday (in November) that also more realistic. Sucks, but it is what it is.

And I’ve been working in my Grimoire. Shocker! ::laughs:: Honestly, I was so tempted to just toss it because I had put these calendars in the front of it, to write down the various holy days and whatnot. And while most of them sound cool…I don’t really observe them or celebrate them or anything. So I have all this wasted space in the front and it was seriously bothering me. so yeah, I was tempted to just chuck it and start over. But damn, this is an Archer & Olive notebook and these things cost a pretty penny (or at least compared to the journals I typically use) and I couldn’t justify tossing out a perfectly useable $40 journal. So I’m just ignoring those first pages and soldiering on. And like I keep telling myself, this is meant to be a WORKING journal. The goal is to get the info DOWN. It doesn’t have to be perfect or beautiful or a work of art. It has to be functional. That’s it. It’s meant to be a simple RECORD of what I’m doing, what I’m experiencing, what I’m learning, what I’m trying out.

So yeah, that’s allowed myself to take a lot of the unnecessary pressure off of myself and just dive right in. Which, not like there’s been a whole lot of witching going on this year. COVID kind of curtailed a lot of that as well. But this means I’m not horribly behind! Woohoo! ::laughs:: And I’m figuring out the various things I want to put in there. I still need to get a good photo of my athame and my wand to do their pages with. And I’ll definitely be doing pages on the Red Fast Luck Oil and the Crown of Success Oil.

Witch-Crafting

Getting my witch on today.

Man, I seriously love having Fridays off, even if it means I have to work Saturday. ::chuckles::

I made a quick trip over to the Hearth Wisdom store and picked up some incense (as I STILL haven’t found my Big O Box of incense) and some herbs, plus two more green goldstones, because they are just too damn pretty to pass up. It ended up costing about what I was planning to spend on a Sage Goddess perfume oil, so yeah, won’t be getting that perfume oil. Which is fine. I have more than enough. Besides, I have plenty of her oils that I can hopefully trade for the one I am wanting. ::smiles::

Anyways, back to the original topic. I finally got around to making a batch of the Crown of Success Oil.

Here’s a shot of my very chaotic working altar:

Seriously, chaotic. But man, I love the energy I get there. This is also where I do my Zoom chats/rituals with my Coven, so yeah, it’s building up some nice energy there.

Here’s a close up of the oil itself:

So pretty. Granted this is just day one of thirty. I have to shake it daily for thirty days and then I’ll strain out all of the herbs. And then this oil will be ready to go. ::smiles:: I can’t wait. It’s going to be hard not to open it between now and then just to see if it smells correctly. ::chuckles::

I’ll need to be sure to send a bottle of it to my high priestess (she send me sandalwood chips), Mary (she sent me frankincense tears), and to Lyndsay (she sent me three different herbs that she wild-gathered herself) to help me make this oil.

Other than that, my energy has been crazy chaotic lately. I don’t know if it’s due to the full moon. Or the COVID lock down is really finally getting to me. Or if it’s due to Mars, Jupiter, Uranus, and Saturn all being massive dicks to each other. Or if Spring Fever is just hitting me late in the season. Or if it’s just my Feral Self demanding a change.

But fuck man, I haven’t even been comfortable in my own skin for over a week now. I feel like I’m climbing the walls and that I’m completely trapped. I feel like I need to DO something. GO somewhere. Only I don’t know what this SOMETHING is.

The desire to just scream at the sky…..
To dig in the dirt with my hands…not to plant anything or to dig anything specific up….just to…tear up the dirt…..
To bite and claw….
The snarls are there…just behind my teeth.

Man, it was so good to just drive to Arlington (about 40 minutes) today. That wanderlust is running strong.

The impulse when I’m driving home from work…to just keep driving until I run out of gas…is strong. And it’s not like I hate my life or that I’m trying to escape anything. I just need some feral time I guess.

I’m hoping the partial head shaving will appease the Feral Goddess. Because the next step is a tattoo. ::grins toothily::

Wielding the Scythe

Blessed Lughnasadh.  It’s the first official harvest of the season.

And man, I’ve been feeling it in my bones surprisingly.  But I’ve only just now realized it.

I’ve been wielding the scythe today for damn sure.  Cutting away that which no longer serves me.  Or at least, laying the ground work for cutting a lot of crap out.

I did a major purge on my Command Center Table – ok, just one half of it.  But holy hell, it needed it.  I’ll tackle the other half soon enough.  Old letters and bills (that thankfully HAVE been paid).  Business cards (because I adore those and hoard them like a dragon).  I came across a lovely card (with a Starbucks giftcard in it) from April from when I graduated with my Master’s degree…around this time LAST year!  ::chuckles::  I told you it was bad. 

I’m also taking up the reigns again in my Journaling Facebook group.  I took a big step back from it in July because I was just dealing with too much already.  But now, now I’m back and ready to go.  And the first thing?  I’m going to be doing a massive culling of the membership.  We have 120 members, but only around 20 or so actually post in the group.  And with it being a journaling group, it kind of has to have a close-knit feel because we are sharing things that typically you don’t share with the great big world.  So yeah, gonna be cutting that dead weight.  But I’m not being unkind in this.  I’m giving the members until the end of the month to make some sort of post or respond to at least ONE post in the group.  I don’t think that is too large of a commitment to ask from them.  Those who haven’t done so by September 1^st will be culled. 

And I finally made an appointment with my hair stylist for the 15^th.  I’ll be getting at least 6 inches cut off my total length – though I am leaning towards getting 10 inches cut off.  Trust me, I’ve got the length to spare.  Even if I do cut 10 inches off, it will still fall below my shoulders.  Right now, if I leave my hair down, the tip of my hair touches my pants’ waistband – that’s how long it is.  AND, I’m getting an undercut done as well.  Not a majorly drastic one, but an undercut all the same.  I’m seriously stoked about that.  My little rebellious heart has been crying out for something “wild” for quite some time now, so hopefully this will appease that feral side of me.

And now, I’m just killing time.  Waiting for it to be 5 pm so I can log into the Coven’s Zoom ritual.  I was asked by the High Priestess to write the Lughnasadh ritual for the Coven today and I am rather stoked with how well it came out.  And I’m quite excited to perform it for my Coven-mates.  I really do miss being able to do ritual with them in person.

Tomorrow is Lil Nephew’s SIXTH birthday!  How is he already SIX???  Sis-in-Law has asked for David and I to do a video wishing him a happy birthday and send it to her.  The plan is to do that either tonight, after my virtual ritual, or tomorrow before I go to work.