Thursday, September 24, 2015

Blessed Mabon

Blessed Mabon, the Autumn Equinox.

For me, this is a time of Standing Still. A pause in life, perfectly balanced between the Light and the Dark. And no, the Dark is not evil.

My Mabon Altar for this year:

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Beginning on the left and working our way across:
Sekhmet statue, because the Lioness is always with me.
Gathering Candle – bought this last year from The Sage Goddess and while I doubt I’ll ever purchase this type of candle from her again (pricey and with very little aroma), it fit beautifully with the altar.
Gold Candle Holder with a Hawk’s feather – symbolizes the Light half of the year.
Apple Candle – purchased for Mabon from Pumpkin and Cauldron – not sure I’ll buy this one again or not. I typically loath glitter.
Silver Candle Holder with an Owl’s feather – symbolizes the Dark half of the year.
Incense – Ancient Sandalwood from My Oakheart Creations – HIGHLY recommend her incense. It’s AWESOME.
Two pumpkin candles – picked up from Michael’s. Just love ‘em!
Two bronze leaf candle holders (holding the pumpkin candles) – picked up at Hobby Lobby.

I had all sorts of good ideas for this ceremony that ended up not panning out. ::laughs:: Originally, I wasn’t going to wear the red flame robe that Jennifer made for me. Instead, I wanted a black robe, but the only one I have is from my college graduation. I figured “Waste not, want not”. I didn’t realize the material was HORRIBLE. Yeah, that will be donated soon.

So I slipped on the red flame robe, and my god. Like silk across my skin. THIS is what I was meant to wear. ::smiles::

And then, I was debating on whether I should use my athame (which I LOVE) or my wand (which I also LOVE), to call in the Quarters and the Goddess – I don’t typically Cast a Circle.

Instead…the drum I made back in May called out to be used. And, damn, did I love it! Do wish it had a deeper voice, but honestly, it’s perfect for apartment use.

Surprisingly, Sekhmet was most pleased with the drum. I could practically hear Her purring throughout the ritual. LOVE it when that happens.

And Nicky (a good friend) posted about how at her Coven’s Mabon Ritual, they each drew two Tarot cards. The first one represents the year that is winding down and the second one represents the year ahead. And I just loved that idea, so I straight up stole it! ::laughs::

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For the Year that is Winding Down, I drew the 6 of Pentacles:
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You give of your resources freely, but are you paying attention to what you are doing? Are you giving people what they need or just what it pleases you to give? Be aware of proud but dispassionate giving.

For the Year Ahead, I drew Temperance:
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Moderate your life in all ways: physically, spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually. Let your action (or inaction) be appropriate to the situation. This card, more than any other in the Tarot, speaks of perfect balance perfectly expressed. Be aware of intemperance and extremes in behavior.

Quite a bit of food for thought there.

Just 2 Degrees

Gah. The weird-ass head-space continues. It’s not wholly negative or anything. It’s not like depression. It’s just......off. Like everything is tilted just 2 degrees off my normal center. It’s not wrong…it’s just slightly off. That’s the best way I can describe it.

So, I plan to take a nice long, leisure walk with the Ole Lady Dog, Holly. I plan to enjoy the sights and sounds of nature. And then I plan to come back and enjoy my own lil solitary Mabon (Autumn Equinox) ritual. And I plan to share a photo or two of my altar as I’m quite pleased with how it turned out.

For the rest of the day, I just need to write up this week’s Thankful Thursday list. And I plan to have fun at my after school program.

I had to write up Lauren (my high schooler aid) yesterday for wearing her short athletic shorts to work AGAIN.

I mean, don’t get me wrong. Women can be quite beautiful to look at, and I do appreciate a beautiful body.....but NOT when I’m working with CHILDREN. And even if Lauren was my type (and she’s NOT at all), she’s at least 16 years younger than me. Can we just say EW there? I mean, she’s not even legal to purchase tobacco products! ::dies laughing:: Yeah, so having to write her up and talk to her really put a damper on my day. But fuck that noise today. I’m going to enjoy myself damnit!

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Whine Fest Wednesday



Ok, I'm instituting Whine Fest Wednesday.  The idea here is to get all the whining and bitching out so that I can then rationally deal with said issues (hopefully).

Whine #1 -- Starbucks.  I realized today, I've got Battered Wife Syndrome here when it comes to Starbucks.  I keep being abused there and I keep coming back, hoping it will be better.  But it isn't.  By staying, I'm saying "I'm ok with being treated this way."  And I'm not.  If Starbucks was a romantic partner, my friends would be staging interventions by now.  So I've got to make some serious decisions regarding this, and soon.  I'm not sure how much more I can tolerate.

Whine #2 -- Touchy Co-workers.  Seriously?  I have to talk about this AGAIN?  Haven't all my co-workers at Starbucks heard the stories about me almost punching Wandering Hands Christina?  And equally seriously, if I'm in your way, touch me on the arm and I'll do my damnest to move the fuck out of the way.  Don't GRAB my arms and hold me there, while I'm struggling to get away from you, IN FRONT OF GODDAMN CUSTOMERS.  Seriously...welcome to my morning shift this morning at Starbucks.  Please see Whine #1 for more details on Starbucks.

Whine #3 -- I don't want to see your ass.  Two of my after school aides are all about the short shorts.  But seriously?  I don't want to see your butt cheeks.  No really.  I don't.  And the fact that I've already talked to them about it and quite a bit of training before the school year started revolved around dress code?  ::shakes her head::  Looks like I'll be busting out my Bitch Boss face this week. 

Whine #4 -- Apartment Office basically said I need to stop "over-reacting" about calling the cops on my downstairs neighbors.  First off, I only call when I think the children are in direct harm, so FUCK YOU.  Secondly, I invited you to come over and listen to the shit I hear OVER MY MUSIC AND FAN through THICK FLOORS AND WALLS.  And then tell me I'm over-reacting.  Goddamn, I can't wait to move out of this hell hole.

Whine #5 -- Grad School Application Essay. For real?  I have to write one of these to apply for Grad school?  Why can't you just take my fucking money and leave me the hell alone on this?

Whine #6 -- Stupid Anarchist Friend.  Everything out of his mouth is Fuck The Police.  Fuck the Country.  Vote for me as President and I'll Execute All These Assholes.  ::rolls her eyes::  Ever stop to think that maybe the whole reason why you have such "negative" interactions with the police is because you constantly and purposely antagonize them?  Just like I have no sympathy for someone who is finally bitten by the dog they've kicked every damn day...when the cops finally shoot his ass, I ain't gonna be the slightest be surprised.

::pauses and thinks::  Yep.  I think that about covers it.
Tomorrow is Thankful Thursday, so I'll balance all this whine with some gratitude.

EDIT:
::dies laughing::  The fact that I wrote this Whine Fest Wednesday on a TUESDAY should be an indicator of just how horrid this week has been!!!!!

Monday, September 21, 2015

So Flippin' Random



I'm here.  Just in a really, really weird head-space at the moment.

The obsession level on the genealogy stuff is slowly winding down.  Thank goodness.  I was afraid I'd be sucked into that forever.  But I'm still really enjoying it.  Basically, I've traced my direct ancestors back as far as I can and I'm pretty content with that.  I mean, tracing almost every direct ancestor's lineage back to the early 1600s (excluding the damn Ukrainians) is pretty damn impressive.  Though, I did bump into a guy crazy distantly related to me that has a family tree of 70,000+ individuals.  WOW.  But for me, now I want to focus on learning everything I can about these people.  More than just a birth year and death year (though, I don't always have even that).

The down side of the genealogy?  I ran across my biological father's LinkedIn page.  Talk about jarring me out of a normal day.  Kind of made me see him as a person again.  ::minor snarl::  I really wasn't anticipating the negativity gut reaction I got.  Thought I was a bit more over the whole "abandonment" crap.  ::sighs::  Guess I have a bit more work.

And then my psycho ex started popped up all over my Facebook page.  He wasn't contacting me directly (thank god), but my "friends" on Facebook were commenting on his posts, which makes it pop up in my newsfeed.  ::shudders::  Still makes my skin crawl even seeing his name...let alone his face.

Then Friday, one of the new kid's dad's was all sorts of flirty when he came to pick his son up at my after school program.  Like asking my name, if I was a teacher, how long I had been working with kids (typical first-time-meeting-parents-questions I field all the time).....then started the whole, how long you been working here?  Do you like it?  What are you plans for life?  What do you like to do in your spare time?  Do you live around this elementary school?  Where did you grow up?  Yeah, not so typical first-time-meeting-parents questions.  Lots of smiles and laughter, but definitely had me scratching my head at the end of the whole exchange.

And then today, at Starbucks, one of our regular customers, that I've seriously only spoken to for a grand total of maybe 30 minutes over the course of seeing him for the past few months (plus he works next door at 5 Guys Burgers), called me by name and asked me what I was doing there.  He said "I thought you were a teacher?"  ::blinks::  Do bitches be talking all about me when I'm not around?  How do people know all the stuff about me?  It really unnerves me, as I pride myself on being mostly invisible.  But anyways, that led into a whole conversation as to what it is that I DO do in the afternoons, and why I'm not a teacher, and how he believes that being a substitute teacher has to be THE worst job ever.

But seriously?  Can people please stop noticing me?  It makes me all panicky.

In other news, I got a raise this year for the after school program.  A whole 24 cents an hour!  Woohoo!  I finally broke into the slightly-above $24/hr!  Woot!  I honestly didn't think I was going to get a raise because I'm one of the highest paid individuals in our bracket (determined by number of years worked for the district, number of years worked in child care, AND having a bachelor's degree), so that was a pleasant surprise.

AND, then today, Hubs text me while I was at work to drop the news -- the raise that he and the higher ups have been debating for FOUR fucking months finally came through!  He's now making over $46,000 a year!  It breaks down to about an extra $1300 a PAYCHECK (after taxes).  ::does a happy dance::

And continuing with the wild hairs.....I jumped on the elliptical today.  First time in well over 6 months.  Technically, I'm about 15 pounds over the max "healthy" weight for my height -- though, to be honest, I need to lose about 25 pounds to be good again.  And I'm tired of just HURTING all the damn time.  I mean, seriously?  I'm friggin' 33 years old.  I shouldn't be moving like an old lady. 

And Hubs has been working out, because his work shift changed and he works 11 am to 8 pm now.  So he gets up in the morning and is doing some light work outs as well.  So, ya know, he can't be the sexiest person in this relationship, so I've got to step up my game here.  And given that I'm home for about 2 hours before he could get home at the earliest, I don't really have an excuse NOT to work out. 

So I'm hoping that a bit of working out with help out with the weight...but also the head-space.

Sunday, September 20, 2015

Wild Hair



Got a crazy ass wild hair up my ass today and deep cleaned my "smaller" closet.  Talking top to bottom, everything pulled out and tossed into one of three piles: Keep, Recycle, or Toss.  I took SIX loads down to recycle -- tons of paper items and print outs and magazines/catalogs.  And I threw away two loads of trash.  AND I have two trash bags full of clothes to be donated.  But damn, it feels great to be rid of all that crap.  Still have another closet and my entire room to go through similarly, but one section at a time.

I am hoping to tackle a section each weekend and get it all cleaned out.  Hopefully this will clear up some of the stagnant energy in my room and I'm also hoping this gets the energy flowing for a new home.  ::smiles::  Gotta keep the faith and hope alive that I won't be living in this hell-hole much longer.

I came across old journals of mine -- some from around 1997.  One is from when I first started learning about and delving into Wicca.  I am a bit scared about how "fluffy" those writings will be.  At least it will clearly show how much my faith and spirituality have grown in the past 18 years.  Hard to believe I've been a Pagan for that long now.  

Added later:
Oh my god, a friend of mine (Jennifer K) posted this on her FaceBook and it PERFECTLY summed up exactly how I felt after cleaning out the Closet of Doom #1 today:
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Monday, September 14, 2015

Gift

And this is what the sole purpose of the Super Sneaky Project #1:
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Bringing a smile to a truly AWESOME man I’ve come to respect and adore.
Who shares a love for journaling and dark humor and dry wit.
Who adores elephants.

And while he may not care too much for photos of himself, it just makes me feel even more blessed to have this photo of him, with the elephant journal.

The entire process, that started way back on May 5th, was a truly awesome experience. It was so heartwarming to see 16 of us come together, from all around the GLOBE – not just the US – one member is in New Zealand and another in Bahrain – but we all came together to pitch in to a worth goal for a worth cause for a truly amazing friend of ours.

And damn. That’s a truly BEAUTIFUL gift to the world, beyond the gorgeous elephant journal that rests in Ray’s hands currently.

THAT is what true friendship embodies.

Sunday, September 13, 2015

Ain't Gonna Rain on my Parade



Yeah, love how a group of people can come together and do something seriously awesome for a common friend....but that drama can erupt so damn easily afterward.

My FaceBook post from a little while ago:

It's amazing the things people will get so butt-hurt over.
I'm VagueBooking here, so feel free to comment or not.
But seriously? If we've been "friends" for over a decade, you would think that one SMALL oversight on my part wouldn't have that "friend" terminating said friendship. And I'm talking, it was a tiny, HONEST mistake, that is ridiculously easy to fix (and HAS been fixed).
I would have thought that 10+ years of "friendship" would have given me a tiny bit of the benefit of the doubt on such a thing.
But apparently I am DEAD wrong. Is that going to ruin my day? NOPE. I've apologized for my oversight. I've fixed said oversight. But you won't find me on my knees begging for forgiveness. That just isn't the way I roll. ::shrugs::

So yeah, now the backstory, that I won't put on FaceBook.

So I was listing all the people who aided in the Super Sneaky Surprise #1 for Ray, and I accidentally left off Kathi's name.  Like, an-honest-to-god oversight on my part. 

So I get an alert in my email about a comment she made:
"I really would have liked to have been included on the list" or something along those lines.  So I click the link to take me to the post so I could double check my error.  She deleted her comment, but I go ahead and fix my error.  Only to be puzzled that I can't link her name.

Turns out, she unfriend-ed me over this.  Talk about shock.  So I accidentally left off your name, it wasn't like I did it on purpose.  And we've been in the same journaling group for almost 11 years now.  Are you kidding me?

I did send her an apology for my oversight.  But I won't beg or grovel over this stupid lil mistake.  I'm sure there are other factors at play here and I know her life isn't the easiest.  ::shakes her head::

The ball is in her court.  I'm hoping that she realizes she blew this out of proportion.  Or, if I've done other things to hurt her, I hope she speaks up and lets me know.  But I'm not going to lose any sleep over this.

And the saddest thing about the whole situation? 
I know how I'm wired.  I'm a Scorpio to my core.  Which means, I'm loyal to the very bitter end.....but if you betray me?  Even if I can forgive the betrayal....I never forget.
So even if she apologizes or whatever....I'll never fully trust her again.  And that just sucks.

Sucks that something that was supposed to be a brilliant light of awesomeness, of kindness done for a GREAT friend....has been over shadowed by this petty bullshit.

Oh well.  Ain't going to rain on my parade.  I refuse to let this tiff taint the awesome knowledge/memory of such an awesome gift for Ray.

Super Sneaky Surprise #1 COMPLETE

Ok, so a while back, one of my dear on-line buddies, Ray, raved about this beautiful Elephant journal I had shared on FaceBook. Elephants are his favorite animal and we share a common love of journaling.

Now, the journal is hand made, and thus the price of the journal is reflective of that. But, I knew I just had to get this journal for him.

So I gathered together a whole slew of our online journaling buddies, swore them to secrecy and thus hatched out the Super Sneaky Surprise #1 (I’ve had quite a few sneaky surprises up my sleeve this year, so I had to assign numbers).

And he got the journal TODAY. Yesterday was his birthday and the damn postal workers didn’t give him notice that he had a package awaiting him at the front office of his residence, so he had to wait until today to actually get it.

But he was totally blown away. And is hopefully going to find a way to get a photo of him with it to share with us.

Until then, you’ll just have to deal with the photos I took when the journal arrived to me.

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And my (very tired) smiley face with Ray’s AMAZING journal:
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I mean, seriously? How could you NOT take a photo of yourself with such an AMAZINGLY AWESOME journal?

And this is the message Ray sent to me today:
I've been to the office and claimed my package. Unfortunately, no one with a camera was available when I opened it, but I will try to get a picture on line- somehow of me with the contents of the package.

How do I say how touched I am by your gift, and especially your efforts in forming the group assembled on the card? What a lucky day it was when I first signed on to the journal group, and how blessed I am that I am still connected with so many of you, even despite the fact I use the group so little, lately.

I love you, Walks (the alias I've used for AGES there, even though by the point most of them know my birthname).  Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Thursday, September 10, 2015

Super Sneaky, Eeyore, and Addiction

Welp. Super Sneaky Project: The Original is winding down. I shipped it out today. Now it’s just the waiting game. Once it’s landed and the person is successfully happy, I can write about it in great detail.

And just between you and me, I can’t wait for it to arrive for reasons other than the sheer awesomeness that it is. Don’t get me wrong, it’s seriously awesome and I’m stoked that I could band enough people together to accomplish Said Awesomeness.....

Buuuuuuut, one of those people, I had to friend on Facebook while getting this project done. And oh my god, talk about a super negative, whiny ass bitch!

Reminds me of the Eeyore that I worked with over summer. The whole woe-is-me, my-life-just-UTTERLY-sucks......but-I’m-not-going-to-ATTEMPT-to-DO-a-DAMN-thing-to-fix-it.
I seriously cannot fucking STAND that type of mentality. So yeah....I LOATHE her so friggin’ much. And once this project is done and is a roaring success, guess who I’m culling off my ‘friends’ list in a HEARTBEAT??

Yeah…that one.

In other news, I am ridiculously addicted to genealogy.

Yeah…got 737 people on my extended family tree.....and honestly. I stopped adding family information on crazy extended people. ::laughs:: But I can trace direct ancestors back 8 generations now.....oldest that I have was born in 1676 now. Crazy, no?

I came across some Immigration documents on my Ukrainian/Polish great grandparents, but I believe it’s written in Ukrainian, Polish, or Russian…so sadly, I can’t read any of it.

BUT…a previous coworker of mine, Russina, who worked with me at the original Montessori school, IS from Ukraine and she’s graciously agreed to see if she can translate it for me. If she can’t, she should at least be able to tell me what language it is in and then I can go about seeing if I can find someone to translate it. I’m sure it’s just boring Immigration paperwork…but I’m still interested to know what exactly it says.

Saturday, September 5, 2015

Happy 9th Hatchday!

Happy 9th Hatchday for my lil serpent, Leviathan!

Here is this year’s hatchday card:
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It turned out so ridiculously adorable!

Friday, September 4, 2015

Thoughts on Gay Marriage.....



All this hate and screaming about who's right and who isn't when it comes to gay marriage just boggles my mind.

Look, I understand that some Christians feel it goes against their God's decree....but do they not understand that their god isn't the only one?

I mean, me personally, I don't do animal sacrifice. But that doesn't mean I'm going to picket the holy places that have LEGALLY given rights to practice animal sacrifice.
I'll even take it a step further.  If I raised goats and chickens, why should I have a problem selling these animals to an individual or a group that practices animal sacrifice?  After all, weren't these animals raised to be slaughtered and eaten anyways?  Regardless of how they are killed (as long as it isn't overly cruel)....I don't have any issues.  After all, how is another individual sacrificing a chicken going to effect me?
Different strokes for different folks.
I guess my biggest question is why certain Christians are so against gay marriage? What the hell does it have to do with you? I've read the Bible more times than I can count. And nowhere in there (that I recall) does it say YOU will be punish for another person's sins. If I'm incorrect, please, tell me where in the Bible it says that a homosexual relationship (or honestly, ANY other sin) that ANOTHER engages in, actually harms YOU.
I don't consider myself gay, but I do have bi-leanings.  I do find some women attractive.  I just prefer men.

But if something were to happen and for whatever reason, I was no longer with my husband, and I found a wonderful woman that I fell in love with...I would want to be able to reap all the benefits befitting a married couple.  And I just fail to see how me loving a woman effects the damn county clerk issuing (or NOT issuing, as the situation goes).  Tell me, how does a man utterly in love with another man, or a woman utterly head over heels in love with a woman have ANY sort of serious impact on a damn county clerk's life?  Do you really even think a year for now, the county clerk will even remember the couple, regardless of being homosexual or heterosexual, she issued a marriage license to?

My opinion on this whole issue with the Kentucky County Clerk refusing to issue marriage licenses to gay couples, who now finds herself in jail is simply this:
Yes.  The USA is very rabid in its defense of freedom of religion.  But I personally feel that if you are hired on for a particular job, you need to do the duties of that job.  So, if you are a county clerk, then that means giving all LEGAL marriage licenses to EVERYONE who qualifies for them.  And if you can't do that, then you really need to find another job.
Just like a Orthodox Jew would not apply for a job in a pig slaughterhouse.
Or even a vegan working for any meat processing plant. 

Seriously, if you have major qualms or issues with the duties of you job, then quit and find something better tailored for you.  I don't understand what is so damn difficult about that.