Blah Day

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Some mail I received today from UNT. I’ll keep it for use in my art journals, but I’ll find something else to spend hundreds of dollars on rather than a class ring, thanks! ::laughs::

I had a mostly boring day at the F. Library. I spent an hour and a half on my “special project” of weeding out crappy/nasty/broken picture books. I’m close to finishing my FIRST half of a bookcase. Only like 20 more full bookcases to go! ::rolls her eyes:: But this should translate over very well to my Resource Management class assignments later on in the semester and it IS chipping away at the total required hours for the Practicum. So I’ll just keep on trucking. I sat in on the baby story time again. Not sure why. It was pretty similar to the last one – they just did a different book. And then I was sent down to the 1st floor for a more in-depth tour on the maker space. I seriously want to try out some of those machines at some point soon. ::chuckles::

Esmeralda (my supervisor) came out to campus for a bit. She needed to pick up the W-2 form for Megan (previous aide). And I figured while she was out on campus, I could get her to help with a pair of girls who are super “frenemies”. I’m seriously sick of their bullshit. So are their classroom teachers (whom I’ve talked to a couple of times already this year). And the school counselor doesn’t have much to offer other than what she’s been doing. So as of right now, I’ve banned them from playing together, reading together, anything of that sort during my after school program.

Brain Mush

written:  January 29

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Josey is inspecting my find from Wal-Mart. I went in after work because I needed some bubble mailers for two oils I’m mailing out and just randomly, I spotted these business card holders. I’m so happy because I’ve been trying to find some, as these are what I keep all my Starbucks cards in and my current one is about full. Granted, these don’t hold as many as the really nice ones I got from Barnes & Noble ages ago (but apparently Barnes & Noble doesn’t carry any more), but they were under $8, so I grabbed two just in case. ::chuckles::

Seriously guys, I’m already worried about my brain and the semester has only begun. ::laughs:: I’ve been all stressed out, trying to get all the reading done because I thought the 2 assignments for my Resource Management class and the 1 assignment for my Practicum class were due Friday. I skipped the FREE journaling class at the local library so I could come home and read. Turns out…the Resource Management assignments are due NEXT Friday. ::grumbles:: The good thing is, I’m ahead! But I am seriously pissed I missed the journaling class though! Seriously, y’all pray for my brain meats. It’s not looking too good for me! ::laughs::

But I totally lucked out on the Resource Management assignments. For the semester, I have to pick a library to study. The professor said that you should expect to spend a lot of time there. ::laughs:: So of course I chose the F. Library, where I’m doing my Practicum hours. Two birds, one stone bitches! That will probably make my semester worlds easier on me. I mean, I’m already having to spend 120 hours at the F. Library, so it would just be beyond stupid to NOT use it for the Resource Management class.

F. Library hours today were ok. I was on the Youth Level and manned the check in station for the “railroad play area”. Nothing too terribly crazy this time around, though it was significantly more busy. I sat in on the 3 to 5-year-old story time today. They did a puppet show to the book “Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus”. I’ve read the book with Liam P. – my favorite kiddo that is leaving us at the end of the month. He seriously would have loved the puppet show. ::laughs:: Then Bonnie (one of the higher ups) told me she had a project she wanted me to work on and had put a print out of the instructions on my jacket in the back. I was so excited. Until I read it. ::laughs:: I’m weeding the picture books – pulling out the ones that are damaged or gross. Sooooo exciting. But hey, at least I don’t have to interact with the public at that point and am pretty much in my own little world while I go through all these awesome books.

Sunset

written:  January 28

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Beautiful sunset I got to see from my front yard because I came home early from work. Originally, it was so I could attend a DIY Journal class at the local library. But honestly, I realized how much homework I had to do, so instead, I stayed home and did that. I only have 6 more pages to read of the three chapters. Then I can get started on the 2 assignments due for the Resource Management class on Friday.

I am still trying to figure out what my other two Practicum Objectives will be. I have no friggin’ clue. ::sighs:: I have a feeling that I’m just going to have to make some stuff up and just roll with it for the semester. I’m just glad I was smart enough to redo my schedule and do my best to keep most of my library hours to just 9 hours a week. But there are two weeks in February that I do a week of 14 hours and another week of 11 hours. But after that, it will be back to just 9 a week. Hopefully, that will allow me enough time to do my classwork plus still having some downtime.

While I was at work today, I started working on punching out paper hearts. I’m modifying an idea I saw on Facebook a while back. The meme states for every day between February 1st and February 14th, the parent is to write something they love about their child and tape it to their door. So instead, I’ve divided up my students between me and my staff – and my goal is for the staff to write one thing they like about that particular student. On February 13th, I will hang all the hearts up for the kiddos to see. And then February 14th, they will get to take them home. I am hoping that maybe this will be a bright spot for some of the kids that might just need it. plus, it will help encourage my staff to reach out and get to know some of the students that might fall between the cracks. I don’t expect my staff to be bffs with every single one of the 72 students in the program. But I can expect them to be on good terms with 13 or 14 kiddos. I did make sure to get a good mix of kiddos they are already on good terms with and ones they aren’t. I’ll be giving them their lists and their hearts tomorrow to begin working on. Hopefully we can get that all done and ready to go before the 13th. And depending on how well it goes over, it may go into the binder of ideas to do.

Jess mentioned today that she may end up being back next semester as well. With the amount of tests she has to do before mid-May, and the way they space everything out, she may not be able to get them all done in time to begin student teaching in the Fall. If so, then she’ll be back at the after school program until she can do her student teaching in the Spring. I did inquire if she had thought about being a campus leader that semester. It would give her an added pay bump. And if I am not coming back in the Fall, I would certainly feel so much better about it if she were leading the campus for a bit. But, if I can’t get a full time library job, then I plan to stay at the after school program and get a part time library job. I cannot afford to lose my health insurance. So until I can get a full time (and benefits) job, I will hold onto the after school gig. I just really hope I can get a full time library job and not have to do that. But it’s always good to have a backup plan.

Tarzan

written: January 27

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Ringo (one of my Mom’s dogs) showing how to PROPERLY enjoy Winston’s dog bed (my Mom’s other dog).

I had a lovely Sunday morning, chit-chatting with my Mom before getting on the road around 1 pm. I needed to get back so I could start working on this week’s assignments. Luckily, the road was open –there was serious construction yesterday which had it shut down to one-lane, but thankfully they weren’t working on Sunday – and for the most part, people weren’t driving like they had warrants out for their arrest, so I was able to do the speed limit (and a little over) for the bulk of the drive.

David treated us to dinner at the Cracker Barrel. And we watched The Legend of Tarzan on Vudu. All in all a good way to spend the evening.

Falconry Expo

written: January 26

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My favorite shot from the Falconry Expo – this is a young male Red-Tailed Hawk. It wasn’t quite as full as I was expecting, but all in all, I had a good time. I got some amazing shots of various birds of prey. Seriously, if I had the free time, the money, and the space, I would totally look into apprenticing under a Master Falconer to get my own raptor. ::smiles:: But as of right now, I have NONE of that, so no falconry for me at this point in my life.

I should have brought my Resource Management book with me, so I could do some reading this evening at my Mom’s. But I didn’t even think about it until I was already at her house. ::chuckles:: Oh well. I’m still trying to get back into the swing of the semester. Guess I will be playing catch up this week. Gotta get the reading done so I can do the assignments!

I got a flash of insight on my drive down to my lil hometown (it’s a 3.5-hour drive). I had a dream a while back in which I was given an incense to banish my Psycho Ex from my life. I even researched the herbs I was shown in the dream and found out that they are indeed used for banishing. I even found the herbs on eBay. But never got around to BUYING them and actually creating the incense. So of course, he still pops up in my dreams from time to time. And with me basically ignoring a GIFT like that…no wonder I’m feeling a bit disconnected from my Path.

And I got a flash of insight on something else to add to the incense. I plan to make a decent amount and use it for any banishing I need to do. I will add a tooth or a claw or a bone from a skunk, just to increase the “repelling” potency of the incense. So next paycheck, I’ll be purchasing the required herbs and a mortar and pestle. Hopefully I can find some skunk bones/teeth/claws fairly cheap and a glass bottle like what I have pictured in my head that I want to keep the incense in. And then I’m going to get to work on this incense. Once I get that done, you better believe I will be banishing the shit out of my Psycho Ex. I want all of his residue GONE. Hopefully this will also banish the anti-spirituality fog I’ve been in for quite some time now.

A Good Friday

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An awesome Imbolc card from Paper – a blogging buddy.

The kiddos were happy to have me back today at the after school program. I did get some seriously shitty news – Liam, one of my absolute FAVORITE students, is withdrawing from the program. January 31st is his last day. I am seriously bummed about that, but am enjoying him while we still have him.

I actually started making serious headway on the “Care and Feeding of <name of the elementary school we are based at> Program“ today. Jess told me that yesterday there were some minor issues with how things are run and whatnot. So much of it is just in my head that when I’m not there, they aren’t 100% sure about it. So I’ve started writing down notes today about various things, starting with the things they had some issues with.

I also broke up the kids as evenly as I could among the staff. Monday, I will give each staff member their list and tell them that for February/Valentine’s Day, I would like for them to write 1 thing they really like about each of the students on their list. We’ll write these on hearts that I’ll punch out of construction paper. We’ll hang them up on the windows and on Valentine’s Day the kids will be allowed to take their heart home. I’m doing one for Liam that I’ll give him on his last day with us.

I plan to write out the directions for the heart thing and will put into the Care & Feeding book, along with any other “traditions” we do. Such as bats for October/Halloween. Footballs for Superbowl time. And information on where I get the Chinese New Year mural we do each year (which, I need to buy this year’s mural soon). My goal is to have it all written up, printed out on nice paper, and in a binder by the end of the school year. Wish me luck on that! ::laughs::

I got a KICK ASS idea while I was writing my letter to Wendy about a possible Practicum goal. I would LOVE to put together a Postcrossing meet up, a LetterMo meet up, a pen pal meet up, and/or a journaling meet up at the library. I mean, how awesome would it be to bring together people who enjoy that as well like 3 or 4 times a year? Well, the LetterMo one would happen in just February most likely, but the others could be more often. So I’m thinking one of my Practicum goals is to learn about the ins and outs on how to plan, market, and implement community enrichment programs. Maybe, if I’m feeling confident enough, I may actually do a Postcrossing meet up at the F. Library towards the end of my Practicum. So one goal down, just need 2 more! ::chuckles:: So yeah, I’ll need to let my Practicum Supervisor know of my interest in learning about how they put together the various programs they do, because they do a LOT of things.

Security Bone

written: January 24th

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Nothing like a cuddly, sleepy pit bull and her security bone (like a security blanket) in your lap.

So today, I worked an afternoon/evening shift at the F. Library. It was interesting, boring, and chaotic at various points in the 5 hours I was there. And I know for sure that I do NOT want to work with the young children section. ::chuckles:: But I do want to check out the STEM, Diversity, and Storytime-in-a-bag Backpacks they have in the Library. I think those would be amazing sets to implement in the after school program if possible. Once I get some hands on time with the backpacks and figure out how they could work in the after school program, I’ll pitch the idea to my boss. Who knows? Maybe the after school program could get a grant to cover the costs of implementing these for our reading time.

I was so exhausted by the time I got back home. I was using my brain so much to learn so many new things and I was utterly bushed by 10 pm. ::chuckles:: Which is EARLY for me. But all in all, really good time and it was nice to see how different things are in the evenings as opposed to the afternoons.

I still need to come up with some Practicum Goals. ::sighs:: Not overly thrilled about that. I understand the WHY, I just don’t want to do it. ::chuckles::

I do need to pick up some more cardigans. Hopefully I can find ones with pockets. I hate this not having ANY pockets at all. Maybe I can learn to sew, and add in pockets to my work pants. I seriously friggin’ hate how women’s clothing doesn’t give us pockets. Or if it does, they are some pathetic tiny little pockets. So stupid. Like, why can’t I have normal sized pockets in all my pants?????

Practicum

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Ah, this book brings back some serious memories. I bought this book for Wendy (pen pal) and it finally arrived. Now I need to reply to her letter so I can mail it all out together.

Today was my first day at the F. Library. I was so nervous last night, but used the same self-empowering talk I used when I had to go clothes shopping. Every fear my anxiety threw up in my face, I acknowledged where the fear was coming from and then talked myself through it on how it would actually be ok. I did that while I was taking a shower and visualized myself washing all the fear (and the crappiness of the day) off, so that I had a good clean slate to start with.

Today I pretty much shadowed Courtney and I just love her. She gave me the tour of the children’s level. I did sit in on the infants’ story time, which I was seriously apprehensive about, but it turned out to be pretty cool honestly. But yeah, not my cup of tea. I was happy to escape back to Courtney. She gave me a tour of the Teens area, which is pretty cool. And then we went down to the first level and she introduced me to the Adult Services team. John gave me the tour of that area, showing me the laser cutter, 3-D printers, and the book maker machine.

Tomorrow I have orientation with Jennifer (my Practicum Supervisor). I got to see her a little bit today as I was leaving, and I mentioned that I have to come up with learning objectives for my Practicum class. She’s apparently an old pro at this so she said she would totally help me out with those as well. So hopefully I can get those squared away tomorrow and go ahead and submit that assignment early.

I need to get to reading for my Collections class. I’ve got one chapter done. Just two more to go and then I can start on that assignment.

And then this weekend I’m headed to my lil Hometown as they are doing a Falconry Expo that’s free to the public. I’m going to hopefully get some nice photos. I need a photography day.

I realized earlier today that I still have Wal-Mart gift cards from Christmas. The tent won’t cost me a dime. And I’ll have enough money left over on the gift cards that I can also get an inflatable mattress if I want it. I am so excited at this possibility. Originally I was saving the gift cards for work clothes, but since I got those as Kohls instead, I have these gifts cards just hanging out. Jess (one of my aides) does a lot a camping, so I asked about camping spots around here. She was able to give me a number of recommendations. So once I get the tent and the weather gets a bit warmer, I’m taking my punk ass camping.

Head Space

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After an epic level crappy day, I came home to a surprise package from Loree (family down in Australia). She’d sent me an Australian animal calendar, a cool card, and a pair of Sulfur-crested cockatoo feathers. So cool of her. I really should get some picture frames and display some of the amazing feathers I have in my collection.

I am just a ball of utter rage today. It started at 8 am when the neighbor decided to blast shitty fucking music at 8 am. ::growls:: And then I dropped one of my Sage Goddess perfumes and it utterly shattered all over the floor. ::sighs:: I am just grateful that it isn’t one of my top favorite ones. I got it in a trade (Synergy 12) for an oil I didn’t like at all (Enchanted). And if I was tempted to replace it – it’s friggin’ $40. ::sighs:: So I won’t be replacing it anytime soon.

And then I got the work survey today. Whew buddy, that probably wasn’t the best time for them to send it to me. But then again, I was just 100% honest. Which got me to thinking about all the bullshit they put us through, which just enraged me even more. I am seriously so ready to leave the after school program in the rear view. If I could, I would take a full time job at a library and turn in my 2 weeks’ notice right now. And that sucks because I love my students. I will miss the shit out of my little hooligans.

No yoga again today. I’m just not in the head space for that peace, love, hippy-dippy shit. I’m a ball of rage, there no “breathing in love, and exhaling love” right now for me. I need a punching bag. I need some aggressive way to burn this energy off. I have no way of doing that. I may just take a hot shower before bed and just sob the rage out under the water. That way I won’t have epic puffy eyes for my first day at the F. Library. I go tomorrow 9 am to noon. I so want to call out. I want to just curl up and hide from the world right now.

Honestly, I got a whisper from deity today. It was just one word. Camping. I need to go camping. Somewhere. For a few days. Once it warms up, of course. Because I’m a total weenie when it comes to the cold. And I don’t have a tent. I really should get one of those soon. Oooh, Walmart has one that would work that’s only $35. I’ll get it with my next paycheck. And then, I’ll start figuring out where I can go camping for a few days around here.

Moon Musings

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Beautiful full moon. Even though I may not feel any direct spiritual connection to it, I can still deeply appreciate the beauty and the calm it brings.

Like Annie so wisely pointed out on my previous entry, this may be a time for me to focus more on my own internal strength and spirituality and wisdom. And I’m ok with that. I figure the deity aspect will return when I start working with the coven. And even then, if it doesn’t, that’s fine. I’ll circle back to deity at some point. I just know it in my bones. It’s just that right now, I need to learn to walk on my own. A witch should never be afraid to walk alone. And honestly, the power comes from within. Sure deity and spirits lend aid, but in the end, either the witch has power or the witch is just a wannabe.

So, I think for now, I’m just going to hit pause on rituals and what not. If I’m moved to do a ritual, then by all means, I will. But I’m not going to just because it’s a full moon, or it’s a sabbat. Which honestly, I had decided not to observe the sabbats this year anyways, so that’s a moot point. It also means I’m suspending my daily incense offerings as well. I may still light incense and sit outside and enjoy the natural world, but no deity will be invoked, unless I am moved to do so.

I just finished up watching The Ritual on Netflix. Not too shabby, but very campy. And, never thought I would say this, but the book is so much better. Hell, I kind of want to reread the book again now.

Stomach virus from hell today kept me home. So I wasn’t able to go to the F. Library. I figured the best thing was for me NOT to infect all of them. ::chuckles:: And now, of course, I have a headache trying to kick off. ::sighs:: I’m really getting so very, very tired of this shit. So yeah, no yoga either. I tried, even after the stomach bug had passed, but I had zero energy to do anything more than Cat Pose and Cow pose at the very beginning of the session. I just laid down on my mat and rested instead.

I wrote up a generic intro letter for this coming round of the Month of Letters challenge. I’m rather excited to kick that off soon. I’m kicking around a few ideas for a Bullet Journal layout to track the letters. Though I did see a “visitors register” book at Office Depot that I seriously wanted, but there is no way I could justify $40 goddamn dollars on it. I’ll probably just make my own version of it in Excel. Then print it out and glue it into my BaBuJo – just like I do for my bill tracker. Or I may just dedicate a binder just for my pen pal tracking, so it doesn’t eat up all the space in my BaBuJo. Honestly, now that I think about it, I could make a blank calendar grid as well and just add in the dates to reflect the particular month so that I don’t have to draw it over and over and over again. Hell, I don’t even know why I put a calendar in there – the only thing I use it for is to track how many words I journal each day.

I guess it’s like anything else in life. You get into the habit and you just do it, day in and day out, even though it no longer serves a purpose. Guess next month, I’ll forego the calendar grid and instead just make a journal tracker like I do for my daily photo tracker and see how I feel about it. That’s certainly easier to set up than doing a full calendar grid.

Full Wolf Moon

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My altar for the Full Wolf Moon (which is also a Super moon AND a full lunar eclipse). All sorts of awesome power in the air tonight. I’ll pop outside from time to time tonight to watch the eclipse as it unfolds tonight. Wish the weather was nicer so I could just have a small fire in the fire pit, and just bask in the glow.

Before all of that, I cleaned my altar. I took everything off of it and wiped it down with the storm water I have. And then I anointed it with the Sage Goddess Anointing oil I have. I seriously have to figure out her recipe for it, because it just smells amazing. I wish she was still selling it. Luckily, I still have plenty, so it will be a while before I start getting desperate.

Which, Tara L. has shared two sites on making magic oils in the Hearth group. I grabbed one of my little notebooks and started jotting down which oils sounded intriguing. Now, I just need to slowly get some more oils to add to my collection and I can start making my own. But first things first, I need to get the items together to make another back of the Red Fast Luck Oil.

Tomorrow is my first day at the F. Library. I’m excited. I’m planning to wear the black top, the gray pants, and a leather coat. Not sure if I’ll take the cardigan or not. Tomorrow is more of a test run for me, so I can see how cold they keep it in the library. Jennifer (my Practicum Supervisor) said that tomorrow will mostly be orientation stuff for me. Once I get through all of that, then I’ll move on to shadowing story time. I’m not exactly looking forward to that, as I already spend more than enough time with kiddos at my job. But hey, I have to get the hours, and this is what Jennifer has me doing in those hours. This is what I’ve got to do to graduate, so let’s get to it. ::chuckles:: And who knows? I might just actually enjoy myself.

I didn’t do the yoga today. Just too many things on my plate and I squandered a lot of the time away. But I got my room vacuumed, the sheets changed, Leviathan fed, and a pen pal letter written. Oh, and a shower and a ritual. So all in all, I am still calling today a good win. I’ll do the yoga tomorrow, probably after I get back from the Library gig. I will need to figure out my Practicum goals before I go, so I can talk them over with Jennifer before submitting them to my professor. That’s due Friday.

I am beginning to suspect I’m slowly becoming a secular Pagan…meaning, I don’t worship deities. I dunno. I just feel so disconnected from all the deities I’ve worked with in the past. Even Sekhmet, who’s been so dominant in my life for the past 22 years seems…faded. Like I’m hearing Her through fog. My Spirit Wolf is the only thing I feel connected to. And the Moon. I’ll always love the Moon. But I don’t feel Her like I used to either.

I need to go through my old journals. I know I’ve hit this point before. I remember it was when I was with my Psycho-Ex, and Sekhmet ended up sending me to Tatanka (Lakota for buffalo/bison) to learn more about Native spirituality. I got rid of all my Pagan things. My athame, all my books, my altar pentacle that I made, pentacle necklace, EVERYTHING Pagan and focused solely on Native spirituality. It was a good time for me if I am being honest. I did my first sweat lodge and first Pow Wow. I still have the dance shawls. I wonder if I could get in touch with Buckskin again.

Words and Totems

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Two shirts and the cardigan I bought today for my Practicum hours at the F. Library. Not pictured are the two pairs of slacks I also got. All for $150. Not too shabby. Kohls was having a sale, so I was able to buy one, get one half off on the pants and the shirts. Would have been nice to find a second cardigan I liked to also get it half off, but I think I did enough damage for one day. I had hoped to get some different colors other than my standard dark scale I tend to stick to, but they didn’t have any in my size that I liked. Oh well, I can slowly add things to my wardrobe over this coming semester, now that I have a maker I like and know what size I need.

To be honest, I was seriously dreading this shopping trip. I absolutely loathe shopping for clothes. But yesterday, I got to thinking, I should work on manifesting GOOD things instead of focusing on what I was dreading. So every time I thought about shopping for clothes, I repeated to myself that I was going to find the clothes I needed and liked for my Library job. And honestly, it really helped me.

So I guess it’s time for me to get around to talking about my Focus Word and Totem for the year. ::chuckles:: We’re only 19 days into the year. Better late than never.

So let’s start with the totem – Shark. I was thinking maybe a wolf again, or an exotic cat of some sort. And then one night, right as I was about to fall asleep, BAM! It hit me. Shark. Shark was to be my totem for the year. And once I got to looking into its totem qualities, it all snapped into focus. Shark is all about forward movement; owning your personal power to get shit done; and going at your own pace for proper learning. A damn good totem for the year that I will be completing my degree and looking for new employment.

And the Focus Word for 2019 is Forward. I was kicking around the idea of Shift or Change, to embody the upcoming changes this year has in store for me. But much like how Shark just hit me out of nowhere, so did the word Forward. And it syncs up so beautifully with Shark. Shark lacks a swim bladder, so most species have to constantly be moving in order to live/breathe. Forward movement always, not matter how small, is still forward movement.

I still want to get one of Brigid’s Grove goddesses with my focus word. Maybe she’ll even have a shark charm I can add to the goddess doll. Not sure what color I would choose. Maybe a silver, gray, or blue. Or if I could get a custom goddess, I could get a mix of silver and blue…like the sharks themselves. We will just have to wait and see. And if I can’t get one, that’s fine. It would just be nice if I could.

Bettery Day

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Hmmmm, tea. Lovely, lovely, lovely tea.

Thank all that is holy, I woke up this morning with no headache. Not even the standard bruised brain feeling the day after a migraine. I have no idea what deity took pity on me, but I will sing their praises forever! ::chuckles::

New random thing I’m doing – I’m saving all the left over sticks from when I burn incense with my daily prayers. I have a hazy idea of burning them all in a fire on the last day of the year. We’ll see how long I stick to it. ::chuckles::

No yoga today. I have a weird pain in my abdomen area and have elected not to irritate it any more than necessary. And of course this shit goes down right before a long weekend. Which, I’ve finally admitted to myself that it may be time to either up my anti-depressant or up my thyroid medication. I’m not sure which one needs to be tweaked, but the depression has certainly returned. And with the increase in headaches and the fact that I’m shedding eyelashes again like you wouldn’t believe, so that makes me believe that my thyroid is acting up. ::sighs:: So yeah, Tuesday, I’ll call my doc and see about getting in to get my thyroid levels tested. Hopefully that just needs to be tweaked and I’ll be right as rain again.

And I’m just noting here for myself that the intrusive thoughts have been extra bad this week and the desire to cut has be stupid high. I’m not a danger to myself or to others, but I’ve really been struggling hard with the self-injury compulsion. You would think that after not doing any self-injurious behavior for almost 13 years now, that it would go away. But apparently you would be dead fucking wrong. ::sighs::

Migraine

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This month’s wolf on my wolf calendar. Black wolves hold a very special place in my heart.
Holy hell. I’ve been nursing a damn headache all damn day that’s been trying to develop into a migraine. For most of the day, it’s felt like someone punched me in both eyes. My orbital bones have ACHED all day and felt swollen. Honestly, I should not have gone in to work today. But then again, since the neighbor is getting new fence installed, it’s not like I would have had peace and quiet here at the house to recover. The nail guns (yes that’s plural on purpose) probably would have just made it worst. And the kiddos were actually pretty good and more quiet than usual today, so it wasn’t awful at work. Thank the lord for small miracles.

This one I’m pretty sure is triggered by the incoming front we have. Tomorrow it’s supposed to drop 30+ degrees with a storm. Yeah, we’re going from 60 degree weather to 30 degree weather in the span of a few hours tomorrow. ::shakes her head:: That is going to SUCK so bad. But as soon as the front actually gets here, I’ll have relief, so I’m looking forward to that.

Amanda J. (a pen pal) mentioned in her last letter that one of her goals for 2019 is to learn the Tarot. And I had just gotten two different Tarot journaling PDFs. Seems like it was meant to be. So I’ve made copies of both and will be mailing those out to her along with a reply letter soon. I want to get a rigid letter sized envelope to mail it all to her so I don’t have to fold it up a thousand times. I stopped at Walmart on my way home today (yes with a raging headache) and was sorely disappointed they didn’t have one. Guess I’ll grab one from the post office tomorrow. And I need to bottle up some of the Red Fast Luck Oil and get that ready to mail to Annie (journaling buddy). AND I bought a copy of Scott Cunningham’s Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner for a Wendy (a pen pal) today as well. So as soon as that arrives, I’ll get that in the mail to her. Look at me, being so generous and helpful. Guess I’m not nearly as cold-hearted as I claim. Then again, I’ll go to the ends of the earth for those I consider part of my Pack. Non-pack members? Not so much. ::chuckles::

I was hoping to go to the zoo this weekend, but the weather is supposed to go to complete and utter shit starting tomorrow, so that’s now off the table. Guess I’ll just hang around the house and try not to go too stir crazy. I do need to work on my 3 practicum goals, as those are due next Friday. Talking those over with Jess (my awesome aide), she tossed out a few ideas on how to word my goals so that they sound better. ::laughs::

Sometimes, I seriously wish I could just be normal. I could just do what’s expected, no questions asked. It’s rather that I wish I could be a sheep again, instead of wolf, but school would be so much easier if I could be. Hell, work would be so much easier if I could just be a damn sheep. But once a wolf – there’s no way to be a sheep again.

Goals

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My LetterMo stickers have arrived. So now I’m all set for when February rolls around and I can start my LetterMo month in earnest. ::chuckles::

I’ve gotten the last two assignments due this week done and turned in. And I’ve already gotten my grades back on those two assignments. ::chuckles:: I’m rocking a 4.0 in the Information Resources Development class. I am doing my best to set a good standard for myself right out of the gate here. I just hope I can continue this level of enthusiasm…or at least fake it until I make it! ::laughs::

I have to come up with at least three learning objectives/goals for my practicum. I have submit those to the Professor by next Friday. ::rolls her eyes:: I hate doing those. Like seriously, I just want to learn anything and everything I possibly can at the F. Library to make me a very well-rounded librarian, so that I can hopefully have a high chance of getting hired as soon as I graduate (if not sooner). What’s wrong with that? But oh no, we are encouraged to have some lofty ass goal. Man, I have ZERO desire to be a library president. I just want a job I enjoy, coworkers I enjoy, and to make a decent living so I can go do the photography and the traveling that I desire. ::chuckles::

My lofty goals and dreams have zero to do with my career. I honestly could care less about upward movement in my career. Instead, I want a solid, stable job that pays well and affords me the time to pursue my Coven, my spirituality, and my hobbies. Oh, and that has good health insurance and retirement. ::chuckles:: So yeah, needless to say, I need to put some thought and research into “appropriate” practicum goals and submit them by next Friday.

Crazies

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A stack of Squishies on top of my Starbucks drink at work. Sums up my day pretty well. ::chuckles:: Just a whole bunch of crazies, but entertaining crazies at least.

Yoga today was good. I was a little disappointed it was over so quick. But holy hell, I am feeling it now. My legs are sore. Not a bad sore. I’m not limping around or anything. But I’ve definitely been working muscles that haven’t been used in a while. Honestly, I look forward to doing the yoga when I get home from work each day.

My oil trade came in today. It’s a bottle of Synergy 12 by Sage Goddess and honestly, I like it quite a bit. Definitely world’s better than the Enchanted I traded off. ::chuckles:: I really need to get a mini-binder made of the oils I do have. Hell, I also need to pick up a rack of some sort to put my oils on as well. I found a clear plastic two level spice rack on eBay for like $12 but I might end up snagging specifically for my oil collection.

My book arrived for my Information Resource Development class, so now I get to cracking on the reading I’ve got to get done. I have TWO assignments due by the end of the week for this class. So I’ve got to hit the ground running here. I absolutely HAVE to stay on top of everything or I’m going to go down in blazing ball of fire.

Mom let me know about a free birds of prey demo that’s going to happen in our lil Hometown on January 26th. I don’t have anything scheduled that weekend at all, so most likely, I’m going to charge up my good camera and go down to see and photograph the raptors. Man, I would love to own a bird of prey, but that would pretty much nix all traveling plans for me, as they require such specialized care. And man, when I can afford it, you bet your ass I’m going to do my best to fill up my passport with stamps from all over the globe.

Mischa

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The most ADORABLE AWESOME wolfie Brandy, my Canadian Twin sent me. And it is just PERFECT for the upcoming Full Wolf Moon which is ALSO a full Lunar Eclipse, so the moon will be red that night, just like on this wolfie.

Other side of the wolf:



This is made by the wildly talented Demiurgus Dreams. I’ve been eyeballing her artwork for a while now, but just hadn’t gotten around to getting a piece. But Brandy did it for me. Man, I seriously love this little wolf. He’ll go on the wolf altar by my bed and will certainly go with me anytime I travel away from home. Just need to figure out a good name for him now. I’m thinking “Mischa”. Yes, I think that’s a proper name for this little Wolf from Russia.

I did yoga today, as I wasn’t able to do it yesterday due to a nasty migraine. Note to self: Don’t be a dumb ass. When you have a migraine or are fighting off a migraine/headache, do NOT smoke. Do NOT drink anything but water or gatoraid or coffee (if you haven’t had any caffeine that day).

So anyways, back to yoga today. Some of the poses were super challenging on my knees. And I didn’t think I would be able to do them, but I decided to go for it. Because ya only live once, right? No pain, no gain. And I really surprised myself in being able to do a lot more than I thought I would be. I just hope I am not paying for it dearly tomorrow. ::chuckles::

Leida’s journal arrived today! Woohoo! I can’t wait to get started on working in it. She’s set aside a page for each of us to introduce ourselves, as she’s new to the group and doesn’t know us all that well. I thought that was a pretty cool idea. So now of course I’ve gotta figured out how to sum myself up for my intro page and then I can make some awesome pages in her journal.

I am finally working on my Word of the Year and Totem of the Year page in my BaBoJo. I’ll share a photo of that when I get it all completed. Now I just need to finish that up and start on my Tarot and Oracle card for the Year and for January as soon as possible.

Mulling Over Things

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Just a few new Starbucks cards I’m adding to my collection. I really need to sit down and photograph my entire collect at some point. I have two business card organizers full now of Starbucks cards. I need to order another organizer for this new set (once David gets the balances transferred over to his main card). I’m still hunting for a 2019 Starbucks card – that’s what I originally went in to get, but saw they had all these Valentine’s Day ones out already (but no 2019 card). ::laughs::

Today was a complete and utter lazy day. I was going to say a bust, but honestly, some days you just need a lazy day to rest and recoup and get ready for the upcoming week. I’m trying to do better about beating myself up over things – trying to reframe my way of thinking to better reflect myself.

Honestly, I’m thinking of letting go of my plans to do a Vision Quest this summer. I honestly, just have so many other irons in the fire at the moment. Instead, I’m setting the goal for next summer. I’ll have all the craziness of school and graduation out of the way. I’ll hopefully already be in a library position already by that point and have accrued paid time off. I think there will be less stress involved with being able to get so many things off my plate by that point. It also gives me not quite two years to get everything squared away for the Vision Quest. The altar cloth, the prayer stick, the give-away item – not to mention the tent and basic camping items. As much as it sucks to push it back, I do think it’s for the best. Though, if everything just comes together, I would totally do it this summer. ::chuckles:: I’m just taking the pressure off on HAVING to do it this summer.

Mom corrected me on the piggy photos I posted yesterday. That is indeed Big Cajones pig. Which, apparently, had to be shot 3 times before he finally gave up the ghost. My mom’s husband shot him a couple of weeks ago, but BC got away. And then my brother shot him Friday night and he got away, but came back Saturday, which is when my brother was able to finally put him down. Hell of a beast. And apparently you CAN eat the back strap out of these hogs. That stays tender. So ya learn a new thing every day. ::chuckles::

I’m feeling a bit lost at the moment. Which, normally is fine. I just wish it didn’t spur a desire to just BUY ALL THE THINGS in hopes that it makes me happy. ::chuckles:: Other than the Starbucks cards today and a surprise gift for a good friend, I have done really well not spending any money. But let me tell you, I have added a SHIT TON of things to my Amazon wish list and to my favorites in Etsy. ::laughs::

Crafting and Piggies

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Just a bit of witch crafting. Not sure if I’m happy just yet with how it looks. I may end up doing some more tweaking. I’ve already redone it a few times. ::laughs:: It’s a simple protection charm for one’s home.

Brother got one of the big boars we have out on our land, just not the Big Cajones one. ::laughs::



But this one is damn respectable all the same. I mean, look at those fucking tusks!



For reference, my brother is like 6 foot 2 or so. And the hog is about 200+ pounds.

He text me this photos earlier this evening and I mentioned that at some point I would love to go pig hunting with him. He’s said the next time we are both in Hometown, he’s game. Woohoo! No clue when that will be, but we’ll see how this year pans out in the end.

Feeling a bit restless again. I’m sure it’s due to the weather (cold and a bit rainy) and I’m feeling a bit of cabin fever over it. I need to go spend the day at the zoo and just do some photography. I need to go see my Harpy eagles and hopefully the Red wolves and of course, all the serpents. I need to talk to them again as well.

Yoga today was so damn challenging. Some of the poses she did I just outright laughed at. I’m too fat and uncoordinated to so many that she did today, but I did what I could and that’s all that matters. My plan is to eventually get to the point where I CAN do those poses. But today is NOT that day. ::laughs:: Maybe if I do this series of 30 days over and over for the rest of the year, I’ll be able to do most of them by the end of 2019. We’re gonna see! ::laughs:: That’s what I’m striving towards.

So while looking for some good beginning Witchcraft/Wicca videos for some newbies, I came across a video by The Witch of Wanderlust (Beginning Your Path in Your Craft II Witchcraft 101) in which she was talking about her own practice. She mentioned using kitchen tiles in her practice. She has one that she’s written a sigil for empowering her spell work on. And anytime she does a spell, she does the working right on top of the tile or will at least have her candle on it burning. I simply love, love, LOVE this idea. So many ideas are pinging around in my lil witchy head over this and about all the ways I could utilize this in my own practice. Hell, I even want to make a few out of wood with the laser engraver at the F. Library. Those, I could make up a few and mail them out to some witchy buddies. How awesome could that be? Could make some for good health, prosperity, love, protection, you name it. To activate and charge the sigil, all you would have to do is trace it with your finger, or light a candle on top of it. That’s the beauty of sigil work – so flippin’ easy to use.

I have a feeling once I figure out how to use all the cool toys at the F. Library and my local Library, I will be crafting my ass off in whatever spare time I can find. I seriously can’t wait.

This Little Piggy

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Getting ready for LetterMo next month. Notes and addresses of LetterMo friends that I’ll be writing letters to.

I have currently have 33 friends in LetterMo. Some are ones that I’ve been writing since last year, but a number are new. I’ll have to work hard to get them all written but that’s the plan and the goal. Plus I have my new witchy pen pal as well.

I got my oil order yesterday. I snagged a bottle of 3 perfume oil from Sage Goddess, and got a free bottle of Earth Star perfume as well. And I LOVE them both! So rare for me! ::laughs:: But man, they smell absolutely amazing. Hell, I’m half way tempted to purchase a second bottle of the 3 Perfume because it smells that amazing! ::chuckles:: If there are still bottles left when I get my paycheck, I may just buy a back-up bottle.

Yoga today was good. The time flew and the poses were just challenging enough. My brain and breathing were all over the place – nothing steady or calm about either. But I was able to stick with the bulk of the session, so that’s a win.

I have one final Year Ahead tarot reading to do and then I can consider that done. ::smiles:: And I plan to work on my home protection charms since I have all my supplies here. So expect a photo or two of that. While I’m waiting for Leida’s journal to arrive, I can do some work in my Witch’s Journal. I want to get that all up-to-date.

I also need to do a video for the Hearth Facebook group. I keep raving about the Jade Oracle deck, but I’m the only one that has one. So the people in the group have been asking for a video to show what the artwork looks like and how the cards read. I should have done that during the week, while David was out of the house, but maybe I can get it done this weekend instead. We’ll see. ::chuckles::

I already did an assignment for my Practicum class. I popped over to the class website, even though nothing should be open until Monday, so imagine my surprise when I saw the Practicum course was open and that I had an assignment due on the 18th. It’s just a quick survey to let the professor know where we are doing our Practicum hours and to give him all the contact info for our Practicum Supervisors at the library. So I’m proud of myself to have already done and submitted my first assignment before the semester even begins! ::laughs:: Hopefully, this will set the tone for the entire semester, and I can wrap things up swiftly and focus on learning as much as I possibly can at the F. Library while also having as much fun as possible.

My brother is headed to our hometown this weekend. I was tempted to ask if I could tag along, but opted not to. I want to hunt the feral pigs we have out there, and he’s going to hunt deer as it’s the last day of deer season. And honestly, the last thing I would want to do it spook off a good buck because I wanted to go on my first pig hunt. ::chuckles:: Maybe after I graduate, we can find a weekend or two that work for us and we could possibly go pig hunting. Mom sent me this photo today saying she hopes Logan or his friend that he’s bringing down, kill off this beast:



That is a HUGE fucking boar (male feral pig). Mom sent a second photo of a “from behind shot” of the piggy and he is VERY male. ::laughs:: She titled the email “Big Cajonies (ka-ho-nees)” which is Spanish slang for huge testicles. ::laughs::

But seriously, I could fucking ride this pig if we could just get a muzzle on it so it doesn’t slash me to death and then eat me. THIS is why I won’t camp out on my Mom’s land. We’ve got a good 20 or so full adults around this size. And then there’s the 1 – 2 year olds (about 20 of those), and god knows how many piglets. Just hell to the no on those damn animals.

Cutest

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I saw this today at Wal-Mart when we went to pick up David’s allergy medicine. And the happy squeal I made when I saw it, so David bought it for me.

My all-time favorite Care-Bear. I had him as my birthday cake for my 5th birthday! ::laughs::

Today was a much better day than yesterday. Seems I just needed to admit to myself how poorly I was doing and make peace with that. I also took today off from the Yoga challenge. I just wasn’t feeling it at all today and I have a number of things I needed to get ready to mail tomorrow. I am sending a lady a small vial of my Red Fast Luck Oil and a small vial of the Sekhmet Anointing oil I have. I am trading oils with another lady – trading my bottle of Enchanted for her bottle of a full bottle of something that I can’t remember right now. :laughs:: Guess it will be a surprise for me. AND I have to mail out my journal for the first round of the journal swap. So excited about that! ::chuckles::

And James contacted me on Facebook to show me photos of two things his wife had come across that she thought I would like. Which reminded me that he had said how much she loved all of my FB posts, so I told him to tell her to send me a friend request. He told me she quit FB, and offered her email address instead of I wanted a pen pal. Which I totally jumped on and also said that I do the old school pen palling too, so if she was interested, I would love to write her actual letters. He said she squealed with happiness and thanked the Universe. ::laughs:: So I have a new witchy pen pal to add to my ever growing list. ::smiles::

And LetterMo starts in February, so the friend requests for that have begun pouring in. Even if I write two letters a day, I still won’t be able to get everyone written in the month of February. ::chuckles:: But I’m in the process of writing down their addresses and some notes from their profile and I plan to work my way down the list throughout the year. So while they may not receive something in February, I do plan to still write them all the same, at least one letter. And the “rule” of the game is that you write back to every letter you receive. I should probably make a note on my profile that I may not be the quickest in responding, as I will be in grad school, working, PLUS volunteering, so I’m not sure what my free time will exactly look like, but that I WILL respond to every single letter. Plus I still have my current pen pals (Pagan and otherwise) that still write me from time to time. I have a letter from Wendy that I need to respond to asap.

I swear there is nothing more adorable on earth than when my Josey pup wags her tail in her sleep. I was finishing up The Silence of the Girls by Pat Barker today when I saw Josey start thumping her tail against the carpet. She was dead asleep in front of her little space heater and was just wagging her tail so much. It took all my strength not to squeal about how adorable it was and wake her up. ::chuckles:: Cutest thing EVER.

Waiting

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The book I am currently reading: The Silence of the Girls, by Pat Barker. Pretty good thus far.

I don’t really have much words for today. Depression has settled back upon my shoulders the past two days and I’m having a very difficult time shaking it loose. I know it’s mostly because I’m twiddling my thumbs waiting for the semester to begin. Waiting for my practicum hours to begin. Waiting to be done with this degree. Waiting to be done with the after school program. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Yeah, patience isn’t a strength of mine. But it will be here and soon. And I’m sure it won’t be too long before I’m bitching about not having any free time. ::chuckles::

I did finally get around to buying a toll tag for my car. I’ll get it next week and will be all set for the toll roads come time for my practicum hours the following week. I plan to keep all monthly bills from the toll roads, because you better believe I will put that down as a school expense because I wouldn’t be driving over to the F. Library for any other reason! ::chuckles::

Witchy Stretching

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A candle for a friend.

David called in sick to work as his allergies are kicking his ass seven ways to Sunday currently. So that meant, I got to sleep in! Well, sort of. ::chuckles:: The neighbor had his bass going at 8 am. ::sighs:: But luckily that was over by 8:30, so it was nice to then sleep in until 10 am instead.
Then it was up for a lively discussion on energy vampires and what to do about them. Seriously, I love discussions that really stretch my witch brain and have me tossing together a spell unique to the situation. And even better, when it syncs up with what the other person’s spirit guides have been telling her. She actually has all the components already at hand…picked up the mirrors yesterday actually. ::chuckles::

Work was fun. ::sarcasm here:: Internet and phones were still down until around 4:30. I opted to not use our electronic attendance at all today. We just stuck with the paper rosters that the parents had to physically sign their name to and scanned and emailed yesterday’s roster and today’s roster at the end of the day. Hopefully, this means the internet issue has been completely resolved so that tomorrow we can go back to using the electronic attendance. That way I can also begin training Christina on it. I talked to Jess (my current 2nd in command) and got her take on how Christina is working out thus far and we are on the same page with her right now. There are just a few things I need to bring her up to speed on, but I do not foresee that being an issue.

My Practicum Supervisor emailed me back approving all of my hours for this month. My first day will be an orientation with her. After that, for this month I will be observing the various story-times the library does and shadowing the staff in the youth department. Hopefully when I am there in the evening next Thursday, I can get over to see them to the laser cutter demonstration. ::grins:: That is what I really want to see and is the main reason I am taking off of work to be there that evening. I have a few paid days off still, so it is not going to harm my paycheck. Plus next week I have the CPI training. That will add a LOT of extra hours to my paycheck. It is going to SUCK working 11+ hours that day, but it will be a NICE boost to the paycheck. And it will make me look good in my bosses’ eyes…so yeah, I’m going to suck it up and do it.

Seems this is going to be my semester of “sucking it up” and “just doing it”. It is going to be a hella busy, between two classes, a job, and the practicum hours. But I should have most of the hours done by the time I start my classes with the Coven.

Dueling Chainsaws

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A nice note I found on the roll sheet from the last day before winter break.

Well my day started off super shitty. Someone in the neighborhood was having a tree removed…at fucking 8 am. Which is bad enough normally…but this morning I woke up with a migraine. So dueling chainsaws at 8 am with a raging migraine…yeah, unpleasant does not even begin to scratch the surface of what I was going through.

Yoga was a bitter disappointment today. Not even going to try to sugar coat that. But I learned a valuable lesson. Do NOT attempt to do yoga if you have just gotten a migraine to subside. The strain and movement made the migraine flair back up. I did not make it through the whole thing. But like Adriene stresses, I am striving towards PROGRESS, not Perfection.

I did finally sit down today and figured out the days and times that I can do my Practicum hours at the F. Library. I do not have to miss too many days of work (which will be nice on my paychecks). I have gone ahead and emailed my Practicum Supervisor at the Library to tell her the dates and times that work for me for January. All that is left is for Practicum Supervisor to approve them, and we can get this party started. As long as she approves all of my dates and times, I will be done with my Practicum hours by the end of March. That would be so nice.

Our new aide, Christina, started today and I really like her. She has worked the after school program before, at another campus, about 3 years ago. So she knows a lot of the basics already, which is really nice. Now I just need to bring her up to speed on things and I think she will do quite well. Honestly, I am even thinking of training her to be the 2nd in command for when Jess and I both leave…hopefully at the end of this semester. She was really keen to learn about the new electronic sign in/out we have for the students. But alas, our internet and phone went OUT right about the time she was asking about it, so I wasn’t able to show her anything. But hey, if she’s wanting to learn, I am more than willing to teach her and then let her take on that role.

My cinnamon sticks and cinnamon oil arrived today. Hopefully now I can get to work on making some protective charms for the house. I got the idea from the Inked Goddess Creations’ Witchy Advent they did this year. I am hoping to be able to snag one of those this year. This year, they are taking pre-orders, so I should be able to get one. Anyways, there was a simple little charm they had for one of the days that is to protect your house. So I bought the necessary items and will be making my own version of it. Hopefully I can get it made this weekend. That way I can bless and charge it each day leading up to the Full Wolf Moon. Perfect full moon for charms for protecting one’s pack and den. I am rather excited to do my first Witch crafting of the year with this charm.

Humbled

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Hazel gifted me a brand new yoga mat! I am beyond humbled in her generosity. I hung out with her today for a few hours and did her year ahead reading. I’m just happy to finally give her a positive reading! ::laughs:: All her previous readings were about major challenges and trials and upheavals. It was just nice to see all that work and trial by fire she’s been going through for the past two years or so is finally paying off. This year looks to be a very good, very positive year for her.

I was telling her about how much better I am doing. Honestly, Pristiq has been a true life-saver (it’s an anti-depressant). I’m actually able to do basic self-care so much more regularly now. Honestly, before Pristiq, it wasn’t shocking to me if I only brushed my teeth once a week or washed my face (besides what gets washed in the shower) once or twice a month. It was bad. But now? I’m not quite up to doing it every day, but I am so damn close to it. Like, I actually look forward to it. It’s such a drastic change for me.

Before Pristiq, I would have quit the yoga challenge before completing the first day, because sitting correctly makes my back ache. There’s no way I would have gone beyond that. But instead, I find myself relishing the challenge and looking forward to the progress I’m making. Is this how life is for “normal” people? Showering isn’t a chore? Brushing your teeth isn’t something you do once or twice a month? You actually don’t have a problem flossing and brushing your teeth AND washing and moisturizing your face EVERY night? Like my face looks so good just from regular cleaning and moisturizing. Like, I pause every time I catch my reflection in the mirror because I look so drastically different.

I’m also cutting back on my hot chocolate consumption. ::laughs:: I was drinking many cups of it every day. So now, I’ve limited myself to just one in the morning. After that, I have water, gatoraid, and then tea in the evening (a non-caffeine tea). We’ll see how well I stick to this once the school year starts up. I want to cut back the frappucinos. I definitely don’t want to be drinking one of those a day. One of my students gave me a Yeti cup with my initial monogrammed on it. I am thinking of brewing a hot tea in it before going to work, and have that to drink throughout my shift. Especially if I brew the non-caffeine tea, though I do have an energy tea that I could use on the days I feel like I’m dragging ass a bit. But yeah, I would like to cut that habit way down. Especially since I’ll be paying money towards the damn toll roads this semester, so I need to cut down my spending in other areas.

It’s strange not having periods anymore, but still going through the hormones. Like, I’m devouring everything in sight and just feel ravenously hungry all day long. It just hit me that this is probably PMS week for me. ::chuckles:: Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE not having to deal with a period any more…especially the complete shit-show my periods were. But it’s so weird to suddenly realize “oh, yeah, that thing I used to do must be cycling back around.” Explains why my dreams have been so vivid and weird and violent (but not in a scary way? Like me being a raging BAD ASS and killing all sorts of bad guys) the past two night. ::chuckles:: Rage on little ovaries. Rage on.

Otters

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A page I’m working on in my journal.
Otter is artwork I found online (a how to draw an otter, none-the-less) that I traced. ::laughs::

Chris L. (an in person buddy) posted a link on Facebook about SeaQuest Fort Worth having sessions to play with their otters. I audibly sucked in air the second I watched the video. For $20 you can go in with their Asian short-clawed otters and PLAY with them. Like sign me the fuck up! ::laughs:: And my husband LOVES otters, so of course we’re going. We’re signed up for March 14th. We had to make sure we could request the day off of work and we’re just gonna make the whole day like a date. ::smiles:: I am so incredibly excited about this.

Yoga today went so quickly. I had to modify a lot of the positions/stances today because I just can’t sustain that type of movement/position on my knees. For now. Seriously though, I want to get to the point where I CAN do all of these movements without modification. Maybe this is my Big Goal for 2019? I also took Josey on a walk afterward. This seems to be my new routine. Hopefully I can maintain it once I go back to work next week. After that, it will take some serious juggling and time management on my part once I start also working at the Library and my FINAL COURSES start.

I’m really going to have to cut back on my internet time once all of this kicks off. But I figured out that if I do 30 hours each month at the Library, I’ll finish up my Practicum requirement before the end of the semester. And 30 hours a MONTH isn’t major. Depending on how I’m feeling, I may do some extra hours over Spring Break just to get myself ahead, seeing as how I won’t be working the after school program (it’s closed whenever the public school is closed). Honestly, I should probably try to bang out as many hours as I can during January and February, as my Coven training will begin in mid-March and they meet twice a month (I think). So that’s another time requirement that I’m going to have going on as well. Busy, busy, busy. But after June, a lot of that will cease. I’ll do my End of Program exam and be done with my Master’s degree. The after school program will be done for the school year, and I’ll transition over to the Summer Tech Job unless I get a library job right off the bat. Either way, I’ll hopefully transition from have a job, a volunteer position, two classes, and Coven training, to just ONE job and Coven training. Damn, that sounds so friggin’ amazing. ::chuckles:: Just gotta keep my eye on the prize and get to trucking on this stuff.

I went ahead and ordered my ONE book required this semester. Woohoo! Hopefully I will get the used rental that I want, and only have to pay $33. That will be my absolute CHEAPEST semester book order EVER. I just seriously hope that the work load for this semester is light. Please, please, please let it be light. ::laughs::

Now all that is left is to get a damn Toll Tag. ::sighs:: I just hate the fact that I have to pay to use a road that my taxes paid to make! ::grumbles:: But it supposedly will cut 10 – 15 minutes each way off my commute to the Library, so I guess it will pay for itself by saving me gas and stress. I’m also keeping a print out of all the fees I pay because you bet your ass I’m claiming that as school expenses on my taxes!

Fabulous Friday

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Cletus, the local mockingbird, was out singing quietly today. I think he was just as happy as we were that the sun was shining and we were back up in the high 50s after two days of low 30s and constant rain. The yard is still squishy when you walk through it. ::shakes her head::

I got the MOST AMAZING surprise goody box today from Brandy (my Canadian twin, that sadly I was unable to go visit while she was down in Louisiana due to the aforementioned days of low 30s and CONSTANT rain):



I laughed out loud when I saw she had packed two of the Flying Cauldron drinks for me. She had posted on Facebook about trying them and I mentioned that they sounded good. Would have been better to try it out with her, but this is a close second. And the wolf chalice in the center? That’s a gift her mom picked out for me and then enclosed a lovely note about how she had hoped to give it to me in person, but that she hopes I love it all the same. And what’s extra awesome is that it has a wolf on all four sizes. And it’s the perfect size for my altar. I was looking at cups and whatnot today, as I want to start making daily offerings to my Ancestors, but nothing even remotely felt right. I guess it’s because THIS was on its way to me! ::smiles::

So Yoga today was INTENSE. Holy crap, I have like no strength based off of the moves Adriene was pulling off left and right, and I was struggling like hell with. But it’s just motivating me MORE to stick with it. because I WANT that strength. I WANT that body movement. I WANT that body confidence. So yeah, I can totally see myself keeping this up even after the 30-day challenge ends. If nothing else, I plan to redo this challenge a couple of times until I have the various poses and flows down fairly well.

Then because I felt so good and the weather was so nice (FINALLY), I decided to take Josey pup for a walk. She loved it and I enjoyed being outside, but I’m not sure my hips and knee agree that it was a good idea. I am pretty stiff this evening. And my bad knee was seriously aching earlier. I swear I sound like a friggin’ old lady. Oh my hips. Oh my knee! Oh well, onwards to progress!

Just sharing a cute photo of Josey laying down with me while I read a bit today:



I got in a nice shower, complete with some pampering body scrub. Then I did a nice charcoal peel off mask and actually painted my toenails. Then I tossed that nail polish because it’s complete shit. ::sighs::

I am making it a point to get rid of things that don’t make me happy any more or serve a purpose of some sort. I cleaned out my “nest” (thanks Fwing – my maternal grandmother – for that awesome name for the collection of stuff around your main chair) yesterday. I tossed four boxes of stuff to be recycled. I have a trash bag full of stuff to throw away. I found 5 journals and 7 spiral notebooks. ::shakes her head:: So yeah, I just need to do the rest of my belongings the same way. I’m sure I can get rid of a good third of the crap I’m holding onto for bullshit reasons…or simply because I forgot I had it.

I seriously need to do that with my wardrobe. And then I need to replenish it with stuff that actually fits me AND makes me feel good. Clothing like that DOES exist. I just need to get out there and find it and purchase it.

Honoring Ghosts

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Jimmy John’s BBQ chips. So damn delicious. ::chuckles::

Well the ice and sleet and snow we were promised never manifested. But damn, we have gotten a shit ton of rain. And it’s cold (at least in Texas terms, it’s cold). And Brandy is apparently getting some minor flooding in her area of Louisiana as well. Joked that if I had come down, we’d have to use a boat to get around. Still really sucks that I had to miss out on that trip.

The Journal Swap just got a bit bigger. One of the new journaling buddies asked if she could join in. I figured since our mail out date isn’t until next Friday, she would have plenty of time to get ready. So we’ve added Leida into the swap. It just adds another layer to the rounds, which means the swap will last longer. This one, teamed up with the fact that Sharmila lives overseas, which adds on another time delay, this swap may end up lasting all year. ::smiles:: I kind of like the idea of that. My journal will go from Texas, to Bahrain, to Indiana, to Pennsylvania, up to New York, and then back home.

I did day two of the yoga challenge. Still very much a challenge. But I like it. I relish the challenge. And typically Angie (another journaling buddy) posts about her completing that day’s challenge long before I get to it. It seriously motivates me to do it then. Because today, I was seriously dragging ass. I just wanted to head back to bed and sleep. But after Angie posted that she had finished today’s round, and with Josey not wanting to let me sleep in the chair, I opted to just go ahead and get it done. I was worried this session would make my shoulders even more tight (they’re tight from yesterday’s workout), but today’s workout really hit the legs hard. Those warrior poses are no joke! ::chuckles:: I am just happy the time durations for the next round of challenges aren’t going to be nearly as long as the first two days.

Wolf Park posted today that Wolfgang passed away back on December 28th. He’s one of the wolves I got to interact with on my first trip up to Wolf Park and it just breaks my heart that he’s gone. I’m sad that I wasn’t able to get back up there to see him again. that’s the sucky part of animals…they typically don’t live as long as humans, so we have to deal with their loss over and over throughout our lifetime. It’s one of the reasons I think I am so hesitant to go back to the Exotic Animal Sanctuary – almost all of the cats I knew and loved have passed on. It’s hard to go to places that I know are going to be haunted with the ghosts of those I’ve loved and lost. I don’t think I can handle seeing a new cat hanging out in Bruno’s old enclosure.

Bruno was a GORGEOUS Sumatra Tiger who absolutely adored me. He would trot over to the fence the second he saw me, chuffing out the friendly tiger greeting and sometimes a happy tiger groan/moan to just for me. I didn’t realize how much I missed him until I started writing this and found myself blinking back tears. I need to find my photos of him and do a page in my art journal in his honor. I think I’ll do the same for Wolfgang as well.

Rest in peace, Wolfgang.

Revving Up

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This is my photo for Week 1 of the 52 Week Photography Challenge. Why yes, yes I have signed up for ANOTHER challenge because clearly I am just made of free time. ::laughs::

Prompt for Week 1: Take a picture that tells us who you are, without actually showing your face.
There are so many layers to this photo that not even I consciously comprehend them all. ::chuckles:: Which is me, at my core.

So yeah, today was Day One of the Yoga Challenge. Holy crap, it kicked my butt. I am not a flexible person on the best of days. And these days, I am a bit heavier than I would like, which mucks up my knees more than I care to admit. Plus the cold weather does not help. ::chuckles:: BUT, regardless of all of that, I still did do 90% of the video. There were two poses that I just could not do in that moment (after everything else I had done up to the point). But honestly, at the end of the 50 minutes, I kind of wanted to do it again later on in the day, just to see if I could do them all. Did not do that, as I still have 29 more days to go. But this is something I could see myself going back through and doing again and again until I have the poses, the breathing, and the flow down better. I am tempted to keep a yoga journal specifically for this 30-day challenge, and just take a few minutes after each daily session to write about how I felt. Because, clearly I am not already doing more than enough stuff. Zero clue if I will actually do that or not.

I got in my “greens” today with a salad of baby spinach leaves. I GREATLY prefer baby spinach over standard lettuce. Which I need to remember that, because honestly, it is rather tasty. And I should be eating more of that than say, Cheetos. ::laughs:: And if I am seriously going to do the Vision Quest in August, then I need to clean up my eating before then. I need to start cutting out the caffeine NOW…because that is going to be a bitch kick. ::chuckles:: And then a few months out from the Quest, I will need to phase out all meat and dairy. It makes the fasting “easier” on your body.

Speaking of the Vision Quest, I do need to start setting aside the money for it. AND I need to start gathering up the items required for it as well. Remembering from my first one I will need to make a prayer staff, an altar cloth (there are specifics for it), and something for my Give Away at the end. Plus, I need to get my hands on a tent. Man, so much to do before then. Maybe I have taken on too much this year? But holy hell, what a year it will be when I accomplish it all!

Appeasing the New Year gods

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Starting the New Year off right. Started the morning off with the Cinnamon roll crescents recipe I tried out a while back.



Next up is the Black-eyed pea “Cajun Caviar”. Not pictured is the bacon I also cooked and ate, which takes care of the black-eyed peas and pork. I will eat the cornbread and greens tomorrow and the Southern New Year gods shall be appeased, and hopefully bless 2019. We also made sure to have a coin (gold dollar in this case) in each of our wallets for the New Year. It is a Hoodoo charm to ensure your wallet will always have money in it throughout the year. ::smiles::

Unfortunately, my road trip to Louisiana has been cancelled. Apparently Wednesday and Thursday, we are supposed to get sleet, ice, and possibly snow. Of course Texas would do that on the ONLY two days of my entire Winter Break that I had some traveling planned. ::sighs:: I am seriously bummed. Though, luckily, the Hubs set up last week so that he could work from home those two days. So at least I do not have to worry about him being out on the road with us crazy Texas drivers. And hopefully, he will not be as stressed out either. Because, let me tell you, Texas drivers believe that they can still do 70 miles per hour – ice or no ice. ::chuckles::

I have been wanting to try out Yoga for years now, but it just never worked out for me. A member posted a link in one of the FB groups – a YouTube channel is doing a 30-day yoga challenge. So I figured, what the hell? It is free. Plus, I have a whole week with no obligations so I can hopefully get into the routine of doing it and can keep it going through the rest of the month.

Besides, I am spending way too much time with my ass planted in this computer chair. My sciatica is acting up again. ::sighs:: So yeah, definitely need to incorporate more movement into my current routine.

Normally, this is where I would write about my Word of Focus for 2019 and my Totem for 2019. I have them sorted. I just have not quite crystalized my thoughts on both. So, I will get my thoughts sorted and then write about them both at a later date.

I am working in my journal, as I have a journal swap I am hosting. Figured it is a good way to start off the new year. ::smiles:: And it is all new faces for the swap – Dorene, Ali, and Sharmila. I have swapped personally with Sharmila before, but this is the first time she is getting to participate in a Round Robin. With her being overseas, it will draw out the swap due to mailing the journals to her, but hey, it gives us extra time to work in the journals. Plus, since I am the one mailing to Sharmila, it helps to space out the shipping costs. ::chuckles:: I am excited to get this swap started and to have new people working in my journal.