Roses & Plans

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My rosebush, AFTER I had cut about 40 to 50 roses off of her. They were bending all the canes to the ground and a whole bunch were scarred from the round of black spot. Not the best photo, but the wind is blowing like crazy today, so it’s pretty much impossible to get a crisp photo at this time.

Man, I am exhausted today.

But I submitted the final book review for the Youth Lit class. Just have my weekly posting and then two responses and then I’m DONE with that damn class. I need to bang that out as swiftly as possible and then focus all of my attention on the Digital Citizen project. It’s a big one, but not terrible. I just need to tackle each section in turn and I should be just fine. I want to have it all done by Friday so I can polish it Saturday and submit it. That way I can go to Scarborough Ren Faire on Sunday.

Beltane with Hazel

written: April 29th

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All the pretty evening primroses at Hazel’s house.

Yep, ended up over at her house, totally spur of the moment for a super impromptu Beltane/Full Moon ritual. I am certainly out of practice on Casting the Circle and Calling the Quarters, but man, it felt so good to do so. I even brought my wand along and used her in her first ritual since her awakening. I was planning on bringing her, but she was pretty damn insistent. ::chuckles::

Granted, I still prefer my athame over the wand, but the wand will make a great substitute for the times I cannot use my athame. And the wand is easier to travel with as well. People tend to get a little nervous when you are waving a 13-inch blade around. But not so nervous with a simple wand.

Man, I’ve missed hanging out with Hazel and doing ritual with her. Don’t get me wrong – I adore my solo rituals where I go 100% by my gut. But having another person present makes me think more about what I’m doing and why, and making sure to include her view points as well. And then we just sat and chilled and talked in Circle and it was just awesome.

So yeah, it sucked that we didn’t get to go to the big public Beltane ritual, but it was still awesome all the same. ::smiles:: And there is always next year!

Books & Beltane

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Last book I’m reading for the damn Youth Literature class. Finished it today. Now I just need to write up my book review for this book and for 13 Reasons Why and I’m pretty much done with the class. Thank heavens. Because the final project for my Digital Citizenship class is a doozy that I need to really get cracking hard on.

Hazel bailed today on us going to Beltane tomorrow. She has to take care of her grandmother, which I totally understand. But I would be lying if I said I wasn’t bummed the fuck out over it.

So I’m working out my own plans for Beltane. I think seeing as how Beltane is very much a fire holy day, this would be the PERFECT time to christen our fire pit. And I want some mead. And some sexy time would also be a traditional way to celebrate Beltane. ::grins and winks::

Plant Babble

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Josey is really wanting me to go to work, so she can take a proper nap.

In gardening news, I had to trim about 40 roses off the rose bush. Black spot has hit my rose bush something fierce and has ruined a number of the roses. Plus they were seriously weighing down the canes as well. So, a major rose trim was needed and I treated the bush for the black spot. I’ll treat it again in 6 weeks. And probably again in another 6 weeks, just to be sure. Plus, the stuff I’m using is also a fertilizer, so my rose bush should be super happy soon. ::smiles::

In more plant news, I plan to buy some Bluebonnet Seedles in October. I’ve been wanting to try my hand at growing Bluebonnets. And the Seedles seem to be an pretty easy way to try it out. They need to be planted in October so they can bloom in the following spring.

Hmm, what else to talk about?
I’m exhausted. I’m burnt out.
But I’ve still got papers to write. ::chuckles::
They will get written tomorrow. Then Sunday I will go to Beltane with Hazel.
After that, I’ll review my papers and then turn them in.
And start working on the final assignments for this semester.

Lily

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My first lily bloomed! Yay!!!!

And a bonus photo:
 

This is the most adorable “duckbill dinosaur” that Kimberly had posted a while back that I desperately wanted. Nothing much was said about it, and she was sending me a Batman watering can and snuck this is guy in without saying a word. I seriously needed a pick-me-up, and this little guy did it. ::smiles:: I have him set up next to my laptop to be my cheerleader through the end of the semester. I want to make him pom-poms now.

I got my essay written for Digital Citizenship. And four other people have posted theirs after mine, so at least I’m not the only late poster. ::chuckles::

Today was a much better day. All my 5th graders were out due to a major fieldtrip, so that was nice. And then a handful of other students were absent, so I started my work day 15 students light. And then a whole bunch were picked up early. All in all, just a nice day. No major craziness or injuries or behavior issues.

Sandy emailed me, asking when I could start working for the Tech Department this summer. I’m so grateful to have that job. The after school program ends June 7th. I have surgery to get rid of my periods on June 11th. It’s supposed to be a day surgery and hopefully it all goes smoothly and there are zero issues. But just in case, I’ve given myself an extra day to recover and told Sandy I would be available on the 13th. And apparently they have a shit ton of work to do, so she said to expect to hit the ground running. Bring it! I am so ready for a change of pace.

Noped

written: April 25th

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One of my hundred roses, in the rain.

It’s been a while since I was completely mentally done with a day. But today was just that sort of day. I had an essay due today for my Digital Citizenship class that I didn’t do. I have the two articles that I need to write the essay. But I just couldn’t READ them. My brain completely noped out. Oh well. I will do it tomorrow. I’ll get a few points shaved off due to tardiness, but hey, it’s better than a zero. And it’s the LAST essay for the damn class. All that is left at this point is my Digital Citizenship Lesson Plan – that’s due May 6th. For my Youth Lit class, I have 1 posting due this week, 2 book reviews, and my last project due on April 29th. And that’s it for that class.

This weekend, Hazel and I are going to a public Beltane ritual on Sunday. I’m seriously looking forward to it. I haven’t been to a Beltane ritual yet and it’s not a ritual that I feel a real connection to, so I’m curious to see how this ritual goes. I’m hoping that it will light a fire in my heart again and I can get back into doing my person rituals again. ::smiles::

STILL haven’t properly celebrated my 12th anniversary of being self-injury behavior free. I’m just too damn slammed right now. ::chuckles:: So I’m holding off until after this semester ends. THEN I’ll celebrate it fully. Gives me time to find the candles I want. And I should have some free money so I can buy me some sushi. ::smiles::

Leviathan Visit

written: April 24th

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Yeah, so I took Leviathan, my lavender corn snake, up to the after school program to hang out with the kiddos. And for 12 Viking Bucks (our reward point system), they could hold her and get their photo taken with her.

It is a major pain in the ass to take her up there. And I usually question myself WHY the fuck do I go through all the trouble to do so…

And this photo is just one of a dozen happy, smiling, GIGGLING students who were blissed the fuck out at the opportunity to hold her and get their photo taken.

And I had a whole bunch more students that wanted to get their photo taken with her, but we just ran out of time. So I will make it a point to get back her back up there at least once more, to give more kiddos the opportunity.

But I certainly will keep a better eye on the calendar and not do this when I’m on my MoonTime. I have so very little energy and zero patience. BUT. On the flip side – this would potentially be my 2nd to last period EVER, and I am so friggin’ thrilled at that possibility. Sure it’s going to suck having to pay off that hospital bill, but to be rid of periods potentially for the rest of my life? Sign me the fuck up!

Snakes & 13 Reasons

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Just a small comparison.
The “little” screen top is from Leviathan’s old tank.
The BIG screen is the new tank.
I need to get photos of her new tank, but I’m letting Leviathan get acclimated to it right now.
I need more tank decor, because her tank looks so BARE with what she currently has!

I think I’ve finally found a tattoo idea that I like. I was contemplating the semi-colon as a symbol of the fact that my mental health struggles do not define me. but it’s a rather well-known symbol and not one I think I will want to field the questions on. And besides, it doesn’t hold a whole lot of personal meaning for me. but a rope with a knot at the end does.

It’s from the book A Million Little Pieces by James Frey. One of the guys in the book told the main character – that when you find yourself at the end of your rope – tie a knot and just hold on. That simple concept – just hold on – has saved my life more times than I can count. So I’m thinking a stylized rope knot on my wrist, to remind me to just hold on in the dark times. It means worlds more to me than a semi-colon. No clue when I’ll actually get the tattoo yet, but it’s definitely on my list now.

Yeah, all this morbid thinking is due to finishing 13 Reasons Why before work. I’m glad I read the book, but I will not be watching the series on Netflix. I’m surprisingly ok mentally after reading it. I promised myself that if it got too intense for me, I did not have to finish it. I swear, people hyped it up so much, that I kind of expected to bottom out while reading it. maybe the Netflix series is way more intense than the book was? Maybe it’s more intense for high schoolers than for me at 36? Maybe it’s more intense for others who haven’t gone through all of that and have made it out on the other side?

New Crib

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Leviathan just got a massively upgraded crib.

I’ve been eyeing this tank for YEARS now, but never wanted to drop $100. And randomly today, I find one that’s 50% off. Can’t pass that up!

So she’s going from a 30x12x12 (called a 20 long) to a 36x18x16 (called a 40 breeder). Most likely I’ll spend tomorrow setting up her new tank and deep cleaning the old tank. I’m hoping I can find someone who wants the old tank. It’s in perfectly good condition. I’ll clean it, bleach it, and then see about rehoming the littler tank.

I figured out today that I read the wrong fucking book for class. And here I thought I was going to be a week ahead. ::sighs:: Correct book title – wrong fucking author. ::headdesk:: Ah well. I’ve got a CORRECT book on hold at the library now – I opted to go with an elementary based one so it will be a swift read. And I’m currently reading 13 Reasons Why. I haven’t seen the Netflix series because I wasn’t mentally strong enough to handle the tv series. But I’m hoping with the book, I can just close it if it’s too raw for me to continue reading.

Planning

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Some of my daffodils in the rain. ::smiles::

I got my LiveBinder assignment completed for the Digital Citizenship class. It’s due tomorrow, but I got it all done today and submitted it.

After that, I spent the afternoon up in my room, cataloging my stash of Sage Goddess oil samples. While I was doing that (took about an hour and a half), I came up with a binder I want to put together about the Sage Goddess oils I have. It would list their ingredients, gemstones, and proposed uses. I love using oils to dress the candles for spellwork, but half the time, I have no clue what all I have on hand already. Or, if I DO know what I have, I’m not sure what it would be best used for. So a small binder with a simple print out on each oil would be so beneficial.

I would also like to do a similar binder for my gemstones as well. I finally filled up the little jewelry box I purchased back in February with a tiny fraction of my gemstone collection. I need like 10 more boxes. ::laughs:: And then I’ll need some ones with longer slots, to hold the crystal points and wand points that I have as well. Eventually I would like to group them by color. So a box for purple stones, one of blue stones, one for black stones, etc. Definitely a work in progress.

I’ve got a handful of Pen Pal letters that need responding to. I just haven’t had the free time, the inspiration, or the desire to write. I’ve also been kicking around the idea of resuming my handwritten journaling. I dunno. I just feel like my blogging is a tad…boring at the moment. I could instead pour out that boring dribble onto paper and just use my blogging for the fun stuff. ::chuckles:: Which would mean I would actually have to DO fun stuff. Would be a nice change of pace.

The Big Local Pagan Group has listed a number of classes for the public to attend. It’s $5 per class, so no biggie. A handful sound really interesting. I’m just trying to make sure I actually GO to the damn classes. I need to. I know I will enjoy them. Just have to buckle down when the time comes and actually MAKE myself go. ::chuckles::

Napping Buddy

written: April 20th

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My napping buddy from today…though, she seems to forget that she’s not supposed to be able to bend certain ways.

I had planned on accomplishing so many things today, while David was at work and I had the day off. I didn’t accomplish a damn thing. ::chuckles::

But Josey and I had a great, long walk.
We sat outside and listened to the wrens chattering in the bushes.
I watered all my plants and did my prayers.
I had a lovely nap with my Josey.
I enjoyed some of the deviled eggs I made yesterday.

Plants & Fawns

written:  April 19th

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Almost forgot AGAIN to take a photo. So a quickie photo of the small dream/Wolf altar on my bedside table.

It needs a refreshing, as a certain psycho ex is popping up in my dreams once again. Thankfully it’s just odd – not terrifying and not creepy. More like “ug, YOU again?” instead of “RUN FOR YOUR LIFE…I HOPE TO GOD HE DIDN’T SEE ME”. So yay, improvement, but ug, still want him completely banished.

I have to share this photo that my mom sent me. Robert found this lil guy out at his lake house:

 

I need to get down there pronto since fawn season is upon us. Out at the lake house, there’s no hunting, and Robert’s neighbors feed the deer. So the does all bring their fawns up and aren’t too terribly skittish of us. I would love to get some good fawn photos.

Even more of my daffodils have bloomed. And I’m thinking I may have to either trim back some blooms or brace some of my rosebush’s canes, because the roses on it are bending the canes down so badly. I’m concerned they may break the canes – and that would break my heart. So hopefully this weekend, I can prune some roses.

And now, because I’m having such good luck with my flowers, I want MORE daffodils. ::laughs:: Honestly, I would be perfectly happy filling my entire front yard with daffodils. I want some mini-daffodils for next year. And I want to try my hand at bluebonnets as well. I’m just hoping my irises pull through. I ended up fertilizing all the growing things today. I need to lay down some potting soil on the irises and rearrange the daffodils. AND I need to just admit defeat on the veggies I tried sprouting inside. I have a large container that I’m just going to use to plant them outside and hope for the best.

Sweet Comment

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FOUR of my daffodils are blooming now! I’m so happy! And my lilies are gearing up for their first bloom as well.

I’m almost done with The Wicked Girls, Alex Marwood. I’m ready to know how it all ends. And then I can wrap up that book review. Then I need to bang out Captain Underpants swiftly, but luckily that’s going to be a super quick read.

I’m not feeling overly profound and wordy. I’ll just steal my post I put on Facebook about one of the nicest things one of my students has ever said about me:

So the kiddo that told me to drink more Frappuccino to make me happier, totally redeemed himself today.
My supervisor came out, and Liam was trying to figure out who she was.
When he found out she’s my boss, he asked “Oh, so you are the one who hired Mrs. Kelsey?”
Esmeralda was about to explain to him that she basically “inherited” me because I’ve been here longer that she has, and he totally barreled on with “Thanks! You did a good job hiring her.”
Awww, talk about melting my heart!

Books & Money

written: April 17th

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My reading buddy. I’m currently reading The Wicked Girls by Alex Marwood. It’s an easy read, the writing style pulls you in quite nicely. But I do not enjoy reading from the perspective of one those “Shunned Creepy Ass Male who then Seeks Violent Revenge on Those Females Who Didn’t Find Him Attractive”. ::shudders:: I see more than enough of that bullshit enraged males in the news, when they go on their standard murderous rampage. Not as bad as The Kingdom of Little Wounds, by Susan Cokal, but I definitely wish brain soap was a real thing.

I really need to sit down and take a good hard look at my finances. I’m not struggling or anything. But I need to get aggressive on squaring away whatever debt I can before summer gets here. Summertime is my lean money time. My pay for the summer tech job is better than any other summer temp job I could land short notice, but the pay is still well below what I make at the after school program. So I have a few lingering debts that aren’t major. I just haven’t been quite as aggressive paying them off as I should have been. And if I’m really going to be making this Vision Quest happen next summer, then I’ve got to square away all the debt possible AND be aggressively saving towards that.

Vision Quest ramblings

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Sleepy puppy after a long walk this afternoon.
Isn’t she adorable? I love her when she’s sleeping. ::chuckles::

Seems the Universe is listening intently to me again. Always a little disconcerting when It does that.
I set the intention last night that I would do my Vision Quest next summer. It’s after grad school will be done. I have the time between now and then to save up the money and gather the supplies required for the Quest.

I don’t set major goals most of the time. I set them very half-assed because I never know how my life is going to switch gears and what direction it may take me at any given time. But this one, this one I felt in my core. I kept putting off going on a 2nd Quest (I’ve already done one previously), always saying “next year” and next year never seemed to roll around. But next summer will be the perfect time. I will be finished with my Master’s degree. I figure I would spend that summer applying for library-based jobs. With such a milestone achieved and a massive change in my career field, a Vision Quest just seems perfect.

This year’s Vision Quest runs from August 7th through August 12th. I plan to do prayers and tobacco offerings each day for those Questing and Supporting the Questers. Might even create a candle specifically for this to light while I am home.

I wonder if I will have any Vision Quest related dreams this time around? Months before I did my first Quest, I had a super powerful dream surrounding my Quest. Eagle came and gave me two specific feathers and a specific name. I ended up making the feathers I saw in my dream and attaching them to the prayer staff I had for my Quest.

Ah yes, to answer the whole “Seems the Universe is listening” beginning of this entry. So I was planning and plotting all of this last night. Checking the group I’ve done my previous Vision Quest through website to see if they had any information on next year’s dates for their Vision Quest. They hadn’t updated since 2017, so it was little disheartening. But I continued to research what I could.

And then today…I get an email out of the blue about this year’s Vision Quest and they’ve updated the website now for this year’s Vision Quest. It just seems that it’s a Cosmic Nod in my direction in support of my intention for next summer’s Quest. Onwards!

Roses & Writing

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I was attempting to get a photo to show off all the rose buds on the bush, but all the buds at the front are hiding the ones in the back! So count up the rose buds you see and double it, and that’s how many I have! ::laughs::

Oh my lordy. I’m so burnt out on class work. The past 3 days I have:
- Written a 3-page book evaluation paper
- Written two 500-word discussions
- Written FOUR 250+ word responses
- Read a book, written the book review, AND posted it to my school blog

I accidentally took a 2-hour nap today with Josey. I was planning on maybe 45 minutes, but 2 hours later, I finally rolled out of bed. ::chuckles:: But it was well worth it. And Josey was all about napping today, so that was a nice bonus.

So yeah, I didn’t do my celebration for the 12th anniversary or a new moon ritual. But tomorrow is a new day. I can run to Walmart super quick and pick up the candles I want. Next year, I’m just going to order them from Amazon or eBay or something like that so I have them already. Hopefully, next semester will be a bit calmer, seeing as how I’ll only be taking one course. Here’s hoping! ::laughs::

Fraud

written: April 14th

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I Am the Storm requested nail polish photos, and I was already in bed, so this is my “oh shit, I forgot to take a photo today” picture. ::laughs::

This is Diablo by ILNP. It was a surprise gift out of the blue from Wendy, a pen pal of mine. Now I’m just waiting for “By Nighfall” to arrive so I can try it out. I have learned that as long as I keep my nails very short (they are super brittle and crack/flake all the time), I can keep nail polish on them relatively well. Well, at least I can keep ILNP nail polish on them. The 99 cent polish doesn’t stay. ::laughs::

David had to work today (and will work tomorrow as well), and as much as I adore my husband, it was so nice to have the house to myself for 6 hours today. He’s been on vacation the past week and a half, so he was ALWAYS home. I need my quiet time, and he loves having music playing all the time.

I’ve been suffering from Imposter Syndrome all week and I know really know why. Work has been stressful, yes, but no more than usual. And I’ve received a number of compliments/praises on how good of a job I do running my program. But I just felt like a fraud the whole time. I don’t know. It just seemed like the more people complimented me on a job well done, or on having my life together, or having accomplished things with my life – the less I felt like it was true.

I assure you, my life always has a low level of chaos. That’s where I tend to thrive. ::chuckles:: This is just a new layer of chaos.

I am just so ready for this semester to be OVER. I’m burnt out on my classes and am struggling to push through to the end.

Well, my Informational Book Evaluation isn’t going to write itself….

Survived

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Frank, our resident Texas Spiny Lizard, has returned! He was out sunbathing and gave me ONE chance at a single photo before scampering off.

So today was Friday the 13th, and man, this was a doozy of a day. Two of my aides were out today, but we got Clayton back (he was on campus yesterday) and he’s a great aide. Honestly, I would love to keep him as well. ::chuckles:: We also got Scott, and he wasn’t as shitty as he was last time…but he still wasn’t all that great either.

And then we were also in the middle of a Tornado Watch and Thunderstorm Watch. And the movie we had for today, the kids were barely interested in (The Tale of Despereaux). ::sighs:: But other than a handful of pea-sized hail and about 15 minutes of heavy rain…the day was fine.

I ordered myself another bottle of ILNP nail polish in celebration of my 12-year anniversary. It’s the same company that Wendy ordered the “Diablo” color for me on a whim and I’ve fallen completely in love with it. I ordered myself “By Nightfall” – an asphalt blue ultra-metallic polish. It should be here on Monday.

Thankful Thursday

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One of my daffodils BLOOMED!!!! Isn’t she gorgeous??? And a few others are looking like they may bloom as well.

I am thankful…
1. Paula graciously gave me some of the purple irises she picked up today. I have those planted in the front yard in front of the window that has a massive bare spot. I hope to plant some other things there as well, but this is a good start.
2. That my daffodils, lilies, and roses are all doing so well. I used to be terrible at keeping plants alive, but ever since Paula gave me the rosebush, I’m doing really well with them.
3. Lil Nephew’s plastic snakes arrived today (MUCH earlier than anticipated). Now, I just have to wait until August for his birthday! I just need to wrap his gifts between now and then.
4. I have the classes for next semester squared away. Just two more semesters left.
5. Celebrated 12 years free from self-inflicted injury. Onwards to another 12 years free!
6. My new permanent aide started on Tuesday – Anthony – and he seems to have good instincts on how to interact with the students.
7. All the amazingly awesome subs we’ve gotten on my campus over this semester. They have really brought in new insights into how to run things and I’m always grateful for that.
8. Cinnamon toast in the mornings (and sometimes the evenings as well)
9. Pleasant weather – even with the weekly storms (or just the threats of storms). Thus far, most of petered out before hitting us.
10. Much more stable mentally. I’m glad I’m coming out of hibernation, it seems, and am coming back to life. I’ve missed my bad-ass self and it’s wonderful to have her back again.

4,380

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I do believe I have found my Harpy devotional artwork – this is “Night Wing” by the artist Roger Dean. I received this postcard in a huge grab-bag I ordered from Pomegranate Communications. I definitely want to get a larger copy of the art work to put in my Grimoire/Book of Shadows, or to possibly frame and hang up. I love it so much!

In other news, today is my 12th anniversary of being free from self-inflicted injury behavior. Am I cured? Fuck no. ::laughs:: The past few years have certainly taught me that. I’m not sure I’ll ever be completely free from the impulse to cut, but I am working more on acknowledging the impulse and then letting go. I’m sure as shit not perfect at it. I love to dwell on things. But this is my current method of managing the desire to self-harm, and thus far, I’ve made it 12 solid years. I’ve gone 4,380 days since the last time I put a mark on my body.

I’ve opted to hold off on my annual celebration until this weekend. I’ve just got way too much homework, writing, and reading to do currently. Hubs works this weekend, so I’ll have 5 hours Saturday and 5 hours Sunday of peace and quiet. That’s when I’ll do my lil celebration. Sushi! And birthday candles in honor of the 12 years. ::smiles:: Now I just have to buckle down and get all my school work done so the weekend is actually MINE to enjoy.

It’s looking like I just might get a daffodil blossom this year! I’m so excited. It should fully open in the new few days. Rosebush is hitting critical mass. Soon it’s going to be completely weighed down with blossoms. And the lilies are starting to show that they will be blooming soon as well.

Selfie

written: April 10th

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Another of my 1001 goals is to take a selfie on every 10th of the month (since my birthday is November 10th), so here’s me and one of my most treasured Pagan tools.

I was really NOT feeling too photogenic today, so I played a bit with the lighting and the filters. I was originally planning to make it a black and white photo, but I like how this one turned out.

Today was WORLDS better than yesterday.
My new guy started – Anthony. He’s a high schooler – about 4 inches taller than me and at LEAST 60 pounds lighter (if not more) than me. ::laughs:: But he seems to do a pretty good job his first day on the job. God, I HOPE so. I’m not sure how much I’ll actually train him. He’s going to A&M for college, so he won’t be here after this school year. So I’ve got him for about 9 weeks.

One of my students came up to me and asked if licking pure lavender essential oil was a bad thing. ::sighs:: The students had only been at the after school program for about 10 minutes at this point. Needless to say, I was a bit worried about how the rest of the day was going to go. ::chuckles:: Thankfully, that was the worst the day threw out me. Hell, all the kids were gone by 5:55 pm which is unusual for us. All the staff left by 6 pm, and I stayed, puttering around, catching up on paperwork. It was so nice to actually ACCOMPLISH things the same day I STARTED them. AMAZING.

I had asked Hubs to pick up some potting soil for me, so I could transplant the veggies and move around my daffodils. He picked up two bags and I thanked him. He told me “I would have thought Lowes would have a better selection of dirt bags”. ::laughs:: Man, I totally love that guy.

So hopefully, tomorrow, I can get the soil into the various planters and move over the veggies and plant a few more. I only have three of each of the veggies that have sprouted thus far. But I’m hoping with the bigger planters, the veggies will be happier. And right now, the veggies have to stay indoors, as Texas seems to enjoy dipping down into the 40s every weekend. ::shakes her head:: Damn crazy weather.

Fuck Today

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The belly of the beast.
Leviathan has some interesting sleeping habits. ::chuckles::

Today ended up being an incredibly stressful day. It always is when student A tells student B that when student B comes over to his house, student A will stab student B repeatedly in the face with a knife. Yeah, direct quote there. ::sighs::

I’m just so tired of us not getting the required training on this stuff – what forms to fill out and who gets what copies of said forms. I’m tired of doing all these “fun” personality tests at our monthly staff meetings when there is a ton of shit we NEED to be trained on, but just aren’t being trained.

So that made for a long, shitty day. And then I get home and all I fucking want to eat is IHOP’s biscuits and gravy meal thing. Straight up comfort food. So we go to IHOP – they have ONE damn waitress and she’s old and limping. There are only four tables seated in the entire restaurant. And we sit there for a solid 10 minutes, waiting to place our drink order. The table beside us have already put their credit cards in the receipt holder when we sit down. And in that 10 minutes, the waitress completely disappears.

David has ZERO patience. I’m sure he hasn’t eaten all day because he straight up forgets to eat. ::shakes her head:: So yeah, we opt instead to go to Firehouse Subs (for him) and Schlotzsky’s (for me) and just come home. And while my Schlotzsky’s was delicious….I just really wanted biscuits and gravy. It’s so stupid, but it’s the straw that’s broke this damn camel’s back. Today can officially go jump off a goddamn cliff.

Making Plans

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Happy mail being sent out tomorrow!
1 to a Pagan pen pal
1 to a LetterMo pen pal
1 to a Postcrosser

Man, I faded out fast last night. I ended up heading to bed at 11 pm – which is ungodly early for me. ::laughs:: And I slept until 10:30 am, so I guess I needed the rest.

Thankfully, today was warmer than yesterday. It was cool enough to be enjoyable, but not so cold that you had to layer on clothing to be out there. I was able to do my daily prayers pleasantly out there. I need to write the basic outline of that prayer down and add it to my grimoire.

Hazel Nut and I will possibly be going to a public Beltane ritual at the end of the month. I’ve never been to a public Beltane. And even though I took Hazel to a Lammas “ritual” but it was super light on the ritual aspect of it. And I’ve been to rituals put on by COG, and they’ve always turned out nice, so I’m a bit excited to attend this one. I need to remember to set aside $5 as the love donation for the ritual. ::smiles::

Speaking of rituals, April is chocked full of things to celebrate:
- The 11th of this month will be my 12th anniversary of being SI free
- The 16th is the New Moon
- The 19th is the 2nd anniversary of being in our house
- The 30th is the Full Moon

So I need to get cracking on some ritual writing. I’m not letting all of these pass by with no fan-fare. I need to dust off my ritual self and get witchy self back on track. I’ve let too much slide thus far this year. I’m done letting that shit take the back seat.

Kyanite

written:  April 7th

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My Paraiba blue kyanite from Sage Goddess arrived today. It’s a mixture of blue kyanite, black kyanite, and quartz crystal.

I know, I know, I know. I said I was done buying things until I actually start using what I already have. And what have I done? I’ve bought a new wand and now and new crystal (oh, and a new scented oil blend as well). So yeah, now I need to get serious about culling out what I don’t sure and selling what I can. ::chuckles::

I swear, I need an entire month off of all obligations just so I can fully purge my closet and room. It seriously looks like a couple of tornadoes had a bar fight in there. ::chuckles::

I had lunch with Hazel Nut. She brought her two youngest kiddos and we ended up at Taco Bell. It was just hard to have any sort of meaningful conversation there and then Micha (her middle child) was ready to go do something else long before we got into anything of substance. Oh well. Maybe next weekend.

I did finally go pick up the walkie-talkies from Walmart. I’ve had that purchase order for work for over a week now. I just couldn’t find the motivation to delve into Walmart. ::laughs:: But I’ve got them. And they are ready to be used starting Monday. Thank goodness. Our current sets of walkie-talkies are on their last leg (and have been for a while). Hopefully, these will last longer and do a better job. ::chuckles::

Roses & Psychos

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The first rose bloom of the year! I’ve got another 100 blooms sitting on the bush, just waiting for their perfect time to open up. ::smiles::

As much as I love having my husband home, I’m ready for him to go back to work so I can get my personal schedule back on track. ::laughs:: Though, I do love sleeping in, to be honest.

The more I watch NCIS, the more toxic I realize it is. So much toxic masculinity, and disrespect for personal boundaries. So much sexism. Sadly, this is probably the last time I will watch the series all the way through. It has a good story line, but the toxic characters are just horrible.

Hurray it’s Friday! We have a possible big storm blowing through later on this evening. I was on my way home from work, sitting at a red light with the window down, and a single, large raindrop hits my knee. Just one. ::chuckles:: It has to be the most polite way the Harpies have ever tried to get my attention. I chuckled and told them I would gladly offer them incense once I got home. Hopefully this will appease them and we won’t suffer any damages when the storms hit.

I saw a guy today, while Hubs and I were eating, that looked so familiar, but I couldn’t place him. Until he looked at me and smiled – and holy shit, he looked just like my Psycho-Ex. And I’m happy to report that it only shocked me – I didn’t have any physical reactions (no anxiety, no urge to hurl, no fear) – just an “ugh” feeling at being reminded of Psycho-Ex. So definitely improvements there. It just would have been nice not to see my Psycho-Ex’s doppelganger of another race tonight. Which reminds me, Psycho-Ex has been popping up again in my dreams – always creepy, but no longer threatening. I think it’s a good time to do a full cord cutting ritual and sever any lingering ties between us. I want that fucker completely out of my life for good.

Thankful Thursday

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This is a full set of Chakra stones that Marlene included in the trade we did of perfume oils. I got a full bottle of “Bliss” perfume oil, this set of Chakra stones, a box of Chakra incense, and samples of “Wild Woman” and “Empath” scented oils as well.

So now, I want to research more on Chakras and figure out how to use the stones. The very first guided meditation I ever did was a Chakra meditation. Man, I miss that very first group of Pagans I met. They were awesome…but they were deployed to Japan and I lost all contact with them. I don’t even remember their names. Maybe I wrote them down in one of my journals from that time? I’ll have to check.

I am thankful…
1. Good subs helping out on my campus.
2. Coloring and decorating envelopes with my students yesterday. The envelopes are for my pen pal letter writing.
3. The full set of Chakra stones I received in a trade. At first, I was at a loss as to what to do with them because I don’t work with Chakras. But it reminded me of previous work I HAVE done and now I want to delve into them again.
4. Bluebonnets blooming near my work. I’ve added that flower to my Next Year’s Garden List. ::smiles::
5. Nicer weather this week. Monday started off down in the 40s but we’ve gradually gotten back up to the 70s.
6. David’s been on vacation this week, and even though it’s thrown my schedule way off, I do enjoy having him home.
7. Today is the first day in about a week that I have not had a headache. Thank all that is holy for that!
8. Nice full moon observance and awakening of my new wand.
9. Having food in the house again. We had put off doing our Walmart run until the point that we didn’t have any good in the house.
10. My rosebush is weighed down with all the blooms. I can’t wait for them to burst forth. I’m on pins and needles, waiting!

Coloring

written: April 4th

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Fun times at work. I asked one student who’s really good at doodling, if she’d be willing to doodle on some envelopes that I will use for my pen pals. It then evolved into about 6 students coloring on envelopes for me. ::laughs:: And they want me to bring more envelopes tomorrow so they can continue. I should be set with decorated and colored envelopes for a while.

Today’s headache was minor – more of an annoyance than true pain. But I was worried all day that it would develop into a nasty headache, so I was on high alert. So I guess, it’s progress? And it has nothing to do with coffee, so that will still be cut out of my diet for this month. I’m drastically increasing my water intake as well. I’m hoping this will cut off some of those damn headaches. I’m very tired of them.

I dreamed last night about something important. Something ritual/spiritual based. And for the life of me, I can’t remember what it was. I remember waking up and thinking to myself I needed to remember that dream because it was important. But when I fully woke up, all I could remember is that it was important. ::grumbles:: I swear, I just need to get a digital voice recorder. I know, I know, I can probably do that on my phone, but a digital recorder would just be easier. Just grab it, record whatever I need to remember and then go back to bed. Then I can play it back in the morning. I don’t need anything crazy fancy, so maybe I’ll pick one up on the next paycheck.

Bursting

Photo for today:

 

Look at all the lil buds getting ready to bloom! And this is just a fraction of the rosebush. I’m so excited for it to finally bloom.

Day 2 of a moderate, day long headache. I caved and had some coffee today, hoping it would alleviate the headache, but no such luck. So I know these aren’t caffeine withdrawal headaches.
I’ve been trying to do my video response to Tas’s “5 Getting to know you Witchy Questions” – I answered them here in my blog on April 1st, but just haven’t gotten around to doing the video response to the Cauldron group. I am trying to get over my nervousness and my perfectionism. Wish me luck! ::laughs:: Mostly, I want to do the video so I can show off my pretty tools. ::grins and winks:: I can be proud of my tools. I’ve finally amassed the correct tools for me over the past 20-some-odd years I’ve been practicing.

Man, I was in a bad headspace last night. We were watching an episode of NCIS and the episode revolved around a Navy officer who had severe mental disorders. They never said what she had, but from her behavior I would venture to guess Bipolar, Borderline Personality Disorder, and/or some form of Schizophrenia. And the jokes and snark cracked about the dead officer’s disorders was constant the entire episode. I dunno. I was just a bit extra sensitive as a lot of the traits this officer had, are ones I have – though my traits aren’t as severe as this officer’s. I don’t know, it just really, really sucked.

I heard back from Sage Goddess, letting me know what the mystery stone is that was included in my golden egg with my order. It’s apparently a very light colored Amazonite.

 

Very pretty.
I just don’t understand why they would pack a stone, but not put any information in with it. I mean, they are dealing with predominately Pagans, so we LIKE to know what stones we receive because different stones have different energy qualities. Now I just need to do some research on the qualities of Amazonite.

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Speckled Belly

Photo for today:



My super “ferocious” pit bull. Gah, I just LOVE that speckled belly of hers!

Esmeralda, my supervisor, came out to check on us after Thursday’s craziness (the student that said he wanted to kill another student and then told me to “fuck off”). And then I got conned into possibly giving a staff meeting over the Sub Binder I have made for my campus – it has all the information about my campus that is necessary for the smooth running of my campus.

Esmeralda was talking about how it would make for a great class to be given during our Orientation week. I pointed out that I am already giving the class over documentation. Which she deftly turned back and said “Oh, well it would be more for the campus leaders anyways…so how do you feel about doing a future staff meeting over it?”

So I guess I’m having to put my money where my mouth is. I’ve been bitching and complaining about all sorts of things that are wrong about the current program, and here I’m being given the opportunity to try my hand at fixing some of these issues. Wish me luck.

Witchy Tag

Photo for today:



My lovely new wand chilling in the window after her blessing, to absorb all that fun Blue Moon energy.

She’s made of a deer leg bone and the gemstone at the tip is a rutilated smoky quartz point. I love how she feels in my hand. Can’t wait to actually USE her in ritual soon. I’m hoping this will jump start my ritual making again. I’ve been so very lax in it.

Today is Lil Niece’s 2nd birthday. I sent her Polar Bear, Polar Bear, What Do You See? Sound book, by Bill Martin, Jr. Mom says it’s Lil Niece’s new favorite book. ::smiles:: So I did a good job on that one. I have another one that I will send Lil Nephew for his birthday in August.

Tas, one of the ladies in the Cauldron group (whom I have a slight witchy crush on), posted a “getting to know you witchy tag” on the group. And I’m thinking I might actually do a video response (she did the tag as a video in the group). But I figured I would answer the questions here as well.

1) What type of a witch are you?
I’m hella eclectic. I’m a mashup of bone, fauna, storm, chaos witch. I started out Wiccan, but have swiftly left that Path.
2) Who are your deities?
Anyone who has read me for a while now knows I am dedicated to Sekhmet, the Egyptian sun goddess of war, divine protection, plagues, and healing. I also work with the Harpies and various other spirits. I tip my hat to Cernunnos (Celtic horned god of the wilds), Set (Egyptian storm deity), and Lucifer (the Enlightened One), but I do not worship any male deities. I will work with them, and I will show respect, but very rarely are they invited into my rituals.
3) What is your favorite crystal?
Hands down, Galaxite. I picked up a palm stone from Sage Goddess ages ago on a whim and I have been completely smitten ever since. That stone is always in my pocket anytime I leave the house. I also really like Larvikite. I would love to get a palm stone of that soon.
4) Favorite magickal tool?
My athame. I’ve had a handful of them over the 20+ years I’ve been practicing, but I can say without a doubt that my current one is The Athame ™ for me. She’s a hefty beast of Damascus steel and buffalo horn handle. She has serious weight to her, and her steel is very sharp, and I can just feel the power humming through her. Love, love, love her. And I’m getting similar feeling with the wand. Now I just have to get to know this new tool of mine.
5) Favorite method of divination?
I prefer reading animal messages – each animal has its own meaning, and those meanings can be deciphered. Other than that, I love using the Jade Oracle Deck. It’s one of my favorite decks.

Last Day of March

written: March 31st

Ah the final day of March.

I am finding myself feeling very mellow today. 

I got the news that the Digital Citizenship Lesson Plan thing – the thing that I felt like I had personally just half-assed, but was proud of at least half-assing it, instead of no-assing it?  Yeah, got 100% on it and my professor LOVED it.   ::laughs::  I swear, grad school is merely honing my bullshit and gab skill sets.  Onwards to the next!

Tonight is the 2^nd blue moon of the year.  A blue moon is when two full moons occur in the same month.

I blessed by new wand and breathed life/energy into her.  I made an offering of Full Moon Incense (that I picked up over Spring Break).  And then I just sat and chilled outside, under the full moon light.

April starts a lot of things up for me.  April is the next round of the NaJoWriMo – which I’m debating even saying I’m participating, as it seems to have taken a new direction.  The guy running it is now pushing his “prompts” that he’s selling each month.  And given that I rarely do prompts, and if I was, I would not be paying for them, am I really doing NaJoWriMo?  Or has it just become my own thing now?  ::chuckles::

Anyways, for my NaJoWriMo goal – I plan to work on my grimoire in some shape, form, or fashion every single day of April.  I would like to get back into the habit of making entries in it more regularly.

And I’ve decided to pick up my 365 photo challenge again.  So starting April 1^st, I will be taking a photo a day.  I’m fairly certain that I will share the daily photos in my blog entries again.  I enjoyed doing that. 

AND April 1^st starts my newest round of 101 Goals in 1001 Days.  So I need to really finalize that list of goals, and come up with an attack plan for them.  Which, reminds me, I should look over my 36 Goals for my 36^th year as well and see how that’s all panning out.  ::chuckles::

Gotta get to reading.  I’m about 3/4^ths of the way through The Caged Graves by Dianne K. Salerni (historical fiction).  I need to finish up that book and do its review.  And then I need to get to cracking on Beyond Courage: The Untold Story of Jewish Resistance During the Holocaust, by Doreen Rappaport (informational book).