Side Eye

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I am pretty sure one of my students drew me as a turd. She CLAIMS it’s me as a chocolate bar. But….it looks like a turd. ::laughs::

Insane day at work. We have a major storm front moving in and are supposed to get rain ALL WEEK. So of course the students are bat shit insane. Like, one of my 5th graders got mad at his brother and BIT HIM hard enough to leave a mark, but thankfully didn’t break the skin. Like, what the FUCK? REALLY?

And I found out today, Christina, my 2nd best aide, hasn’t even HEARD of The Last Unicorn movie, let alone, seen it. ::massive shocked face:: So of course, I can’t let that happen on my watch, so I’m letting her borrow my DVD of it so she can watch it. Seriously, The Last Unicorn and all the old Godzilla movies pretty much sum up my childhood. ::laughs:: They were my all-time favorite movies. I’m actually toying with the idea of asking Christina to go watch the new Godzilla movie with me when it FINALLY comes out. But I dunno. I’m probably over-thinking it, and honestly would probably enjoy it more watching it solo. ::chuckles::

I got my new badge at work today. The school had new electronic locks installed, which required a new e-key card. And they wanted us to turn in our old e-key cards. Well, mine is the same as my ID badge, which I swipe to clock in with. So, I had to get a new one. And it was crazy how sentimental I was about the old one. It had stickers on the back from previous students and a sigil charm I had made to attract the right people to work at my after school program. And I really didn’t want to give it up. I should have at least taken a picture of the back. Oh well, I’ve already turned it in and I’m sure it’s already been shredded. But I have a new, shiny one now. ::smiles:: Still the same photo from 11 years ago. ::chuckles:: I see no sense in having to go into the Main Office to do a new photo when, hopefully, this will be my final year with the after school program.

Out and About

written: April 28

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Some gorgeous sunflowers I saw at Tom Thumb today when I went to pick up a prescription. I would have loved to have bought them, but money is tight here at the end of the month. Besides, I would rather grow my own at this point anyways. ::chuckles:: So I’ll have to find some similar to these sunflowers (the colors aren’t tweaked at all), and plant those next year.

I’m feeling better today. We had a lovely storm blow through around 7 am – thunder, lightning, and a ton of rain. Exactly what I was needing. Maybe yesterday’s restlessness was due, in part, to the incoming storm?

I completed my hour log for the Practicum class and turned that in. Just have the reflective paper left. And I’m running so friggin’ low on motivation currently. I just want to sleep and be lazy already. ::chuckles:: Gotta push through. Only two weeks left. I’ve got this. After that, then I can nap in the mornings before heading to work.

I ran around today, doing various, little errands. Honestly, I just needed out of the house for more than a hot minute. David was busy busting down part of the brick retaining wall, so it was a good time to be out of the house. I stopped in at Barnes & Nobel, telling myself I would NOT be getting a new journal until I fill up the ones I already have. Guess what I came home with? Yep, a NEW journal. ::laughs:: It’s the same style journal that I currently use for my BaBuJo (Bastardized Bullet Journal). Which, yes I do have a blank one for that already. BUT this one looks like white marble! So of course I had to buy it.

My left eye is still slightly swollen. And it keeps threatening to puff back up whenever I forget to take an allergy pill. So yeah, I’ve been eating Benadryl like they’re tic-tacs here. Man, I can’t wait until I can afford to go see an allergy specialist and figure out WHAT ALL exactly I am allergic to, and to begin immunotherapy to hopefully stop this type of reaction.

Now that my desk, soon to be converted over into an altar/sacred space, is put together, I need to focus on what needs to be done to it BEFORE I can start all of that.

It needs to be physically cleaned, top to bottom. Then it needs to be spiritually cleaned. This will be done in a few stages – rain water first, anointing oil, and then sage and either sweetgrass or palo santo smoke.

Out of Sorts

written: April 27

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We finally lugged all of the desk upstairs and put it all together! Hurray! It’s a bit longer than I thought it would be, so I will have to use the other door to get into my closet (it’s a double-door opening). But I’m thrilled to have it up and ready to be cleaned, cleansed, blessed, dedicated, and then DECORATED! Eventually. ::laughs:: Gotta get through this damn semester first.

I’m feeling all out of sorts today. Maybe it’s the amount of Benadryl I’ve taken today to keep my eyes from swelling back up (MOSTLY working, though they are still very, very puffy). Maybe it’s the incoming storm that is supposed to hit later on tonight. Maybe it’s just that time of year. I dunno, but I want to be out DOING SOMETHING. I just don’t know what. And a sheer lack of funds greatly inhibits any Fun Thing that I would like to do at this time. ::grumbles::

David’s working on busting down the last part of the brick retaining wall we have. And I’m just inside, pacing like a damn caged animal. Maybe tomorrow we’ll go to Lowe’s and I can get the planter(s) and dirt I need to plant the last of my seeds. Maybe that will help with the excess energy.

It’s also been very weird NOT having an altar or a sacred space set up in my room for this long. I think part of the restlessness is also the need for a good ritual. But I feel kind of lost without an altar as the focal point. I know, I know, I could have set up something temporary, or even moved my old altar back out of the closet. But that just felt like too much effort. ::chuckles:: BUT, I have the new one set up. The Harpies have already laid claim to their area (the top right side). I need to make a stand for Sekhmet’s statue. There is a hole in the back to run computer wires, exactly where I want to put her statue. Ultimately, I would love to use the CNC Miller at the local library, to carve her cartouche into the wood. So for now, I’ll probably do a temporary one. Maybe I could go ahead and get the wooden slice I would use, and just have it there until I am able to get to the library to do the “safety training” and then convert the cartouche drawing over into a file the CNC Miller can read.

So many plans for all sorts of awesome things. But these are things I’m playing close to vest right now. If they turn out half as well as I am picturing in my head, I will definitely look into possibly starting an Etsy store for these items.

Monster

written: April 26

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My Josey puppers is so cute and innocent and sweet looking when she’s EXHAUSTED. ::chuckles:: When she’s not exhausted, she’s full of energy and life and oodles of mischievous energy.

I took her on a walk today through the neighborhood. We haven’t done that in a while due to me spending most mornings at the F. Library, so we are both a little extra pooped after that walk. ::chuckles:: I am planning on doing this every morning during the week. I typically don’t walk her on the weekend as most people are home then so she wants to greet ALL THE PEOPLES!!!!!!!

Work was fine until the very, very end. After my students and staff went home, I got hit with some sort of allergen and this is what I looked like:



Lovely, isn’t it? It ended up getting worse. ::sighs:: Yet another reason I need to hurry up and get a full time library job. Then I can afford to go see an allergist about this bullshit and hopefully start an immune-therapy to get my body to calm the FUCK DOWN about pollen.

I mean, seriously? My poor left eye has a DOUBLE CHIN going on! At least it isn’t painful. It’s just bothersome as I can’t really see all that great. And I look like something out of a horror film.

Yeah, I was HOPING to talk my husband into dinner at On the Border, but there is no way in hell I’m going out in public looking like this. So, instead, I talked him into Domino's (delivery, of course) instead.

Final Practicum Day

written: April 25

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My rosebush has really taken off. I cut a few roses off to put in a small bud vase in the house. But I’ll probably need to cut a few more just to lighten the load on the canes. I’ll probably trim her back this autumn as well, so that hopefully next year she’ll be bushier.

Today was my last day at the F. Library. And honestly, it was pretty bittersweet. I honestly will miss the people there. And the library itself is pretty damn awesome.

But for now, I will enjoy not having to drive there in the mornings. I will enjoy having my lazy mornings back and taking Josey pup for a walk. I will enjoy NOT having to wear “business casual” clothing. And I’ll enjoy figuring out what I’m going to do with my hair this summer.

The past two summers I’ve put some fun color in my hair to celebrate NOT being at the after school program. First time was purple and the second time was my beloved blue. But seeing as how I’ll probably be doing interviews for most of the summer, fun color may not be the wisest move. Same goes for side-shaving or anything along those lines. Plus, money is really tight for me right now and I just do not have $300 to bleach and dye my hair this time around. Hopefully I will get a job that will allow me to have some fun hair throughout the year.

I got two hours at the juvenile desk which translated over into two hours of journaling. ::chuckles:: I did finally sit down and write about the ritual Hazel and I did last week and the various issues I had with it. And while researching what viper showed up in my vision during the ritual, I did come across a new-to-me snake – Gumprecht’s pit viper…the snake that I saw in my vision. So that was a nice way to finish out my final day at the Library.

Wrapping Up

written: April 24

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Josey watching “puppy tv” – sooooooooooo many cedar waxwings in the yard, eating the berries that come from that tree. It kept Josey entertained for a while…until one of the neighbors came home and it scared off all the birds. I seriously need to get a bird feeder set up there, specifically for Josey to enjoy watching from the window. ::chuckles::

I had my wrap-up meeting with Jennifer (my practicum supervisor at the F. Library). She surprised me with a lovely card signed by the entire Youth Services section AND a pack of the Gatorades I always have every morning that I worked there. ::smiles:: Just a really nice gesture.



And Jennifer gave me a ton of pointers on interviewing and all of that. I need to get a suit of some sort specifically for interviewing. And she gave me pointers on resumes and cover letters as well. And that I need to really sell myself during the interviews. Guess I need to email my Head Boss, Kelly, and ask her for the title of a book she recommended a few years back when I interviewed for a Zone Leader position (and thankfully did NOT get). It was a book about perfecting your “elevator speech” for interviews. I know I wrote it down at the time, but I don’t think I kept that sticky note. ::laughs:: And even if I did keep it – I have NO idea where it would be now.

Rainy Day

written: April 23

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Yes! I finally got a lovely rainy evening that I could enjoy. I opened the front door wide open and just enjoyed the time. Josey was a bit confused why we had the door open when it was raining, but man, it just did my lil heathen heart good.

I actually did my first sketch/drawing in my little sketchbook. And I’m rather surprised with how well it turned out. ::chuckles:: Maybe there’s hope for my drawing abilities after all! Now I definitely want to pick up some “how to draw/sketch” books and really delve into this more.

Man, work was insane. The Drama Kids club had their performance today so we were out of the cafeteria until 4:15 pm. And even beyond that, the kiddos are just crazy. I was trying to write my evaluations for my staff as I have to get them all done by next week, but yeah, that wasn’t going according to plan. I finally just scrapped the idea of doing the evals until a calmer day comes along. Not holding my breath for a CALM day…just calmer than today was.

I’m not sure when that is going to happen, due to us being so close to the end of the school year. Just means there are more and more activities. And the kids are just getting more and more restless. And the same goes more me. And then some. ::chuckles::

Just two days left at the F. Library and then I’m done with my Practicum hours. Just have to update my hour log sheet and then do the “reflective” paper and I’m all done with that class. I should be able to bang that out this coming weekend. Then I can turn my attention to the damn Resource Management class. I only have 2 assignments left for that class and then an extra credit assignment. Which I WILL be doing the extra credit assignment to help boost my grade for this damn class. This has definitely been one of my least favorite classes. Not THE least favorite – that honor goes to the damn database class I took my 2nd semester. That class about killed me. I am seriously going to enjoy the fuck out of burning the notes and syllabus for that damn class when it comes time to do my personal little bonfire. I am seriously looking forward to that. ::chuckles:: I think that’s just about the only damn thing keeping me motivated to finish this semester as strong as I can – so I don’t have to repeat this damn semester again.

No Migraine Today

written: April 22

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Mmmm, Sausage Balls. They are so damn delicious. But holy hell, they are rough on my hands when it comes to mixing it all together.

So as of right now…no migraine. Hurray! But I am keeping things low-key to ensure it stays this way.

I did run out to Target to pick up some candles – I’m wanting a 7-day candle to do a healing spell for David’s supervisor. She has colon cancer and just found out that the surgery didn’t get it all. So she has begun Chemo/Radiation for it. And I did go to Wal-Mart to pick up the milk I forgot last time, and to snag some more coffee k-cups. Then Josey pup and I took a two-hour nap after taking a walk.

All in all, a damn good quiet day at the house. Something I seriously needed.

I got to unwrap the Red Fast Luck Oil today. She looks GLORIOUS:



I’ll transfer it over to a roller bottle soon. I need to drop off some citrine and pyrite gemstone chips to Hazel for her to put in her bottle of Red Fast Luck Oil. She bought a really cool bottle to put hers in. And she also got a lavender plant and will give me some of the blossoms in trade for the stones. Which, man, I really need to get some more planters and soil soon so I can get my own lavender going.

Man, I just need it to hurry up and be payday and I need it to be a GOOD payday. Previous payday SUCKED. All the more reason to keep my job spell candle going (and I’ll be adding some of the Red Fast Luck Oil to it as well). I want a good job as soon as I get notification I passed the EOP. I’m ready to start pulling a MUCH better paycheck than what I currently am.
I just have so many things that I want to do that require money. So the sooner I get a library job, the sooner I’ll be making better money. And the sooner I make better money, the sooner I can do all the fun little things that I want to do.

I am toying with the idea of sending an article I read about Introverts to my boss. I’m just tired of them (supervisors) telling us at each meeting to “stop being shy” and “get outside your comfort zone”. I’m not shy, I’m PROCESSING. You can’t just lob a topic at me and expect me to jump right into it. I need time to process and figure out HOW I feel about it and WHAT I’m going to say. And I just wish they would stop expecting everyone to be an extrovert. Introverts have their strengths as well, but they don’t give us time to process the way we need to so that we can have USEFUL input. It would be nice for them to cater to the introverts at least once.

Migraine -- Day 2

written: April 21

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I’m still rocking a migraine today – Day 2. AND then my right eye is trying its damnedest to swell shut on me due to allergies. ::sighs:: So yeah, this is the best I’ve got for creativity for photography today.

I didn’t go to Coven class or ritual tonight. One, I’m in pain. Two, I shouldn’t drive with a migraine unless absolutely necessary, as the headlights from other cars just further aggravate said migraine. And three, I’m just not even pleasant to be around while I’m fighting a migraine. So yeah, no Coven-time for me. High Priestess says I’ll just get some “extra homework” to make up for the absence. Which, I knew ahead of time and that’s just fine by me. I still have finished all of my current homework. ::laughs:: Guess I’ll get to cracking on that sometime soon, once my head stops being an asshole.

We still haven’t lugged the top half of the desk up to my room yet. So obviously, we haven’t put it together either. But I’ve been hunting through Pinterest for ideas on how to decorate. I am in love with the idea of painting the moon phases on deer antler slices and then stringing those up along my altar. But I also like the idea of carving the Witch’s Runes into antler slices and stringing THOSE up. Maybe I’ll combine the two and paint moon phases on one side and the runes on the other. Then I can just flip it to whatever side I’m feeling at the time. And I want to make a beaded curtain of some sort to shield Sekhmet’s icon from view when not in ritual. So many plans! I am seriously loving it.

Migraine

written:  April 20

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I just loved the little “oops” on the letter from Annette. And I love her wax seal. Maybe one of these days I’ll get mine own and be able to do own awesome wax seals on my letters. ::chuckles:: The current hope is that when this semester is finally over and I graduate and can get rid of so much school related stuff…then I’ll have the room to safely use a wax seal on my letters.

Ug, I’ve been fighting a low-grade migraine all damn day. In a way, I hate these more than the big nasty migraines. These low-grade ones just make you miserable and seem to last for ages. At least with the big nasties I get, they last a few hours and then go away. But this one…I pretty much woke up with it and it hasn’t gone away. I’ve tried to nap. I’ve had coffee. I’ve had water. I’ve had gatoraid. I’ve eaten. Nothing is touching it. Guess it’s time to bust out the pills. I just hate taking pills. Not because I think they are inherently “bad” or anything. Just that I hate taking pills. I hate swallowing pills. ::chuckles:: Even my throat rejects the idea of swallowing pills. I’ve just never been one to easily swallow pills.

David worked from home today. Josey and I just lounged around and vegged. I replied to a few pen pals because the writing doesn’t aggravate my migraine AND it helps distract me from the constant pain. I need to print out a few more of the Otter Interaction photos. I didn’t realize those were going to be such a great hit with my pen pals. They all seem to be super excited about it, so I want to include photos of it to share the joy.

That’s another thing I want to do once I graduate. I want to clear out all the Grad School related clutter and finally get a color printer. That way I don’t have to drive over to Kinkos/Fed Ex to print out things. I can just do it from the comfort of my own home. Don’t even have to put on real people’s pants (what David and I call jeans)! Damn that just about sounds like heaven. ::chuckles::

Is That Blood?

written: April 19

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I was so seriously tempted to buy this. I may have to go back and get it. And you know, WHEN I do, this purdy boy WILL come with me to watch the new Godzilla movie when it comes out in theaters! ::laughs:: I think that would be the perfect addition to my “early graduation present” to myself. Then I can honestly tell David that I did not go to the movies alone. ::chuckles::

I had a fun morning at the F. Library. And no after school program today or Monday. ::smiles:: So I took Josey for a walk and did a Wal-Mart run.

Then it was off to Hazel’s place for our ritual. And you know it’s a good ritual when you come home and your husband asks you “Is that blood?”



It was to mark my transition officially from Maiden to Warrior. Traditionally, the Goddess is seen in triple form as Maiden, Mother, and Crone. But seeing as how I am not going to be a biological mother (got my tubes tied and an ablation, so no babies for me), the Mother aspect doesn’t resonate with me. So I’m going with Warrior or Battle Maiden or something more along those lines. Hazel and her youngest son did my face paint. It was cute that Sebby wanted to help (he’s like 3 years old).

After that we made some Red Fast Luck Oil. Hazel ended up spilling some of the Alkanet root and felt awful about it. ::chuckles:: I told her not to worry. It’s a big bag and we only use a tiny bit for the oil. I ended up tossing it on the fire, as an offering to each of the directions to help make our oil that much stronger. After that, we just hung out. A cool thing – we had an owl fly overhead.

But I’ve since learned that me and wine just do not mix. I only had two glasses, but man, I was so nauseous by the time I got home. It just kind of soured the whole experience. Plus, we were doing this out in front of her house, so super public. I dunno, I just didn’t connect very deeply with the ritual.

Hazel did send me this photo of the altar as well (as I forgot to take a photo of it):



The rose is from my rosebush.

Oh, and just to clarify. No that is no blood. And no that is not mushed strawberries. It’s a red pigment used by Hindu women (Hazel is Hindu).

Calmer Day

written: April 18

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My roses made it. The predicted insane weather didn’t materialize, thank goodness. I did make another offering to the Harpies, to thank them again for protecting my property and family. We did get some lovely rain around 1 am.

I’m knocking the final hours out at the F. Library. Hard to believe that this part of my life is coming to a close soon. I’ll miss the people there for sure. And if, once I graduate, there are any openings there, I will certainly apply. But for now, I will be really, really, REALLY happy to have my mornings back and to NOT be paying for toll roads. ::chuckles::

Look it! I actually did some coloring at work!



It’s a little coloring sheet, 4 inches by 6 inches. But it’s been AGES since I’ve had the free time and the mental focus to color something. ::chuckles::

I really miss coloring and I want to learn how to draw. I have a little sketchbook that I picked up at Michael’s a while back for like $3. I think I’m going to just start sketching in that, learning as I go. It doesn’t have to be perfect, as long as I’m learning. And I certainly don’t have to share it with anyone either. It’s just for me. Just to make me happy. And if I want, I can trace some of the little coloring sheets, like the turtle, into the sketchbook. That way, if I’m not feeling up to sketching, I can at least color that. I really like this idea. And the sketchbook is small enough that it can easily be added to my current bag that I carry all my shit around in. Just gotta toss in a mechanical pencil or two to my pen bag, and I’m all good to go.

Talking with the Harpies

written: April 17

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My fabulous roses are finally blooming! Aren’t they lovely?!

We are supposed to get a really nasty storm later on tonight – supposedly baseball to grapefruit size hail. I’ve made incense offerings and a cup of coffee for the Harpies, beseeching them to protect my home, my family, and all of my property from any sort of storm-related damage. I just don’t want my poor rose bush beat to hell by hail.

The morning was super quiet at the F. Library. The threat of insane weather kept most people at home, which was just fine by me. I finished up going through the Science Fiction & Fantasy section, listing the books that are a part of a series (we will be putting them in order and then numbering them on the spine, to make it easier for patrons). I started on Fiction, and should be done with that by the end of the week. I wonder what “special project” they’ll give me for my final two days next week? I fear that I will be slated to go BACK through the damn picture books again to weed. ::sighs:: Oh well, whatever it takes to finish out my 120 hours. SO ready to be done with that and have my mornings back.

Seeds & Semesters

written: April 16

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I found a wisteria seed pod on my walk today with Josey pup. I’ve been wanting to get one for a while now, but haven’t gotten one until today. And they are soft and fuzzy! Like velvet. So cool. I do hope to plant this in the corner of the backyard, closest to the carport. My hope is that the wisteria will grow and cover the carport with its beautiful flowers in a few years. ::smiles:: I will just have to make sure to keep an eye on it, so ensure it doesn’t go after my rose bush.

We had our last “official” work meeting today. We have one more meeting, but it’s a luncheon thing, so this is the last work-related meeting. And surprisingly, it was fairly productive. No Circle Jerk time. Woohoo. Soooooo happy about that. I certainly will not miss those damn meetings when I finally get liberated from the after school program.

I got my grade back on the paper from yesterday – 87. I’m totally fine with that grade. Only three more assignments for this damn class. More than enough for me to bump up my grade to an A. ::chuckles:: It won’t require too much work, as I’m sitting at an 89 for the class. Just gotta apply myself, ya know. So, so, SO ready to be done with this damn semester!

Glorious Monday

written:  April 15

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My lovely rosebush, before she bursts into blooms very, very soon. ::smiles:: I know she doesn’t look like much in this photo, but trust me, in a few weeks, those canes will be bending to the ground due to all the blossoms opening. I will be sure to take a photo of that when it occurs.

I took the most glorious nap this morning with Josey pup after our walk. I definitely miss being able to do that. Can’t wait until I’m done with my Practicum hours and will have my mornings back again.

I am happy to report I did, indeed, get the last section of my paper written. It has been turned in. ::huge sigh of relief:: Now I can get started on the assignments for the ToK Coven! Man, it’s a damn good thing I ENJOY writing! ::laughs:: I sure am doing a LOT of it.

Sunday Funday

written: April 14

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Part of the new-to-me desk that Elise was kind enough to deliver to us today. ::smiles:: I’m so excited to get it all put together and to start witching it up.

Other than that, I ran around doing a handful of errands I just hadn’t gotten to this week. I mailed out a fabulous gift box to Annette. And then I realized it will be her birthday this coming weekend. Dang, I wish I had noticed that earlier. I would have gotten her a birthday card. Oh well. I think she will be quite pleased with all the little gifties in the box, so that’s all that matters. It’s just a small box compared to the amazing boxes she sends me throughout the year. I’m just glad everything came together for this box. Kept a lovely sea/ocean theme – as that is her most favorite place.

I didn’t do ANY work on my paper today. All I have left is the Government Legislation – which is all about the Patriot Act, the Freedom Act, and all that jazz. Stuff I friggin’ HATE and find so incredibly non-exciting. So yeah, it’s like pulling teeth to get this part written. Since it’s due tomorrow night, I figure I will HAVE to write it at that point. ::chuckles:: So I’m giving myself today off. I got two parts written yesterday, so I’m doing well. And I’ve found all the resources I need for the final section. It’s just a matter of applying ass to chair and writing it.

I got the final part for the Red Fast Luck Oil ordered – the base oil. I wanted Jojoba oil and was hoping I could find it locally. No such luck and my ritual with Hazel Nut is swiftly approaching. So I ended up ordering it. I just hope it gets here in time. I’m more than a little anxious that I’ve waited too long and it won’t arrive by Friday. Fingers crossed that I’m worried all for nothing! ::chuckles::

Oh and a totally AWESOME thing that happened today – I was sitting outside with the Hubs and the Puppers and a hummingbird came into the yard and hovered for a while, checking me out. She even flew lower until she was about eye level (though, a good 7 feet away from me), cocked her head at me, and then flew off. Soooooooooo cool! And then a dragonfly just had the grandest hour buzzing around our yard. So yeah, I’ll take both of those totems as good signs. ::smiles::

I really do need to get a hummingbird feeder set up. I keep talking about doing it and wishing…I just need to do it. Same with a birdfeeder AND a bat house. One of these days….

Storms

written: April 13

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Rosebuds in the rain.

Fabulous, fabulous storms all day. We even had a moment of hail. I seriously loved it all. All the thunder and lightning and the torrential downpour. Then moments of quiet mist. Just awesome.

I got the bulk of the Privacy, Censorship, and Government Legislation in relation to Public Libraries paper written today. And yes, it is just as exciting as the title sounds. Which is to say….a total friggin’ yawnfest. It’s so boring that I played around doing the math to see how low of a score I could get on this paper and still have a B for the class. ::laughs:: Still going to do the work, but it’s nice to know that as long as I get at least 10 points (out of 15) on the paper I’ll still have a mid-B.

And the big news – I found a new-to-me desk that is almost perfect for what I want in an altar. I found it on Facebook Marketplace. I offered the woman selling it a bit extra if she could deliver it. So I’m getting it tomorrow! I’m so excited. So tomorrow, I will need to clean out the old altar area and move the old altar into my closet so I can set up the new desk/altar in the same spot. Hopefully I won’t have to also pack up the “art desk” just yet. I’m not ready to tackle that beast of a project. ::chuckles::

So now that I have the central piece, I can begin coming up with decoration ideas. I already know where the “homes” for Sekhmet, the Harpies, and possibly Circe will be. And with it being a good sized desk, it should make it more conductive to working in my Witch’s Journal during ritual. There’s even a spot that might be perfect to keep my Witch’s Journal. I’m seriously excited about all the possibilities this opens up.

Oooh, I found some fairy lights that look like amethyst pieces. It would be so cool for my sacred space. Honestly, I may buy two sets – one for the altar area and one for my bed area. ::smiles:: Plus I’m thinking of making a beaded curtain thing for part of the desk. Kind of hard to describe without a photo of the desk. Honestly, I plan to print out a photo of the desk and draw the various decorating ideas on the photo. That way I have something to work on each month without forgetting what it is that I wanted to do! ::laughs:: My only complaint is that the desk is white. Would have been really nice if it had been a black or a dark brown. I mean, I could paint it…but that would take weeks to get every piece painted twice and to apply a topcoat to ensure longevity of the paint. And that’s only if we have weeks of GOOD weather. Which right now is storm season, so I don’t see that happening. ::chuckles:: Oh well. I can continue using the altar cloths I have. No biggie.

Combative

written: April 12

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A cute little squishy octopus one of my students left behind at work today. She’s keeping a watchful eye on my Mocha Frappuccino.

I am feeling extra combative today. I’m not sure why exactly. Just am. And my higher-ups ain’t helping. ::chuckles::

Sam (one of the Zone Leaders, like Esmeralda) emailed the campus leaders today to remind us that we are “required” to do a community service project this spring. First all, no. Just no. I’m so burnt out and stretched so damn thin, that I’m telling you right fucking now, that ain’t happening.

And then the Superintendent emailed the district about the anonymous survey’s we do a while back to gauge our “satisfaction” with the school district. Apparently, when he said he wanted honest feedback what he really meant is “honest along long as it’s positive”. ::rolls her eyes:: If he didn’t want to hear about the negative aspects of our district and our leadership, what was the fucking point of doing the damn survey? He just wanted people to continue to blow smoke up his ass apparently. I seriously wanted to email him about it. But I’ve done very well refraining from doing that. Yet. ::chuckles:: Needless to say, Jess and I grumbled about it quite a bit for a while at work. And I continued to grumble about it when my husband got home as well. Just gotta get it all out of my system so I don’t email the superintendent about it. ::chuckles:: Lord grant me strength!

We are supposed to get some serious storms tomorrow. I hope so. I need some good storm time to just clear all this aggression out of my system. I wish we had a covered porch, so I could sit outside and really enjoy the storm without getting soaked to the bone in the process. That is a must on the next house we get.

4,745

written: April 11

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I came home to a lovely wolf card and two Starbucks cards to add to my collection from a dear journaling buddy, John. So now I have a Boston card to add to my other city cards. ::smiles:: I now have Starbucks cards from:
Boston
Washington state
Texas
Dallas (with the Ferris wheel)
Dallas (with the skyline)
NYC
Los Angeles

You know you have been insanely busy and running around like a chicken with its head cut off when you don’t even realize until 10 pm that today was your 13th anniversary of being self-injurious behavior free. Yep, for the past four thousand, seven hundred forty-five days, I have not engaged in any form of what is now called “Non-Suicidal Self Injury”. Which I have to admit, that I do like the new terminology as it does stress that this behavior is NOT suicidal in nature. That was always the hardest concept for some people to understand. I was engaging in self injury as a way to keep myself from committing suicide. It was a safety valve for me, to let out the crazy so that I wasn’t pushed to more drastic and permanents means of quieting that internal storm.

Anyways, I’ve been so damn busy with this semester that I didn’t even realize that today was my 13th year of being SI free. Typically, I have a small ritual for myself, to mark the occasion. I usually get the birthday candles that come in the form of numbers to spell out how many years I’ve been SI free. And I haven’t even thought of picking those up. So hopefully I can squeeze in a trip to Target to pick up some candles and do a small ceremony for myself. And honestly, with how hard I’ve really been struggling to remain SI free, I deserve that damn ceremony. ::smiles::

85%

written:  April 10

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A FABULOUS surprise to come home to. My Canadian twin, Brandy, is visiting another dear friend up in New Jersey and saw this at one of Mary’s favorite crystal shops. It’s a lovely Larvikite (my absolute FAVORITE stone) bracelet. Gonna be rocking this bracelet tomorrow for sure. ::smiles::

Crazy windy day today. I like windy days to be honest. I like to envision the wind blowing all the crap energy away and leaving me clear and calm. I like just standing still and feeling the wind push against me. I like the way my hair snaps in the wind. Just brings out the more primal side of me. Everything else just falls away. It’s just me and the wind.

The students were in a much better mood today. No fights today, thank all that is holy for that. Granted, we had two after school clubs that quite a few of them attend, so they weren’t there for the first hour or so. But, whatever the case may be, I am still grateful for the break. I certainly need them to be less combative. ::chuckles:: I just hope that yesterday was a crazy fluke and we got all of that shit out of our systems.

Other than that, it was a nice quiet day at the F. Library. I’m now 85% done with my hours. I spent 2 hours continuing to work on the new special project of going through all the juvenile Mystery and Suspense books, writing down the ones that are in series, but do not have the series order listed on the spine. I was able to finish up the Mystery and Suspense section (the small section) today and begin on the Science Fiction and Fantasy section. This is, by far, the largest section, but I should be able to get it all done before my final day. And that is swiftly approaching. Just 6 days left. I will miss working at the F. Library. I really have enjoyed it. Maybe I’ll bring cookies on the last day to show my appreciation? I know I will certainly write a thank you letter to Jennifer for giving me this opportunity to do my Practicum hours there. And, it doesn’t hurt to butter up potential employers or at least ensure I receive a stellar recommendation when I apply for other jobs. ::smiles::

Submitted

written: April 09

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A photo of the cool stone I got as a part of the Storm Witch box (monthly box) from the lovely Inked Goddess Creations. It’s a piece of Fulgurite – a stone created when lightning strikes the earth. And I like that it kind of looks like a vertebrae bone – so it will be perfect to put on the Harpies’ altar….you know…once I actually get it set up. ::chuckles:: Seriously, I just need a year with no work and with an unlimited amount of money, and I could finally get all the decorating, altar creation, and gardening plans DONE and done WELL. ::chuckles:: Just need someone to fund that dream. ::smiles::

In other news, I submitted my registration to take the EOP (End of Program) exam today! It was the first day to register for the June test. I remembered to do this right as I was headed out the door to go to work. I had to use my university email account (which I NEVER use) to do the registration and figured I would just check that email account when I got to work. Well, I couldn’t remember the damn password, so I had to wait until I got home to check for a confirmation email. Which I did receive. But it basically says, we’ll contact you if there is an issue. Don’t contact us. We won’t respond. Just wait and see if you can access the EOP info through Canvas on May 31st. ::blinks:: So I have to wait until May 31st to see if I even get to take the EOP in June???? ::flails:: That is SO NOT how I work. ::laughs::

If I had to sum up this semester in one word, that word would be Patience. It’s trying every level of patience I possess – and admittedly, I do NOT possess much patience, even on a good day, even with minor matters. And lemme tell you, this damn EOP is NOT a minor issue for me. Needless to say, I have been doing a lot of “conversing” (prayer just doesn’t encompass it – it just feels very one-sided to me) with my deities and spirits, asking for their aid and suggestions in this matter. But I’m basically being told to pause. To sit with it. That it will work out as it should. I just need to be patient and go with the flow for now. ::grumbles::

Looking to the Future

written: April 08

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Getting close to blooming time. I can’t wait. I plan to cut some to have on my altar for my deities and spirits. And as the roses age, I’ll harvest them and dry the petals. I think the second round of blooming is when I’ll try my hand at making rose water.

So I decided to take a peek at listings for library jobs. I’m pleasantly surprised at how many are listed and that many fall close paying what I may – and quite a few surpass it. Just sucks that I can’t apply for them right now. ::chuckles:: If nothing else, I have to wait until I finish up my practicum hours at the F. Library. And by that point, honestly I should just wait until the end of the semester so I can focus on the final papers for my two classes. And honestly, honestly, I should wait until after I do the EOP (End of Program) exam. ::sighs:: I just don’t like waiting. Oh well. It’s just a few months. And I’m sure it will be here before I know it. Which reminds me, I’ll need to completely revamp my resume as well. ::sighs:: Why is it for every step I want to take forward, there are like five hundred steps I have to do BEFORE I can take that ONE STEP?

My replacement order of the Synergy 12 oil by Sage Goddess (the one I got in a trade and the promptly dropped on the bathroom floor – yeah, it shattered ALL OVER THE place; though, my bathroom did smell amazing there for a while) arrived today. Sage Goddess was also giving away a mini bottle of Synergy 12 spray and two stones (Tanzanite and Petalite) with any purchase, so I figured it was the perfect time to snag a replacement bottle of that oil.

Coven Assignments

written: April 07

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Two photos for today – the two cards I drew at class.



The Hooded Man, from the Wild Wood Tarot.



The Glanconer, from the Faeries’ Oracle.

I am hoping at some point, the anxiety I feel as I’m driving over to class will dissipate. I spent most of the drive talking myself down off the anxiety ledge. And once I’m there, I’m perfectly fine. I really enjoy the people in the group. I really like the high priestess and I trust Aesa (former coven member and has been a member of the ToK Coven for 4 years now, I think). I think it’s just the new people jitters.

Tonight is the New Moon, which that ritual in the Coven is for initiates only. So after class, the students were released. I drove home in the rain…love my Harpies for that. David and I did dinner at the Cracker Barrel. I like their biscuits and gravy…but I think IHOP’s are better. ::laughs:: If only the service didn’t typically SUCK ASS at IHOP, I would have recommended we eat there.

For the Coven class, we’ve been given three individuals to research and write a small paper about their contributions to Wicca/Witchcraft. I have Alex Sanders, Starhawk, and Amber K. Plus I have to write a paper on “How I arrived at Wicca/Witchcraft and with the ToK Coven)”, write about “My own experiences with magic in any form”, write about “my definition of my own beliefs and how I came to them”, AND I have to read and write a paper on the Malleus Maleficarium. All due by April 21st. So once I get my school assignments done and out of the way, I’ll get to cracking on those assignments. Seems my work is never done. ::chuckles:: Though, the High Priestess did warn that this was the hardest class with the heaviest assignment load. So hopefully, the rest of the classes won’t be quite this labor intensive. Or hopefully, they hold off until AFTER my final semester. ::chuckles::

Storms & Dreams

written: April 7

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Alfred, our resident wild cottontail rabbit, chilling in the neighbor’s yard.

The storms didn’t disappoint this morning. Lots of lightning and thunder and down pouring. Love, love, love it. And my Inked Goddess Creation monthly witchy box arrived today. So very fitting, as its theme this month is Storm Witch. ::smiles:: I’m rather pleased with the box and all the goodies in it. I should do a video or at least a photo walk through of all the items. For now, though, it’s on my altar. I also made sure to place my newest wand – the fabulous one from Luna Blue Boutique that the Harpies have laid claim to – I put that wand on the window ledge, to soak up some good storm energy. And now that wand is resting on top of the Storm Witch’s box. I need to hang up a shelf for the Harpies soon to be their altar – their perch or nest, as they call it.

Honestly, I need to really take some time to clean out my room and come up with some solid ideas on how I want to decorate it. And this goes beyond just wanting to decorate my sacred space. I haven’t hung up ANY artwork in my room. I would really like to make the entire room more inviting and more of a reflection of me. And, since my husband and I have separate rooms, this room is 100% mine and it should reflect that. So I think I’m going to start a Pinterest board specifically for ideas on how to decorate my room and sacred space. And I’m going to put a lot of thought and effort into this and then slowly start acquiring the items I want. I am just really lacking in vision on this right now.

I do know that I want some good curtains that block out light and a nice ottoman – both in blue. So maybe that’s where I start. I want to clear off and remove the “art table” because it’s just a place to toss stuff right now. And I want a different altar. Something taller. Honestly, I wish I still had the library table my uncle had (maybe he still has it). It was the first altar I used, and honestly, it was just awesome. But on the other hand, I wouldn’t might having a china hutch, converted over into ritual use. I would like to have the shelves to store Oracle and Tarot decks, journals and Books of Shadows, herbs and gemstones. Or perhaps I get my husband to make me something? Or do both…find one fairly cheap and then have my husband make whatever modifications I require. Hmmm…lots of possibilities.

New Moon Wirtchry

written: April 5

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A sweet note left in my clipboard from one of my students. It cracks me up that they almost always draw me in a skirt, even though NONE of them have ever seen me in one. ::chuckles:: Man, those gender stereotypes are STRONG.

Decent enough day at work. Esmeralda, my supervisor, finally dropped off the 5th walkie-talkie (she’s had it over a week now). But a good note, our supply order had finally come in, so Esmeralda also brought all of that over as well. Seriously, I was positively giddy over the two large boxes of spiral notebooks. Few things make me as happy as new office supplies. ::laughs::

Today is the New Moon in Aries.



Seems to be the perfect day to begin my long-term spell to find the perfect job for me. I started with a green 7-day candle and wrote my requirements and desires the job should include on the glass with a black sharpie marker. I also wrote the intention of the entire spell along with my entire birth name on it. I debated on what name to use – I ended up going with my birth name, as that’s the name the job will use. I picked up a simple white plate at Walmart that has a really nice lip around it. I’ll share photos of it once the spell is complete and it’s no longer being used. But I picked it up specifically to use in spell work.

I started the candle spell on my altar, but needed to move it into the bathroom so I can burn it safely, so the plate acts as the base and keeps everything together. I took a job sigil and printed it out. I put that on the plate and traced over it with the very last dribbles of Red Fast Luck Oil I still have. I placed the green 7-day candle on top. The sigil infuses its energy into the candle and the candle infuses its energy into the sigil. Once the candle burns out completely (which will take quite some time), I will then burn the sigil to release all of the energy out into the Universe.

I scattered citrine chips around the candle. Which, note for future use – buy chip gemstone necklaces. These are easier to loop around the candle’s base and won’t slide around as much as loose gem stones. I also have these tiny quartz points that I bought a long time ago. I had the perfect amount for all 8 directions with ONE left over – that I strung on a piece of gold suede cord and tied to the candle itself. That crystal, at the end of the spell, will be a charm that I’ll wear as a bracelet, or anklet, maybe even a necklace to carry the spell with me until I get the job I want.

Like I said, originally all of this was created and done at my altar but has been moved to my bathroom. In my bathroom, I can safely let the candle burn (there’s nothing for it to catch fire there). Plus, I plan to light it each morning while I get ready for work or time at the F. Library. And as I blow the candle out each time (which is sometimes seen as a huge No-No in the Craft), I turn it into a positive thing. I’m blowing those energies each time out into the Universe, to begin linking me to the right job.

I am certainly proud of how this spell all came together and the amount of time and thought I’ve put into it as well. More detailed information, along with photos of it will go into my Witch’s Journal. I plan to leave room for notes in case I change anything or add anything, or anything happens during the course of the spell that I wish to document.

Spring Fever

written: April 4

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My roses are getting so close to blooming. ::smiles:: I can’t wait.

Today was kind of crazy, kind of boring day at the F. Library. We had our “sensory play day” today where the kiddos could just come and play (instead of doing any story time). I was in charge of counting the people that attended (ended up being 242 people!). Mostly, it was just a LOT of standing around, not doing a damn thing. But it was another 3 hours done and it brings me ever closer to the homestretch here. And I got some face time with Yvette – one of the librarians that I haven’t had a chance to really work with prior.

Man, the kiddos at the after school program have Spring Fever like you wouldn’t believe. We are ALL tired of school and are just wanting it to be summer break already. ::chuckles::

The storms I was promised yesterday never materialized. I am so bummed. But they are supposed to materialize over the weekend, so fingers crossed for that. ::smiles:: I am needing some good storms to clear out the stagnant energy and bring in fresh, new energy. That, and I just really like a good thunder and rain storm.

Wombat Poop

written: April 3

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Ladybug on my rosebush.

My Spirit Animal Oracle Deck arrived today – the Hay House was having a crazy sale, so I was able to get the deck for a STEAL. And holy crap. I ADORE it already. I’m thinking of doing a serious, in-depth study of each card (there are 68 cards), so that eventually, I would know the cards forwards and backwards. This would allow me to do readings with the deck without having to consult the book, which would be seriously nice.

Much better day today. I finished up the suggestions on picture books to order for summer for the F. Library. I am so tired of books. ::laughs:: AND I finished weeding the Princess books. So that’s two “special projects” I finished up today. Woohoo. Tomorrow I’m helping with the Sensory Play Time at the F. Library, so no special projects for me. I left a note for Bonnie to let her know that I finished both of those projects so hopefully they can find me something else to do next week. Or maybe, I’ll just get more desk time, which I would be ok with. ::chuckles::

Mrs. Maria, our head custodian at the elementary I have my after school program at, asked me point blank today what religion I am. My knee-jerk reaction is to lie – to protect myself. But this time, I told the truth. I told her I was Pagan. It went over world’s better than I thought it would. ::chuckles:: We’ll just see if I get run out of town here soon.

I seriously adore my family and friends. Loree, a cousin who lives in Australia, tagged me on a photo she took of wombat poop she found in the wild. ::laughs:: I had made a comment about being blown away upon learning that wombat poop is cube shaped. ::laughs:: It seriously started my day off with a good laugh seeing that she had tagged me on a photo of wombat poop.

Tarot/Oracle Babble

written: April 2

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A small egg shell I found in the front yard. It’s either a dove or a mockingbird from the bird population we have. A good sign that spring is here. ::smiles::

Ok, so no headache what-so-ever today. Not even the migraine “hangover” that I usually experience – where my brain just feels bruised from the migraine the day before. It’s like I didn’t even have a headache yesterday. So weird, but I’m not complaining. ::chuckles::

My Spirit Animal Oracle deck that I ordered from the Hay House (because they were having an INSANE sale) has shipped. I can’t wait for it to arrive. I’m doing a 7 Days, 7 Decks tarot/oracle challenge thing, but only have 6 decks currently. ::chuckles:: So hopefully my new deck will arrive before the seven days are up. Yesterday I used the Oracle of the Dreamtime deck that Hazel Nut gave me – it’s Australian Aboriginal based. I used it to do a Month Ahead reading. I was a little leery of using the Dreamtime oracle because it’s not always a “nice” deck – it can be almost as ugly as a traditional tarot deck. ::chuckles:: But all in all, April looks to be a good month as long as I steer it correctly.

I was supposed to do a lay out with the Messenger Oracle cards, but got into such a negative head-space that I just put the cards away today. I think I’ll just skip today and do it tomorrow. So my 7 decks in 7 days may end up being more like 7 decks in a month. ::laughs::

Migraine

written:  April 1

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Pretty broccoli flowers. They are such a lovely shade of yellow – and I don’t typically like yellow.

Pretty much an all-day migraine. Luckily, I didn’t have to do hours at the F. Library, because doing the after school program was bad enough. Seriously, nothing I took touched it. Even my husband’s headache medicine. I even picked up Excedrin Extra Strength pills up at the gas station – so you know I probably paid DOUBLE for that. Even those didn’t touch it. ::sighs::

I guess I need to make an appointment with my doc about this at some point. But I’m 90% sure she’s going to want to do an MRI…and there’s no way I can afford that at the moment. Hmmm, wonder how many points that would earn me on my American Express card? ::chuckles:: Kidding. Mostly.