End of May

Gotta be quick and squeak this in while it’s still May. ::chuckles::

TMS Appointment
So I had to take this CliniCom mental health assessment and the secretary did warn me that it was quite in depth and generally takes people 2 to 2.5 HOURS to complete.
It took me THREE AND A HALF friggin’ hours, to complete it.

Mostly it’s because they wanted me to list ALL the psychiatric medications I have taken OVER THE COURSE OF MY LIFE, along with dosage amounts, the TIME FRAME in which I took them, and reasons why I am no longer taking specific ones. Like, is this something I should have been keeping records of? I mean, I can see how keeping a list of psych meds that DON’T work me, might be beneficial.

And then they had various trauma related questions.

Honestly, I am surprised I got through it all without spiraling out mentally. Because I was having to dredge up some ooooooold skeletons out of the dark corners of closets I generally do not even open any more.

All of this, so that Monday, May 22nd, I got to go in for my initial TMS consultation. Hopefully, I’ll get the green light on that and can start magnetizing my brain daily for a while. Coworker Carly just finished up her TMS treatment and recommends it. It is by no means a CURE for depression. But she said it did definitely benefit her, so here’s hoping!

Assessment went very well. I have to get a physical done with blood-work, that I’ll be getting all done (plus my yearly gyno visit) in June. I have my 2nd consultation for TMS on the 19th. At that point, I think they’ll let me know if insurance has agreed to pay. If not, well, they also offer ketamine treatments that I KNOW are not insurance covered. And if I’m paying for treatment 100% out of pocket, I would rather be tripping balls on Special K, that getting magnetic waves zapped into my brain meats.

Health Binder Thoughts
I really should get a print out of that assessment and begin a health document binder of some sort. Just keep up with dates that I’ve had various procedures on, maybe my health directive, etc., as well.

Work
We are now into Day 29 of the Ransomware Era. Pambie (my boss) is still out. Still haven’t heard if she’s had her surgery yet or not. ::shrugs:: We’re just in this weird kind of.....limbo.....waiting.

But I’m enjoying the FUCK out of the downtime. In the mornings, when I’m in the back (would normally be checking in books), I work on my daily art piece or in my other sketchbook, and just RELAX. I LOVE this so much. I wish we could keep it this calm and relaxing, but still be able to check books in and out as needed.

I seriously am going to be heartbroken when the Ransomware Era comes to an end, and I actually have to start doing my full job duties once more. I just wish work could be THIS friggin’ chill, with a completely working system as well.

YouTube Channel Thing
How can I have so many topics I want to talk about, but hit a blank wall when I try to do a video discussing said topics??? Because that’s exactly what is happening at the moment. ::sighs:: I need to get a good phone mount for the house, that I can then do Deck flip-throughs and what not. ::looks at all her decks, many of which were limited runs:: Yeah, that would give me a LOT of footage.

Definitely NOT Boring

Hmmm, seems I’m only good for about one entry a month.  ::chuckles::

Maybe I’ll get more written this coming work week.  The City I work for got hit with some ransomware and 95% of the programs we use to run the library are currently down.  And have been down since Wed, May 3^rd.   So we are getting a bit of a vacation at the moment.  Though, once the systems are back up and operational, we will be spending HOURS manually checking books out on people’s accounts.  We currently have that all saved in various Word Documents.  Oye, that is going to take AGES to get done.

Ah, since the last time I wrote, some crazy ass shit went down at work.  My boss fell and broke her shoulder, so she hasn’t been at work since April 18^th.  She had surgery on May 5^th, but we have NO idea when she’ll be back in.  While I am sad that she’s that seriously injured, I would be lying if I said it wasn’t a nice reprieve from her busy-body-ness.

Income tax return came in.  And while I was dreaming up all these things to spend it on?  I haven’t done a damn thing with it.  ::laughs::  I guess I’m having serious executive dysfunction with it.  So it’s just been sitting in my account this entire time.  I finally moved half of it into savings, along with the standard $200 from my paycheck.  Man, that savings account is looking NICE.  ::chuckles::  Honestly, I should just hire someone to come clean out my bedroom.  ::chuckles::  Still slowly clearing it out, but it’s seriously slow going.

I dunno.  I just feel like I’m standing in place, while everyone else is running around, accomplishing these Fabulous Big Goals.  And I certainly don’t begrudge my friends doing all these fucking amazing things, because they are AMAZING things.  But I’m looking at myself like, what the fuck have I accomplished this past month?  Thus far into 2023? Hell, we can even go back to 2022.  I just feel….stuck.  Stagnant. 

And for me, looking at how things go for me?  I always feel stagnant right before a BIG shift in my life.  So I’m sort of worried about what’s about to get shaken up.  What rug is going to be pulled out from under me.  It’s a mix of dread, but also anticipation.  SOMETHING is going to shake up, and get me out of this rut….but the shaking isn’t always pleasant.

My newest hyperfocus is listening to CreepyPasta stories on YouTube.  I have no idea how many I’ve listened to or how many hours I’ve logged.  Suffice it to say, PLENTY.  My favorites are the park ranger stories, the strange rule stories, and anything involving cryptids.  I just can’t get enough of ‘em. 

Rose petal beads were a bust this time around.  I forgot about them for a few days, and they were a bit furry.  It didn’t affect the way they smelled or anything.  But I don’t think it’s a wise idea to use moldy roses to make things that I’ll be offering to deities and spirit entities.  ::shrugs::  And it’s not like Titan is still throwing up NEW canes with dozens of rose buds on them currently.  I’ll have plenty of roses to do another go around.

I’ve got 4 new spirits I’m bonding with.  This brings me up to 57 spirits…..with another 2 on the way.  ::chuckles::  I see lots of orbs now days.  And knocks and clicks and slithering sounds don’t even phase me.  Seeing things out of the corners of my eyes is commonplace.  Though, anytime one of the spirits makes physical contact, it makes me jump.  My Lead Barghest (a dog like spirit) loves resting her head on my right shoulder, so I’ve gotten used to that familiar weight. 

So yeah, that’s what I’ve been up to.  Trying to get unstuck from my rut.  Playing with a WIDE array of spirit entities.  Conversing with the Harpies on the regular, as this is storm season.  And then, all the mundane shit as well.  ::chuckles::  Even when I feel stagnant….my life is certainly anything BUT boring.