I swear, every time I say I’m going to do better about
writing here, I drop the fuck off the face of the planet. And then I
come back, swearing to do better, and making a list of things I’m going
to talk about, and like a cock tease.....I disappear again. Rinse and
repeat.
Soooooo, we’ll do a super brief update, and just hope for the best, eh?
January summary:
I get to hang out with my geesies a lot. It makes me happy. Linda P.,
one of my local Pagan pals who also paints, has offered to come out and
photograph me in the middle of my fabulous flock and then turn it into a
painting. Which would be so incredibly BAD ASS. Just gotta figure out
when to coordinate and make it happen. Because it’s GONNA happen.
Actually had a POSITIVE work review. Granted, it happened like, less
than a week after the HR meeting of shit, but hey, I’ll take whatever
positive I can get at this point. And, I mean, I have a fairly healthy
opinion of myself, but quasi-supervisor scored me higher on a few things
than I would have…but I’m keeping my mouth shut on that and taking the
win.
Finished up my Van Van Oil and it friggin’ smells AMAZING. And it literally buzzes
with pep. Like, just smelling it filled me with energy and hope and a
massive Can Do attitude. I should probably take some up to work to huff
on my low-energy days. ::chuckles::
February summary:
I received my onyx carved lil T-Rex and I ADORE it. I also got one for
April (because she adores dinos like me) and an onyx shark for Annette
(because she adores sharks and she’s always sending me the most AMAZING
care packages).
Workers Comp denied my claim. Said it was a pre-existing condition
and that it didn’t fit the criterial for being a work-related injury.
Like WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK???? Luckily, I got that email when I got
home, because I went into a blind fucking RAGE. Like, I couldn’t even
fully articulate words, let alone full sentences, I was so angry. But
the next morning, at work, I completely revamped my resume AND applied
to 2 jobs in the span of 30 minutes. ::chuckles::
Then our heater died going into the Polar Vortex Storm of Doom. But
we didn’t lose power and our water pipes didn’t burst, and eventually we
got our heater fixed, so I’m deeply grateful for that.
One of the libraries I applied to offered me an interview and I jumped on it like a fat kid on a cupcake.
My depression and psychosis is ramping up BAD at this point. I’m
having mild visual hallucinations (walls and floors breathing and little
black beetles from time to time) and mild auditor hallucinations
(hearing conversations in another room that I can’t quite make out).
March summary thus far:
I do the interview at the other library and had them cracking up almost
the entire time. I really had a blast, but ultimately didn’t get the
position. Back to the drawing board for me.
Quasi-supervisor goes on a full on meltdown in front of me and like 4
other staff members, so I have witnesses this time around if he wants
to start some shit.
I get an appointment with my doctor to discuss the increasing mental
distress – drastic uptick in NSSI desire, suffocating depression,
psychosis, increase in headaches, etc. Learned that I’ve lost like
almost 20 pounds since I was in there back in December for the allergy
thing, so woohoo for that! We’ve increased all of my current meds and
have added Wellbutrin to the mix. I need to get a blood draw done soon
to check my Thyroid levels as well and see if that med also needs
tweaking.
I had a good check-in meeting with my director and she brought up
some good suggestions on things we could try to hopefully make working
with quasi-supervisor better. But then less than a week later, she not
only walked every single one of those suggestions back, but laid into me
with an ass-chewing at a level I haven’t received since I was a
teenager. Like, it was a complete 180.
And while I’m pissed for being so manipulated, I feel like a massive
weight has been completely shed. I no longer give a single flying fuck.
Not one. So I’ll play the game. And I’m damn good at it. I’ll make
them believe I’m the good little worker, doing all the right things,
doing as I’m told. And I’ll do it right up to the point that I finally
get to skip the fuck out of there with my middle finger in the sky to
another job.
One of the libraries I applied for and that offered me a position
when I was first looking for a job is looking for a Children’s Librarian
again. They furloughed most of their staff during the Lockdown, so it
was a good thing I didn’t accept that job, but I applied this time
around and I hope to GOD they offer me a job this time around. Starting
pay is almost DOUBLE what I’m currently making. And I won’t be working
with quasi-supervisor. And if it ends up being horrible? Well, I’ve
proven I can tolerate horrible for a year. So I can do that, save
money, pay off debt, and keep my eyes peeled for another job. I just
need out of this current hell hole asap.
And so, that brings us up to current times. I have today off,
because, fuck ‘em. I have the PTO and I decided I didn’t want to work
today. ::chuckles:: And I could have been a REAL dick and taken
tomorrow off and fucked up the story times and whatnot, but I decided to
play nice and not do that. So see…even when I say fuck ‘em, I’m still
not a complete asshole.
