Color Me Happy

Certainly not the best photo of me ever.
Taken with my crappy ancient dinosaur cell phone.
After working 8+ hrs in the nasty technology warehouse.
I’m exhausted and dirty and grumpy as hell.

Until I opened up the box from Klaus, my German friend, and found these two beauties waiting for me:

And that’s how you transform a grumpy SheWolf into a HAPPY SheWolf.

Nothing Quite Like....

....happy Harpies chirping in the morning. ::laughs::

But seriously, these guys are over the moon thrilled with me right now. And given what Harpies are....that’s a GOOD thing. ::laughs::

So yeah, after my woe-is-me father’s day reflective time....and then gave way to fuck-you attitude…I then decided I should take my lil punk ass on a walk. It’s been ages since I’ve walked Holly (old lady dog) more than just around our apartment section.

There are two wooded hiking/biking trails near my apartment…one on either side of the road. Normally, the hobos are in the South Trail…sleeping off their Steel Reserve hangover and all the paint huffing they did the night before. Normally, the North Trail is hobo free, and I can walk there without worry of being mooned or listening to Hobo Man or Hobo Woman flip out while drunk/high.

But not so yesterday. They were at the first picnic table…where I had my run in last April with Hobo Woman and three black thugs that harassed me the entire trail way. So I turned around and walked back out the way I came in. Now there’s a sidewalk that runs along the road, so I opted to walk that down to the far entrance of South Trail. If the Hobos are in North Trail, then South Trail SHOULD be clear.

I know, I know. What does this have to do with chirping Harpies?
Shut up. I’m getting there.

ANYWAYS, as I’m walking down the sidewalk, I notice this tree overhanging the sidewalk. It looks like a black locust that Kimberly (journaling buddy) and I were talking about a few months back. Ever since then, the Harpies have been hinting around that they wanted a rod/wand/staff made of some sort of wood with thorns. I was thinking maybe a rose cane and was planning to talk to Paula (after school substitute buddy) as she has tons of roses.

But, I get to looking at this black locust (or maybe it’s a honey locust…I’m not 100% sure which one it is)....and I notice these MASSIVE spikes of doom. I mean, holy shit…some of these have to be a good 2 inches long and they fork off multiple times. Wicked, wicked looking. And that’s when the Harpies start twittering.

Well, seems I’ve found what they have been wanting this whole time. No wonder they were so lackluster about the rose cane suggestion.

So today on my walk (after purchasing a pair of good gardening shears from Home Depot).....I cut this cane for them:

Here are the Spikes of Doom I was talking about:

And the cane itself isn’t much thicker than my pinkie finger. Larger branches had spikes that forked off three or four times. I may go back and get some of those spikes later.

But oh! How happy my Harpies are. Chirping and twittering and just so very happy. A rather odd sound, to be sure.

So for now, the cane is out on my balcony, drying out. After it dries, then I’ll figure out what exactly they want on it. I know there will be feathers for sure…and snake vertebrae. They’ve been rather adamant about that. I might also buy a replica of a harpy eagle (Harpia harpyja) talon as well.

Fuck Father's Day

I can barely articulate how much I hate Father’s Day. Getting on FaceBook today was a horrid mistake. Given that my current headspace was already in the negative, seeing post after post after post on how awesome everyone else’s father is just drove home how not having a father sucks ass.

It’s not even like he’s dead, but that I have all these wonderful memories. No.
My dad just opted out.
Opted out of my life.
Opted out of being involved.
Opted out of getting to know me.
Opted out of giving a shit.

And what make shit hurt even more is that he didn’t do this in the beginning, or even the first few years. No. He started opting out of my life when I hit the 6th grade. That’s when the time between visits noticeably started increasing. That’s when it started becoming very hit and miss if I’d even get a birthday card.

I finally told him to fuck off after I hadn’t seen him in years. He could keep his stupid checks and his very sporadic birthday and Christmas cards. To me, those holidays utterly sucked because I was playing the waiting game. Would I hear from him this year? Did he just not send the card on time? Or did he simply just not send a card period. Fuck that. I didn’t need the money that bad, so I told him to keep it all – to completely erase me from his life – that I was erasing him.

Most of the time, I don’t even notice his absence. It’s became the norm for most of my life. Most of the time, I have so many things going on in my life that I don’t even spare a thought towards him for months on end.

But today just really hit me hard. I wished my brother a great 1st Father’s Day and told him I think he’s doing an utterly amazing job, and I truly mean that from the bottom of my heart. My brother is beyond smitten with Lil Nephew and I truly, truly doubt Lil Nephew will ever go through the absentee-dad shit that Bro and I have.

I just see how easy it comes to my brother to be a good father. I see now natural he is at it. And it just makes my father’s neglect even more unfathomable.

I am glad at least now that I can turn this outward instead of asking what I could have done better. I was a fucking kid and he was the adult. The lack of communication and seeing my brother and I falls squarely on his shoulders. I’m just sad and oh-so-angry that he failed us like this.

I could say it’s not fair.
Yet I know the “life’s not fair” quip would be tossed around. Or the “oh, so-and-so has it soo much worse”.

To that, I say a resounding FUCK YOU.
Don’t trivialize my experience or my feelings just because that make you uncomfortable.

Plans and Schemes

written: Thursday, June 18th

Lots of downtime today at the Tech Job, but I’m completely lacking any desire/drive to crack open the GRE study book. I’m just craving some nice, simple pool time. And don’t even get me started about having to go do a Starbucks shift tomorrow morning and again on Sunday morning. I’m about 80% sure I’m going to cut my availability off on Fridays. Honestly, I would love to NOT work there at all while I’m doing the Tech Job…but I do still need the Starbucks job once the school year starts back up in August…so i just do what I gotta do.

Litha – the Summer Solstice – is Sunday, so I need to get cracking on that. I figure it’s a good day to cleanse, bless, and re-dedicate my various Sekhmet statues and painting. I’m really wanting sunflowers for my altar and happened to see some growing wild on my way to the Robinsons’ house. And I might even snag one of the massive yellow lilies they have growing beside their pool.

I also need to get my punk ass to Michael’s and pick up craft supplies. I came across some beautiful “beaded ornament suncatchers” on Pinterest that look very easy and gorgeous all at once. So I want to try my hand at that was a Litha craft.

And I’ve decided I want to see if I can get away with putting some purple in my hair this summer. I figure as long as it isn’t too outlandish, I should be able to skate under the radar. So as my first attempt, I’m going to try the infamous Koolaide dye. That way, if I do get into trouble for it, at least I didn’t sink a whole lot of money into it. ::chuckles:: Me, the ever-practical free-spirit. I swear most of the time I am just a living, breathing oxymoron. But at least it keeps life interesting!

Been talking to Klaus, my German friend, who made my Super Sneaky Project #2 (a very special, sacred gift for John) possible. It’s fun to come across various rare and obscure birds and then see if Klaus has feathers for them. ::smiles::

Speaking of Super Sneaky Projects – I paid the artist for Super Sneaky Project #1. I should have that Project completed and ready for deployment towards the end of August. This is by far my favorite devious project to date. This is how you put a Scorpio’s less “desired” traits to good use. Master liar, sneaky bastard tendencies, and an eye for success at any costs. ::chuckles:: Now is the part I hate – the damn waiting game. I just have to remind myself how awesome it will be for the big reveal. ::grins toothily:: Can’t wait!

Finished with a Bang

written: Wednesday, June 17th

Yesterday was a pretty slow, uneventful day at the Tech Job. We were just charging up the various schools’ iPads to 50%. So that involved a LOT of downtime. When we broke for lunch I made sure to pay my GRE study book for the second half of the day. And I managed to get through four-and-a-half chapters – all on the Verbal Section of the GRE – basically what to expect and how to tackle the questions in the various sub-sections. All in all, I got about three-and-a-half hours of studying done, while being paid $10 an hour. Woohoo! Not too shabby! If this keeps up, I could be ready to take the test in about four to six weeks no problem. It all depends on how the Math Section goes. That’s what I am most anxious about.

We are getting MORE rain. Not like we got 15+ inches last month (typically we get about FOUR inches for the month of May). So there are all sorts of flash flood warnings across the state yet again. Don’t get me wrong – I love rain. But at this point, the ground can’t absorb one more drop of water and most (if not ALL) of the lakes, rivers, ponds, and reservoirs are well above capacity. We simply have too much water at this point – something I never thought Texas would be able to say without a HUGE dose of sarcasm.

We had some major excitement at the apartment complex last night. I noticed flashing police lights when I took Holly (dog) out. I saw two squad cars with two officers canvasing the wooded area on the east side. David decided we need to go to Starbucks (at the time, he didn’t know about the cops)…and that’s when we saw the rest of the squad cars – FOURTEEN in total. And the officers were all wearing body armor. And one officer had an M16 strapped to his back – I called it an AK because my assault rifle knowledge is VERY limited....ex-Ranger husband swiftly corrected me. Ha!

So we opted to take our time at Starbucks. When we decided to finally head home…a Canine Unity had joined the crowd. I later found out via FaceBook that there had been a “domestic incident” at the East Zone of our apartment complex and the suspect had fled into that wooded area. Needless to say, we stayed inside with the doors locked. After all, there have been numerous “domestic incidents” at our apartment complex over the nine or so years that I’ve been here....but I’ve NEVER seen a police response anywhere near this level. So yeah, I didn’t have any desire to accidentally get involved in this situation. Yeah..not my fight, not my business – so count me completely out. I have no desire to end up on the evening news.

Again, it just drives home how much our apartment community has deteriorated. And makes us even LESS inclined to interact on any level with any of our “neighbors”.

Hopes & Dreams

David’s been a bit down lately. I blame most of it on his horrid work environment. But part of it is from when I took him over to the Robinsons’ house.

I’m house/dog/guinea pig sitting for them. It’s a really sweet gig. I’m getting paid to watch their critters and home – and am given free reign of the house. I can swim, eat their food, and is I liked beer – I’d have 3 different ones to choose from. If I wanted to, I could even sleep there – as could David – all with Mr. Robinson’s blessings. Hell, he even suggested it. ::laughs::

After taking David over there Sunday night, he got very quiet and introspective. I know it’s because he’s not happy with where we are at (and to be honest, neither am I). I think he was even a bit resentful with all the Robinsons have and how liberal with it they are. Me? I’m planning to take FULL advantage of their personal pool! ::laughs::

I’m hoping this motivates him to do the CISCO training soon. And I certainly need to really start studying for the GRE. I’m ready to only work one job. I’m ready to not have to scramble for a summer job. And I’m ready to make more than $18k a year. I’ve just got to blow the GRE out of the water and then burn through the Master’s degree as fast as possible.

I don’t want the Robinsons’ house. It’s too large for my tastes. But I do want a house to make into a real home for David and I.

Not to mention, I could get another snake at that point as well. ::grins and winks:: Now THAT’S some true motivation there! ::chuckles::

Still Got It

So I was dropping off the rent payment at the Apartment Office yesterday while on my way to the after school program, when the FedEx guy pulled up beside me to drop off packages.

I got a smile and a wave. I smiled back.

And I got a “look back again”…complete with a sheepish grin when he saw that I was still watching him and caught him doing his look back.

Woohoo! I’ve still got it! And hell, I wasn’t even wearing anything that special. Normal, every day, hey I’m going to go play with kids and have fun type of outfit. T-shirt, jeans, tennis shoes, my hair pulled back into a knot, and sunglasses.

::shrugs:: But I’ll take it. And I was riding high the rest of the day.
If I was single, I probably would have flirted a TON and possibly given him my number. ::grins and winks::