Admin Leave

Well apparently, I don’t have to wait until May 7th.

I went in to work yesterday and couldn’t log into my computer. It said that my profile had been deactivated.

I went out to the Circulation desk where Abby (our Admin Assistant) was working and asked her about it. Also took the time to let her know I had put in my 2 weeks notice as well and we talked a bit about that before Director came out and asked if we could talk.

I started recording with my phone because I no longer trust that bitch as far as I can throw her.

Turns out, the company has decided that it’s best for everyone involved if I just go on administrative leave for my 2 weeks. I’ll still get paid and get my benefits, but I won’t have to come into work. She also gave me a revised copy of the Corrective Action report (removing the lie that I had called out on the day we were supposed to have a meeting – that I could PROVE I was present that entire week).

So yeah, I packed up all my stuff. I talked a bit with Clarissa to update her as to what was going on. She’s pissed and upset, understandably. I did tell her not to go toe-to-toe with quasi-supervisor unless she has him on video doing something horrid AND has a couple of witnesses to back her up. She said once she gets another job and puts her 2 weeks notice in, she’s going to unload on him. ::laughs:: I told her to let me know when that goes down as I would love to hear all about it.

And I was back home around an hour after I had left to go to work.
It just feels…anticlimactic. And I’m unhappy that I didn’t get to say my good-byes to some of the staff.

And as I was headed out the door, Denise did say “I really do wish you the best, (birth name). I hope you know that.” And I wanted, more than anything in the world to just turn back, look her in the eye, and say “I don’t believe you for a second. Because if you gave one shit about me, you wouldn’t be throwing me under the bus to protect quasi-supervisor. I’m what, the FIFTH children’s librarian now to quit while he’s been the Youth Supervisor? Maybe that should tell you something. I’m not the problem. But hey, you made your bed. Now you have to lie in it. Best of luck with Children’s Librarian #6.”

Instead, I just shook my head and walked out. I mean, as much satisfaction as I would have gotten from saying all of that to her, what’s the point? Nothing I could have said would have changed a single thing. And the last image my coworkers have of me is me leaving with my head held high. And that is what matters to me right now.

May 7th

Yeah, shit has truly hit the fan. I mean, it’s gotten BAD at work. Bad, bad, BAD.

And yesterday was my breaking point, when I was told I would be written up because I wrote an email to quasi-supervisor asking him to not talk shit about me to our coworkers when I’m out sick.

I came in today to see the write up. It’s a friggin’ novel. And it dredges up every infraction that I’ve ever had…plus fabricated one completely out of thin air – that I can PROVE is a fucking lie.

So yeah. I submitted my letter of resignation. May 7th is my last day. You know, unless Director and quasi-supervisor put their heads together and figure out a way fire me before then. Which I wouldn’t put past them to be completely honest. ::shrugs:: At this point? I don’t even fucking care.

I would much rather be doing this because I have another job offer already lined up. But I seriously cannot stand to be there any longer than this.

My sanity and mental health has seriously deteriorated.
My anxiety is through the roof.
My depression is through the roof.
My SI impulses have been the highest they’ve EVER been in the past 15 years.
My psychosis has been more prominent the past few months than it usually is over the course of YEARS.
My disassociation has been weekly instead of a few times a year.
My migraines have steadily increased despite doubling my prescriptions.

All of this, is due to this damn job.

And you want to know what the shittiest part of this whole deal is?
I’m a Children’s Librarian.
I have a fucking Master’s Degree.
I have 20+ years experience working with children – 14+ of those years are in a supervisor position.
And I’m getting paid fucking $13.40 an hour. Thirteen dollars and forty cents AN HOUR.

And I’m having to deal with all of this shit? Yeah, I’m the fuck out.