Friday, May 26, 2017

Feline Deities

Photo for today:

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Leviathan FINALLY shed….at 8 am this morning. ::sighs:: So yeah, listening to a snake shed…it’s very crinkly…like a plastic bag. ::chuckles:: So needless to say, I’ve been awake due to that…much earlier than I intended.

Hazel called me today. I had missed that crazy chick. And it was really nice to catch up on everything. She’s been on one hell of a whirlwind roller coaster. Man, she’s seriously had her trial by fire in the past year or so. But damn, she’s done so much growing in that time as well. And she is setting down some serious foundation for the life she wants to build for herself. Hopefully, we can get back into doing ritual once again. She definitely wants to incorporate more movement/drum/dance/etc. which I’m down with. Let’s do this shit! ::laughs::

Hazel told me the best thing to come out of the previous year (2016 was a major kick in the teeth for her), was that she got to meet me. Awww. I really do like that lil Leo Lady. She’s definitely a firecracker and a nut and a half, but I think she’s balancing back out. She just had so much shit heaped on her for all of 2016 and part of 2017 that she didn’t know which way was up or down. But she seems to be getting her feet back under her and she seems so much stronger now. More focused. Less deer-in-the-headlights.

But then again, when Goddess takes you through your own personal Descent into the Underworld and you have to face each of your own personal demons and the dark shadows of your own personality? When you not only have to face them, but to embrace them as well? Yeah, you go a bit stark-raving mad for a while. But once you embrace the healing and growth that it brings you? Fuck, you are unstoppable. And that’s where I see her right now. She isn’t full out of the Underworld just yet. But damn, she’s a beast clawing her way back up. A true phoenix.

Seems Bastet has laid full claim to Hazel. And Hazel is getting to know the quirks of being claimed by an Egyptian Feline Goddess. People seem to believe Bastet, being a domestic cat, is all cuddles and sweetness. They seem to forget that cats have never lost their untamed edge. And even though Bastet is a far gentler Goddess than my own beloved Sekhmet, Bastet is still quite fierce in her own right. So I’m curious to see what our deities have in store for us. I am a bit worried. ::chuckles:: Well whatever deity has in store, I know it will be fiery and scorching….but gorgeous in the end.

Thankfull Thursday #21

written: May 25th

Photo for the day:

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Cute little owl stamp on a postcard I received from Latvia through Postcrossing.

I am thankful…
1. For one of the best work evaluations I’ve had in the 9 years I’ve been working for the after school program.
2. Getting to catch up with Lisa a bit at our End of the Year Luncheon for the after school program.
3. That all in all, my students have done really well with all the crazy going ons in our cafeteria – from talent show practices to parents setting up for the 5th grade graduation. Changes like that in our routine usually throw everyone for a loop, but honestly, they’ve kept it mostly together. ::laughs:: Wish I could say the same about myself!
4. Only FOUR days left in the school year and then we are out for summer break!
5. And only FIVE days until I get the purple put in my hair. FINALLY! This has been SO long in the making. I’m finally doing it and I’m ridiculously excited!
6. The pack of five crows that have claimed out little neighborhood as their turf. I love listening to them chatter among themselves, harass the dogs and cats in the area, and just generally be punks.
7. MoonTime was fairly gentle this time around.
8. Done with all the staff evaluations.
9. Being Pagan. I really have found my spiritual niche, and I’m quite happy with it.
10. Capt’n Crunch cereal! I love it.

Eval

written: May 24th

Photo for the day:

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I’m almost done with my current BaBuJo (Bastardized Bullet Journal) and this is the one I’m slowly setting up to begin in the month of June. It’s a “Decomposition” Notebook. I prefer composition notebooks for my BaBuJo. They are just the right size and usually pretty dang cheap, so I don’t get swept up in the perfectionism because who cares if I mess up a bit in a journal that cost me less than $6 to purchase? ::laughs::

So my supervisor that I was bitching and moaning about in the previous entry (ok, ok, so I’ve been bitching and moaning the entire school year about her), sent me my evaluation, as they are now wanting people to be able to view it BEFORE they come in to discuss it. I don’t quite understand that, but whatever.

But holy shit, this evaluation completely blew my socks off! I was expecting a bit more negative feedback, as I know I don’t do everything up to standard, but this ended up being one of the BEST and most glowing reviews I’ve had to DATE. I got “Exceeds Expectations” (the highest ranking) on THIRTEEN of the sixteen points. And those other three points were “Proficient” which is still good. Like, WOW!

So I really must have impressed my supervisor, because back in October she was threatening to fire me and all my staff, but after that knock-down drag-out fight, she understands that there IS a method to my madness on my campus.

That, and I want to reiterate for myself – my fucking Voodoo is STRONG. ::laughs:: If you recall, I did a Sweetening Spell on said supervisor back on January 17th, to help the two of us be nicer to each other and to “sweeten” our work relationship. And holy hell, I will say that was a resounding success.

I do plan to dismantle the spell bottle on the next Dark Moon (the day before the New Moon). That’ll be June 23rd – I’m not doing it tonight, because my energy is so damn low due to all the End-of-The-School-Year shenanigans going on. But June 23rd, I should be back to my normal energy levels, so I’ll dismantle the spell bottle then. I will say that I’m somewhat tempted to keep the bottle going, but I did make the promise to the Divine that once the spell bottle did its job, I would release it. Besides, if I need to do it again, it’s a fairly easy, straightforward spell and I know what a strong success this first use was, which will bolster the confidence I have in the spell working.

Thursday, May 25, 2017

Irked

written: May 23rd

Photo for today:

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A freshly shed cicada (though most Texans call them “locusts”). I spotted him while walking Josey (it is amazing how good my eyes are at picking out animals, big or small – this guy was a good 10 feet away when I spotted those green wings). The cicada was calming waiting for his wings to dry and harden so he could then fly away. I took the one photo and then left him alone. I figure all wild creatures have a rough life fighting for survival. They don’t need me adding more stress just because I want to watch them. ::chuckles::

So my supervisor has managed to irk me again. ::sighs:: Honestly, I don’t know why I allow it to irk me – it would appear it is just a part of her personality.

Ok, to explain the above comment – at my job (the after school program), we receive two evaluations – one before Winter Break and another before Summer Break. So Miss Boss Lady sends out a Sign Up Genius for us to be able to sign up for what day and time works best for us to come into the office and get our evaluations. This is world’s better than it was at the mid-way point, when she just emailed us a list of dates and times and we had to email her back and if that slot was taken, she would email that we couldn’t come at that time. It was mass chaos and so many fucking emails back and forth (because she always did a Reply All), so at least we didn’t have to go through that bull shit. So I signed up for tomorrow at 11 am. She replied back this morning that she forgot she was in a class (she’s being trained on how to train others on CPR and 1st Aid), could I come in at 11:30 am instead. I know it’s not a huge thing, but this is the shit she’s done ALL FUCKING YEAR. How the hell do you manage to have your Ph.D and be in your late 40s and still NOT know how to manage your time somewhat efficiently??? Like, how did you FORGET that you have a major class on one particular day? Like, REALLY? Really?

And I know it doesn’t seem like a big deal, but it’s been going on ALL GODDAMN YEAR. And given that I feel like I’m late if I’m only 5 minutes early (I prefer to be 15 minutes early), and she has consistently rolled in at LEAST 20 minutes late to everything. And some things, she’ll be DAYS late about. ::shakes her head:: It drives me completely up the wall. I just feel like that’s a huge insult…that by always being that late, that you are telling me you do not value my time at all. I swear to god, if she’s stupid late tomorrow to my meeting, I’m going to speak up. That is such utter crap. ::wanders off still grumbling::

Monday, May 22, 2017

A Bit More Stable

Photo for today:

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Photo of one of the postcards I received today through Postcrossing. This one’s from Germany. I seriously LOVE Postcrossing. I am so glad Deina told me about it. I’ve been hooked ever since.

So I broke down and busted out the fountain pens once again to use them in the Pen Pal Journal. So I figure I’ll just do that for a bit, and then mail it back to D.B. the first week of June and put in a note saying that I’m having to bow out of future rounds with the journal. I’m simply focusing on the words and that “standard” journaling. If I want to punch it up a notch and add in some doodles or some photos, I can do that. But it isn’t the center of my journaling for this particular journal swap.

Though, I must say, it is making me want to host another journal swap with my beloved journaling friends. Maybe I can reach out to a few that I’m thinking of, and see if they are up for a swap. Sharmila specifically comes to mind. She’s been rather quiet lately in the journaling group, and with her being overseas, it makes it a bit too expensive for her to tag along in the regular swaps. But we’ve swapped before, just her and I, and I would totally be down for that again if she is. I’ll mull it over a bit more and make a decision once I’m done with the Pen Pal one.

Well, lucky for me, the urge to spend money all willy-nilly has subsided. I guess paying bills and tuition and knowing that my hair experiment is going to be around $100 has satisfied that specific beast for now. I’ve decided that since I still have the candle from last year’s Litha, that I’ll use it this time around, instead of purchasing one. But I do want to get some Litha incense and possibly a Litha oil as well. Ever since I’ve started ordering stuff from Sage Goddess and she includes those scented oil samples, I’ve been hooked on them. As some point, I would love to get into making my own. But that’s a pricey hobby to have, so I’ll hold off for now. ::chuckles::

Sunday, May 21, 2017

Tilt-a-World

The #CY365 photo prompt for today is “Sharp”:

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Josey ADORES shredding boxes. I usually put a treat in them and close them up before giving it to her. It’s an extra incentive to have fun. Makes for a huge mess when she’s done, but seriously. If you could see the way this lil pit bull’s eyes dilate when she realizes she’s getting a BOX? And if you could see the happy wiggles and jumps it brings out in her, you would give her boxes as well. ::laughs::

The big announcement for today is that I’ve found the hair stylist to do my purple tips AND have scheduled my appointment. So I’ll be getting the full treatment (shampoo, trim, bleach, and then purple dye) on the 30th. That way I can be a rebel those last few days at work, but that work won’t have the necessary time to write me up for my non-compliance hair color.

I don’t know why this is such a big thing for me. I think it’s because of how crappy this entire school year has been. And, let’s face it, I ain’t getting any younger here. And I don’t see why the high school teachers can have a streak of non-natural color in their hair, but those of us working in the after school program can’t. That’s some serious bullshit.

And I don’t know. I’m just feeling really, really, REALLY caged right now. Like I am having to follow all these rules that I don’t necessarily agree with. And that I’m having to bend MY spirit in order to conform. And I’m just tired of conforming. I’m tired of playing nice and putting on a show and being as fucking fake as I have to be at times.

And all the storms that have been rolling in each night aren’t helping either. I can hear the Harpies out in the wind, playing, calling me to come join them. And in the day time, when the skies are clear, the neighbor Crow mob follows me and cackles and caws…mirroring the calls of the Harpies.

And my MoonTime is coming, so my energy all chaotic. Gotta switch from life GIVING energy to life DESTROYING energy…and that takes a bit to get the cyclone to spin in the opposite direction.

And my mental stability has been anything but stable. I’m not hitting dangerous waters yet, but the mania is on the rise – though, to be honest, I’d rather have the mania than the depression. I’ve been dealing with bouts of depression off and on for the past year or so with no trips into mania land. So I am worried that this make harken a bad mania trip.

The main thing that makes my mania so bad (other than the high desire for violence coupled with the superman complex – i.e. I want to fight everyone AND feel like I can take them all in a fight no problem), is the high desire to spend money. But I’m hoping that since I just dropped $2,200 on my Fall Semester AND will be spending around $100 on my purple hair, that I won’t require any other big expenditures. Needless to say, the credit card is being taken out of my wallet and removed from my PayPal account. And once I make my mortgage payment, cell phone payment, AND car insurance payment, anything else left in my checking account over $100 will be moved into savings. Even in full mania, I don’t touch my savings account because that’s the money I’m putting towards my polar bear trip. And it seriously breaks my HEART anytime I have to take money out of my savings, even for serious bills. ::chuckles:: So once it is in the account, it’s practically untouchable in my mind. And I know that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, but it WORKS. So that’s all I care about! ::laughs::

DYING

written: May 20th

The #CY365 Photo prompt is “Low Tech”:

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My allergies are SLAYING me right now. I want to carve out my throat and throw it away. It hurts so bad much right now to swallow, I was checking myself in the mirror and seeing if I had Strep Throat or some shit.

::knocks on wood:: I have yet to have Strep. ::turns her eyes heaven-ward:: Please, keep it that way!!!
I really hope the Spirits don’t take that as a challenge. I would be SO happy to never have Strep.

So yeah by midnight, it felt like I was swallowing pins. So off to CVS we go. And of course, the nice one by our house closes at 10 pm, so we had to go to the seriously sketchy one by the old apartments. I always feel like I should be carrying a blade or a gun anytime I return to the old neighborhood. It’s just gone so downhill. But then again, all the good little boys and girls aren’t roaming the streets at midnight, so what does that say about me? ::laughs::

So yeah, this is my “low tech” fight against my allergies. I’ll be calling my doctor on Monday and seeing about getting the damn shot. I’ve put that off for as long as I could but I’m done now. I also plan to inquire about some of these “allergy treatments” the local ER clinics offer that basically train your body not to wig the fuck out over allergy triggers. If it’s legit, then sign me the fuck up!