Wild Woman

I’m a Pagan. Very simple in my faith and spiritual practices. Sometimes these are not the same, nor even similar to those around me.

But there is a simple, timeless beauty to it.

My 18s

So I was talking to some of my 5th grade students about how old I feel. My first group of students I ever worked with will be turning 28 and 29 this year. Granted, I started working when I was 14 - 15 years old, so I’ve been in this game for quite some time now.

And one of my very quirky students (and whom I really do enjoy) pipped up that I couldn’t be that old. She went on to say, “Well, you don’t look that old. You look like you are in your 18s.”

I laughed and asked how long my 18s are supposed to last, because back when I was 18, you only got one year at that! *laughs*

Ray, a dear on-line friend, pipped in with the statement that I can make my 18s last as long as I can pull them off.

Apparently, I’m still going strong, some 14 years after! Not too shabby. *smiles*

Jumbles

Blah. Not overly in the mood to write anything of serious depth here. Just getting the basics out there.

Tomorrow is the first day of school. And for the first time in a while, I’m not exactly thrilled at the prospect. A number of my students that I really enjoyed will not be coming back (for a whole slew of good reasons), so I’m bummed about that.

I’m back to working 20+ hours at Starbucks. And while I’m thrilled about the money aspect of it, I’m honestly beginning to seriously hate working there.

Found out today, George, my absolute favorite Shift Manager at Starbucks, is being transferred to another store. Apparently her last day was Wednesday. Que total bummed-out-ness.

Hayley, one of my absolute favorite coworkers at Starbucks, got a job at the local University, and so yesterday was her last day. Add to the bummed-out-ness.

Just really feeling very “meh” about working for minimum wage now.

On the positive side, I’M AN AUNT NOW!!!!!!!!!!! Yep, my lil nephew graced the world with his entrance on August 3rd.

Now anyone who knows me, knows I’m borderline anti-baby (actually, I don’t like humans under the younger than 2nd grade to be honest), but Carter (my lil nephew) is friggin’ adorable with some seriously HUGE blue eyes. I’ll post photos later.

My Sister-in-Law’s sister is going by “Auntie LaLa” (her name is Lauren). Gag me. I sure as hell am NOT going to be Auntie KelKel. Yeah, yeah, being a lil snarky there. I looked up what Aunt is in Ukrainian, but didn’t care for it. But one of my Romanian coworkers said Aunt in Romanian is Tanti (TAN-tee), and I really like that. Tanti Kelsey sounds just fine by me!

Almost killed my boss today (mostly accidental). He said I had to do this “Workplace Violence” training. And I was like “Uh, do you not know who I am? I’m violent enough. I don’t need any stinkin’ training!” And he died laughing. To clarify, turns out it’s “Workplace Violence Prevention“....not nearly as exciting.

I’ve been working with the Harpies (Greek Mythology) since my encounter with the Thugs in the Woods. I may or may not have set the Harpies upon them. But I did word the curse carefully. If they didn’t mean any harm, then only the fear they instilled in me would be visited upon them. But if they meant harm, the Harpies are to teach them a lesson. I said the same for the homeless lady. If she’s innocent, then no harm, no foul. But if not.... * shrugs * It will be taken care of. And there’s been no sign of them since that day. Which suits me just fine.

Thugs

Yesterday I was walking Holly through the wooded trails near our apartment, as I do almost every day. It's one of the highlights of my day. But not yesterday.

Yesterday, as I rounded the first bend where a relatively new picnic table has been put in, I stumbled across the new local homeless lady and three Black male teens (I'm guessing the youngest was about 14, while the oldest was 19...maybe 21). The two older males get up from the picnic table and the homeless lady looked really worried.

And thus begins the heckling.

Asking me if I had any money on me. Asking me if I had a phone on me. Asking me why I "ain't got no jewelry"? Was I a dyke? What type of dog did I have? What was her name? What's my name?

And all of this, while trailing not two feet behind me. I told them I wouldn't stop to chat, that I had things to do and just kept walking....while mentally going through my plan of attack, should it come down to that.

It was the oldest male that was the real danger. He was the one starting this. He was the one peppering me with questions, sizing me up. He was the one trailing not two feet behind me.

The second oldest was about four feet behind him, also sizing me up. But he wasn't actually engaging in the pestering, so his threat level to me at that point was lesser.

And the youngest hadn't even gotten up from the table, so he was not a threat at all at that point.

That is the most terrified I've ever been in my woods. It was the longest 40 feet I've ever walked. Once I came up out of the first part of the wooded trail, I crossed the street. At this point, normally, I would have entered the second part of the wooded trail, but I just couldn't take the chance that either they would follow me in there and finish what they started...or that there were more in that side.

So I followed the road back home and immediately called the police. I don't carry my phone on me when I walk because I don't want that distraction. But I sure as shit carry it now. I asked the cops to check on the homeless lady, in case she was a victim too.

But of course, by the time the cops got there, they were all long gone.

And what makes me the most angry about the whole situation, is that I didn't listen to my intuition.
I knew going down there was a bad idea once I spotted the teens. But I didn't want to be thought of as a racist if I turned around and walked back the way I came.

But you know what? I don't give a shit now. They can think I'm a racist all they want. I will do what I deem best to keep myself safe. And if some group gets all offended because I refuse to walk past a group of Black males in my woods again, they can fucking suck it. I will not put myself through that again just to try to prove that I'm an enlightened woman.

Fuck that. I'm a smart and cunning woman. I'm a survivor. And I will not sacrifice my personal safety to make others feel better about my motives.

So don't call me a racist because I don't trust young Black males now.
That's the face they showed me. I'm simply reacting in a manner to keep myself safe.

Leviathan's Hatch Day Card

Stationery Card

View the entire collection of cards.

Finally got Levaithan's hatch day cards made. I'm so terribly behind on this. Hopefully they'll arrive within a week and I stay well on top of the ball and get these addressed and mailed out as soon as I can.

Invitation from Spirit

Come to Me, O Daughter of my Heart
Come play in the woods with Us.

Let your hair fall unbound
adorn it with feathers and blossoms
as your heart desires

Let a smile dance
upon your lips
as it does upon your soul

Kick up your feet
feel the earth beneath
your soles

Reach out your hand
caress Us
through the natural world

Stretch out your saddened Spirit
feel the touch of Spirits upon it
and know that you are loved

Let the heat of the summer Sun
burn up all your sorrow and hatred

Let that splendid golden light
fill you to the brim
overflowing

THIS is transformation
dear, She Wolf
THIS is true freedom
little Daughter

Return,
and return again
as often as you
need.

All You Need Is Love?

I say bullshit.

A friend posted a comment about the suicide death of Robin Williams, stating that if she had one wish it would be "to show him how so many many people loved him." And gods, I'm just seeing red over this.

Obviously, from her unintentional insensitive comment, she's never stood on that edge, debating which way to tip the scales. She's never sat there with a razor blade to her wrist, trying to screw up the courage to finally end it. She's never sat there with the bottle of pills and a bottle of vodka, debating if she'll truly drown it all out this time. She's never put the rope around her neck and debated if she should kick out the stool.

And while I'm grateful (though a little shocked, to be honest), that there are people out there in the world that have never truly faced down that decision.....it just floors me that she (and others) think that if he just knew he was loved, it would have been all better.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Depression is a DISEASE. Simply having people who love you won't keep you safe from suicidal thoughts, behaviors, or success. True, with a good support network, you tend to get help sooner. But Mr. Williams was getting help. He knew the demons he was facing. And no one else...especially those who have never experienced those demons first hand....can ever truly understand what he was going through.

It just seemed like her comment, as well intended as it was meant, degrades the whole MENTAL ILLNESS aspect of it.

Would you have said the same thing if he had died of cancer? Really? Oh clearly, if he knew how many people loved him, he wouldn't have let the cancer win. *shakes her head in utter disgust*

June, July, and Aug 10th Photos

Whoops! Totally forgot to post my monthly selfies!

June 10th:  

Taken at my In-Laws' home.

July 10th:  

Me and my lion, Constantine.

Aug 10th:  

Happy World Lion Day!

Rage

I have too much rage built up inside of me.
Rage isn't a bad thing.

It's a tell-tale sign that something is not right. An action needs to be taken.

But I'm sitting here, smoldering, simmering, the rage boiling just below the surface.

I need to take action. I'm just floating here through this life, bored out of my mind. And yet....too lazy to truly do something about it.

No wolf am I currently, but a fat dog instead.
No lioness lean from the hunt am I, but a fat, well-fed housecat.
No harpy eagle hunting monkeys and sloths on the wing......just a sparrow, terrified of my own shadow.

That'll Teach Me

Leave it to my unconventional Gods to find an unconventional way of taking the blood sacrifice I was simply toying with as an idea.

Sometimes it is NOT a good thing for the Gods to hear every lil thought that runs through one's head!

So yeah, I was toying with the idea of making a blood sacrifice in an attempt to rid myself of this lingering depression that just won't go away. As I was walking my dog through the wooded trails, I spotted a LARGE turtle, pointed towards the road. Now there's a little creek on the other side of the road, but this road has some steep curbs that turtles have a VERY hard time conquering.

So, as my grandmother taught me ages ago, and that I still do to this day, I decided to help this turtle across the road.

But, there is a small thicket between me and said turtle. So I tie Holly (the dog) to a tree and begin slowly attempting to navigate through the underbrush. It was only once I was truly committed to this idea that the brambles showed up.

Well, I wasn't going to let some thorny vines stand between me and my soon-to-be-rescued turtle, so I pushed through. And have a few good scratches, that drew blood, for my troubles.

Turns out, it's a dead turtle. Been dead for a while. And I couldn't help but just laugh.

I made the offer. I just didn't realize the Gods would be so swift in taking me up on it.

Day 5 of 30 Day Challenge

1. our almost-daily treat of getting Starbucks in the evening, when we are both finally home from work. It's a nice way to celebrate that the workday is over and that we again were successful in not slaying any of our coworkers and/or customers.
2. walking the wooded trails near the apartment, even if I don't do this nearly often enough.
3. vegging out after work, watching the Vampire Diaries. All sorts of angst and drama that can only occur in high school.
4. a glass of wine and a smoke on my balcony each evening before I head to bed. It's a nice way to unwind.
5. exotic feathers from a friend in Germany. I can't even begin to explain how giddy they make me.

Day 4 of 30 Day Challenge

1. Don't get a credit card at 18. Wait until you are at least 20. You think you'll be smart about it, but trust me, it will take YEARS to pay off all that crap. So not worth it.
2. Live up high school. It's certainly not going to be the Be All End All that some people make it out to be, but it can be quite a bit of fun.
3. Take more photos. Get those cheap, disposable cameras and have fun with your friends.
4. Be less domineering with Jeremy -- he is a good guy and totally head-over-heels in love with you.
5. Go ahead and make a clean break with Dad so you can start moving on sooner. And know that his lack of attention speaks about HIM.....not YOU.
6. Understand that there is a whole world out there that will love you for exactly who you are. So be yourself and tell the small-minded people to fuck off. After all, after high school, you won't speak with 98% of them ever again anyways. So why let their opinions matter?
7. Your Mom is awesome. Cut her some slack.
8. Spend more time with Pop -- you only have 3 more years with him.
9. Spend more time with Fwing -- that brilliant mind of hers will fade drastically.
10. You have bipolar depression. Don't be so afraid to seek help in the dark times. You'll weather each storm, but it's easier with help.