2022 Tabula Rasa

The Tabula Rasa ritual is one of the very few rituals that I’ve done just about every year since 2003 (I think it was 2003, or maybe 2004). In it, I take stock of everything that has occurred for me over the year – the good and the bad and everything in between.

It’s easy to forget the highlights of the past year. And even some of the darkest points, I forgot about those as well. So going back through my journals, blog, and whatnot, it is good to stop and take stock in everything I have accomplished and/or endured over the past year.

And then....I wipe the slate clean for the new year. I leave all the negative shit in the past year, bringing forward my strengths and accomplishments to root me on in the coming year.

So yeah, 2022 was a shit year for the World.
But for me personally? It was a pretty damn good one.

I mean, sure, I had that suicidal period in June. And fights with my current boss. But honestly? On the whole, when I stop and really take stock? 2022 was a pretty damn good year for me.

I’ve put myself out there and tried new things. I’ve drawn my line in the sand and defended my boundaries. More and more, I am becoming so much more comfortable in my own skin.

So, onwards and upwards into 2023. I’m not “hoping” it will be a kinder, better year. I’m going to MAKE it a kinder, better year.

Ivory Tower

What’s this? TWO entries in one day? What is this insanity?

::laughs::

Eh, I gotta get this out because I’m getting keyed up again.

SO. The library branch I work at is closed for the next 3 weeks. The Higher Ups asked up what two branches we would like to work at while our branch was closed. I picked my Previous Branch (because I wanted to hang out and be snarky with Carly AND could possibly finally meet my adopted Grandma) or TG (because it’s closer to my house AND I know the manager and she’s friggin’ awesome).

Instead…the Higher Ups decided I should report to the Ivory Tower (what Carly and I call the Main Branch)......to the CHILDREN’S FLOOR. For those of you new to the story, I USED to be a children’s librarian. But their head honcho is a major cunt and I ended up switching over to a “regular” librarian AND leaving my Previous Branch. The last thing I want to do is go work on the Children’s Floor at the Ivory Tower. Plus, it’s not like I was really asked. Well, they SAID I could say no....but the way they said that really meant don’t you dare refuse.

So yeah, I get to drive 40 minutes, one goddamn way, IF the traffic is playing nice (which it almost NEVER does), so that I can go work on the children’s floor, even though I am NOT a children’s librarian and haven’t been for almost a year. And I have made it ABUNDANTLY CLEAR to EVERYONE that I have ZERO desire to work with children in any capacity.

Oye, THREE WEEKS of this shit. ::sighs::

On the upside…one of my long time friends works close to the Ivory Tower and I haven’t seen him in AGES. So we are planning to do lunch at least once and catch up. But yeah, that’s about THE ONLY plus side.

::wanders off, continuing to grumble and bitch about this::

Border-Line Obsessive...

For the past few months now, I’ve been dreaming of my First Crush at least once a week.

And I friggin’ hate it now. I mean, what’s the point? Nothing ever happened between us. I was too chicken shit to say anything. Beyond terrified of rejection, not to mention reject by my First Real Crush.

I’m talking, heart-sick level crushing. Border-line obsessive.

And this was back in middle school and high school. AGES ago. I haven’t even seen him since I left my lil hometown to go to college in The Big City. So we are talking going on 20+ YEARS here. So why the fuck is he constantly walking in my goddamn dreams?

Well, I mean, I’d rather have him in my dreams than psycho-ex, so I guess there’s that benefit.

But it does NOTHING but bring up all that unrequited love feelings.

I will admit, a while back, I did find his wife’s FaceBook profile and scoured through their photos until I could find ones of him. And lemme tell you, he has changed a LOT. But I could immediately tell it was him. (I did mention the border-line obsessive, right?). I ended up blocking her account JUST so I wouldn’t continue to essentially STALK him. ::sighs::

Sometimes it seriously sucks being a friggin’ Scorpio.