Panic

written: May 6th

Photo of the day:



Super sleepy Josey who destroyed David’s napping area to make it better and softer for her enjoyment. ::chuckles::

Well it’s been ages since I have been that close to a full blown panic attack, but damn, I came so damn close today at Wal-Mart.

I was already edgy because David decided that tomorrow we are doing to a huge guitar show in Dallas with our neighbors, Ken and Paula. See, this is why my husband shouldn’t be left at the house alone during the week. Yesterday, he saw Ken doing yard work and went over to tell him we were sorry we didn’t make the wedding. And Ken told David about this MASSIVE guitar show and David thought it would be awesome for us to tag along. ::grumbles::

And we are scraping the bottom of the barrel when it comes to food at the house, so there really is no way we could put off a trip to Wal-Mart. I was picking up two items on one of the aisles when I made eye contact with a man that I recognized, but didn’t know where I recognized him from. He recognized me as well, and spoke to me. And god, the panic and the fear that rose up in me. I’m not sure WHY. I know now that I know him from work. He’s the maintenance guy who trapped all the rats that were in my office due to the PTA’s food they were storing there.

But I couldn’t place him in the moment. And then my husband showed up with the cart and I wanted nothing more than to flee away from this guy (even though he did nothing wrong), and then this couple came up behind David and blocked us in.

Fear feels like a rabbit in my chest. It’s death scream was lodged in my throat and I couldn’t breathe because I knew if I opened up my mouth, it could come rushing out. And it was running around inside my chest, my heart racing to keep up. It’s been ages since I’ve been that close to losing it all. I just wanted to bolt and leave it all behind.

And now I’m home and am wanting to eat everything we have bought because we actually have FOOD in the house once again. It’s crazy. I’m not even hungry, but it’s the fact that it’s HERE. It’s an OPTION. I just want to stuff my face. ::laughs::