Big Natural Wolf

written: May 1st

Photo of the day:



This is my newest addiction. Spicy Sweet Chili flavored Doritos. They are very similar to the Sweet Chili Shrimp we order at Red Lobster…but so much cheaper! ::laughs:: But seriously. You know these have to be delicious because I do NOT like spicy foods. But these? These I would eat by the POUND if I could.

So today is Beltane. And me, in typical fashion…I have zero desire to celebrate it today. Geez, that rebel streak isn’t a fad that I went through in my teenage years. Hell, ask my Mom and I was a rebel before I even came out of the womb. ::chuckles:: And I certainly don’t show any signs for giving that up any time soon. Gotta love that stubborn streak that is as big and as wide as the Grand Canyon itself. And who could blame me? A freaking Scorpio, with a Scorpio rising sign and an Aries Moon? Me, wild Texas woman, country raised, with the blood of Scots coursing through her veins? Me, a mesh of stubborn Scot, wild Irish, THREE different Native American tribes, and a whole bunch of Slavic blood? Yeah, calm and peaceful, I am NOT. Trust me, when I appear calm and peaceful….hold onto your butt. Shit’s about to go down. ::chuckles::

Sometimes, I wish I was more peaceful, more calm, more centered, more Zen. And at times, I latch onto the delusion that I SHOULD be all of that. That I should let go of the Rebel. Let go of the rabble-rouser. Let go of the Fight. And I can even play at that for a while.

But eventually my little playhouse of smoke and mirrors…my grand hall of Illusion….it all comes crashing down. And I’m standing in the center, a hurricane in full force, and yet…at the core…I am the most at peace…true peace…that I ever can be.

I guess that’s why the Harpies have chosen to let me work with them…to show their true faces to. I guess that’s why I love the storms. For the beauty and awe-inspiring raw power they possess.

Used to, I would say:
Forgive me for my fangs and claws.
Forgive me for my fur and scales.
Forgive me for my destructive ways.
Forgive me for my scorched earth policies.
Forgive me for capsizing your lil boat in my ocean of soul.
Forgive me for huffing and puffing and blowing down your house, little Piggy.

But fuck forgiveness for these things. They are not sins. And I’m no sweet little lap dog for you to trot out to show your friends. I am the Big Natural Wolf (for “bad” is just a bullshit label slapped on things that refuse to bend to your will). And I make no apologies nor excuses for my natural behavior. Don’t invite me in and then act all shocked when I shit on your rug. ::laughs::

Damn the wolf blood runs hot tonight. Not even a full moon. Just the sliver…my favorite….hanging low in the twilight sky.