Berserker

A friend shared this on Facebook and my response was one I’m actually fairly proud of. The words really worked for me (something that has been lacking a bit as of late).

My reply:
Raised voices make me very nervous and anxious. But come at me aggressive, I’ll return it hyper-aggressively. I just automatically go into Death Match Mode when some one aggressively “steps up” to me. It’s the damnedest thing…yell at me, and I physically shrink away, but raise a hand and you’ve just summoned a Berserker.

And it’s true. Raised voices, especially raised, aggressive male voices, can make me break out in a cold sweat. That goes double for ones directed at me.

But the second the aggressive voice takes an aggressive movement against me? It’s like a switch gets hit and I am a Berserker with a blood oath to fulfill.

And I’m hoping that by eventually getting my butt into shape and into Krav Maga or some other form of fighting technique, I can work on letting go of the fear that yelling invokes in me. I’m fine with the initial Fight or Flight Response it should provoke, but the overwhelming fear that floods afterwards? Yeah, I want that shit gone.