Photo 179/1001
A sneak-peak of one of the pages I’m working on in Sharmila’s journal. (Note: the trees photograph is from a National Geographic magazine).
I must admit that I’ve neglected her journal so much more than I thought I would. Life got crazy…hell, I GOT crazy. ::shakes her head:: But now I’m working to make up for lost time AND am really enjoying the process. I had forgotten that collage was my first foray into art journaling and I had forgotten how simple and intuitive the process really is. And with the subscriptions to the National Geographic and O Magazine, I have plenty of cool and eye-catching artwork to incorporate into my journals.
I’ve been working on my application to the TK Coven. I have a while before I would “need” to turn it in, but given that Aesa has gone to the bat for me on this, I do want to get it done in a timely manner. Just sitting with some of the questions and finding a good way to properly answer them.
I haven’t done much of anything for Mabon or the Full Moon. Though…I’ve been weeding out things in my life that no longer serve a positive influence in my life, so honestly, I think that’s a very Mabon thing to do. I’m cutting ties with certain individuals. I’m putting more space between me and other specific individuals that I’m not quite ready to cut ties with completely.
Mostly, I just find myself tired. I’m tired of defending myself and my position. I’m tired of fighting for the right to be heard just like everyone else. I’m tired of “friends” being the ones to attack every single word I speak and to tear me down. I’m tired of these same “friends” to shit all over the little things in life that bring me joy. Sure I don’t have a Ph. D. in botany, but damn, I love my roses and all the other little growing things I’ve managed to keep alive!
Fuck man, I’m over here STRUGGLING so hard…..for the past year or so (if I’m being honest) with my mental health being down in the gutters. So every little, tiny win I get? No matter how small? THAT is a light in the darkness for me. So I cannot understand why others feel the need to squash that tiny little flicker of HOPE just because it’s not Record-Setting-Amazing. But, that’s where my Scottish side comes out – instead of letting that destroy me, it ANGERS me instead. And that gives me more motivation to kick their asses and protect my little fire from their bullshit in the future.
Is it really SO difficult NOT to rain on someone else’s parade? I mean, sure, it might just be a simple dog and pony trick show…but hell, that might be ALL they have going for them right now.
So yeah, I’m clearing out the “dead” and the “dying” husks of harvest past, to make room for a more bountiful harvest in the future. I’m clearing out the dead brush so that the plants I WANT to live, have the room and resources to flourish. And I’m already beginning to hope and plan for next year’s garden – be it literal, or metaphorical. And that seems to be the CORE of what Mabon is about. So I guess I am celebrating it after all. Just INTERNAL this year. And I’m ok with that.
Not every year will be about the external. Not every year will I put together stunning altar layouts and powerful rituals to enact. Some years it’s all about the internal. I can go through the motions, but if there is no Soul to the words, then the words are just air.
Damn, I have a feeling the dark half of the year is going to be an intense one for me. I wonder what dreams will come during the hibernation time? Fuck! Is THIS the meaning behind all the damn dragonflies? This major change? The culling of “friends”…the impending DEEP introspection? Maybe the possibility of a Coven next year? Maybe it is time I break out the Oracle cards and see what insights they offer.
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