Photo for today:
The “Banish” oil from Sage Goddess came in today. And damn it works well. I had it a whopping 10 minutes before I decided to banish it the fuck out of my house. It stunk to high heaven….smelling horribly of black licorice. ::gags:: I can’t stand it. I even put some on to see if the smell would mellow out…that is a MAJOR negatory. If anything, it got STRONGER. I had to wash down my wrist with dish soap to get rid of it. BUT…I’ve found someone willing to trade a bottle of Hecate oil for Banish oil. So yeah, getting that shit the fuck out of my house.
Amanda, a friend on FB, shared a post the other day that really resonated with me and is something I seriously needed to read.
Written by Sassy Outwater on November 20th:
Two Uber drivers lost their jobs today because they happened to get me and my Guide Dog as passengers, and they refused to transport us because of my dog.
Two Uber drivers lost their jobs today because they refused to transport me and my guide dog because they did not know the laws surrounding service dog access.
Two Uber drivers lost their jobs today because I exercised my rights and reported them to Uber.
Two Uber drivers lost their jobs today because of me? Or because they did something illegal, which happens to affect me, and I did not stay silent.
It doesn’t feel good right now to be me. I was discriminated against, felt I had to say something about it, but if I had kept my mouth shut, they’d still have a job with Uber. If I spoke out, I’d be preventing future incidents of illegal activity.
I don’t feel good tonight, though,, like I’ve achieved anything. Two people don’t have jobs tonight because of me.
That’s how society loves to frame the disability experience. That this is my fault, because I’m disabled.
Which is utter crap.
Two people lost their jobs today because they did something illegal,. And they didn’t get away with it. I reported it, as is my right, and I feel, my obligation. Me being the disabled person and saying an experience of access denial happened—how is that my fault? I’m conditioned to think it is. I’m fighting myself so hard tonight to not let society’s expectations and beliefs about disability put this one back on me… to not blame myself. For being blind. For being a dog guide handler. For being disabled. For needing access rights. For speaking up when I am discriminated against and refused access. That. Is. Not. On me!
Those two drivers know where i work. They know my name. They know what I look like. What will they do with that info? Hopefully nothing.
But yes, that fear nibbles on me every time I report a service dog access refusal.
I do it anyway, because friends are being harmed. I’ve been hurt by these incidents. I was late to an important work meeting because of two refusals in a row.
This is a sick, twisted justice… it’s wrong. It’s harmful. And I don’t feel like I get any place in this experience to be angry, loud and able to stop it from happening over and over. I’m tired. Weary of it. But what else is there to do? Where will the breaking point come? How will we get to a point where this changes? I’m tired. Tired of the disabled experience in America. Tired of being the bad guy. Tired of being seen as the problem when I dare to point out that someone able-bodied caused a problem.
I’m just tired. And Sad. And hoping I get some space to get angry and change this crap once and for all! Enough!
While my situation is different, there are similarities running there under the surface. I was really starting to doubting my “validity” in reporting the shit-storm that was our staff meeting. I was questioning my “intelligence” in reporting it. I was questioning WHY I reported.
And then I read the above post and I realized I was all twisted up over the wrong damn reasons. It is not MY fault THEY fucked up. And I should not feel bad for telling them they have to do better.
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