I've been battling a near-constant headache for the past two weeks.
It's fluctuating between just a dull, irritating ache (just strong enough for me to be aware of it) to the cluster headache and migraine levels. Personally, I'd rather just have the cluster headache, as I know it only lasts a minute or two of excruciating pain before fading out for the day. Migraines last for hours and bring the nausea and sensitivity to light, noise, and most especially smell. Any strong smells (regardless of pleasant or unpleasantness) makes me vomit.
I was tempted to go back to the doctor about it, as all the normal medicines I have aren't working. I no longer have any migraine medication as they've been gone for so long. But I just can't afford it, even with my health insurance.
Just going to the doctor is a $30 copay.
Then, pretty much any prescription she gives me will cost me around $45.
If she wants me to do another MRI, that's $500 out of my pocket to do.
That's all money I just do not have.
So last night, I felt a nasty headache creeping up on me and I decided that laying on the couch wasn't doing it any good. It was simply getting worse. So why not try something new and different?
I did 12 minutes on the elliptical.
And you know what? It helped some.
As long as I kept my eyes closed and focused on just keeping my body in alignment as I ran, my headache dissipated.
Exercise is one of the things the various health websites recommended about keeping migraines and cluster headaches at bay. They recommend 30 minutes of exercise at least 3 times a week. I'm focusing on doing 10 to 15 minutes on the elliptical daily, plus walking Holly, and focusing on getting up and moving more at work. We'll see how that goes.
Then, I got to surfing the various blogs I check out from time to time, and I landed on Pink Coyote's blog.
Her most recent entries are all about seeing yourself as Sacred. And bam, that just hit me so hard.
I felt like the great Cosmic Wolf had just picked me up by the scruff of my neck and shook me as hard as She could and barked at me, "PAY FUCKING ATTENTION, PUP! WAKE THE FUCK UP!"
I haven't seen myself or my body as sacred in a long time.
I used to be able to touch pelts and see things. Feel things.
I used to write poetry and sensual prose.
I used to be so much more in tune with the world around me.
I'm not sure when I began to shut down or even how long I've been shut down and closed off, but I can tell you this. This way of living is not meant for me.
I am meant to hear with my heart, my spirit, my soul.
I'm meant to shapeshift more often and deeper.
I'm meant to connect with animals and the natural world.
I'm not meant to be locked away in my room.
To be playing those mindless games on Facebook instead of creating.
To be looking at the natural world so coldly, so clinically.
I'm tossing off my binders.
Breaking my chains.
And busting out of this damn cage once more.
I'm honoring my Self, my Spirit, my Body as Sacred.
So once I was done with my time on the elliptical, I took a cleansing, ritual shower.
I made the whole thing a ritual. I cast a Circle around my bathroom. I showered with a purpose...to cleansing myself of all the negative crap.
After that, I headed out to the balcony with a stick of incense to smudged myself down completely and to say my prayers.
I certainly feel better.
I feel more alive.
More grounded in this body and grateful for it.
My spirit is flittering around inside.
And I'm grateful for that.
Just got to hold onto this. Make it a priority.
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