Journals & Books of Shadows

written July 9th

All in all, today has been a pretty good day.  But I cannot shake the feeling of the futility of my journal keeping.  I mean, honestly, what’s the point of it?  What’s the point of logging my daily doings and musing of my mind?  I feel the same way about my Book of Shadows. 

I mean, sure, I’m keeping it mostly for myself.  Or to share with those closest to me.  But other than that?  What’s the point?  

I will not be having any children (my choice) to pass these on to.  And I’m pretty sure, my decidedly non-Christian view on the world and faith and all that jazz would probably not be welcomed by my brother to give to his children.  Though, I do have to admit, part of me would find it deliciously hilarious if one of his children did end up being Pagan.  ::chuckles::  Ah, that Devil’s Advocate side of my personality.

And it’s something that Hazel and I discussed while I was over there on Wednesday.  What do we want done with our Books of Shadows upon our deaths.  I told my husband, as a part of my When I Die wishes, that I want all usable organs donated and the rest of me cremated.  And I told him that he was welcome to read any of my journals, but that he had to understand the context in which they were written.  Most of the entries can revolve around my mental illnesses and that putting it onto paper to get it OUT of my head.  But if he didn’t want to read any of it, and that I certainly don’t blame him if he didn’t, then he should just put the journals in with my body to be cremated.  I’m sure my Book of Shadows could easily go in with that as well.  And then I want my ashes spread over the Pecan Bayou.  Hazel is leaving her Book of Shadows to her children, with a note inside it saying they were welcome to look through her Book of Shadows and to use what calls to them, but that she wants them to find their own Path through life.  

I dunno.  Maybe I could donate it to the New Alexandrian Library project Nicky’s Coven is creating.  It would be a fairly simple thing to leave the contact information and details on what all to send to them if I choose to go that route.  

I still think though that my journals will be burned with me.  And if I was to find myself in the situation to be given a time frame for my impending death (like cancer), I would burn the journals myself.  I could keep the ashes in a jar and just have my husband (or other surviving family member) mix them in with my ashes before they spread them.