Still Here

 written: January 15

Photo for today:

And thus, construction begins in my part of the Library. They’ve already gutted the two bathrooms down in my area. Who knows what it will look like when I get back in there Tuesday. ::chuckles:: I’m just hoping it all goes smoothly as possible and is done as quickly as possible.

I got the bulk of the coloring packets made up for our passive program. It’s fairly easy – just a 4 pack of crayons and a coloring sheet in a white paper bag. And then the bag is sealed shut with one of three stickers – a princess, a dino, or a lego – depending on what coloring sheet is inside. I just need some more white bags to finish up the last of the lego coloring sheets, and I’ll be completely done.

I am seriously looking forward to this three day weekend. I fucking need it so bad. I need a long weekend to just REST and get my head back on straight. Sucks having a major mental break down at the beginning of a work week.

Which, thinking back to that, I’m seriously glad I didn’t cut. The blade I have on me all the time is razor sharp. And with as out of control as I was that day…there’s no way I would have cut myself without requiring stitches. There would have been zero self control. I would have just flayed my arm up, and then freaked out because of the damage I did. ::shakes her head:: Yeah, that was a VERY BAD day.

But I made it through it. Without resorting to non-suicidal self-injurious behavior. And that’s MASSIVE win. I don’t think I’ve ever been tested that hard since I stopped doing that. Hell, even the insanity in 2020 didn’t test me as hard as that one day. ::shakes her head:: But I’m still here. I’m still standing. And I’m still fighting.