Shit Hits The Fan

 written: January 11th

I have a lot to catch up on, so I’m back-dating the next few entries to keep them in Chronological order.

Monday, January 11th

Photo for the day:

After the absolute SHIT day (we will be getting to that shortly), it was so awesome to come home and see that Mom’s long-lost Christmas package finally arrived. ::smiles::

So yeah. Today. Where to begin?
I was hoping the three days since we had worked together would have given Quasi-supervisor three days to cool down. Instead....I’m pretty sure he just sat and stewed over the whole situation as he was in an even more foul mood when I got to work than when he left all abrupt on Thursday. ::rolls her eyes:: Grow the fuck up. I can’t STAND man-tantrums.

So we go into our HR meeting at 3 pm. Which Director tells us she has to leave at 3:30 for physical therapy. That was my first red flag. No, wait. Quasi-supervisor’s shitty mood was Red Flag #1. Director saying she had to duck out early of the meeting SHE SCHEDULED was Red Flag #2. I should have said then and there that we should reschedule.

So, I went into this meeting, thinking it was going to address the serious disrespect on his part to communicating with me. And for him flat out ignoring me telling him TWICE not to use a specific cleaner because I’m allergic to it – that then trigger a massive allergic reaction. Yeah, we touched on that. Briefly.

It eventually spiraled into him basically playing the victim, and talking about what a White Knight he is, to be swooping in all the time to “help” out. Bitch, if you could actually schedule some shit properly, I wouldn’t be scrambling all the time to get things done at the last minute.

And then he casually brought up how he’s doing the video story-times because I “have reservations about being on camera”. I wish we weren’t wearing masks, because I wish the HR lady could have seen my face on that one. She was like “why isn’t {Wolfie} doing on-line story times?” And that smug lil shit was like “oh, well....I’ll let {Wolfie} explain that.” So I had to then explain that I have a psycho ex that acts like any video of me talking about ANYTHING is actually me sending him messages that I want him back. Talk about a fucking sucker punch out of left field that had absolutely NOTHING TO DO WITH A DAMN THING WE WERE TALKING ABOUT.

Basically....it was an hour about how we need to communicate better, how I need to manage time better, and how we can be a better team. HR has assigned me a time management class and has assigned him a leadership communication class. That’s it.

I went out to my car, completely unhinged. It has been AGES since I’ve been that emotionally volatile. That is also the absolute closest I have come to cutting in the 14 years since I last did any form of self-injurious behavior. It took me a solid 30 minutes to even become semi-rational again. What was the point of having a meeting about me not being listened to if they weren’t going to FUCKING LISTEN TO ME in the meeting???

So yeah, I basically used my lunch hour to get myself out of that very dangerous headspace and chain smoke until I was calm-ish. I emailed the HR director letting her know I wasn’t pleased with how that went. That I felt the point was lost in the whole meeting and that again, I felt like I was not being heard at all. And then I had to finish my work shift.

Driving home, I lost my shit again and was rage crying because that’s when I realized he deliberately brought up the shit about my psycho ex simply to pull the rug out from under me. It was a deliberate stab. And, honestly? I think all of his shit has been deliberate. Every. Single. Thing.

Poor David, he got to see me come almost completely unhinged again when I got home. I wasn’t as bad as I was right after the meeting, but I wasn’t too far off. Hell, even Josey came over to check on me because I couldn’t breathe I was crying so hard.