Ug, I hate when I read something that reminds me of my
Psycho-Ex, Ken. Inevitably, it triggers
dreams of him. At best, even if he is
behaving normally and even benignly in the dream, I wake up with that slimy
residue feeling of having been in his presence.
At the worst? He is an evil, boogey
man creature that terrifies me all night long, so that I sleep almost nothing,
enjoy a constant state of border-line panic attack, AND also have that slimy residue
feeling of having been in his presence.
Last night was a half way between the two opposites, not
exactly benign, but not the boogey man either.
So, while I was able to sleep, I slept like crap. And my anxiety was higher than normal, but
not border-line panic attacks. But yeah,
my tolerance for bullshit was damn near non-existent. AND I had to work at Starbucks. Yippie.
The good news? Douche-bag
Darrel is now officially GONE. Praise sweet
baby Jesus! Today was his last official
day. After this, he is moving to
HOUSTON. Hell yeah! Six hours away and with no family in the
Dallas area, I do not foresee him popping back in from time to time just to say
hello.
The bad news? I had
to work with Douche-Bag Darrel today. On
his last day. And we all had to pretend
like we are sad he is leaving. District
Manager Kelly even came out to take pictures of the staff all together. The only reason I am smiling in the one photo
I could not manage to get out of is simply because Darrel is leaving. But I hate being forced to pretend like I am
really going to miss the guy.
He is an ass. He has
no people skills whatsoever...unless we are talking about cozying up with the
customers. He is aggressive and even
came at me at one point that I thought he was going to scream in my face, if
not physically lay hands on me. I think
the only reason he stopped before it got to that point is because I went into a
fight stance, had my fist ready to strike, and waited on his next move. He just stood there all dumb-founded and I
told I would not accept him talking to me in that type of a manner and that we
would discuss this again when he was rational.
So yeah, forgive me that I refuse to be sad that he is leaving.
So tack on the troubling dreams of my Psycho-Ex and yes, I
have been a bit on edge.
And I hate that. I
hate the baggage I still carry from all the fucked up things Ken did. He was never physically abusive. But damn, did he ever fuck up my head. His ability to play mind games and to warp
everything to the point that you were questioning if Up was really Up or if you
were just too screwed up to know. And
that set the stage for him to then swoop in and "rescue" me and TELL
me what was Up. ::shakes her head::
And, from what I've heard...I was just his warm up. He has become even more devious, even more
warped, even more cruel and sadistic. My
heart truly goes out to the women he has conned and those he will con. Because, short of someone putting a bullet in
his skull, he will never stop his mind games, his mind fucks, and his complete
mental domination of whatever female he is with.
One of these days, I should really sit down and write out
all the messed up things he did. I won't
share it publicly, as I'm sure I'll simply be accused of making shit up or
blowing things out of proportion. And
honestly, they are not things that truly need to be aired in public. No good will come of that.
But I need to write it.
For me. And then I plan to read
each one out loud to myself. And tell
myself that I forgive myself for getting into that situation. I forgive myself for whatever role I played
in the drama. And then I'll burn that
shit.
Wouldn't mind also writing a letter to Ken, outlining all
the horrible things he did. And while I would love nothing more than to mail it
to him, it won't do one bit of good. And
most likely, it will spur him to contact me, because in his mind, no matter
what the letter says, I made contact, therefore, I must want him back. And since I have just now gotten him to leave
me alone for 2 solid years now (we've been broken up since 2003 and I've been
with my husband since 2007....just to give you some sort of idea here of the
level of stalking/obsession I'm talking about), I will not kick that hornet's
nest. Instead, I'll write the letter and
it too will be burned. It's time to let
some of this shit go.
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