Nine And Roses

written: April 11th

 

Today I celebrated my ninth year free of Self-Injurious behavior -- better known as "cutting" to the general populace.  I typically don't use the term "cutting", because my Self-Injury didn't always manifest in that manner.  But I'm not going to delve into the specifics here, as that is not the point of this entry.  The point is that I made a conscious choice nine years ago to find another coping strategy for all the anger, depression, panic, and out-of-control emotions I was feeling.  I quit cold turkey and I've resisted that urge to injure for 3,285 days now in a row.  It certainly sounds more impressive to me when I state it as nine years.  NINE years.  That's so damn impressive to me.  It's been particularly rough the past two years, but I am staying strong.  I don't want to backslide.  And I certainly don't want to be in the same mentality space as I was back then either.  That was a very dark, very scary place.

I did end up going to the Japanese Botanical Gardens today.  I didn't realize how utterly massive the Botanical Gardens were until I got there.  The Japanese Gardens are just a tiny part.  I also hit the Rose Garden -- so pretty.

It was a serious bitch and a half to get there.  The normal 40 minute drive took TWO HOURS thanks to a lot of one lane traffic plus key streets being completely shut down -- thanks Texas road construction!  A few times I was very tempted to simply give up, turn around, and just go home.  But I am glad my natural stubborn streak popped up and refused to concede defeat to such a mundane foe.  Nothing short of dragons or an alien invasion was going to stop me.  Though, truth be told, dragons would have been pretty cool!

Once I got tot he Botanical Gardens and parked my car, I could truly relax and simply enjoy my surroundings.  While I did not have the Japanese Gardens all to myself (that would have been so amazing), the minor $5 entrance fee did keep the crowd in there very low.  There were a number of times that I found myself blissfully alone inside the gardens.  And the whole layout of the gardens was so visually beautiful -- striking in their serene splendor.  It quietly demanded that you slow down, quiet down, and simply enjoy and absorb the Zen peace it so joyfully radiated.  I only wish I had remembered to bring quarters, so I could have bought fish food to feed the massive koi there.  It's supposed to bring you good luck.  Ah well, it's an excuse to return.  I really would like to go back in the autumn.

After the Japanese Gardens, I opted to check out the Rose Garden on a complete whim, seeing as how it was right across the street.  I don't even really care for roses -- they are such an overused flower -- the cliche romantic gesture.  And for the most part, I wasn't overly impressed with their various roses.  But two I fell in love with.  The first, the "Scentimental" (a Floridbunda Rose) -- which I nicknamed the "Dexter" Rose as it's white with red splattered on it.  The second, the "Watercolors" (a Scrub Rose), with its vibrant pinky-red petals and soft white or yellow center.  I wouldn't mind growing those in my yard -- whenever we finally get a house.