I dreamt of Ken last night.
He is my psycho Ex -- my truly warped, mentally and emotionally abusive,
horrible Ex. And I truly hate it when I
dream of him because it brings all those old issues and insecurities and fears
back to the surface and he haunts my mind for the entire next day. It's like a paper cut in my mind. Minor, but always hurting, always drawing my
attention to it.
He wasn't even horrible in this dream. He was just his normal, charming self, trying
to be my friend and help me out. I kept
trying to distance myself from him because, even in my dream, I knew he was a
bad person. But he kept popping up right
beside me. It was creepy but not
distressing.
Ken once claimed he had the ability to Dream Walk. This basically means, he had the ability to
put himself into the dreams of others.
And I swear he does. There have
been dreams in the past that I swear we were actually communicating...actually
talking...almost like it was in real life instead of in a dream.
And it's easier to say that he walks in my dreams because he
FORCES himself in them. It's more
gratifying to always paint him the villain.
And to give him supernatural abilities that make him even more grotesque. It's easier to lay all the blame on him. That it's HIS fault. And to take no responsibility for myself.
Do I feel he does possess the ability to Dream Walk? Yes.
Do I feel he is perverted enough to do so as a way to
exercise control over me? Yes. But only in the past. I don't think he does that to me any
more.
Either I've gotten better at my shielding. Or my spirits shield me. Or I have ignored him long enough that he's
finally gotten the hint that I do not desire him to be in my life at all. Honestly?
I think it's a mixture of all three.
And it only took ignoring him for the better part of a damn decade to
drive home the point that I've moved on.
That I'm not interested in him.
That I want no part of him in my life at all. Just a decade. That's how warped he is.
So no. I don't have
to give him supernatural abilities to keep him a villain in my mind. I simply have to recall all the horrid things
he did to me and to my friends to remind myself to steer completely clear of
him. And because of all the horrible things
I know he's done, I do still check in on his Facebook page from time to
time. Luckily for me, he's moved out of
state. But it's not that far of a drive
from Georgia to Texas and he's been known to get a wild hair up his ass and
make that drive on a whim. So yes, I
keep an eye on him because I want a heads up in case he decides to drop in on
me (as he's been known to do in the past).
So while I cease to believe he Dream Walks me nowadays, it
doesn't make it any less unnerving when he does pop up in my dreams. I think now, my mind pulls him up, the
Predator (in the cruelest sense), to remind me to be aware of what's going on
around me. I get tunnel vision and only
see things the way I want to see things...which keeps me blind to the darker
manipulations of those around me. That's
typically when I get a Ken dream...a call from my subconscious to wake up and
really take a good, long look at those around me. Do they have my best interests at heart? Or are they simply leading me, a dumb sheep,
to the slaughter? And am I blindly going
along with it? A Ken dream shakes me up
and brings out my own predator intelligence.
A Ken dream shakes loose the blinders I put on myself and warns me to
really look around and see what's truly going on.
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