Soul's Breath

Let's start off with a dose of gratitude to chase away the negative mind frame I currently find myself in.

I am thankful...

1. that today wasn't NEARLY as bad as yesterday.

2. that my husband agreed to Taco Bell for dinner, even though it's definitely not one of his favorite places...but he saw how utterly rung out I was and agreed because he knew it would make me happy.

3. mailed out the wand, smudge feather, and Runes to Mary today.  It's nice to let those items go.

Yeah, still feeling off.  Still feeling fangy and clawy and furred the fuck up.  I swear sometimes, I'm all werewolf.  Sometimes I am human and civilized, sometimes I'm the monster that rips you to shreds, and sometimes I'm the wolf, wild and free.  I don't have nearly enough wolf days out of the month -- far too much as a human...and most of the rest as the Werewolf...and maybe a day, here and there as a wolf.  ::sighs::

I am feeling the need for another Major Culling of the Internets. 

I'm a member of too many Meet-ups and have already begun the culling on that.

I'm a member of too many Facebook groups and really need to cull the shit out of that.  Some of the groups I would like to rejoin later on down the road, so I'll make note of those in a journal and hopefully circle back.  But for right now, they eat up way too much of my life.

And I've got too many "friends" on Facebook.  I really don't like having a ton.  After all, most of those people don't know me.  And I get to feeling way too exposed because of that as well. 

I have a feeling that I'll go quiet on my blogs once April and the NaJoWriMo ends.

I need more walks.  I need more trips to the zoos or sanctuaries.  I need trips out to the Fort Worth Nature Preserve just so I can walk and walk and walk in nature.  I need to go back to the Japanese Botanical Gardens.  I need more photography and more physical journaling.  I need more beauty and sanctuary and nature and animals and just having the space to hear my soul breathe.

Spring always brings out the wanderlust so bad.  Call to return to a Vision Quest grows stronger with each passing year. 

Honestly, I'm thinking of setting up a hotwire area on my Mom's land (to deter the feral hogs out there), and just go camp for a day or two or three.

The cleaning and decluttering is brutal at times.  I come across letters and birthday cards and photos that bring a lot of memories, both good and bad, to the surface.  I utterly broke down when I came across a card that my grandmother had addressed and signed to me, from back in 2008.  Because even though she's still here physically, dementia has stolen all her memories, and the last time I saw her, she had absolutely no idea who I was.  And gods, does that ever fucking hurt.

This weekend, I plan to get a couple bottles of wine (or some other alcohol), and just start wading through all this stuff.  Tossing what no longer serves me, but holding onto the good stuff yet.