Depression has been kicking my ass once again. I am getting so tired of this song and dance. But given how I always seem to react very
poorly to all medication, I am extremely wary of going back down that
route. Antidepressants tend to quadruple
my depression…or trigger high levels (aka dangerous levels) of mania. The antipsychotic made me hallucinate and
made me even more depressed – not to mention blue my weight up to 225 pounds. The mood stabilizers made me have ADHD-like
symptoms, plus medium levels of mania. All
other medications had zero effect. So you
can see why I am so leery. I am hoping
that getting back to my normal work schedule, improving my eating habits, and
getting back to working out will help balance this shit out so I won’t have to
go back to playing Russian roulette with medication. Trust me, it is not fun being that “1 in a
Million” when it comes to rare side effects!
I didn’t do anything for Lammas/Lughnasadh (August 1st). sucks because I had plans of baking some sort
of bread and the Lammas scented candle I purchased super last minute even
arrived ON Lammas. But I was so
completely drained from the weekend in Houston, so I have just vegetated since
then.
I have decided that when I graduate with my Master’s degree
(seriously, far in the future, I’m just starting my 2nd semester) – I
want to celebrate by doing another Vision Quest. I have been itching to do one for a while
now. But the times Vision Quests are
offered (I don’t do solo ones for safety reason) do not line up with vacation
times for school and/or work. So I would
be very hard pressed to be able to take an entire week and slightly more off
from both of those major important parts of my life. Plus you do need a few days when you return
from a Vision Quest to get re-acclimated to the mundane world once again.
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