Mania and the Wolf

via witnessthefoxes
 

Well hello there, dear Mania.
Haven't seen you in quite some time.
Most of the time, here recently at least, it's been your sibling, Depression, that has kept me company through the long dark times.
It's nice to have you pop back in for a spell.
Curious to see how long you will linger.

I realized today that my inner Wolf is linked to my Manic side.
The more manic, the more Wolf-ish.
I can feel the phantom fangs once more, just hidden behind my lips.
I can feel the phantom ears swivel to capture the sounds of the world around me.
I can feel the phantom hackles dance in the wind that is rippling through nature currently.
As a Wolf, I adore the windy days....even more the dusty, windy evenings that meld so seamlessly into windy nights.

The desire to race, to run, to dance beneath the stars is so strong.
I need a home with a backyard, so that I may do so safely.
And in the nude.  *chuckles*

It's the mania that I miss.
I could do without the depression. 
The endless days of blah.
But the mania. 
The Wolf. 
The creativity.
The drive.
These I miss.

Not so much the reckless behavior.
The erratic driving and speeding and aggression.
The out of control spending.

But I love the calm confidence I have when I am the Predator.
I'm not afraid to go to the store by myself.  For I just dare someone to provoke the Beast within.
Just give me a reason to unleash Her.

I want to get back in shape.
I want to take the Krav Maga classes.
I want to be that Predator, capable of fully defending myself, even when the Beast is slumbering inside.

I know I should call my psychiatrist and let him know the medicines are just not working.
Depression and now mania.  Yeah, my bipolar isn't managed at all currently.
But, oh how I've missed my mania.  My Wolf.
I'll keep it for the weekend, but come Monday, I will make the phone call.

So for the weekend, I'll keep my Wolf close. 
I caress Her fur and enjoy the flights of fancy.
Because, come Monday, the Cage descends once more.
Sadly, the Wolf needs to be a tad more tame.
For I know, as high as I soar with the mania, that's how far I'll fall once depression returns.

But for now.
For now, I'll cuddle close and stroke Her raven black fur.
For now, we'll run and dance beneath the night.
For now, I'll simply rejoice in having Her back once more.