Ponies and Mentality

ART: Norwegian Fjord Horse
ARTIST: nordfold

I'm here. Surviving.

I've figured out that I have to have something to do or I'll just sleep the day away.
I've been off work all this week as last Friday was the last day of Summer Camp.  Boy am I glad that crap is over.
But now, it's like I don't know what to do with myself.

I've done loads of dishes.
Loads of laundry. 
I should really tackle the bathroom big time.  David is itching to leave this apartment complex as soon as our lease is up in February.  I highly doubt we'll have the money to be able to do that.  *shrugs*  But that's one thing I will say about my husband.  If he sets his mind to it, it gets DONE.  I wish I were the same way.

Mental health is on the decline again.  *shakes her head*  What's new there?
I hate that I hear myself using it as an excuse.  Just tossing it out there for anything and everything.
It's either "my bipolar this" or "my anxiety that", or sometimes "my fucked up meds".  I HATE that I've become this whiny lil bitch that tries to pawn everything off on being "sick", while not doing a damn thing to fix the situation.

Seven weeks until I see my psychiatrist and we have a serious heart to heart about all this crap.  List of my current complaints:
- desire to cut has reared its nasty lil head again in full force
- depression occurs at the drop of a hat and lasts for days on end
- I'm sleeping 12+ hours half the time now
- no creativity what-so-ever

I even picked up the newest edition of the Art Journaling magazine (a total impulse buy I regretted the next day), and even THAT did not spark any desire to dust off my art journals.  *sighs*  It sucks.

But the upswing of things (because I refuse to just wallow in the muck the whole time here):
- staying on track with my Thankful Thursdays (will be posting the one I wrote today later on)
- am enjoying reading Dave Ramsey's book AND the final book in the Otherworld series (sooooo good)
- I've got David's birthday presents planned.  Awesome Batman cookies will be ordered on the 11th of this month to make sure I get them in by his birthday.  And Allie has agreed to sew David a Batman cape.  Just need to pick up the fabric for that and a Batman birthday card and I'm good to go.

Other than that, I've just been enjoying my days of NOT working and looking forward to being back at ESD again.  I'm ready for the school year to start up.  I miss my students.

Oh yes, before I forget again, the horse photo at the top of the entry -- I dreamt last night that I had a horse just like it, named Haflinger (and yes I know that a Haflinger is a breed of horse).  And I rode him bareback, using my weight and position to direct him where I wanted to go.  And he protected me from a pair of thugs that wanted to mug me.  Bit one on the hand and threw him and grabbed the other by the shoulder and we took him to the police station.  My awesome horse.