I am crashing and burning. And I can see the crash coming and yet there truly is jack shit I can do to avoid it. And I hate this. I hate this so damn bad.
I got on the elliptical yesterday and banged out 25 minutes non-stop. I’m actually a little sore. And I did it because my depression is suffocating me and I’m trying to do everything I can to tip the scales back in my favor.
It was either run or cut. And I haven’t cut in almost a decade now. I can’t trash that record when I’m so damn close to a decade.
And I just hate this all. It’s clinical depression, not trigger depression. So honestly, other than medication, there really isn’t anything to do but endure.
And I really don’t want to go back on medication. I always come out worse for wear than if I had just soldiered through.
It’s so bad that I was reading the question I have to do an essay response to by Monday for my INFO 5000 class – basically it’s about two different libraries and if it can be “bookless” and still be called a library and I’m screaming at the top of my lungs in my head WHO FUCKING CARES???????
But seriously? Who fucking cares? Really? Other than my professor who has posed this question. How the hell does answering this stupid ass question get me any closer to get a damn job in THE FUCKING REAL WORLD?
I’m sliding back and forth between rage and depression and I’m hating this.
Maybe I should run tonight as well......
If nothing else, that should dampen down the rage....
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