Thankful Thursday

I am grateful:

1. that it is Thursday and I've survived the week thus far.  ::chuckles::
2. that I will be babysitting this weekend.  My paycheck was light this time around (due to having Spring Break off), so the extra money that comes from babysitting will certainly come in handy.
3. that two weeks from TODAY, we should be closing on the house!!!!  ::happy dance::
4. my doTerra diffuser and the OnGuard oil.  It's made a huge difference in the health of the Hubs and I.
5. Leviathan letting me know it's Spring time....by climbing ALL over her tank....even if she opts to do this between the hours of 2 am and 6 am.  ::chuckles::
6. journal swap going on.  Now that I've got the Big Project Draft done, I plan to play in Lavender Panda's journal a bit tomorrow.
7. that even though INFO 5200 is beating me to death....INFO 5000 is currently running very smoothly.  
8. that the really nasty storm that was supposed to pelt us Wednesday pretty much avoided our city all together.  A bit of rain and a few flashes of lightning and that was it.
9. recentering myself back upon my Path.  Feels like coming home once again.
10. that the pain medicines seem to really be helping Old Lady Dog, Holly.  The ACL is still torn -- that won't repair itself without surgery, which the vet STRONGLY urged us against -- but she's still able to walk some and make it up and down the stairs most of the time.

Doom and Misery

What the fuck was I thinking?
For this damn class (INFO 5200), I should have just gone with the easy “Book” group. But oh no. I had to be special. I had to be different. I had choose “Bite Protocols for Venomous Snakes” as my group.
I am about ready to pull my hair out on this whole Database and Technical Writing Project of DOOM and MISERY.
This fucking sucks. I’ve never felt more ignorant and LOST in a class as I routinely feel in this one.
Please, sweet baby Jesus, just let me skate by with a damn B and I’ll be the happiest lil Wolfie on the PLANET!!!!!
Mostly, I just want the B so I don’t EVER have to take this horrid class again.

Humility

taken from Facebook

Jacob Sensenig:
At the risk of over-romanticizing vacuuming the floor, I must tell of the revelation I had this evening. Tonight I decided that the floors of the sanctuary at FBC Hamilton needed to be vacuumed once again before Easter Sunday morning after receiving a lot of foot traffic yesterday and today. I knew our church janitor would not be coming back tonight and so I took it upon myself to sweep them. At first I was irritated. Two masters degrees, almost all of the coursework for a PhD, ordination, etc. and here I am sweeping floors the night before the biggest Sunday of the year. However, as I was sweeping I was reminded of two wise men who have served the church in very different capacities and have impacted me greatly.

The first was my father. When I was a child my father served on the janitorial staff at FBC Bowling Green and I have to admit that for many years I was ashamed to tell people what my dad really did. However, I remember many nights of going to the church and helping my father vacuum and wax floors, empty trash cans, move tables and chairs; you name it, he did it. Now as I reflect upon those times together I realize that the way he set out to accomplish any of these tasks was to treat them like they were acts of worship. In fact, that’s how he approaches most tasks in life. My dad knew that he was providing hospitality to the countless individuals who came to FBC, although he might not express it that way. He realized that God could be experienced by clean floors and full rolls of toilet paper. Can i get an amen?

The second wise man who came to mind this evening was Mark Haynes, who serves as a pastor in the UK. Mark and I only overlapped at the Iona Community for a few weeks, but the impact he had upon me was significant. I often come back to one of the final comments he made while on the island. He said that, “Every pastor should come and scrub toilets at Iona for six weeks.” Mark was pointing out the truth that most pastors could use a lesson in humility. Mark chose to spend part of his sabbatical serving others, principally people he didn’t know.

We talk a lot in seminary about servant leadership, but the truth is that most of us (Here I’m speaking to my fellow pastors) don’t really know how to practice it. I’ll admit that recently God has been working on my heart about the issue of humility and tonight I needed an encounter with the divine mediated through a commonplace vacuum. I also needed to be reminded of the examples set before me. It also doesn’t escape me that this revelation came at the end of Holy Week, where we turn our eyes to one who truly was too great to be nailed to a cross and humbled by a criminals death. I’ll resist the temptation of over-spiritualize this point and I’ll let you make the obvious connections.

All I can say is thank God for late nights alone in the church sanctuary.

================

I came across the above post due to a cousin of mine, Mitchel. I come from a VERY strong, VERY deeply Christian family (including extended family....I am quite possibly the only non-Christian that I know of in the family), so it’s really no surprise for a lot of Christian things to pop up on my news feed due to various family members posting or liking these posts. And most of the time, I scoff and click the “hide” button. After all, I’m a loud and proud Pagan. I chose to leave Christianity almost 20 years ago and honestly, I haven’t looked back since.

But it was the pastor’s words on humility, on his personal arrogance – listing his accomplishments and grumbling that HE of all people was having to clean the church – that really caught my eye.

See, I’m struggling a LOT with my own personal arrogance and the shit storms I create for myself because of this arrogance. And my Ostara/Full Moon ritual (which I will be writing up soon enough), I had to shed all of that arrogance and lay myself bare before the Goddess and ask for aid. So just because this man prays to a different deity than I do, I should not discount his words off the bat.

Another lesson in humility....from an unlikely source.

Busting Through Writer's Block

Man, I have a serious case of writer’s block that I really, really, REALLY need to get past.  Next month is the 2^nd round of NaJoWritMo for 2016.  And given than I’m doing two grad classes (one of which is kicking my ass three ways to Sunday), I will only being going for the “beginner level” challenge – simply write something every day.  Not to mention that I’m supposed to be doing that anyways, as one of my 34 Goals for my 34^th year.

Today is Day 3 of my unpleasant headache.  It behaves in every way like a migraine….just isn’t quite to that level of pain that I associate with migraines.  The areas that hurt and the sensitivity to light and sound all behave like a migraine…it’s like the volume is turned down on it though.  So I’m not complaining regarding the pain level…just that it won’t go away.

Today, terrorists struck Brussels.  Thirty dead and 230 injured.  I’m tired of all the fear and the hatred that sparks these types of attacks.

And I’m tired of the people who say “One day, Jesus will bring justice. It will be swift, it will be terrible, & it will be relentless” (said by a former coworker of mine).  And it just irks the holy shit out of me.  It reminds me of the New Agers that want to blame everything negative in their life on “negative entities” or some cosmic alignment.  To me, it just smacks of passing the buck.  It’s passing any and all responsibility or involvement off, because something else is to blame…or something else is going to step in and take care of it all.  Maybe I just don’t like the idea of something else having that much power over me?

Discrimination with a Pretty Bow

Maybe I am just a little sensitive here, but I just read an article by a law library that I had such high hopes for….called Library Psychiatry: Is There a Place for the Mentally Ill in Your Law Library.  I thought it would be about helping the mentally ill….but basically the entire article was about putting policies in place so that you can legally kick out any mentally ill individual.

I mean, I get it.  The mentally ill make the “normal” populace nervous.  After all, we are different from the normal and many of us do not operate well in the normal world.  But holy fuck.  Setting up policies so you can tell homeless people they have to leave your library because of their “offensive odor”, but telling the librarian to be nice and tell said homeless person where they can go get a shower?  This is discrimination wrapped up in a nice bow.  Oh I wasn’t being OFFESNIVE….I was trying to HELP them.  It’s not that I was kicking them out because they smell like garbage, I was HELPING them to find somewhere to shower.   

And I understand that some mentally ill can be dangerous and no one enjoys feeling afraid.  But as someone on the mental illness spectrum….this becomes a very slippery slope from where I am sitting.  

I just wish I had a better answer to solve the dilemma.  But I don’t.  I just know that this article was absolute bullshit…it practically encourages discrimination against people with mental illness, but makes it appear that as long as you are doing it for their own good, it’s all ok.

Thankful Thursday

written: March 17th

I am thankful…

1.       That I was in a place and a time that I was able to help a little Vesper Sparrow when he struck the glass at my elementary school Wednesday.

2.       That the wasp that fell on my head and became tangled in my hair didn’t sting me or David (when David clapped it to death).

3.       Coupons for Michael’s craft store – I got 50% off of a set of 20 Staedtler fineliner pens.  ::does a happy dance::

4.       The journal swap I’m hosting…it’s really sparked my creativity in art journaling once more.

5.       Slowly but surely progress on the house front (even if that means more and more money being sucked out of us).  Right now I’m just ready for this to all be over and done with and become a distant memory that I can laugh about. 

6.       That my Mom decided to say “fuck it” and went on a solo road trip to visit Graceland.  Even though this has seriously sparked my own wander lust hard core.  ::laughs::  I’m just thrilled she went and had a blast.

7.       Beautiful weather here recently.  Even with the random storms here and there, the weather has been stunning all the same.

8.       That all the simple meals I’ve cooked thus far this week (and I’ve done a lot more cooking than usual), have turned out very good.  Gives me the necessary encouragement to continue doing this.

9.       Spring Break from the university this week.  It’s been nice to catch my breath.  Soon it will be back to the grind, but I am enjoying it for the time being.

10.   I am closing in on my 10^th anniversary of being self-injurious behavior free.  Not sure what I’m going to do to celebrate, but I feel it should be something big.  ::smiles::

Random Thought

I had a random thought today.
If I had gotten pregnant and given birth when I first started having sex.....I would have an 18 year old offspring right now.
Talk about knocking me out of my seat. A friggin’ SENIOR in high school. Damn.

Crazy Morning Hours

My Facebook status I just wrote:

Gotta love those nights, staying up until the crazy wee hours of the morning, talking about anything and everything with one’s soul mate.

We covered our “Last Man Standing” bottle idea, and what we want done upon our deaths. We’ve talked about houses and our 5 year and 10 year plans. We’ve talked magic and faith and spirits and gods and angels. We’ve talked crazy ass friends, crazy ass ideas, and wicked good plans.

Give me nights like this, really delving deep into the thoughts and reflections of each other over fancy dinners any day of the week. I’d rather sit out on the balcony, smoking a (cheap) cigarette, laying all the plans for world domination (or at least world domination within the walls of our home). ::smile::

It is night’s like this that I know I married my true soul mate.

Thankful Thursday

written: March 10th

I am thankful…

1.       Done with the beast of a research paper for INFO 5200.

2.       That as of right now, I do not have any assignments due for either class until March 21^st.  Gives me some time to start working on those now so I can keep my stress levels a lot lower.

3.       Hawk and Crow making it a point to show up when I most needed them.

4.       The awesome whiteboard my husband got me from his work.  It has been invaluable in all my class work.

5.       Got to visit a new-to-me Pagan store – the Hearth Wisdom Store.  It’s a bit of a drive, but I just LOVED it.  I will certainly be going back.

6.       Spring storms!  I’m just glad we aren’t having massive flooding. 

7.       Leviathan had a PERFECT shed – all one piece – measuring in at 5 feet long. 

8.       The various letters and postcards I receive, thanks to Postcrossing and the Month of Letters challenge.

9.       The roof over my head, food in my pantry, a crotchy old lady dog, an elusive lil serpent friend, and a great husband.

10.   The diffuser and OnGuard (DoTerra) oil that I’ve been diffusing for the last week.  Husband’s allergies seem to be WORLDS better and I’m feeling better as well.