Good-bye Holly

So yesterday was a rough day all around.

Yesterday, we had to say good-bye to Old Lady Dog.  And while there is no doubt in our minds that she was more than ready to go, I still feel a little guilty for it.

I’m glad I’m the one that handled most of the paperwork and what not.  I’m the one that called the mobile vet and set up the appointment.  I can handle the twinge of guilt for doing all of that, so that my husband doesn’t.

This was his absolute best friend for the past 13 years.  And the loss is hard enough on him without him having to carry any guilt that he called the vet, that he set the time and date for Holly’s “release”, that he signed the paperwork and paid for the service that ended her life.  I don’t know if he could have carried that as well as the grief.

And while it was sad and heartbreaking, and a bit pricey, I believe that having Holly euthanized at home, on her own bed, in her own territory was the best decision.  At this point in her life, she could barely walk, it was so painful.  So to force her to get into a car, ride to the vet’s office (that she’d come to absolutely HATE because she was in so much pain every time she went there), to force her to walk on those slick ass floors (or have David carry her), to then be euthanized far from home, in a place she hates/fears?  I couldn’t do that to her.  She deserved so much more than that.  So yes.  I paid $475 to have a vet come out to the house and put her down, so she would be as comfortable as possible.  And if I had to make the decision all over again, I’d go the same route, but I would probably end her suffering that Monday, instead of waiting until Thursday.  

I willingly took on a lot of the burden in this situation, because it was the nicest thing I could possibly do for my husband.  I helped the vet carry Holly’s body out to the van.  David opted not to have her individually cremated and have her ashes returned to us.  We chuckled when the vet asked us if we wanted to keep a clipping of her fur.  We told her that with the way Holly sheds all the time, we have MORE than enough fur everywhere.  The vet did do a paw print impression in some clay for us.

By 11 am, Holly was completely gone.  And we spent the rest of the day grieving.  David wanted to go to Lowes to buy the covered swing bench for the front porch and I had taken the day off of work to be with him, so we did just that.  We ended up looking at plants/trees as David wanted to plant one in Holly’s memory.  We weren’t going to buy one until we came across the Black Diamond Crape Myrtles – and we grabbed a “Red Hot” one.  It’s beautiful – dark black-green foliage and it will have brilliant rocket red blossoms when it matures.  We plan to plant it this weekend.

I want to write a beautiful tribute to Holly, but it’s just too fresh right now.  Maybe next week.

All I know right now, is that I would give anything to have her sitting at my feet, begging for food.  I’d give anything to be able to take her for a walk right now because the day is so beautiful.  Hell, I’d be ok with one more of her god-awful farts or stepping in one of her drool puddles while wearing socks.  I miss that lil asshole more than I thought I would.