Cue Panicked Flailing

Wheee with the hard core anxiety....amped up with some borderline panic attacks.  Shit, I should have talked to my general doctor about getting some anxiety medication.

But then again.....I haven't seen her in almost two years.  Would that be classified as drug-seeking behavior?  But it's not like I'm going for pain-killers or top notch stuff.  Just something to keep my heart rate lower.

I was on Propranolol back at the end of high school and beginning of college.  It doesn't technically treat anxiety.  But for me, when my anxiety ramps up, my heart rate amps up.  And I can FEEL it ramping up...like my heart is beating out of my chest.  Which makes me MORE anxious.  Which leads to a higher heart rate....a vicious cycle that leads up to the point of hyperventilation and a high probability of passing out.  And now that I'm looking Propranolol up...it's also used to prevent migraines AND cluster headaches.  Shit, if I had known that, I never would have stopped taking it.  Hell, I might need to get my punk ass back on it!  The migraines have greatly slowed down, and the cluster headaches are rare...but something to help prevent even the rare occurrences?  Sounds good to me!

Anyways, all this anxiety is because I have my New Grad Student Orientation tomorrow.  And I'm flipping the fuck out.

Toss in the whole house-hunting crap.  And a LOOOOONG day at work (thanks to early release day...which means my after school program starts earlier).  AND hello PMS week -- yeah, I'm due to start my MoonTime when I'm supposed to be down in Houston doing classes!  ::snarls:: 

So yes.  I'm a BIT stressed out.  And terrified and all sorts of panicky.

But I'm going to the orientation tomorrow, even though I want nothing more than to hide under the covers and wish it all away.  I'm tired of letting my fears rule my life. 

But seriously....I might talk to my general doc about the propranolol to ease this transition.