Whew buddy, the melancholy has gotten thick around here.
I'm unhappy about the teacher test I'm taking Saturday, but honestly, what choice do I have in the matter? It's damn time I grew up. No many people can survive on a part-time job as long as I did, but it's time to get a full time one and stop surviving and start thriving.
I'm not thrilled at the prospect of being a legit teacher. But it's something I'm good at, and if I'm good at it, I can make $45k a year. That's a damn sight better than the $17k I'm currently making.
And I keep repeating to myself, it's only for a few years. Gotta at least get my butt out of debt AND have a house AND have enough saved up for my polar bear trip. Then I can go back to the part-time job if teaching is just sucking my soul.
And who knows? I might actually LIKE teaching and stick with it forever. *chuckles softly* Trying my hand at positive thinking.
Been making some small changes for myself here recently.
I've taken up walking Holly each evening. Partly empowering and partly health related. The weather's been glorious, so that's always a plus.
I've taken up washing my face with a cleanser in the shower after I finish shampooing and before I hit the body with soap. My face has suddenly decided it's going to be oily as fuck, so of course my skin is breaking out. All of this before my brother's wedding (NEXT Saturday). So I've gotta whip my face back into shape and get it to behave itself, or the make-up artist is going to have their hands full with me (which they will already, because I'm going to be one of those difficult people that doesn't want a whole lot of make up on her face to begin with. Should be fun).
I've taken to kneeling at my bedside when I say my nightly prayers, like the Catholics do. And honestly, I focus so much better when I do it that way. Granted, I have to shift around for a little bit to find a comfy position for my poor bum knee, but after that, it's golden.
Had my first review at the Summer Camp today. Was asked pointblank if I'm burnt out. Not a good sign. It's by far, my worst review yet, but I did have a lot of redeeming qualities too, and the bosses did say that they already were seeing improvements from when they wrote the review (June 28th) and when they gave it (today). So I've got the next few weeks to whip my butt back into job-fashion shape and get a great review. I did admit to them I was still trying to figure out what my niche was there, as it seemed whenever I was doing something, the other staff would flock to it, leaving the other students under-supervised, so I would stop what I was doing to move to the under-supervised. Only to have the cycle repeat itself. I mean, sure it's flattering to have this Ability to Attract Lemmings, but damn, leave me the fuck alone already. And the melancholy isn't helping matters. And the fact that working in the mornings as thrown my sleep schedule all to shit. But those are merely excuses, and I need to grab myself by the bootstraps and pull myself the fuck up.
And I've taken to smoking a cigaret here and there. I know, I know. Bad Wolfie, but kick my butt. It's one friggin' cigaret and I don't have many vices (hell, can't afford vices to be honest). And right now, I'm simply taking them from David, who doesn't even like them anymore now that he's on the e-cigaret. So honestly, as long as I keep it to the one cigaret in the evening, it isn't that terrible. And if it keeps me from slaying irritating children, then it's a good thing. *laughs* Besides, I can barely finish the one cigaret and I plan to keep it that way.
Joined a Glue Book (collage) group. I'm hoping this sparks my creativity. Thus far, I've done the two prompts for this month. I might make have to make a Flickr account for them. Not that they are amazing works of creativity. But just to share them with others who do Glue Books. Just to have something pump some creativity back into my withered life.
The spiritual meet-up group that does Sweat Lodges that I joined at the beginning of the month is back to being active. Apparently the owner of the group was participating in the Sun Dance at a Navajo reservation. Talk about wow in my eyes. But she's back and is saying there should be a Sweat Lodge towards the end of the month. Not sure if I'll be able to make it, but I'm definitely keeping my options open. I need something to get me going again. I crave that connection to the Divine. I crave the feeling of utter wrung out purity you get after a Lodge. And this group also does a yearly Vision Quest (already passed for this year), so I'm definitely checking them out for a variety of things.
Ok, I guess I've killed enough time. Time to hit the books again -- reviewing for the Teacher Test.
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