Thanksgiving

Turkey Day was a good one with my family. David opted to stay at home seeing as how he only got that day off and he was going to have to work Friday AND today. He seriously needs his down time or he becomes one hell of a grouch (and yes, I can say that because I’m the exact same way). ::grins and winks::

It was actually a somewhat bittersweet Turkey Day that I’m not ready to really talk too much about. I’m sure I’ll blabber all about it later once I’ve had a chance to really mull it over. But for now, photos:

Four Generations here for Turkey Day Photo:

Most adorable Lil Nephew on Friday (it got REALLY cold here quickly):

Lil Nephew (most likely telling my Mom about the birds – he ADORES birds):

Sincere Heart

With all the fancy altar tools out there.  And all the beautiful altars I see other pagans creating, I've fallen into a thought process that says unless I've made an altar, I can't "properly" celebrate a holy day.

What fucking rubbish!  When the hell did this thought become so entrenched?  Well, it is the fuck out here, lemme tell you.

Tonight is the Full Hunter's Moon.  And life has been one hell of a whirlwind of activity, especially for a recluse such as myself.  So I haven't had the time/energy/desire to make an altar for this full moon, and I was moping around a bit, trying to figure out when I could get that accomplished BEFORE the full moon was gone -- I technically have until the 28th until the full moon is over.

But as I was walking Holly, I just couldn't help but be utterly mesmerized by the singular beauty that is a full moon on a very slightly overcast evening.

So, as Holly sniffed around as dogs are wont to do, I simply prayed sincerely, from my heart, what it is I am hunting for.

I am hunting for a new home.  One that I can feel safe in.  One that is better suited for my aging canine companion.  One that is better suited to my husband.  One that fits us financially and gives us our safe place to retreat from the world at the end of each day.

So in the end, I don't need all the fancy trappings.  I just need a sincere heart.  The tools are fun and can aid in getting one into the correct mind space.  But ultimately, if the Witch isn't doing the Work....it isn't going to work!

I Tapped Dat Ass

::dies laughing:: I admit – I have a very warped sense of humor.

So yeah, Sunday, as I was driving home to visit my mom and to do my yearly girlie-doctor visit on Monday....I was involved in a minor fender bender.

And if you couldn’t guess from the title, yeah, I hit the person in front me.

Thankfully, it was minor. Oh, how minor do you ask?

Here are the photos of the damage to my car (the car that got the MOST damage):

Where the bumper meets the rest of the car on the passenger side:

Small bit of paint removed:

Imprint of that bitch’s ass on my bumper!

My victim’s car has a blue mark about a foot long on her bumper, and her bumper has done the same thing my front bumper has done in the first photo…just not as sever as mine.

No injures. My left shoulder is tender at the joint from the seatbelt, but that’s it.

And the body repair guy in my lil home town has quoted me $250 to fix the three issues from the collision, plus fixing two other paint damages I’ve had for a while.

11 Years

A letter I just sent to my journaling group, in honor of my 11th anniversary of joining.

Eleven years ago, I stumbled across this group, and I've never looked back once.

I've made some and lost some amazing friends here in that time.

But I wouldn't change a thing.

I came here in one of the darkest periods of my life and it was a very, very rocky road for years. 

But my core group here always stood by me.  Always held aloft a torch to light the way.  And always encouraged me to continue on.

Y'all road the roller coaster of my ups and downs, with psycho-significant others, and some seriously toxic individuals.

Y'all cheered me on when I graduated college with my bachelors. 

Y'all cheered me on when I did my Vision Quest.

Y'all cheered me on when I took off on various road trips and finally got to experience wolves up close an personal.

Y'all held my hand when I was raped and then found out he'd given me one of the most aggressive cancer-causing strains of HPV.

And y'all were there when I met, fell in love, and married my twin spirit.  Heck, most of ya watched it when it was streaming online!  *smiles*

I guess, what I'm saying, is that, even though I haven't met most of you in person (yet!), I am so deeply grateful for all the love and support you have shown me.

Besides, what other group would have dared me to make a butt-print in the snow?!  *laughs*  Love you, Gloria, and miss you so terribly much.

I only hope that I can repay the kindness you have each shown me over the years.  You guys truly are one of the most amazing groups of people I know.  And I am so deeply humbled to have you all in my life.

Blessings, and so much love to you all,

~*~Walks~*~

A Step Closer to Freedom

And the pin has finally been pulled.

I wrote up and dropped off my letter of resignation last night to Starbucks.

I'm sure it will get lost and Shands will claim to have never received it.  And blah, blah, blah.  After Dec 1st, it's no longer my problem.  Just five more working days (had to request quite a few off as November is stuffed to the gills with obligations), and then I'm done.  I truly cannot wait.

Broke the 5k mark on the family tree.  I'm currently talking with various distant family members in New Zealand, Sweden, and Ohio.

And blah.  I've lost the motivation to write.

Pulling the Pin

I swear, I have Battered Woman Syndrome with Starbucks right now.

I knew that most likely we would go to Starbucks tonight.  I needed to pick up my tips for the week and check on next week's schedule.  So it would have been the perfect time to drop off my letter of resignation, stating Dec 1st as my last day.

And yet, all day, I debated if it really was THAT bad.  Or if I should stick it out until Dec 16th.

And it turns out, Shands fucked up the schedule for next week the EXACT SAME WAY HE FUCKED UP THIS WEEK'S SCHEDULE.

Sure, this week's schedule was a fuck up.  And we had this huge text battle for two days about it.  And then finally talked about it in person.  I was planning to tell him that day that Dec 1st would be my last day there.  But he was so damn apologetic and submissive and all around pathetic about it, I just couldn't bring myself to do it.  I felt like it would be on the same level as kicking a puppy in the face.

And you know what?  I should have football punted that bitch right then and there.

There is no way this is another "honest" mistake on his part.  We fought for TWO DAMN DAYS about it and I text him the SPECIFIC DATES I needed off.  And I stressed to him that in November, I have zero wiggle room for anything.

And he screws next week's schedule up the EXACT same way.  That is NOT an honest mistake.  That is a goddamn choice.

So thank you Shands, for reaffirming that I need to drop this job like a nasty habit.  I need to wash my hands of it right the fuck now.  There is NO way I can tolerate another month of this constant bullshit. 

Thank you Shands, for giving me the motivation to write my resignation letter and to turn it in tomorrow.

I am so incredibly done.

This is not the month to mess with me.  On the 23rd I go for my yearly gynecological visit.  And while that is stressful enough in and of itself...it's also when I face my yearly fear of cancer and am reminded of my own sexual assault.  So yeah, to say I'm on edge, is an understatement.

I was date raped.  The guy got away with it scot-free because I waited so long to say something to the police.

Turns out, fucker not only raped me, but he gave me HPV.  And of the hundreds of strains of HPV out there....I got one of the more aggressive cancer-causing strains. 

In 2010, I had a LEEP procedure (that did NOT go according to plan) to cut out a pre-cancerous lesion off my cervix.  And every year since then, I have to go back and get rescreened.  And the week after the gyno exam, I am a basketcase of nerves....hoping and praying that I do NOT get a phone call from the gyno.

See, if everything is ok, I'll get a letter from them about two weeks after the exam.  If everything is NOT ok, I get a phone call around 3 days after the exam. 

And it doesn't matter that since 2010, I've had nothing but normal PAP results.  I always live in fear that I'll get that phone call, and I'll have to go through that nightmare all over again.

So yeah, Starbucks is pretty low man on the totem pole here.  I don't have any more energy at this time to even give a shit.  Just gotta put the pin on this and walk away from the explosion.

Thankful Thursday

I am thankful:

1. Friday is another double pay day, and they are BOTH really nice paychecks.
2. great birthday week thus far.  I truly feel so loved.
3. FINALLY, after years of watching and hoping and waiting and WISHING, I got one of the seal-skin pouches (like a coin pouch, but a bit bigger) by TundraBerry.  It all synced up in the wee hours this morning -- a pouch I liked, plus she was doing 25% off.  Yep, it's mine!  Can't wait for it to arrive.
4. I was able to hit the $4,000 in my savings account before my birthday (a big goal of mine for last year).  And that's with the crazy expensive car repair. 
5. still tweaking my 34 Goals for my 34th year, but they are shaping up fairly nicely.
6. all the genealogy I'm doing on MyHeritage.com -- I've connected with distant family in Ohio, New Zealand, and now Sweden. 
7. that I need to turn in my letter of resignation to Starbucks by the end of the week -- because my last day there will be Dec 1st, and I don't want to screw over my coworkers too terribly when I do leave.  It's getting so close, I can TASTE the sweet freedom.
8. awesome trip to the Fort Worth Zoo on my birthday.  I got a TON of amazing shots.  Now I'm working on slowly adding them to my Deviant Art account.
9. that in two month's time, I will be an official graduate student -- classes begin Jan 19th.  I'm excited and scared all in the same moment.
10. that Husband is finally taking advantage of his later shift at work, and getting up in the mornings to work out.  He's been a bit unhappy with the way he looks physically, especially since his 40th birthday -- and he feels so much better when he's more in shape.  I plan to join him in working out once Starbucks is in the rearview (that job is incredibly brutal on my body).