Yeah, I lost the inspiration/steam to continue writing yesterday.
Hubs was given the news that his company is going to be putting a number of their employees on furlough for at least a month. And the ones not on furlough will most likely have their hours and/or pay cut. Fingers crossed that he’s one that gets to stay on and that the pay cut isn’t too severe. So yeah, after hearing that, depression and anxiety spiked through the roof and I just wasn’t motivated to write anything else.
Hazel Nut lost her job. So she’s bummed and scared (understandably so). But decided to turn it around and be a ray of positive energy in her little neighborhood. She went around, checking on her neighbors and letting them know they can contact her if they need anything. She said she got a really amazing response and that all the neighbors are pulling together to help each other out.
Other than that, I’m just hanging out here in limbo, waiting to hear if we will be working in the Library next week or if we are going to fully close. Honestly, part of me wants it to just close down. Then I can build a blanket fort at home and just read, and work in my journals, and REST. The stress has been making itself very apparent in my dreams.
Oh which reminds me. So the Director (whom I adore) thought it would be a great idea to do virtual story times. Meaning the story time would be recorded and put up on our Facebook page. Yeah, that is a hard no from me. The last thing I need right now is my Psycho Ex randomly coming across the video and thinking I was doing the story time for HIM. That would lead to him randomly showing up, as I have him blocked in every manner possible.
Yeah, maybe I’m being a bit overly paranoid. But the worst case scenario is that he WOULD show up at my work, and let me tell you, I have no idea how my fight or flight instinct would kick in. And I’ve worked very hard to ensure I have zero contact with him, which has led to him being out of my life for the past 10 years. But with the way his mind works, all it would take is one simple acknowledgement, and he would be right back, thinking we are meant to be together.
So yeah, I told my Director that while I had no problem writing the story times and getting everything together for that, that I would NOT be the one on video. Period. Besides, Dustin loves doing that stuff, so he volunteered. The Director hinted and joked for a while that they would get me on camera. I was debating if I should have a sit down talk and tell her WHY that would not be happening. But honestly? I don’t want to bring that shit into my job. And I shouldn’t have to justify why I don’t want to be on video when there are people who enjoy being in the lime light and have volunteered to do so. I don’t OWE her an explanation. And my refusal should be enough. Thankfully, after those two days, all discussion of me being the one on camera have ceased completely.
Hubs was given the news that his company is going to be putting a number of their employees on furlough for at least a month. And the ones not on furlough will most likely have their hours and/or pay cut. Fingers crossed that he’s one that gets to stay on and that the pay cut isn’t too severe. So yeah, after hearing that, depression and anxiety spiked through the roof and I just wasn’t motivated to write anything else.
Hazel Nut lost her job. So she’s bummed and scared (understandably so). But decided to turn it around and be a ray of positive energy in her little neighborhood. She went around, checking on her neighbors and letting them know they can contact her if they need anything. She said she got a really amazing response and that all the neighbors are pulling together to help each other out.
Other than that, I’m just hanging out here in limbo, waiting to hear if we will be working in the Library next week or if we are going to fully close. Honestly, part of me wants it to just close down. Then I can build a blanket fort at home and just read, and work in my journals, and REST. The stress has been making itself very apparent in my dreams.
Oh which reminds me. So the Director (whom I adore) thought it would be a great idea to do virtual story times. Meaning the story time would be recorded and put up on our Facebook page. Yeah, that is a hard no from me. The last thing I need right now is my Psycho Ex randomly coming across the video and thinking I was doing the story time for HIM. That would lead to him randomly showing up, as I have him blocked in every manner possible.
Yeah, maybe I’m being a bit overly paranoid. But the worst case scenario is that he WOULD show up at my work, and let me tell you, I have no idea how my fight or flight instinct would kick in. And I’ve worked very hard to ensure I have zero contact with him, which has led to him being out of my life for the past 10 years. But with the way his mind works, all it would take is one simple acknowledgement, and he would be right back, thinking we are meant to be together.
So yeah, I told my Director that while I had no problem writing the story times and getting everything together for that, that I would NOT be the one on video. Period. Besides, Dustin loves doing that stuff, so he volunteered. The Director hinted and joked for a while that they would get me on camera. I was debating if I should have a sit down talk and tell her WHY that would not be happening. But honestly? I don’t want to bring that shit into my job. And I shouldn’t have to justify why I don’t want to be on video when there are people who enjoy being in the lime light and have volunteered to do so. I don’t OWE her an explanation. And my refusal should be enough. Thankfully, after those two days, all discussion of me being the one on camera have ceased completely.
I am sorry for the stress right now Kelsey. Will keep you and husband in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteThat is a very good decision on your part about the video. I hope your director continues to honor and respect that request. My brother once told me I shouldn't have to explain my reasons for anything regarding moving (basically that).
Thank you.
DeleteDavid is one of TWO techs they kept, so that was a huge relief.