Lucky 7 Photos

The Challenge:
Pick 7 pictures of yourself that make you feel positive about yourself (beautiful, handsome, proud, powerful, etc.). Then challenge 7 people to post their pictures.

So here are my 7 photos, in no particular order:

 

Of course this photo was going to be included. It is my all time favorite photo of my all time favorite memory – 2nd trip to Wolf Park…wolf kisses from Wotan.

 

Me and Kashmere, the Bengal tigress, at the International Exotic Animal Sanctuary.

The next two are fun photos from my time at my after school program. To prove I’m not the most serious person on the planet

First up in Ninja Wolfie:

And second up is Pink Punk Wolfie:

My absolute favorite wedding photo of D & I:

Another photo of D & I, a few years later:

My photo from my trip to the Japanese Botanical Gardens to celebrate my 9th year of being self-inflicted injury free:

And, like Annie before me, I don’t really like putting people on the spot with these “challenges”, so I’m not tagging anyone to do it.

But if you feel the pull to join in, please do! :D

Traffic Jam

Man, today was all sorts of crazy, emotional, off the wall. ::shakes her head::

And on the way home from the afterschool program, I got caught up in this traffic jam:

Yep. Them be’s horses! ::laughs::

I seriously wanted to keep that pale gray one. He/she was just stunning.

Heartbeat

I feel the Heartbeat of the Earth deep within..
I surrender into the life force, of Creation
As it floods into my being..
Cradling my fiercely passionate Heart,
Embracing all of Soul essence I carry
My wildness is My wisdom
I am protected in my knowing
I am nourished, vibrant
with the Soul streams of existence
I am the Sacred Breath
of All Wild Women..
~Sophia JanTara

==========

This was posted on the Wild Woman Sisterhood page on Facebook, and I just really, really liked it.

Whew!

WHEW.  Man today was a crazy day.  But a good day all in all.

Got up extra early to take my car BACK to the Honda dealership, as the check engine light was BACK on.  Yeah, was not a happy Wolfie, as I had just dropped $1224 on the 11th for this crap.  But turns out it was just my car being a little bitch.  Honda smacked her and told her to behave and thus far, it's worked.  ::laughs::  So yeah, while I'm happy I didn't have to get anything fixed, and that the dealership waived their $140 check-engine fee, I was still grumpy about having to be up that early.

Still reading about Gypsies.  Still loving it.  Still dreaming about them in a wide variety each night. 

Today was the first day back to school for the students, which meant the first day of my after school program.

I am not going to lie -- I was nervous as hell most of the day.  This is because every single one of my aides is brand new to my campus.  Luckily of the five I have, three have done the after school program previously (just at different campuses), so I only had two completely new people.

But in the end, all that worry was for NOTHING.  They did so incredibly awesome.  Talk about a HUGE weight off of my shoulders.

And it was nice to see a lot of my returning students.  I missed those lil brats.  Now just gotta work on my new kids and get them in line, and it should be relative smooth sailing (or at least as smooth as having 70 students can be!).  ::laughs::

Tried a new recipe yesterday -- Sour Cream & Bacon Crockpot Chicken.  Meh.  The chicken was ridiculously moist and tender.  But I'm not a fan of the cream of mushroom soup it called for.  I'm thinking next time I'll try cream of chicken and maybe cream of cheddar.  And I'll season the chicken before I put all the cream on top. 

I've figured out why I'm so restless.  I haven't gone and done anything NEW since my trip to Moody Gardens back at the beginning of June with my Mom.  I need to do some traveling, even if it's just to the zoo or something.  I just need to get out of the apartment.  But that's hard to do when it's 105+ degrees.  I don't want to be out in that oppressive heat.

September 5th (which is Leviathan's NINTH hatch-day!) is a Pagan Unity Fest that's fairly local (about a 30 minute drive) that's free to the public.  I'm rather excited to go.  I'm sure David won't go, as he doesn't like public Pagan stuff.  He feels like most people do it for shock value, and he wants nothing to do with it.  Besides, I know he'd rather sleep in that hang out with strangers anyways!  ::laughs::  There's a couple of classes that I'm really interested in taking.  I hope they are at least half as awesome as they sound.  ::grins:: 

Wordless

The words have not been coming.
I’ve even attempted hand-written journal entries.
I’ve gotten a few written, but then it all turned off.
Like a giant switch.
I’m empty of words.

I hope it comes back soon.
I feel like I’m just floating here.
Without the words to anchor me, I’ll just drift away.

Maybe it’s because I’m reading about Old World Gypsies?
Like, REAL Gypsies....not the “oh look at me, I’m so cool, I have a Gypsy spirit....” type.

The wanderlust is strong.

Rawr!

BLARG!
I wish the outside world would sync up with my internal clock already.
Because being at POLAR OPPOSITES SUCKS.

Seriously, I am craving some serious hibernation time, to just coil back upon myself and quietly contemplate life and all that jazz.

But noooooo.
I have all week training for the after school program.
Seriously having to be super social all up in my face. Yeah, not looking forward to that. ::sighs::

Yeah, this is gonna be fun.

Don’t mind me. MoonTime is showing up. Which normally, I have no issue with. It’s just that my social skills/abilities are pretty much zilch leading into my MoonTime. And yet, I gotta be social. ::grumbles::

Can we please bring back the tradition of the Moon Lodge?

For those who have not written multiple papers on menstruation practices of various tribes here in the United States, let me give you the condensed version.
Basically, women were “banished” (if you view this as a negative time) or “granted access” (if you view this as a positive time) to a special lodge called the Moon Lodge for the duration of their menstruation. It was a lodge generally set away from the tribe and typically the menstruating woman was not allowed to cook for herself, clean, care for others, etc. She was to dream and pray for her tribe during this time. So even if the men considered this a “banishment”, I know the women viewed it as a wonderful retreat. An entire week of not having to take care of your own lodge? Not having to care for your family? Not having to do any of the traditional women’s work? You are expected to spend that time in prayer and contemplation?

Where the hell do I sign up???? ::grins and winks::

A Touch of Sadness

There is sadness in my heart at the moment.
And yet, so many good things have occurred.

My Great Uncle Pete (brother to my maternal grandfather) passed way on the 6th. He was the last of that part of that immediate family. It just seems like they all got knocked down rather swiftly this past year. And it just makes me realize how lucky Marley, Julie, and Ronni (my cousins) are…because they have all these extra years of memories made with their grandfather. My Pop died in 2001 – my first year at college.

I was supposed to work the 7th (Friday) and the 9th (Sunday), but called the Starbucks Store and told the shift manager on duty that I had a death in the family that I couldn’t work my Sunday shift – that’s when the funeral would be. Cory, the evening shift manager told me not to worry about it, and to go ahead and take Friday off as well. I asked him for the names and numbers of my coworkers that didn’t work those days so I could try to find someone to take my shifts. And he told me not to worry about it. He’d talk to Shands (our new, AWESOME store manager) and they would find a way to cover it. And then he told me to go be with my family. And this is a shift manager that I’ve never even worked with. Just shows you how incredibly awesome my coworkers are. THEY are the only reason I could tolerate the bullshit of working under Darrell for so long. They truly are the most amazing people on the planet.

So, seeing as how I had the long weekend off now....and Saturday was Lil Nephew’s first birthday party, and I was now available....I headed down to Houston for that.

Watching my brother with Lil Nephew chokes me up so much. He truly is such a natural and you can see just how enthralled he is with Lil Nephew. And I can’t help but compare it to what I remember of my own interactions with our dad. Did Randy ever look at us with that same adoration? There’s more I want to write there, but I just can’t delve too deeply into it right now. Headspace is going a little bit south and the Randy Territory is very dangerous territory.

I ended up opting out of going to Uncle Pete’s funeral. I can cite a thousand and one justifications for it. But in the end....I’m not quite ready to say good-bye to Uncle Pete. And when I do say good-bye, it will be on my terms and not in front of a crowd.

One forgets that I am the black sheep of the family. I am the Fallen One. Everyone else in my family is deeply religious, Pete’s even more so. Julie and her husband sing a lot of gospel music. Marley works for a large church in the area. And then there is me. The wild child, free spirited gypsy, a Goddess worshipper....one to converses with animals and Spirits galore. So yeah, the next time I am down in my lil hometown, I’ll make it a point to stop at the family cemetery and sit down, and have a long chat with Pete.

And it turns out it was a good thing I didn’t make that crazy all roadtrip all weekend long. I barely made it home before my car started acting up. Took it to the Honda Dealership – two of the sensors on my catalytic converter died…which made my car itself die about 6 blocks from the dealership. Got that fixed to the tune of $1300. It literally killed me to take that money out of my Polar Bear fund. I was a scant $505 away from my BIG goal of ending the year with $5k in savings. So having that BIG goal stolen like that has really taken the wind out of my sails. To reach that goal, I would have to put back $361 PER month (and that includes the month of August). And I know the August paychecks are tiny along with the first one in September, so I would really, really, REALLY have to buckle down to hit that goal.

It just sucks, because the $5k mark is the HALF WAY mark. At that point, I can say with full certainty that I am HALF WAY to my goal of seeing the polar bears in the wild.

Sometimes it’s the little defeats that hurt the most.

Oh, and to continue heaping on more car crap?
- I apparently will need new brakes by the end of the year ($680)
- the Honda Dealership said I needed new “braces” (whatever the fuck that means) and thus will need a new wheel alignment (another $680)…by the end of the year.

::sighs::

I am so ready for the school year to start back up so I can knock out a semester with the two jobs. I’ll get the car stuff squared away as best I can. And then I’ll resume my crazy saving to hit my $5k mark. At that point, I’ll put 10% of each paycheck into savings. The rest of the money will go towards aggressively paying off my last two credit cards.

Feeling Pretty

written: August 6th

 

I had a great swim today.
And I took a nice selfie that I actually felt pretty in:

My initial reaction was to post it to Facebook, but by the time I got home, my confidence in it had waned. I worried about the comments others would make about it. And honestly? Who gives a shit. I feel beautiful, and I don’t need others pooh-poohing on it.

And the coolest thing? Right after this shot, I saw this lil male green anole who seemed to be eyeballing me.

He even inflated his lil neck pouch a few times at me, like he was saying “Damn, sexy lady!” ::laughs::

I know, I know. I’m crazy as hell, but it did make me feel better and gave me a good laugh.

Post-Swim Selfie

Photo from yesterday, after the most awesome swim:

Pefect

You know you are tired when you are debating if you are going to go swimming or not.

I'm house sitting for the Robinsons again and have been greatly encouraged by them to use the pool...and to let Sammy (their Golden Retriever) swim with me as well.

And man, I was sitting here at the computer at 5 pm today debating if it was even worth the effort to put on my swimsuit.  AND I already knew I had to go -- needed to let Sammy out -- so it's not like I was making a special trip over there just to swim.

In the end, I put the swimsuit on and went over there.  And man, I am so glad I did.  The water was PERFECT.  Cool, but not cold (like it was yesterday).  The sun was playing peek-a-boo behind some clouds.  It really was just amazing.

And to top it all off...when I got out of the water an hour later, I realized that my towel had caught the last rays of the sun, so it was pleasantly warm when I needed to dry off.

Man, I really could get used to this life!  ::laughs::

And because of the early morning, the long shift at the Tech Job (minus Debbie Downer, thank GOD), plus the hour of swimming, I know I'm going to sleep good tonight!

Blue Moon

written: July 31st

It is hard to believe that this month is drawing to a close.  July is just about done and August is anxiously waiting in the wings. 

And given that tonight is a "Blue Moon" -- the second full moon in a single month -- makes it a bit more special.  And then tomorrow is Lammas, the First Harvest Sabbat -- this weekend is just packed full of magick.

Annie, a friend of mine that I met ages ago through OpenDiary (rest in peace, sweet journaling community), is going through a rough spell.  She made it a point to go hiking in the woods for hours to simply soothe her very troubled soul.  At the end of the hike, she talked about how her spirit animal, the Red Tailed Hawk, showed up and bam!  It hit me. 

I have Red Tailed Hawk feathers.  I've had them for years.  And I knew in that moment, the reason I've been hanging on to them for so long, but didn't know what to actually DO with them....I was meant to pass them on to Annie.  So I gathered up a tail feather I have and a wing feather.  And in the process, one of the feathers I have from a Siberian Eagle Owl demanded to tag along with them. 

So all three feathers were placed on my altar and basked in the awesomeness of the Blue Moon's energies.  Typically, I would bless and charge them with a purpose, but seeing as how they are going to a friend (and fellow Witch) I opted to just clear them of any residual energy they may have picked up while hanging out in my possession and let them soak up the energy from the Blue Moon.  When Annie gets them, she can charge them with whatever energy she decides they need depending on how she plans to use them.

I started my second round of house sitting for the Robinsons today as well.  It was nice to sit out on their back deck and moon gaze while I let Sammy out to do his business.  It just really makes me long even more for a house and a yard of my own.  I know I'll probably be bitching about the work that goes into home ownership within a year of having it, but oh, what a wonderful problem to have!  ::laughs::