Ponies and Mentality

ART: Norwegian Fjord Horse
ARTIST: nordfold

I'm here. Surviving.

I've figured out that I have to have something to do or I'll just sleep the day away.
I've been off work all this week as last Friday was the last day of Summer Camp.  Boy am I glad that crap is over.
But now, it's like I don't know what to do with myself.

I've done loads of dishes.
Loads of laundry. 
I should really tackle the bathroom big time.  David is itching to leave this apartment complex as soon as our lease is up in February.  I highly doubt we'll have the money to be able to do that.  *shrugs*  But that's one thing I will say about my husband.  If he sets his mind to it, it gets DONE.  I wish I were the same way.

Mental health is on the decline again.  *shakes her head*  What's new there?
I hate that I hear myself using it as an excuse.  Just tossing it out there for anything and everything.
It's either "my bipolar this" or "my anxiety that", or sometimes "my fucked up meds".  I HATE that I've become this whiny lil bitch that tries to pawn everything off on being "sick", while not doing a damn thing to fix the situation.

Seven weeks until I see my psychiatrist and we have a serious heart to heart about all this crap.  List of my current complaints:
- desire to cut has reared its nasty lil head again in full force
- depression occurs at the drop of a hat and lasts for days on end
- I'm sleeping 12+ hours half the time now
- no creativity what-so-ever

I even picked up the newest edition of the Art Journaling magazine (a total impulse buy I regretted the next day), and even THAT did not spark any desire to dust off my art journals.  *sighs*  It sucks.

But the upswing of things (because I refuse to just wallow in the muck the whole time here):
- staying on track with my Thankful Thursdays (will be posting the one I wrote today later on)
- am enjoying reading Dave Ramsey's book AND the final book in the Otherworld series (sooooo good)
- I've got David's birthday presents planned.  Awesome Batman cookies will be ordered on the 11th of this month to make sure I get them in by his birthday.  And Allie has agreed to sew David a Batman cape.  Just need to pick up the fabric for that and a Batman birthday card and I'm good to go.

Other than that, I've just been enjoying my days of NOT working and looking forward to being back at ESD again.  I'm ready for the school year to start up.  I miss my students.

Oh yes, before I forget again, the horse photo at the top of the entry -- I dreamt last night that I had a horse just like it, named Haflinger (and yes I know that a Haflinger is a breed of horse).  And I rode him bareback, using my weight and position to direct him where I wanted to go.  And he protected me from a pair of thugs that wanted to mug me.  Bit one on the hand and threw him and grabbed the other by the shoulder and we took him to the police station.  My awesome horse. 

Photos 209 - 215

Photo 209:

currently reading

Photo 210:

LegoLand fieldtrip

Photo 211:

Pretty moth

Photo 212:

Application

Photo 213:

Lamma Ritual altar.

Photo 214:

Sponge Bob made of fuse beads by Jesse, my boss.

Photo 215:

Cat rescues at Petsmart

Thankful Thursday

written August 1st

I am thankful for:
1.  Mandarin oranges -- deliciously sweet and cold treat on these hot summer days.
2.  the summer has been quite mild thus far -- it's been great.
3.  that tomorrow is the last day of the Summer's Cool Camp -- I am so burnt out.
4.  dreaming of polar bears to help remind me of my big goals in life.
5.  DeviantArt.com is allowing me to learn about the beliefs and practices of other Pagans, that inspires me to adapt my own practices.
6.  positive review this time at Summer Camp -- 1st review was pretty negative.
7.  tiny baby bunny David and I saw last night.
8.  free lunches at Summer Camp -- I'm going to miss that
9.  scented candles
10.  air conditioning

Lammas

Lammas
from: Hecate's Corner

Blessed Lammas!

Lammas, also called Lughnasadh, is a Pagan holy day on August 1st, marking the first harvest of the season.  It's a fire celebration and a time to count one's blessings.

I did a small ritual for myself.  It had two parts. 

Part 1 was counting my blessings.
I did a list of 5 things I'm thankful for:
1. good health for me and my household.
2. that I passed the Generalist 4 - 8 teaching test.
3. having a safe and secure home.
4. my husband.
5. my creativity and passions.

Part 2 was setting goals to be accomplished by the next harvest ritual, Mabon (Sept 22nd).
Goals:
1. apply for teaching jobs.
2. read the two finance books my Mom let me borrow.
3. write a gratitude list every Thursday.
4. continue celebrating the Sabbats (holy days) and Esbats (Full Moons), on my own or with the Coven.
5. no more smoking period.

I had five Mandarin orange slices that I empowered with each of my goals.  I spoke aloud that I was taking into my body whatever it is that I need to possess to accomplish each goal.  And then I spoke each goal aloud as I ate the orange slice.  Delicious.  The remaining nectar I named as the Nectar of the Gods, that it would be Their blessings upon me, to rekindle my connection with my own internal divine spark to be able to accomplish each of my goals.  And I drank it down. 

Then I ended the ritual and am enjoying the quiet solitude of the day. 

I plan to sit down with each goal and break them into whatever steps I need to take to accomplish them. 

I'll add the photo of the altar later on, when I upload photos.

Dreaming of Polar Bears

ART: Polar Bears
ARTIST: amrodel

I dreamt I went on a road trip last night.
Just up and left right after my shift ended and drove.
Alone.
Drove up to Manitoba.
I could tell it was a dream because I did that trek, Texas to Manitoba, in one sitting.

But I drove there, easy peasy.
And I saw my polar bears.

And I could tell it was a dream.
Because I got to swim with them.
Full grown, adult polar bears.
Males can be over 10 feet tall.  And the heaviest weighed in at 2,209 pounds.
That's 2,000 pounds heavier than me!
And yes, this is what I was swimming with.

Baited them in with shredded mozzarella cheese. 
Other people added other cheeses, but mozzarella did the trick.

I didn't touch these bears.  But I swam with them.
Such beautifully, clear, turquoise arctic water. 
Watching them paddle around like large white dogs.
And blow air bubbles under water.

Just a friendly reminder to stay on course.
That while I may not be thrilled where I'm headed career wise, it's the way to my dreams of polar bears.
Not swimming with them, that's for sure.
But at least SEEING them, experiencing them in the flesh.
Wild polar bears.
I can scarcely wait.

Behind Again: Photos 187 - 208

Photo 187:

Sausage balls I took to Lisa's house for UFC 162.

Photo 188:

Making ANOTHER batch of sausage balls for my husband and I to enjoy ourselves (and not have to share with anyone).

Photo 189:

Love this tree.  Wish I knew what kind it was. 

Photo 190:

Leviathan shed today (4'10").

Photo 191:

Beautiful blue skies.

Photo 192:

TV series we are enjoying.

Photo 193:

Champions: Return to Arms video game.

Photo 194:

Corsage I wore to my brother's wedding.  Beautiful, no?

Photo 195:

Incense offering to the Divine as a thanks for the rain.

Photo 196:

I like the play of light and shadow in this photo.

Photo 197:

Awesome card from Sydney (one of my students at summer camp).

Photo 198:

My sleepy puppy dog.

Photo 199:

Sample resume from the resume workshop.

Photo 200:

Lil moth friend hiding out.

Photo 201:

Leviathan's meal.

Photo 202:

Postcrossing post card from China.  :)

Photo 203:

Full Moon ritual.

Photo 204:

Starfish at the SeaLife Aquarium.

Photo 205:

Sprawled out Holly.

Photo 206:

Crystals arrived.

Photo 207:

A "Thank you" goodie bag from Sophia (one of my students).

Photo 208:

Macha's Mare, a Zuni fetish.

Step One

I'm starting to slowly gather the necessary items for my piece of artwork that symbolizes my connection to the Divine for my 1st degree initiation with my Coven.

Today I purchased these:


I purchased 8 "daggers" at 16-22mm long.  I just like the warm honey color of these crystals.
These will go in the East, symbolizing air, communication, inspiration, sunrise, and the winged ones. 
This is the realm of spoken word and intellectual thought.  Incense, feathers, smudge fans all go in this area. 
For me, this is the realm of Golden Eagle.

I figure I can also use the yellow daggers to decorate on the days Holy to Sekhmet.  She is the noonday sun, fiery and warm.  The lions that are holy to Her are also of this warm honey color.  Though for me, Sekhmet appears as a white lioness, with honey gold eyes.

They should be here by the end of the week.  I can start figuring out how I want to string them and work on the placement of the hooks in my shelf altar once they are in my hands.  I can't wait to simply sit with them and feel them.

Three more directions to go.
South -- red, fire.
West -- blue, water.
North -- green/brown, earth.

And then maybe a while crystal for the Center direction -- realm of Spirit/Divinity.