Brain Weasels

The brain weasels are NOT playing nice today, so I’m just going to ramble along and see if I can just brain dump ‘em out.

Snow/Ice/Sleet
aka: Welcome to Texas, we don’t know how to handle this shit.
Yeah, so we are getting hit with ice and sleet and snow at the moment. I haven’t been to work yet this week, and tomorrow my branch is closed. Which is kind of nice. It’s like an unplanned staycation. But at the same time, it would be better if I could actually DO things I want to do. Like get cinnamon rolls, damn it.

MIA Journals
aka: I’ve never had journal swaps go this poorly EVER.
I did two journal swaps in 2022 and they BOTH went the poorest I’ve ever had in the YEARS I’ve been doing journal swaps. Thankfully the first one finally wrapped up, and everyone got their journals back in a reasonable amount of time. And other than April’s lovely journal being chewed on by a swap member, who is now black-listed from ever doing any of my swaps EVER AGAIN, they are all reasonably intact.

Which brings me to the second one. It’s an international one, so I knew going into it, that it was going to be a much slower moving swap. But goddamn, the English Chic has dropped the ball so many times. She was supposed to mail my journal and Sharmila’s journal (because she ended up with both because SHE FUCKED UP) on Jan 23rd. I’ve reached out to her in the journal swap group AND have sent her 2 direct messages, asking if she’s mailed them and all I’ve gotten thus far is crickets. Oh, but she posts stuff all over Facebook, no problem. But just won’t answer my messages. ::growls:: I’m pretty much given up on ever seeing my journal ever again. Needless to say, she is also black-listed, and will not be allowed to participate in my swaps ever again.

Restless
aka: I feel like I should be doing something....NEED to be doing something....but I have no idea what it is.
Like, I have plenty TO do, but zero focus/desire to DO those things. Instead, I kind of wander from room to room, feeling a bit lost.

I know part of it is stemming from the fact that I need to do a SERIOUS declutter and deep clean of my room, but it feels like such a huge task that I get overwhelmed before I even start. Like, how stupid is that?

Tomorrow though, I’m going to set a 15 minute timer, and make it a game to see how much I can clean/clear out before time is up.

I mean, I can’t hygge the shit out of my room like I want to, until there is ROOM for the stuff I do want. But I just can’t get started. Like, I hype myself up. Tell myself, ok, let’s do this. And then I get up to my room and am like “oh god, I can’t do this” and turn around and go back downstairs. I mean, at least I’m getting in some walking, but still, I’d rather have done the damn cleaning.

Daddy Issues
aka: I’m too old for this shit.
Yeah, not contacting him. There’s no real benefit, so why put myself through that shit? I know this is going to sound harsh, but I wish he would kick the bucket already and I can truly, finally close that damn chapter.

I think I may do an unsent letter to him. Just write out everything, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Just purge it all out. And then light that bitch on fire and be done with this shit.