Chaos

Can we just go ahead and agree that Chaos is my middle name? Even if I’m not actively seeking it out (which, yes, sometimes I DO do this…because, well, I’m a creature of Chaos, and normalcy just bores me to tears at times), it does seem to come knocking.

I am settling in at work. For the most part, I am beyond thrilled with my new placement. It’s closer to where I live which lifts a huge stressor off of my shoulders. It eliminates a very dangerous portion of my commute AND cuts my toll fees in half, so that’s nice. My manager actually wishes I had MORE blue in my hair, because it’s her favorite color. ::laughs:: One of my coworkers has a minor in herpetology and another coworker is big into cosplay, paints her own D&D minis, AND has two 3d printers for said minis. Like, I’m nowhere even CLOSE to being the biggest nerd here. ::laughs::

I know, I know. You are saying to yourself, But Wolfie, when are we going to get to this chaos you teased us about? Hold your damn britches, I’m getting there.

Like I said, FOR THE MOST part, I am beyond thrilled. For the rest of it? Hmmm, this is not a good branch for an introvert. Everyone knows everything about everyone else. I told my manager on the first day that I would have my phone on me, as we are waiting for notification of my father-in-law passing (that’s another Chaos thing that I will get to). And when that happens that I would need to go home to be there as support for my husband. Not to be cold-hearted, but I’ve only met the guy two or three times…and he wasn’t the nicest of people. ::shrugs:: So his passing doesn’t really impact me one way or the other. But I know it will have a huge impact on my husband and his mother, therefore I need to be home to support them. We talk about a few other things before heading out onto the main floor, where my manager walks up to Steven and tells him all about my father-in-law’s death watch before turning to me and telling me, “Oh we are big on sharing here, and keeping everyone in the loop.” The only reason my jaw wasn’t on the ground was because my mask was keeping it up. Like, I understand that the 2nd in command needs to be aware of this stuff, but holy shit, to just nonchalantly rattle that information off to him like that? No bruh. That ain’t cool. And she’s lucky that this isn’t a situation involving someone who seriously matters to me. If that had been my grandmother or my mother we had been talking about and she just blabbed it out there for god and everyone to know, like it was no big deal? Shit would have gone sideways REAL QUICK, let me tell you.

And the other part of the work chaos…my manager is a chatty Kathy, lemme tell ya. Which, is cool to an extent. She’s lived a really interesting life. But she kind of expects me to dish out the same level of life stories as she’s sharing with me. Um....naw, it doesn’t work like that with me at all. I’m an introvert, big time. And beyond that, I’m a private person in my real life. And that goes DOUBLE for work life. I mean, there are people who I have worked with for years, that only know surface stuff about me. And this manager, who I’ve known for less than a damn week, is wanting me to basically share my entire life story with her. ::shakes her head:: Nope. Not happening. I have to feel really comfortable and safe for that to happen. And for that to occur in a work environment, with a manager? Yeah, that’s never happened to the level she’s wanting. We are NOT bosom buddies. We will not BE bosom buddies. There is a clear divide there, and I’m not crossing that threshold.

So yeah…Hub’s dad is in the hospital. He’s been there since last week. He’s been unconscious since Tuesday. His heart is failing (he’s had heart issues for a while). His blood pressure is all over the place. His kidneys are failing and so is his liver. And before he went comatose…he flat out refused any surgeries and whatnot. So yeah…we are just on death watch at this point.

And of course, EVERYONE has opinions on what Hubs should be doing. And with him being autistic and his brother being a sociopath, Hub worries that if he doesn’t do the things people say he “should”…then maybe he really is a cold-hearted bastard like his brother. And it’s just adding more stupid stress on top of him in an already extremely stressful situation.