Predator Self

Blame it on Dexter or on me still riding un-medicated.

But my predator self is back. 
The one that moves with liquid grace. 
The one that oozes utter confidence that can only come from knowing exactly where and how hard to strike down one's foe.

Blame it on the on-coming cold weather.  It always brings out my inner She Wolf.
Blame it on me finally standing up to my morning boss and walking out on that job that just robbed me of the joys of life.  Of working with kids.
I'm just not cut out to work with children under the age of 7, I've come to realize.

Got the job at Starbucks, pending me clearing a criminal background check (which I will...with flying colors).

But for now....I'm comfortable in this skin of mine.
I'm coming to various realizations about myself and the way I tick.

I've realized that while the impulse to cut will probably always be with me, the actual need to do it is long gone.
It's much akin to the other random desires towards violence that I have on a daily basis.  The desire to slash someone's tires.  To punch certain people in the throat.  Various desires that, while are fun to visualize, I just really don't see myself ever acting on.  *shrugs*  This is me.  And I kind of like me.

I feel like all this time I've been running away from my Core.  Trying to play nice.  Trying to shed the pelt and the fangs and the claws. 
Being a Wolf isn't being evil. 
Being a Wolf is just different.  Just me.
The way I use this fur and fang...that decides if I'm evil or not.  And for now.....I'm not.

And that circles back to being a predator, sure of herself, of what she is capable of doing...and deciding what to do.
For instance, today in my exit interview from Kids R Kids, it would have been all too easy to go off on my now-ex-boss.  To tell her exactly what I think of her, her management style, and her whole damn school.  But I chose not to go for the kill.  Why bother?  I'm liberated from that hell hole, so why spend any more time there than I absolutely have to.  It was a joy to quit.  *chuckles*

And now, I enjoy my late nights and later mornings.  I only have one job to contend with at the moment and I'm enjoying the freedom while it lasts.  Starbucks will tame me down once more.  But until then, I run free.